Dearly Beloved

Chapter 20

Hannah was three months old before Beth was confident enough to take her away from the ranch. Even then, her reasoning behind taking the baby out was more to do with the fact that Lou was sick with a cold and Beth was fearful it could be catching. A sniffling Lou was rugged up in bed as everyone else bustled around in preparation for the day ahead.

The rest of the family was going to Ben Ashmore's property in order to help him raise a new barn before winter set in. Beth offered to see to the food and actually found herself quite excited about the short trip to their neighbor's place. Even though she was still a little hesitant with Hannah, wanting to ensure she was always warm enough, worried if she cried too much, and generally adjusting to life with a baby, Beth was happy to be venturing forth into the world again after three months at the ranch.

They arrived at Ben's and were greeted by their neighbor and the two hands he had hired on for the season. The plans for the new barn were discussed as Ethan and Jake set about making a nuisance of themselves, despite Charlie's stern words. Ben smiled in amused bewilderment at the sudden invasion of people on his otherwise lonely property.

Beth set Hannah in the cradle they had brought and made herself useful in Ben's kitchen. His home was a cabin made up of only two rooms – she presumed the other was a small bedroom but did not satisfy her curiosity by actually looking. The kitchen and living area was cozy even though it was sparsely furnished and lacked many of the feminine touches she thought it needed.

Ben caught her staring at bare walls when he slipped inside the cabin to make sure she was settled. He explained self consciously that he and his wife had planned to build a bigger house when they needed more room, but the family they dreamed of raising didn't eventuate and now Ben had enough space just for himself.

"It's charming," Beth assured him, embarrassed that he might think her rude.

"I hope you find everything you need," he said awkwardly as she began laying out the food she'd brought from the ranch.

"I'm sure I will. If not I know where to find you," she replied.

Ben smiled absently, not sure what else to say. He felt strange having a woman in his house after living along for more than ten years. Stranger still was the presence of the baby in the cradle that had been placed in the middle of the table. She lay quietly, her smalls hands balled into fists as she stared upwards. Ben peered over edge of the cradle and waggled a finger at her, but he did not touch her.

"She's a real beauty," he offered, not breaking his gaze.

Beth grinned automatically. "Thank you."

She looked at Ben and was taken by how entranced he was with her daughter, unfamiliar as he was with children. She knew something of his past from Kid and Lou, but no one ever talked about it, especially not Ben. She was surprised, then, when he spoke further.

"My wife and I… we had ourselves a boy," he volunteered quietly, still not looking at Beth. "He lived for almost a day. Benjamin, we called him. Ben Jr."

Beth looked at her feet, a sympathetic knot in her stomach for their shy, gentle neighbor.

"My wife passed the day after."

"Ben, I'm so sorry," Beth ventured, knowing the words sounded hollow. Nothing she could say would mean anything, she knew from first hand experience.

"He was a little thing. I could almost hold him in one hand."

Beth looked away, tears in her eyes. Of all the fears she had carried in her own heart before Hannah's birth, Ben had actually lived them. He finally looked away from the baby and saw her expression. Immediately he blushed, feeling he had said too much.

"I'd best get to work," he said, retrieving his hat from the table.

Charlie entered the cabin then, which afforded Beth a moment to blink away her tears and plant a smile on her face.

"What happened to Red? He's got a slight limp," Charlie asked without preamble, not noticing the awkward mood inside.

Ben cleared his throat. "He picked up a stone a couple days ago," he explained, admiration for her keen eye sneaking into his voice. "It's just a bruise."

"I have some liniment that will help. I'll bring you some." She glanced at Beth. "D'you need some help in here?"

"No, I'm fine, you go on with the others," Beth said.

Charlie didn't need to be told twice. Being stuck inside preparing food was not her idea of an enjoyable day. Instead she could make herself useful around Ben's place.

"I can take a look at your other animals, if you'd like," Charlie addressed him once more. "I noticed your other stock horse is looking a little colicky."

Ben nodded in appreciation and ushered her to the door, motioning for her to lead the way. "Miss Charlie."

Before he followed her he looked back at Beth, a warm smile appearing on his face. "Thank you for your help today."

She only nodded in response. After he disappeared out the door behind Charlie she immediately picked Hannah up and cuddled her to her breast. Beth rested her cheek on her daughter's forehead, breathing in her familiar baby scent and being thankful she was alive and well. After everything that had happened she knew she could not survive losing Hannah too.


Life went on at the ranch. Winter came, forcing Ethan and Jake inside where their restlessness amused and irritated the family in turn. Christmas that year, their first without Adam, was more somber than usual. Everyone tried to keep their spirits up, especially as Ben had surprised them all by finally accepting an invitation to join them for dinner. Kid and Lou had been asking for ten years, but he had always refused. They were pleased to see he was finally starting to spend more time away from his lonely farm.

Hannah was the light of everyone's lives. Though it would be several years before she would truly appreciate Christmas, it didn't stop the family from spoiling her, lavishing attention on the baby who was not yet six months old.

Jamie, in particular, was very protective of his niece. Unlike Charlie who didn't have a huge interest in babies, and Jake and Ethan who were waiting until she was old enough to play with them, Jamie was content just to sit with her in his arms, talking to her intently as if they were carrying on an actual conversation. His natural affinity with Hannah made Lou smile, and she wondered how long it would be before he finally settled down himself to raise a family. Sally Johnson was a regular visitor to the ranch and he certainly spent more time in town than he ever had before, but there had been no announcement yet.

Lou stood at the entrance to the parlor and looked around with a satisfied sigh. The youngest boys were already arguing over their new toys, but with enough good humor that there didn't need to be an intervention yet. Jamie was sitting by the fire making faces at Hannah who rewarded him repeatedly with a toothless smile. Ben was talking with Charlie and Beth, the latter with a mystified look on her face which hinted that the conversation was leaning towards horses and cattle and other things she was not familiar with. But they looked happy, they were all happy. The past year had been the worst in Lou's life, but it was countered with the positive experiences of the birth of her first beloved grandchild, growing closer with Charlie than she had been for some years, Jamie finally finding a girl he might actually convince himself to marry… All in all she found herself feeling happy too.

Kid appeared behind her, resting one hand on the small of her back.

"You okay, Lou?" he asked softly so the others could not hear. He was always mindful of her sorrow which had been so close to the surface since Adam died.

She smiled to reassure him that she was, staring into his caring blue eyes that still warmed her heart. As Lou looked at her husband she wondered when he had gotten greyer around the temples, and why she hadn't noticed before. He was still the same Kid, but there were more lines around his eyes, and a general sense of weariness about him that she wasn't used to. She thought, not for the first time, that without him losing Adam would have been too hard to bear, even if she had not often shown him.

"Are you okay?" she asked in return, her face clouding with concern.

He shrugged slightly. "I'm gettin' there."

Lou wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tightly. Kid's arms snaked around her waist as he returned the embrace, and neither of them let go for several minutes. When Lou did pull back, wiping a tear from the corner of her eye, she rested her hands on his chest and kissed him tenderly.

"I love you, you know," she murmured emotionally, as if she had never said it before.

"I know," he answered in surprise.

"Merry Christmas, Kid."

"Merry Christmas, Lou." He planted a gentle kiss on her temple then, wrapping his arm around her shoulder, they stepped back into the parlor where they could watch their family. They silently remembered how much they had to be grateful for.