Chapter Two-The Plan
"Never." Mrs. Lovett looked up. "Never what, dearie?" Mr. Todd took a breath and began.
"Never have I felt so helpless." Nellie's eyebrows shot up in surprise. Mr. T? Helpless? Never! He was anything but helpless. He was strong, solid, her rock, but never helpless. His next words came out of his clenched teeth.
"It's driving me insane." Mrs. Lovett half wanted to say that he was already insane, they probably both were. However, she decided against it and stayed silent, soaking in every word that came from him. She knew that his speech could stop at any moment, so Nellie tried as best she could to not provoke him.
"If I had... if I had… if I had escaped earlier, maybe, just maybe, I could have saved her." "Her?" thought Mrs. Lovett. "Who's 'her'?" Then it clicked. He was like this because of Lucy. Nellie's insides twisted and froze when she realized that Mr. Todd was talking about his wife, the one he presumed was dead. "I can stop this…if I wanted to," But she couldn't. Countless times, she had attempted to try to tell him, but she was in too deep. Nellie had finally decided to just let it go. No matter how painful it got, she had to let it go. Now, she tried her hardest to pay attention, she tried to understand, but she couldn't. Sweeney had lost her in that conversation, if only for a moment, but he didn't realize it. But how could he? Mrs. Lovett had gotten progressively better at hiding her feelings lately. He continued slowly, his eyes directed downward at the table.
"It's as if the only way to fill this hole is to, well… kill." The words sounded so awkward coming out of his mouth, humorous, almost. Nellie suppressed a laugh and the barber looked up at her. There was no evil glint in his black eyes. In fact, they didn't even seem black at all. For a moment, Mr. Todd's eyes had returned to the gorgeous, soft brown that they were many years ago. Mrs. Lovett nearly gasped. She blinked a few times, and there they were again: cold and unfeeling. But along with the traits brought by the many years in penitentiary, others accompanied them; emotions that she sensed now that she hadn't seen before. She now saw despair, deep sorrow, longing, and the slightest glint of hope. As she stared into the windows of Mr. Todd's soul, he closed his eyes, hiding them from view.
"But once I kill the Judge, I will have no purpose, no goal. And how is one to live without a purpose, Mrs. Lovett? Without a goal, one would exist aimlessly, and I have no intention of doing so." His eyes flew open and he gave a small ironic smirk. Mrs. Lovett gasped, and this time, she didn't try to stop herself.
"But Mr. T! Surely you can't mean…."
"Yes, Mrs. Lovett. That is exactly what I mean. Once the Judge is dead, I will be as well."
"No. Mr. Todd, you can't! You just can't!" She fought off tears as she reached for his hand. It was like his eyes: cold, hard, and unfeeling. He made no reaction to her sudden outburst of defiance. He simply asked a question.
"And why not, Mrs. Lovett?"
"Because…because…" Words struggled to come to her mind. She wanted to tell him that she couldn't live without him. She wanted to hold him; she wanted to be in his arms, where he would feel again. But doing this, of course, would destroy the little trust that he had in her. "Because of Toby," she finally whispered. "He looks to you almost like a father, he does. To see you go and kill yourself would break his heart."
Sweeney gave a feeble laugh. "You and I both know that Toby would probably rejoice if I did." Mrs. Lovett waited for him to inquire further, but thankfully, he didn't press the matter. "No, I think it was set in stone that suicide would result in the death of that…thing. It's the only way."
"No!" Nellie's words came out a little louder than she would have liked. She lowered her voice a bit and changed her tone from one of desperation to one of almost reproof. "You can't, Mr. Todd. I...I'd…well; the pie shoppe would go down quick as anything."
"They would make up excuses, Mrs. Lovett, just like they always do. They would assume that you were too depressed to bake decent pies. People would leave you alone to your quiet, failing bakery. You would continue to live your life in perfect solitude. Your life would change, and probably for the better."
"But I don't want my life to change! To be perfectly honest, I'd be happy to keep living like this for the rest of my life, Mr. T." But she wasn't being perfectly honest; not at all. It wouldn't be completely terrible if this was her life, but she wanted more. She wanted the three things she loved most in her life: the sea, Toby, and most of all, Mr. Todd. It wouldn't be quite right without him. "I don't want you to go."
"You don't understand, Mrs. Lovett."
"Yes, Mr. Todd, I think I do. You think that since your precious Lucy is dead, you've got the right to go and kill yourself. Well, Mr. T, I'm here to tell you that you can't!"
"I can't. I can't live without her." His voice was barely a whisper, and Sweeney's eyes were closed as if his few words pained him. Nellie hated seeing him like this. She hated seeing him so listless and cold. And now, when he finally spoke, when he finally admitted that he felt, he felt sorrow. "It's all her fault. She's made him like this. She caused him to be this way." Then, with a jolt, Mrs. Lovett realized that she was wrong. "No," she thought. "It's my fault. If I just told him, he wouldn't be like this. He would…he would…what would he do? He'd leave me, that's what! If I don't tell him, he kills himself. If I do tell him, he leaves."
"Oh, if that bloody Judge had just kept his eyes off of her, we wouldn't be in this mess." Nellie had unknowingly muttered her last phrase out loud, barely audible to Sweeney.
"Exactly, Mrs. Lovett. Killing him won't undo the deeds he's done, but it will make my life—rather, my death—come a bit easier. As I have said before, death will come as a relief."
"Can you promise me?"
"Of course Mr. T, what is it?"
"If I get killed or sent back to the isle of hell, and you miraculously survive untouched and unsuspected, promise me you will kill Turpin."
"Kill the Judge for you?" Her first reaction was a flat no; she drew the line at baking people into pies. She wouldn't stoop so low as to kill a man. It was simply immoral. Chopping up people was a different matter: they were already dead. Now, if she took the life itself that changed things completely. It was simple: selling people- pies was fine, murder was not.
At that moment, Nellie Lovett realized the irony of her response.
Murdering wasn't much lower than her current job. Besides, this was the Judge they were talking about. He wasn't considered a true human. After all the things he'd done, he really didn't deserve to live. "Yes," she coaxed herself, "He doesn't have the right to live. He drove Lucy insane. He took away Johanna. He stole my life. And he killed Benjamin." Mrs. Lovett shut her eyes quickly in a vain attempt to stop a tear running down her face. "He killed Benjamin." Nellie nodded her head a few times before saying, "Yes. Of course I'll kill the bloody Judge for you…I'll kill the filthy scum of the earth."
"Thank you."
Nellie gave a nod of recognition. She looked up slowly and noticed Sweeney's hand give a small twitch. She noticed her own body give an involuntary shudder as she stared once more into his eyes. Nellie felt that all-too-familiar feeling of her heart quickening and her cheeks heating up. This didn't go unnoticed by the one sitting across from her. Sweeney saw her take a large, silent breath and then small, quick ones. Color rose to her high cheek bones and completely changed her appearance. Mr. Todd locked her into a gaze for a few seconds, and then turned his head toward the window in a quick jerk. His eyes widened. Sweeney Todd was looking at something, so Mrs. Lovett looked over her shoulder and out the window as well.
"Oh, good Lord, not now."
It was Lucy Barker.
