Romanticizing
Summary: When an unexpected storm means that Nellie stays at Benjamin's house longer than planned, Benjamin takes the initiative, and manages to finally make his little redhead see sense.
A/N: I seem to be falling into a pattern here – one Benjamin/Nellie fic, and then one Sweenett, and then another Benjamin/Nellie, etc. etc. Oh well, I think that's a good thing. Also, this ties in with Chapter 11 of I Doubt If Anyone Would Know.
"We're goin' to get caught, y'know." Nellie commented conversationally as she lounged in a luxuriously comfortable, velvet-covered armchair, her head resting in her hands as she watched Benjamin playing the piano, her foot tapping the carpet softly in time to the melody.
"Don't be ridiculous, Nell, my parents won't be home for hours." The brunette teen replied, his playing never faltering, despite not having his full attention on it. At the redhead's small snort of disbelief, he added: "Besides, if we did get caught – which we won't – I'd take the blame, and my parents can't do anything too awful. Besides, they're always encouraging me to 'make friends', as if I'm a child, for God's sake, so I can't see why they'd even care."
Nellie shook her head gently but didn't reply, knowing full well that Benjamin wouldn't see her point, simply because he didn't see her in the same light as other people. Right from when they had met three years ago, Benjamin had seen past the simple slum girl on the outside and into the kind-hearted, intelligent one on the inside. However, not everyone was as understanding, and whilst Benjamin's parents weren't exactly noble snobs, the quality of their home – which seemed to Nellie like a small mansion compared to her own – spoke for itself: Mr and Mrs Barker would not appreciate Benjamin bringing a slum girl home. Benjamin knew this too, deep down, though he didn't admit it; why else would he make excuses to come and meet her, rather than tell the truth? If he felt he could tell his parents that his best friend was a girl living in near-poverty on Fleet Street, then Benjamin wouldn't have had to wait until he was sure his parents would be out all day to invite her over – Nellie had been to the Barker household a grand total of three times.
Emitting a soft sigh that was inaudible over the music flowing from the piano, Nellie brushed those thoughts aside and directed her gaze back to the book in her lap. Ever since Benjamin had begun to teach her to read about six months after their initial meeting, Nellie had been fascinated by the fictional world, eagerly devouring novels, despite the fact she stumbled on words even now, and she was re-reading one of her favourites – a penny dreadful entitled The String Of Pearls. Benjamin had glanced through it once and shaken his head at her slight foolishness. Well how was she supposed to know that a story that claimed to be a 'domestic romance' was actually about murders, cannibalism and other such subjects? When Nellie had put this question to Benjamin, he had simply laughed and not answered. Still, once she had gotten past the first few chapters, the story had well and truly grabbed Nellie's interest, and in some ways she admired the baker for having the guts she did.
Some time later, Benjamin stopped playing, and when Nellie looked up, she saw he was staring at one of the room's large windows. As she followed his gaze, Nellie mentally cursed. Rain was falling heavily, and already the streets were emptying of people, even the beggars trying to escape the deluge. Hastily, Nellie jumped to her feet and rushed to the window, her fingers going white as she gripped the windowsill tightly, staring at the rain desperately, as if she could force it to cease simply through sheer willpower.
"Now what?" The redhead asked rhetorically. "I'm goin' to get soaked. It'll ruin me dress, an' it's new…"
"It came on rather quickly." Benjamin reasoned, coming up behind his friend. "Usually when that happens, it stops quickly too. Look, come and sit back down for a while, Nellie, and we'll see if it slows down any. Like I said, there's no rush – my parents won't be coming back from that wedding until late tonight, knowing my father."
Nellie looked up at Benjamin's bitter expression with sympathy. She recalled Benjamin confessing to her that he suspected his father was becoming an alcoholic, as he stayed out later and later, coming back drunk without exception. The only question was how drunk he'd be. And at a friend's wedding, where drink would be in no short supply… The redhead slipped her arm around the brunette's elbow and gave it a squeeze of understanding.
"You ne'er know." She whispered. "Maybe your mother'll drag 'im away 'fore 'e gets too bad."
Benjamin gave a short chuckle, but it was completely devoid of humour.
"Nellie, my mother would prefer my father to drink himself to the grave than suffer the 'scandal' of showing he wasn't the ruling power in our household." He sighed and ran a hand through his dark hair. "Besides, he wouldn't listen to her."
There was nothing Nellie could say to that, so they simply stood where they were, silently watching the rain pound down on the street outside, until finally Benjamin put a false smile on is face and turned to his friend.
"Come on, Nell, we needn't dwell on this. It's their problem, not ours. Now, didn't I say I'd teach you how to play chess?"
An hour and half a dozen chess games later, Nellie conceded that she was simply not cut out for the game. She grasped the basics – which pieces moved where and such – but she completely lacked any tactical abilities, meaning that Benjamin won every single game, even if he did go extremely easy on her. The record number of pieces Nellie had taken was three – and they were all pawns Benjamin had deliberately put in the line of fire to make her feel better. Sighing, Nellie rested her head in her hands, elbows resting on the edge of the board as she watched Benjamin place her king in checkmate yet again.
"I don't think chess is me game." She declared, and Benjamin agreed with her, adding that lots of people weren't good at chess.
"Anyway, I can only play it because Charlotte got bored just playing against our tutor." He added. "I'm no expert really."
"Right." Nellie raised an eyebrow and drew the word out, and then added, before Benjamin could argue: "I'll go an' see if the rain's stopped yet."
It hadn't. If anything, the rain was coming down harder than ever, and the wind was picking up too, making the branches of the trees in the garden dance wildly. Nellie felt the beginning of panic begin to bubble up inside her. It would have been bad enough if her new dress had gotten ruined by the rain on the walk home – but she couldn't walk through a storm! Nellie lived a good thirty-five minutes away form Benjamin, and – although she knew it was probably just an urban myth – there was always the chance she'd get struck by lightening. Even though everyone she spoke to told her that this was extremely unlikely, especially since she was relatively short, Nellie had an inborn fear of anything to do with storms. From the way the wind howled to the echoing rumble of thunder, she hated it. As a child, she'd often climb in with one of her sisters when storms raged, but now that she was sixteen she had to pretend they didn't bother her anymore, when really all she wanted to do was hide or be held until it was over. Nellie couldn't understand how Coral could sit by the window and watch the storm rage with a dreamy expression on her face, and gave a small shiver at the thought. A hand rested on her shoulder, making her jump.
"Nellie?" Of course, it was only Benjamin. His expression was curious, with a tinge of amusement, as it always was when he found out something new about her. "Are you all right?"
"Yeah, jus' none too keen on storms." She explained. "I 'ope it clears up 'fore I 'ave to go 'ome."
"Well, if it doesn't you'll just have to stay here for the night." Benjamin reasoned, and Nellie whirled to face him, wide-eyed. Worried, she placed a hand on his forehead to check his temperature.
"Are you out o' your mind, Benjamin?" She demanded, after making sure her friend wasn't ill with a fever that was causing him to speak so. "Your parents would ne'er-"
"They don't have to know." Benjamin cut her off smoothly. "Besides, not even Father would send you home in this."
"Hmmm." Nellie looked back at the window, knowing she wouldn't win this argument at this moment in time. "Well, we'll see."
"What do you want to do now, then, Miss Andrews?" Benjamin hooked his arm through the redhead's elbow, acting as if she was the lady of the house. "Shall we retreat to the retiring room, or would her Ladyship like to take high tea now?"
Nellie giggled and was about to answer in a similarly exaggerated manner when, simultaneously, her stomach and Benjamin's rumbled. They both paused for a moment, and then burst into laughter, and continued for what seemed an eternity. They were still chuckling weakly five minutes later, when one of the maids came in. They fell silent as she stared, her eyes looking ready to pop out of her skull when she saw Benjamin's arm around Nellie's, and without a word she turned and rushed off to share the gossip. This, of course, only served to revive their gales of merriment. Eventually, Nellie wiped her tears away, and Benjamin gathered himself together.
"You do know she's goin' to be tellin' ev'ryone I'm your secret mistress o' somethin' now, right?" She asked as they walked through the house, still arm in arm, towards the kitchen. Benjamin shrugged, unconcerned.
"Oh well. She's new – Amber, I think her name is – she's replacing Rosie. You know, she got married to the Heatheringtons' stable lad and they moved to the sea. Point is, nobody will believe her. Cook rules over them all, anyway, and she knows we're just friends."
"Yeah, s'pose you're right." Nellie replied.
She beat down the thought about how nice it would be to be Benjamin's secret mistress. She loved him deeply, so much that sometimes it surprised even her, and she would do absolutely anything for him if he asked her. Nellie knew that is was useless to love Benjamin – he obviously didn't reciprocate her feelings – but since when did the heart listen to logic? Besides, several incidents over the years had given her hope, though she put it down to spur-of-the-moment jokes and curiosity. The time he'd kissed in her Hyde Park was a prime example. A couple of kisses and she'd gone away in seventh heaven, but at their next meeting he'd acted as if it had never happened. Nellie concluded that the male mind was the strangest thing on Earth.
In the bright, cheerful Barker kitchen, the rounded cook was busy chatting with one of the maids – though thankfully not the one from earlier – when Nellie and Benjamin entered. Nellie had always liked the cook, Mrs Billing, as she seemed the only one of the several servants to approve of her friendship with Benjamin. As she saw them, the woman gave a cheery smile, her face crinkling.
"'Ello, dears, d'you need somethin'?" She asked, standing up, and shooing the maid with one hand, who promptly buzzed off to do some work. Benjamin led Nellie over to the vacated table and pulled her chair out for her with an unnecessary flourish, making the redhead chuckle and the greying cook shake her head, but smile.
"You an' your jokes, Master Benjamin, will be th' death o' us." She declared.
"Oh well. At least you would die laughing." Benjamin replied, ducking as Mrs Billing mock aimed a rolling pin at his head.
"If I was your mother, you'd 'ave a clip 'round th' ear f'r that." She threatened, but her smile stayed in place. "I don't know 'ow you deal with 'im, Nellie, love."
Nellie chuckled but didn't answer, instead she watched Benjamin as he explained.
"Well, Mrs Billings, I suppose it's because I am the only man willing to serve the beautiful yet provocative Lady Eleanor." He said with a grin. "So, as her loyal manservant, I have brought her Ladyship for high tea, as we are both positively faint with hunger."
The cook shook her head, but played along and soon Nellie and Benjamin were enjoying a welcome snack of various sweet cakes. Nellie savoured every mouthful, feeling as if she was in heaven. As they ate, Mrs Billings fussed around her.
"I don't know, lass, you need some more meat on them bones. You're as thin as a rake."
Nellie blushed and looked down, aware that even with every member of the family working – Nellie herself had a job in a pie shop, helping to make the pies and wait the tables – they barely made enough money to pay the rent and food bills. More often than not, they skipped one or two meals a day. She waited for Benjamin to crack a joke that would lighten the atmosphere again and allow her embarrassment to go unnoticed, but the brunette remained silent. Curious, Nellie glanced up at him and saw an unusually serious and thoughtful expression on his face. After several awkward moments, conversation tentatively resumed once again, but Nellie was aware of Benjamin's eyes on her as they finished their snack.
When they finished the cakes and thanked Mrs Billings once again, Benjamin subtly hustled Nellie from the kitchen and with a sinking feeling the redhead noted the expression on his face. It was both concerned and determined, and Nellie knew from experience that Benjamin was about to try and talk her into accepting charity.
"Me family's doin' fine with money." She lied before her friend could even get going, hoping to forestall a useless debate. However, Benjamin simply gave her his best disbelieving expression.
"Nellie, Mrs Billings was right – there's hardly anything to you. Look, please just let me give you a bit of money. Before you say anything, it's not charity, it's just one friend helping another." There was a note of pleading in Benjamin's voice, and Nellie knew he was only trying to help, but her independence kept her standing firm.
"No, Benjamin, I can't." She replied, crossing her arms stubbornly. "Y'know as well as I do me parents wouldn't accept it anyway. 'Sides, 'ow would I pay you back?"
"You don't need to pay me back, Nell!" Benjamin insisted, and frustration began to creep into his voice, but he simply placed a hand on her shoulder and looked into her eyes. "Honestly."
"But then it's charity." Nellie stated simply, and sighed, deciding to change the subject and hope divisionary tactics worked. Inspiration came as she glanced out of the window. "God, look at the rain."
It was quite a sight to behold. The rain was coming down so hard and fast there was a constant drumming in the background as it hit the roof, and Nellie could hardly see to the end of the street for the downpour. She gave a small jump as lightning flashed, illuminating the hallway brightly, and then several seconds later the ominous roll of thunder followed. Benjamin put a protective arm around her, and though his eyes were on the rain, he stroked her hair comfortingly.
"Face it Nellie, you can't possibly go home in this." He reasoned gently, and Nellie had to admit he was right. To go trekking through this storm would be madness. Uneasy about both the tempest brewing outside and what was going to happen if she did have to stay, Nellie rested her head on Benjamin's chest and he wrapped both his arms around her, ensconcing her in an embrace.
"Nothing will ever harm you, not while I'm around, I promise you." He whispered into her ear, so softly Nellie wondered if she was imagining it, for a moment later the brunette guided her back towards the living room and sat her in the velvet-covered armchair before settling himself before the piano once more, his joking manner back once again.
"Would madam like to request a song?" Benjamin asked, bringing a smile to the redhead's lips.
"That one you were playin' first." She said. "Pretty Women."
"Your wish is my command."
Benjamin began to play, his fingers gliding elegantly over the ivory and ebony piano keys, as if in some elaborate dance, and a sweet, lilting melody floated around the room. To Nellie's surprise, rather than simply playing the instrumental as he had earlier, Benjamin added his voice, singing softly.
"Pretty women…
Fascinating…
Sipping coffee,
Dancing…
Pretty women
Are a wonder—
Pretty women.
Sitting in the window or
Standing on the stair,
Something in them
Cheers the air.
Pretty women…
Silhouetted…
Stay within you…
Glancing…
Stay forever…
Breathing lightly…
Pretty women…
Pretty women!
Blowing out their candles or
Combing out their hair…
Then they leave…
Even when they leave you
And vanish, they somehow
Can still remain
There with you,
They're there!
Ah,
Pretty women
At their mirrors…
In their gardens…
Letter-writing…
Flower-picking…
Weather-watching…
How they make a make a man sing!
Proof of heaven
As you're living—
Pretty women!
Pretty women, here's to
Pretty women, all the
Pretty women…
Pretty women!"
Benjamin finished the song and Nellie gave him a warm smile, hiding her surprise. She hadn't had the faintest idea her friend could sing so well, but Benjamin always had a knack for surprising her. Nellie couldn't help but wish she was like the pretty women in the song, then maybe she'd have a chance of being the recipient of Benjamin's love – he already held her heart securely, even if he didn't know it. As if picking up on her thoughts, Benjamin rose and stood behind her chair, bending over to whisper in her ear, his breath tickling her neck.
"Pretty woman
Sitting silent
Quiet, afraid
Lovely…
Scared of the storm
Breathing quickly
She's a wonder…"
Nellie was breathing quickly, but it was due to Benjamin being so close to her and acting so intimately, rather than the storm raging outside. Her heart was pounding like a drum, and for the millionth time she wondered if Benjamin did feel something for her besides friendship. It was impossible, of course, but he was so close, that strange expression on his face, the same one from when he'd kissed her at Hyde Park. But Nellie knew Benjamin couldn't possibly love her – why would he, when he could have his pick of the beautiful women who he was acquainted with? They were everything she wasn't: beautiful, well mannered, well versed in etiquette, they would make good wives… With this sobering her thoughts, Nellie managed to keep her voice calm and collected.
"D'you need spectacles, Benjamin? I ain't lovely – nor a wonder come to that."
"Really?" Benjamin asked, his voice slightly husky as he leant further, meaning that their faces were now only a few inches apart. "I beg to differ."
Nellie felt her heart begin to beat quicker once again, and she had to beat down the urge to close the distance between them and crash her lips onto Benjamin's. Didn't he know what he was doing to her, playing around like he was? But no, of course he didn't – that was the whole point, he had no idea that he was torturing her simply by being so close.
"In fact," Benjamin continued, seemingly unaware of Nellie's uneasiness, "I think you're quite simply gorgeous, Nellie, my little wonder."
Benjamin's hand slipped around the back of Nellie's head, supporting it and angling it, his fingers intertwining with her wild auburn curls. Hardly aware of what she was doing, the redhead reached up and linked her hands around Benjamin's neck, encouraging him and urging him to kiss her. With a small smirk, he leaned in…
…Just as the living room door opened and someone cleared their throat loudly. The teens sprang apart, eyes wide, and then Benjamin gave a small growl of displeasure only Nellie heard. Stood in the doorway was Amber, the maid who had interrupted them earlier, flicking her shoulder-length, dirty blonde hair lazily. She had a strangely triumphant expression that slid off her face when faced with Benjamin's dark one. It took Nellie a few seconds, but she quickly figured out what was running through the maid's mind – she must be sweet on Benjamin herself, and jealous of the situation Nellie had found herself in. If only she knew…
"Master Benjamin, a telegram arrived for you." Amber announced innocently, placing it on a coffee table and turning to almost skip out of the room.
"Damnable…" The rest of Benjamin's muttered insult was lost as he released Nellie and went to retrieve the telegram. The redhead sighed sadly to herself, almost able to taste the kiss she'd come within a hair's breadth of receiving.
"Good news?" She asked, noting that Benjamin's expression had lightened slightly. At her words, the brunette turned and gave Nellie a wide smile.
"Extremely. Because of the storm – and, I suspect, my father liquor intake – my parents are staying the night at the newlyweds' house, along with a couple of others." At Nellie's confused expression – she could not see what was so good about that news – Benjamin sighed and sat down on a sofa, stretching elegantly before shifting into a lounging position. "Don't you see, Nell? You can stay the night here, no trouble, because my parents will never know."
"What 'bout that maid, Amber? She'd prob'ly tell 'em tomorrow mornin' – she's dead sweet on you, y'know." Nellie informed her friend, who simply gave another shrug.
"Really Nellie, who do you think they will believe? Besides, I'll have a word with her later. God, I wish I knew what it was that makes women tick." He sighed and closed his eyes. "Feel like sharing the secret, my dear?"
Nellie giggled and shook her head. "S'all part o' me feminine mystique, love."
Then her eyes widened and she clapped a hand to her mouth, not quite able to believe the pet name had slipped out so easily. However, Benjamin didn't react, even though he must have heard, so after several long moments that seemed to last a lifetime, Nellie began to relax. But suddenly Benjamin stood up in one fluid movement and gave her a smirk.
"Now, Nellie, if memory serves, I believe we were in the middle of something…"
Five minutes or so later found Benjamin sat in Nellie's favourite armchair, the redhead sat in his lap with her head resting on her shoulder. Both of them were smiling gently, and Benjamin was stroking Nellie's hair, as had become his habit. It was almost second nature now, and it was like a comfort to both of them. Every so often Nellie gave a small, happy sigh and shifted position slightly, amusingly reminding Benjamin of a cat. A wild, beautiful, confusing cat. On an impulse, he leaned in and captured her lips again. He had barely been able to believe his luck when he'd heard Nellie call him 'love', knowing she didn't call people affectionate nicknames as easily as he did – though truth be told, she was the only one he had ever addressed as 'my dear', 'pet' or a host of other monikers. However, a sudden thought made him curse mentally. He was almost certain he loved Nellie – however, having never felt this way before, he couldn't be sure – but what if she didn't love him? What if she thought of this as another of his elaborate games? Unlikely, but there was always the chance…
"Benjamin," Nellie began, breaking through his thoughts. "D'you love me?"
Benjamin considered his words carefully before answering, knowing by the hope that lit Nellie's eyes that what he said would have an impact bigger than he could grasp. It would not be fair on either of them if he told Nellie he loved her, only to realise later he didn't. Yet… the way it comforted him to have her close, the way all his worries floated away when he felt her touch, the way nothing appealed to him like her scent, the smell of cinnamon and herbs. The way he longed for her when they were parted, and selfishly kept her to himself when they were together. The way he felt truly alive and on fire with ardour when they kissed… if that wasn't love, what was?
"Yes." He replied slowly. "I do believe I am well and truly in love with you, Nellie."
"S'good." Even though Nellie's face was currently nuzzled into his neck, Benjamin could feel the smile on it, the expression of pure contentment he saw far too rarely. "I love you too. Always 'ave done."
"Always?" Benjamin echoed, surprised. "Well, why didn't you say anything?"
"Why didn't you?" The redhead retorted, and the brunette had to admit she had a point. He gave a small chuckle at their foolishness.
"I suppose we should have admitted all this earlier." He commented. "Would have saved us both rather a lot of anxiety."
"Yeah…" Nellie's voice is heavy with the words she isn't saying. Benjamin remains determinedly taciturn until she gives a small sigh and elaborates. "What 'bout when you get married?"
"Then I shall have a beautiful, redheaded wife who worries too damn much." Benjamin shot back immediately, impatience tingeing his voice. He simply couldn't understand what Nellie was getting at; why she continually worried about the future when all Benjamin could see was happiness. He loved her and she loved him. What could possibly go wrong?
"They won't let you marry me." The redhead murmured, glancing away, and Benjamin didn't even have to ask who 'they' were. Gently, he took hold of Nellie's chin and turned it so she was facing him.
"Listen to me, Nellie." He said softly. "I. Love. You. You, not the barber's daughter, not any of the girls who live around here, and certainly not those transparent women who can only think of embroidery. I have no idea where you've gotten this notion that I am completely controlled by my parents, but I am quite free to do whatever I want."
With that, Benjamin leant forwards and captured Nellie's lips again. As they kissed, all unpleasant thoughts were driven from their minds, and neither could really see how anything could go wrong. It was incomprehensible. They were in love, and there was no power in the world stronger than that.
