Mood Music: Almost Lover by A Fine Frenzy


Dear Diary,

Do you ever feel like there might not be a future for you? A moment of thought in which you fear that you will never get the future you want. How do you fight for something that doesn't exist? You can fight if you know what to fight for; you can fight for freedom or for your rights. You can fight for the one you love. But what if you the one thing you want you don't have and you can't fight for it because it doesn't exist yet. What if something has happened to take a person away from you before they were ever really yours? A murder or a suicide or some random event that snuffs the flame of your future love, a future best friend and because this thing happened you can never know them. How can you mourn for something that is lost but never owned in the first place? Is it possible to mourn this life that never existed? I wonder sometimes about the things that happen in life, about the kismet that happens. I catch myself pondering life and the intricate balances between people; how one life affects so many others with no one the wiser. When someone takes their own life away, in one form or another, can they even contemplate the ways that they are touching every life that they know and would have known? The futures, not just their own but everyone that they are touching or meant to touch… It's a complicated thing. It's a complicated thing, this longing in life. The desire and pain and sadness is overwhelming. When need grips your heart and won't let go, what do you do? How do you keep the faith and hope long enough to continue the fight for the future you want? The future you need and desire and seek with all you have. What if there just is no future for some. Not that a future just never existed, but that a vital part of a future has been altered so permanently that what should have been cannot ever be.