Chapter Four- I'm Adic-I'm Addicted to You

Chapter Four- I'm Adic-I'm Addicted to You

Ron and Harry sat in front of the Gryffindor fireplace in complete silence. They didn't even look at each other. They were wrapped up in their thoughts. Those particular thoughts were interrupted however, when Hermione Granger walked through the door looking oddly relaxed (considering who she had just finished talking to).

"How'd it go?" Ron asked genuinely interested.

"On a scale of one to ten, it was rubbish," She didn't really look as if she cared though. "I will just have to deal with it though. I think I'm going to go study for a while and then go to bed. Goodnight," She called to them as she escaped into the girls' dormitory to her bedroom. The two boys looked at each other, upon their faces sat odd expressions of confusion.

Back in her bedroom Hermione sat at her desk, absorbing information for her classes. After she had about all she could take of memorization she got out her quill and a scroll of parchment and started on her potions essay. The essay wasn't due right away but Hermione felt that she needed to get it done before she fell further behind and completing it now, even if that meant losing a few hours of sleep, would help her regain a little bit of the Hermione she once knew. Right now a little reconciliation with her old self was what she wanted most. She was tired of hurting; she knew the pain wasn't over but that it would lessen, especially with her new found method of coping.

After a grueling three extra hours of work Hermione was satisfied that her essay would get her now less than a bright and shining 'E'. She was relieved to have it done and to reward herself she climbed into her toasty bed for some much needed rest. Or not. Hermione was just starting to go to sleep when she heard a soft knock on her door. She groaned before climbing out of her inviting bed and opening the door that betrayed her "beauty sleep". It was Ginny. She was standing in the doorway with her closed fist in the air preparing to knock again.

Hermione smiled and let the girl in, she looked uneasy. "Hermione, I know this might sound weird but I had a nightmare that Harry died and I was wondering if I could sleep in your bed with you… I understand if you say no but I just didn't want to stay in that room all alone, even though I wasn't really alone. You know. I just wanted to be around someone I was more comfortable with," Ginny was whispering this monologue so that she didn't wake up anyone else. Hermione nodded and turned away from the ginger girl and climbed back into bed. Ginny followed suit and marched across the hard floors to the inviting bed. She climbed across Hermione and snuggled into the warm covers and closed her eyes. She convinced herself that she was safe in this room and then fell asleep almost immediately. Hermione however, stayed awake and contemplated.

She felt like she could get her life back on track. She knew she could. No one would stop her. No one. She began to formulate her plan of attack. She would be studying whenever she wasn't doing homework or sleeping. She would make small allowances of time everyday to be around Ron and Harry and to eat. Tomorrow she had Charms first so when she woke up she would frantically begin to catch up.

Hermione stared at the high ceiling above her head. In the middle of her plans something triggered and then memories forcefully surfaced above her thoughts on how to put her life back in order. Moments started to flash before her chestnut eyes.

She was studying with her mum who was quizzing her with flashcards in their kitchen. Hermione was sitting on the counter eating a cookie that her mom had made.

She was lying on the floor of her living room in a tent made of spare bed sheets. Her mum and her were watching Legally Blonde together all snuggled up in the blankets. The part where the homosexual fashionita was tapping his foot behind Reese Witherspoon was on and they were giggling together.

Hermione was in a shop at the mall where she and her mum were picking out ridiculous outfits for the other that had to be tried on. In Hermiones' hands was a slinky red dress and silver heels she knew her mother would never otherwise try-on. Her mother was holding a moo-moo and red ladybug rain boots. Hermione laughed out loud when she saw the horrific item of clothing she was going to try on.

They were at a pet store and Hermione was seven. She was crying into her mums' shoulder after watching a snake eat a defenseless white mouse.

They were in her mums' room and Hermione was in her bed watching her mom put on her make-up. The room was dim and Hermione was sleepy. She was four and she fell asleep. She woke up with her mum cuddling her and whispering a prayer into her ear. 'Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul will keep. And if I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul will take.'

Hermione was standing in her hallway peeking around the corner into her living room. Her mum was curled up on the couch watching Buffy: the Vampire Slayer and her cat Gizmo, who was very cold to anyone who wasn't her mum, was curled up on her moms' lap sleeping.

They were in Hermiones' dance class and Hermione had knocked the wind out of herself when doing a front-flip onto a crash mat. She was six and was scared that she wasn't going to be able to breathe again. Her mum was next to her reassuring her that her breath would come back in a few seconds. Later that night Hermione got to take a bubble bath and have ice cream for being a good sport.

Hermione was standing in her living room. She was ten and her friend Donna was standing next to her. She looked upon the couch at a women "sleeping". She called out to her and when she didn't wake up she began to laugh and play with her arms, picking them up and dropping them, still trying to wake her. It was her mum and she had always been a heavy sleeper. Hermione could see she was breathing so she didn't worry but she did call her dad to tell him about it. He rushed home and gave her money to go buy candy at the store close by. Later, right after finding out about her mum's drinking problem she found out that she had been passed out. Her dad had given her the money to get her and her friend out of the house while he carried her into their bedroom so she could be passed out out of sight.

They were standing in a hospital room. Alone. Hermione was standing over the hospital bed where her mum resided. She was in the intensive care unit and she was in a coma. She had been there for a week. Earlier there had been an ugly tube of black charcoal running up her nostril. Her organs were shutting down and her dad was going to shut off the life support. If she came out of the coma now she would only live the rest of her life as a vegetable. Hermione had come to the room to say her goodbyes. This was hard for her and she choked back tears as she pet her moms' curly hair. She whispered goodbye and that she would love her until the day she died. She collected herself and then joined the rest of her family in the waiting room.

Hermione shook herself back to reality and felt the hot tears streaming down her face. She got out of bed and paced her room. She then walked over to her wardrobe and pulled down a large framed muggle photograph of her mum. Hermione carried it over to the darkest empty corner of her room. She crawled into the fetal position and hugged the frame while she openly sobbed. She made sure to stay quiet though for Ginny's sake.

She missed her mom. She figured that anyone who lost someone close to them would miss them but it didn't occur to her how much. She was broken and she didn't know what to do to fix it. She did however know what could help. She crawled across the floor to her bag and pulled out the trusty knife from her potions kit. She knew she would feel strange hurting herself with Ginny in the same room so she got up onto her feet and slinked out the door silently.

She quietly made her way into the common room and walked over to a corner behind a chair next to the window. She figured she would see someone walk into the room before they could see her. She pulled up the hem of her night gown and stared at her milky white stomach. She looked once at the scalpel in her tightly clenched hand and hesitated. But then she carefully carved a small cut into her flesh. She then continued to cut two more forming a zigzagged line. She watched the blood squeeze out of the parted flesh. She immediately felt relief in her chest. She then proceeded to cut another and the then three more to match it. These formed a box. She couldn't stop now; she only needed a few more to really get what she wanted. Her heart felt much lighter by now. She cut three more to finish what she had started. She felt alive. It was as if the pain she had been feeling was taken out and then imprinted itself on the flesh of her stomach.

MOM. That's what it spelled. Hermione would heal and have those as scars for a long time. She crawled out of her corner and let the loose garment on her body fall to the floor. If she was careful it wouldn't touch the blood now dripping down her stomach and soaking into her underwear.

She tiptoed, knife in hand, to the bathroom in the girl's dormitory. Luckily no one had a midnight urge to use the loo. She walked over to the sink and turned on the hot water. She grabbed a deep red washcloth from the clean basket and rinsed it underneath the steaming water. She then lifted her cotton gown and looked at the damage. There was a lot of blood but not enough to alarm her. She had complete control. The top of her underwear was now wet with blood from the gashes but Hermione would clean them later with her wand. For now she pressed the rag to her skin and cleaned the blood surrounding the wounds. She then adjusted the cloth to a clean spot and pressed it firmly to the cuts and applied pressure. She rested her back against the wall and sighed. She was finally tired. She could sleep now that she had gotten that out of her system.

Twenty minutes later Hermione crawled back into her bed and snuggled into her fresh pillow.

A:N/ Sorry these are such short chapters. It isn't like me. I just have been busy but I want to update once a week so yeah, that is my excuse however crappy it may be. Please review so I know that you like me! I need that boost of ego to help continue to inflate my head. Thanks a bunch

Love, Katie "The Great" (Jokes!)