Dearly Beloved

Chapter 23

During the next few weeks Jamie saw little of his family. He volunteered to take care of all the deliveries of horses that had been sold, and new stock to be collected, which were jobs usually shared between the ranch hands. He told no one of his reason for spending so much time away, leaving Beth wondering why he had barely spoken to her since their afternoon at the creek. She decided he was embarrassed about her questioning him over Sally, and figured the increased amount of time he spent away from the ranch included time in town. Beth suspected that Sally was going to get her wish after all, and that another engagement would soon be announced.

Beth was happy for him. At least, that's what she told herself when the notion of Jamie also getting married suddenly made her feel left out and a little despondent. She knew it was silly, that Charlie and Jamie getting married to their respective loved ones was a cause for celebration, but she couldn't help but feel envious. Somehow she knew that, with Adam gone, she would never again go through what Charlie was experiencing, what Sally would no doubt soon be going through once Jamie settled things between them. As much as Beth hated herself for thinking it, part of her would have happily seen things stay the same, as Jamie had said he wanted.

He had only been home for a couple of days, just in time for Hannah's first birthday, when Charlie came back from town and found Lou and Beth in the kitchen. Her mother was putting the finishing touches to Hannah's cake for the party that night and Beth was feeding the birthday girl stewed apples.

"Jay!" Hannah gurgled around her mouth full of food when she saw her aunt.

"Hey yourself, baby girl," Charlie replied absently as she allowed the parcels in her arms to spill onto the table. She sat down at the table with a huff, pulling her bonnet from her head. "Guess what I found out."

"Did you get the ribbon for Hannah's dress?" Beth asked as she offered her daughter another spoonful of apples.

"Yes, it's here somewhere. Guess what I found out."

"What?" Lou said absently, sampling a little of the frosting she'd been applying to the cake.

Neither woman appeared terribly interested in Charlie's news which frustrated her. But it was too important not to share.

"When I went to the store Mrs. Johnson served me. She was short with me and when I asked if everything was all right she said Sally's leaving for St. Joe tomorrow so she can get her teaching license."

Lou looked up in surprise. "St. Joe? Since when?"

"She just announced it, apparently."

"That's very sudden. Has somethin' happened with Jamie?"

"I don't know, he hardly ever talks about her. Not to me at least." Charlie looked over to Beth who hadn't said anything. "Did you know she was planning this?"

Beth shrugged slightly, unsure how to answer. Guilt burned within her, as if her wishing Jamie and Sally wouldn't get engaged had somehow made it so. "I- I think Sally had been thinking about teaching for a while now."

"But why the rush?"

"If she's goin' tomorrow I guess that means she's probably not comin' tonight. We won't get a chance to say goodbye," Lou commented, disappointed at this turn of events. She'd been hoping that Jamie was going to settle down after courting Sally for over a year.

"Do you think Jamie even knows?" asked Charlie.

"Must do, he was in town just this mornin'."

"He didn't mention it to me. What about you, Beth?"

"Hmm?" Beth hadn't been listening, but she rallied quickly. "Oh, no. Not to me."

Lou sighed. "Well, I guess he'll tell us what happened when he's ready."

She went back to icing the cake and Charlie slowly gathered up her parcels. She placed the smallest one in front of Beth, who was staring into space.

"Here's your ribbon." When Beth didn't answer Charlie looked up at her mother and saw that Beth's behavior had caught her attention too. Within few moments she sensed their eyes on her and shook her head.

"Sorry, I was miles away. Thank you, Charlie."

Her sister-in-law was puzzled but she went ahead and left the room so she could sort through her purchases. Lou was still watching Beth and she felt her cheeks growing pink.

"Are you all right?" Lou asked gently.

"Fine, I'm just thinking about the party, and how Sally was supposed to be coming tonight."

"Don't worry about Jamie. I'm sure everythin's fine. He would have said otherwise," Lou said more to reassure herself than Beth. "Just because she's goin' away for a year doesn't mean the worst."

"I hope you're right." Beth tried to smile and forced herself to concentrate on feeding Hannah.


Sally Johnson did not appear that night at Hannah's first birthday party, but no one commented on her absence. Everyone was focused on the one-year-old, especially Jamie whose behavior did not indicate anything was upsetting him. Lou decided to wait until he was ready to talk about things before questioning him about Sally. In the meantime the family, including Ben, celebrated Hannah's birthday.

When it was time for her to go to bed it was Jamie who volunteered to put her down. Talk had turned to Ben and Charlie's upcoming wedding so neither Beth or Lou were surprised that he was suddenly keen to leave the room, despite Beth's protests that she would take care of her daughter. Jamie wouldn't hear of it and took Hannah upstairs to ready her for bed.

As Charlie spoke about the wedding plans Beth paid little attention. Luckily no one noticed that she was not joining in, and when Jamie hadn't returned to the parlor in fifteen minutes, she slipped from the room to make sure everything was all right with Hannah. She stole up the stairs quietly and paused at her bedroom door. Jamie was holding a freshly changed Hannah in his arms, talking to her as he rocked her gently, his soft, low voice lulling her to sleep. Hannah's fingers were playing with the collar of his shirt but her eyes were drowsy and her blond head was growing heavy as she struggled to stay awake.

"Then your papa and I built a treehouse in the biggest tree we could find so your Aunt Charlie couldn't climb it. But that made her sad so your papa built her a little one of her own closer to the ground so she wouldn't feel left out."

Hannah looked up sleepily at her uncle, and Jamie nodded at her.

"That's the kind of thing your papa did all the time. He was a good brother like that." He shifted Hannah in his arms and she snuggled into his neck, rubbing her eyes tiredly. "You need to go to sleep, baby girl. Our big one-year-old girl."

Beth stayed in the shadows outside the room, not wanting to disturb the scene before her. Jamie had always been a natural with Hannah, but she had never watched them together like this. A strange but wonderful feeling swelled within her. She didn't know if it was pride or contentment or trust, or some combination of other sensations that made her throat feel full, rendering her mute. A dreamy calmness descended upon her, and she forgot everything else but the sight of her daughter in Jamie's arms.

After a couple more minutes of rocking her to sleep, he kissed Hannah's cheek, gently lowered her into her cradle and tucked her in. He didn't hear Beth until she was by his side. He glanced at her but she was looking down and smiling at Hannah, focusing only on her.

"Hey," he whispered. "She's asleep."

"She loves hearing stories," Beth said lovingly as she smoothed back the soft, blond curls from her daughter's forehead.

"You heard that?"

Beth straightened up and turned her warm, serene eyes on him, nodding.

"Oh." Jamie smiled, a little embarrassed.

"I'm glad you're telling her about Adam. I want her to know all about him."

"That I can do."

They watched Hannah for a few more minutes in contented silence. Beth looked up at Jamie for any sign that he was upset about Sally, but despite the fact he had been uncharacteristically quiet that evening, he didn't show any signs of having lost her. She wanted to ask what had happened, but wasn't sure if he would welcome the intrusion.

"You can go ahead and ask. I know you want to," he said.

Beth opened her mouth to protest, then shut it again because he knew what she was thinking.

"Sally's leaving town tomorrow?" she ventured.

"Yep."

"When did she decide that?"

"Couple days ago."

Beth bit her lip. "Are you all right?"

Jamie let out a long breath. "I guess I'm not surprised."

"That's not the same thing." Beth placed a hand on his arm and turned him to face her. "What about when she comes back?"

"I don't know if she is coming back. At least, she won't be coming back to me."

Beth felt a small flutter of relief, but it was quickly replaced with a more painful pang of remorse. The only consolation was the complete lack of emotion that appeared on Jamie's face and in his voice.

"I don't understand," she replied. "Why aren't you and Sally getting married?"

A brief smile flashed on Jamie's mouth but it disappeared as quickly as it had appeared. He thought about how to answer her, and once again found himself unable to explain something that should have been straight forward.

"At the creek that day, you asked me if I loved her," he offered quietly.

"And you didn't answer me," Beth reminded him.

Jamie looked down at her hand which was still on his arm, then, sighing softly, he raised his deep blue eyes to hers.

"Yes, I did," he said simply.

Incomprehension clouded Beth's features but after a few moments, during which Jamie's impenetrable gaze did not leave her face, she felt the warmth rising from her neck to her cheeks. Whatever guilt she'd been feeling over not wanting him to announce his engagement was suddenly compounded as an entirely new and terrifying thought entered her mind. In that panicked instant she could not look at him, and quickly dropped her hand to her side.

"Don't," he murmured. He took her hand in his, willing her to look up at him again.

When she did he felt his breath leave him. She tried to speak but when nothing would come she closed her mouth again and stared at him with a pleading gaze. Pleading for him to do what, he couldn't tell, and did not have an opportunity to ask as they both heard footsteps in the hall. Beth snatched her hand away before Lou appeared at the bedroom door.

"Is everythin' all right? Hannah asleep?"

Beth's expression changed immediately, and she smiled at Lou as if nothing had happened.

"She's fine, she's fast asleep. We were just coming back down."

"Good, because I think Charlie wants to talk to you both about your duties for the weddin'."

Beth walked quickly over to Lou without so much as glancing at Jamie.

"Come on, you too, best man," Lou instructed, reaching out a hand for her son.

Beth didn't wait for them as she strode ahead down the stairs and into the parlor. Charlie was dominating the conversation as she was wont to do when the subject was her wedding. Beth slipped into her seat and immediately joined in, talking more brightly than before. But it was all for show. She was careful not to look at Jamie for the remainder of the night, and was relieved that he appeared to be avoiding eye contact with her too.