Dearly Beloved
Chapter 27
He told himself he wouldn't go to the train station to see them off. He'd spent the evening before they left playing with Hannah, realizing just how much he was going to miss his niece when she was gone. Beth had kept her distance, spending her last night at the ranch talking and laughing with the rest of the family. But not with Jamie. She had barely spared him a glance all evening.
He rode out early with a delivery, promising his mother he'd be back in time, but with little intention that he would. After everything that had happened with Beth, Jamie still didn't trust himself that he could hold his tongue when she actually left. He wanted to tell her how unfair she was being, that taking Hannah away was cruel, that he didn't really care about her one way or the other so she didn't need to run away. Only the last part was a lie. Jamie was more afraid he'd tell her the truth, when he knew it was the last thing she wanted to hear.
There was no one at the ranch when he arrived home. Everyone had gone into town to say goodbye, even their housekeeper. Jamie was glad for that small favor – the last thing he wanted was to hear how they sad they all were that Beth and Hannah were gone. He wandered into the house and upstairs to his old bedroom. He wouldn't have to sleep in the bunkhouse anymore, now he had his room back. But when he entered it he realized how cold and empty it felt. What few possessions she'd left had been packed away and stored in the cellar – Beth had insisted on that. She'd wanted him to have his bedroom back with no trace to remind him that they'd been there. Jamie found that hardest to bear of all.
He flopped down on his old bed, wondering if the quilt smelled of her perfume, and was disappointed when it did not. Staring up at the bare walls, Jamie decided he preferred the lack of privacy in the bunkhouse to this solitude. He curled onto his side and hoped sleep might dull the ache he was feeling, when he felt the slip of paper under his pillow. He pulled it out quickly, his heart hammering in his chest when he recognized Beth's handwriting.
I'm sorry for everything. Please don't hate me.
Beth
Jamie stared at the words for a few endless moments. Did she really think he hated her? He got to his feet and started pacing the floor, his head swimming. Then, without another thought, he ran for the door and down the stairs, thankful that he'd left his horse saddled in the yard. He knew if he hurried he just might make it in time.
"You'll write, won't you?" Charlie asked Beth as she gripped her hands. "You'll let us know your plans?"
"Of course I will. I promise." Beth hugged her tightly. "Be happy, Charlie."
"I am." Charlie smiled through her tears and then reached out to take Hannah from Lou's arms.
"Thank you for everything, Louise," Beth said with difficulty. She had no idea when she would see the family again, and she was not prepared for how lost she felt.
Lou didn't respond but embraced her instead. She pulled back and tried to find the words to say goodbye, but Beth just nodded and they went unsaid. The conductor called for them to board the train.
"Well, I guess this is it," Beth said as she took Hannah from Charlie.
"Have you got everythin' you need?" Kid asked.
"I do."
"And you'll wire us to let us know you arrived safely?"
Beth nodded again, her throat closing painfully. "I'll miss you all," she managed to say.
"Bye, Beth," said Ethan, and the others joined in the farewell.
Beth accepted the conductor's arm as she mounted the few steps into the train and then disappeared from view for few seconds before reappearing in her seat by the window. She started to wave goodbye when she suddenly saw Jamie. He mounted the stairs to the platform in a single stride, running over to the family who were crowded in front of the carriage.
"You made it," Lou said with relief.
"Sorry, delivery took longer than I expected," he explained through ragged breaths, his eyes not leaving Beth's. He reached up to grasp Hannah's hand which was poking through the open window.
"I'm glad you came." Beth had been sure she wouldn't see him, and didn't know what else to say.
"I'm sorry too," he said quietly.
The train whistle blew after the last of the carriage doors were closed. Beth felt panicked, suddenly not ready to go. She looked despairingly at Jamie, but all he could do was step back as the train started to pull away from the station. He held her gaze and raised his hand to bid them goodbye. Beth tried to smile and mirrored his gesture. Jake and Ethan ran along the length of the platform, waving wildly.
She craned her neck to keep them in her sights for as long as possible, but all too quickly they were gone. Beth sat back in her seat, hugging Hannah closer to her, and not caring that the other passengers saw her cry.
Three weeks later, after Rachel had returned to Denver, Lou slipped out of the house as dusk fell and walked to the creek. She knew that Jamie would be there, as he was most nights. He hadn't moved back into his old room after Beth left, choosing instead to camp out at the site where he was planning to build his house. The weather was still warm enough to sleep outdoors but she worried about how much time he was spending on his own. He rarely came to the ranch anymore, even for meals. Lou had bided her time, assuming his withdrawn behavior would only be temporary, but finally she decided to confront him.
He was warming a pot of coffee on a small camp fire when she approached.
"You got an extra cup for a visitor?" she asked, smiling down at him.
"Always." He poured her a mug of coffee and waited as she sat down beside him before handing it to her.
"Brought you some apple pie. Mrs. Greig made it 'specially for you."
"Thanks." He accepted the wrapped plate but did not open it.
Lou looked around at the peaceful surroundings and breathed deeply. "You picked a good spot, son. Guess we should get movin' on buildin' the house before winter sets in."
Jamie poked a long stick into the fire to settle it before replacing the coffee pot.
"I guess."
Lou frowned, wondering how she was going to get through to him. She had never known Jamie to be so despondent.
"If not you should move back to the ranch house. We haven't seen much of you lately. Seems to me you haven't been yourself since around the time Sally left."
Jamie shifted uncomfortably on the ground. He didn't want to head down that line of questioning with his mother. He tried a different tack.
"Ma, I been thinkin'… maybe I should break out on my own for a while. Head west. I could get work at another horse ranch. Maybe try drivin' cattle."
He waited until he'd finished speaking before glancing over to gage her reaction. She watched the fire thoughtfully and took her time before answering.
"Don't you think you'd be headin' in the wrong direction?" she asked eventually.
"What do you mean?"
"It's not too late to go after her. She ain't been gone long."
Jamie sighed tiredly. "Ma, I told you, Sally and I aren't together anymore."
"I'm not talkin' about Sally."
Lou raised her eyes and held his gaze with a steadiness that made him wary. He looked away nervously.
"Did Charlie say somethin' to you?"
"Charlie? No." She smiled kindly, nudging her foot against his. "You think I don't know when my son is in love?"
Jamie's cheeks burned as he struggled to respond. "It doesn't matter how I feel. Beth…"
"Beth what?"
"Nothin'," he mumbled, embarrassed.
"Have you asked her how she feels?"
"I don't have to, she made it perfectly clear."
"Don't be so sure. It can't be easy for her," Lou reasoned.
"She's Adam's wife." Jamie broke up another stick and threw it onto the fire.
"She was… I'm not sayin' it's not confusin' for you. But Adam would want you both to be happy, Jamie."
"I don't know…"
"Well, I do," said Lou insistently. "And I know why Beth would be strugglin' with this. I reckon the last person she thought she'd have feelin's for is his brother."
"It's not like that, Ma," he said with another sigh. "It's my fault she went home to St. Louis."
Lou cocked her head at him. "Why do you say that?"
"She doesn't want me. She told me so."
"Does she know how you feel about her?"
"Yeah."
"Did you tell her you love her?" Lou persisted.
"Well, no, not in so many words."
Lou stifled a laugh, which earned her a sharp look from Jamie. She shook her head indulgently at him.
"James Hunter Morgan, you are your father's son, you know that?" When he looked at her with a puzzled stare she went on, "How can you be sure she knows how you really feel unless you tell her?"
"I just know, Ma," he said impatiently. "She left because of me."
"Yep, I'd say you're right. But I don't think it was because she doesn't feel the same way you do. It's because she does, Jamie."
He was stunned into silence, not sure if he should believe her or not.
"How do you know?" he asked quietly.
Lou smiled knowingly. "Call it a mother's intuition."
Jamie looked back at the fire, lost in thought.
"Well?" Lou prompted.
"Well what?"
"What are you gonna do about it?"
"Not much to do," he said.
"Course there is. You got a choice to make. You can go out West and try to find somethin' to make you feel happy again, or you can go tell Beth how you feel."
"And if she doesn't care?"
"Well, then, at least you'll know for sure."
He paused again, making her wait. But Jamie knew in that moment what he needed to do. After Lou sighed in frustration at his lack of response he glanced at her out of the corner of his eye.
"When's the next train east?" he asked calmly.
