Chapter Eight- Inept Hush-Hush
About a week passed after Hermione told Harry and Ron what had happened and they began to treat her as if she was fragile. Hermione didn't really like it. She was indeed more vulnerable but she didn't want her friends to act like it. It hadn't bothered her enough yet however, so she didn't mention it.
Nothing much had happened during the week other than a fresh bat of slashes on Hermiones' body. It was as if she was becoming addicted to cutting. Anytime she felt down she skipped off to a bathroom to deal with it. She had also written a new poem. (A: N/ It isn't that good but I wrote it in eighth grade during civics. That was three years ago so bear with me.)
Despondent Behavior
When I look in the mirror
What do I see?
I see someone ugly
Someone I wish wasn't me
When I go to my room
Instead of scream or shout
I get out my knife
To let all my pain out
When I go to the cabinet
I get out a pill
When I take it I'm free
I don't consume 'cause I'm ill
When I look at my scars
I relive all the strife
I get out the gun
And end my life
-Hermione Granger
As of right now Hermione was sitting in Potions class taking notes on the side effects of certain antidotes for poisons. Professor Snape was sitting behind his desk and watching the students copy from the blackboard.
He got bored though and decided that it was a good time for him to go to his office. He told Malfoy that he was in charge and left the silent room.
Malfoy immediately was crowded by other Slytherins. They nearly worshiped the ground upon which he walked. It was disgusting. A few of the Gryffindors shot looks at each other knowing that if any of them did anything but copy notes then they would get detention.
After a few endless minutes Hermione heard Malfoys' voice get loud. She didn't let it distract her much though until she heard her surname being thrown in the mix.
"…Completely broken up about it. After class she will probably go off and sob about it in the lavatory. I bet she is just doing it for the attention. I would probably lie to everyone about my mum dying too if I knew that it would make everyone do things for me. Did you hear about the special talk the headmaster had with her, man she really has people wrapped around her finger!"
Ron and Harry leapt up to their feet after hearing this monologue and started towards Malfoy. Ron was nearly purple with anger and Harrys' eyebrows were furrowed with rage. Hermione grabbed her things together and shoved them hastily into her book bag. She then pulled out her wand and flicked it in Draco Malfoys' direction.
The effect was immediate and successful. Hermione grabbed Ron and Harry and dragged them out of the room leaving a few sharp-beaked sparrow hawks pecking at Malfoy. One poked Malfoy particularly hard in the crotch. Malfoys' screams sounded like music as Hermione walked quickly away from the classroom forcing (by magic) Harry and Ron with her.
"You two do not need to fight my battles. And if I would appreciate it a lot if you two would stop doing everything for me, it only gives Malfoy ammunition." Ron and Harry looked frustrated but nodded. "Now I need to go to the bathroom, so if you will excuse me." The two boys offered to walk with her but she declined and told them that this was one that she was going to have to face alone. They got the point and told her that they would be in the common room.
Hermione walked to a nearby bathroom and transformed a slice of toilet paper into a shiny razor blade. It was an old-fashioned double sided one. She pulled down the black pants she was wearing and looked at her hip. With nine careful, deep motions she created a good-sized broken heart. She pressed tissue paper to the wound to stop the blood flow after watching it flow for a few moments. She let the wad of tissue stay there as she pulled up her pants. It was a makeshift bandage until she got another. Next she pulled off her robe and rolled up her white arm sleeve. She wanted to make it ten. She pressed the blade against the skin right under her hand next to the tendon.
The cut was clean and went vertically across the skin. It was quite deep and bled a lot. Hermione tried to get it to stop. She then heard the bathroom door open and someone else walk in. "Hermione?" Hermione answered meekly, "Yes?" She paused what she was doing and began to panic. It was Ginny. "Hi it's Ginny. Um… Harry and Ron sent me to come and make sure you didn't…um… "Fall in" I think was their expression. My class just ended and they met me in the hallway. They claimed you had been in here for a good half hour…" Hermione told Ginny that she was okay and that she was just about to leave. She then hoped that Ginny would accept that and leave to tell Ron and Harry.
No such luck. Hermione peeked under the stall and saw Ginnys' worn out shoes waiting. She sighed and furiously tried to stop the bleeding. Ginnys' foot began to tap and Hermione just held down the tissue and rolled down her sleeve. She hoped for the best when she stepped out of the stall with her things. She had flushed the razorblade down the toilet right before Ginny had walked in. She walked over to the sink and washed her hands. The girls headed to leave after Hermione finished and had almost made it to the door when Ginny gasped and exclaimed that Hermione was bleeding. Crap! It was soaking through her shirt Hermione realized. She told Ginny that earlier her wrist got cut on something and in the bathroom had started to bleed. Hermione had been trying to stop it when Ginny walked in and that was why she had been taking so long. Ginny calmly asked what she cut it on. She then reached over and slid up Hermiones' sleeve and removed the toilet paper. There was the cut in all its' glory. "I-I d-d-don't remember." Hermione was nervous and knew that Ginny could see through her lie. Great. Hermione was transparent, like plastic wrap.
"What really happened Hermione, no crap story this time," Ginny demanded. Hermione sat down against the wall and motioned for Ginny to do the same. She then poured out the real reason for her cookie-cutter cut.
Ginny told Hermione that she needed to get help. Hermione just responded simply that it wasn't a problem and that she could stop any time she wanted to. That it just helped her to blow off some steam. That it wasn't a big deal and that she wasn't about to go and kill herself. Hermione then told Ginny that medically speaking all that she was doing was hurting a little bit of surface level tissue that would repair itself, nothing big.
Ginny relented and told Hermione she would keep it quiet as long as Hermione could control herself. Hermione agreed and the two girls walked out of the bathroom as if nothing had happened.
Lies that Scar
I cut my arms and slash my thighs
But pretend that I'm alright
I paint myself a happy picture
To help me sleep at night
Some see the pain beneath me
But "understand" that I need to cope
They turn away their faces
Which reinforces all my hopes
Nothing's out of the ordinary
Just numbly getting by
I will make up countless stories
And force you to believe my lie
The world thinks it's such an ugly act
But none of them have tried
"Slap their wrists to make them stop
Cutting won't heal their lonely cries"
With needle and thread it won't stitch the hurt
But only I know it helps
It removes me from a vicious world
And refocuses me somewhere else
So you can tell me to use my voice and words
That it's okay to scream and shake
But I have to decide to stop alone
It's my own choice to make
-Hermione Granger
After Ron and Harry got over Hermiones' long bathroom visit wait they walked with her to the library to spend the remainder of their free time doing homework. In the middle of this Harry tried to kick Ron under the table to get his attention. His foot made contact and Ron almost shouted out. He looked up at his friend who was obviously making a motion for Ronald to talk to the girl sitting beside him. Rons' eyes got very wide and he shook his head violently. Hermione, who was completely involved in an essay, did not notice anything happening around her. Ron slid out a spare piece of parchment and scribbled to Harry the sentence 'She is still way too vulnerable. It would be like taking advantage of her.' Harry rolled his eyes but dismissed the subject.
The trio worked on miscellaneous schoolwork until lunch. They then walked to the Great Hall making light jokes along the way. When they sat down at the Gryffindor table Hermione smiled at Ginny who smiled back. Ginny wasn't happy about what Hermione was doing but was convinced that Hermione was a smart girl who wasn't seriously injuring herself.
They ate and talked with each other about classes and the professors. No one mentioned Malfoy and his actions in Potions. The trio knew that they would receive hell from Professor Snape soon and decided to be happy while they still could.
During the ending of lunch Colin Creevy walked over to Harry and gave him a note. This was it and they knew it. Harry opened the note and almost immediately threw it to Ron in disgust. Ron read it too and exclaimed, "There is no way he can do that to us!" Hermione grabbed the paper and found out what the commotion was. Professor Snape had scheduled a detention for the first Quiddich match of the season and taken away seventy-five Gryffindor house points. Hermione looked up to the house hourglass and noticed that it was nearly empty, only a few red rubies littering the bottom. Hermione sighed and her eyes caught Professor Snapes' eye. He was looking at her and smiling. His smile told it all. He knew exactly what Draco had been doing to deserve the punishment and he didn't care. Hermione was positive now that Severus Snape had not one sensitive or compassionate bone in his body.
A: N/ I know this was short but I have been writing a lot this past week and I ran out of ideas. Please keep reviewing!
3
Katie London
