Life with Naruto

Life with Naruto

Disclaimer: I no own Naruto, unless you counting mine Naru-chan plushie. Oh, and I forgot to mention this earlier too…the idea of calling Sai the human slate is not mine, its from a story called "Pick Up Lines" by…uh. I forget who, but you should look it up, it's a great one shot.

Some…stuff…with no real arc.

Die Hard not mine.

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Friday night.

Team Seven's movie night.

And, regrettably enough (for a certain Uchiha, at least) Naruto's turn to pick the movie.

"No."

"It's my turn, teme, I pick Die Hard!"

"No. This is the fourth time you've picked that atrocity, if I have to watch Bruce Willis crack one more sleazy line I'll scream."

"But! Sakura-chan, isn't it a good movie?"

"…" Inner Sakura raged, HELL YESS! But Outer Sakura said, "Um. No."

"Sai, you like it, right!?"

The human slate blinked. "I have the lines memorized," he said, and no one was quite sure what that meant.

"Naruto-kun," Yamato sighed, "Maybe you should pick a different movie?"

"NEVER! Sasu-teme, I challenge you to a duel! Winner picks the movie we watch tonight, dattebayo!"

"That's a good enough reason for me to kick your ass," Sasuke agreed, "Bring it on."

"Rasengan!"

"Chidori!"
Kakashi grabbed their hands before they could really get the jutsu going. "We're in a video store…RELAX."

"Maybe janken is a better way of solving things," Yamato suggested.

"One…two…three…JANKEN!"

"Hah! I win, dattebayo!"

"NOOOOOOO!!"
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"Naruto!" Sasuke yelled for his roommate, "Hurry up, we were supposed to meet the team ten minutes ago!"

"I look so good, dattebayo," Naruto smirked at himself in the mirror. Sasuke walked in, and froze.

"The hell? Isn't that Lee's outfit?" he exclaimed.

"I didn't steal it!" Naruto blurted out, blushing.

Sasuke raised one eyebrow, then the other, and made them do the wave. "I don't know you," he said flatly, and walked away.

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It was a normal day in the Sasuke-Naruto household…

"NO! Inuyasha, go with Kagome!"

Or as normal as such a strange place could get…

"Die, Kikyou you whore!"

Sasuke tried to ignore the blond, working on his paperwork. "Baka."

"Oh, Sango and Miroku are so kawaii!"
"T.T" Sasuke pulled a face.

"Gasp, Naraku!"

"That's it," Sasuke snapped, and turned off the TV.

"TEME!!"

"Go watch it elsewhere, dobe. No more Inuyasha under this roof."

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--LEESAKU INTERLUDE--

Please, please, PLEASE skip this if you don't like this pairing. I acknowledge that some of you don't. But I do, and I just felt like throwing it in here. Don't like it? Don't read it. Mosey on over to the next linebreak, sweetie.

"Sakura-chan!" the young chuunin said, "Please go out with me!"

Lee growled, but Sakura shook her head. "Let me handle this," she whispered. No more miss nice kunoichi. She was going to break his heart, having been patient the last month.

"Have you ever gotten drunk off a sip of sake?" she asked him.

He frowned. "No."

"Do you have a six pack?"

He squirmed. "No."

"Do you have a name that sounds like it belongs to the boxing ring?"

"No," he sighed.

"Do you have any supah-kawaii nicknames?"

"No…"

"Do you have what it takes to be America's Next Top Model?"

"Huh?"

"Never mind, what I meant was, have you ever kicked the crap outta Uchiha Sasuke?"

His eyes widened. "No!"

"Can you?"

He looked down at his shoes. "No."

"Then you're not for me," she informed him. "Oh," he said in an extremely small voice.

She hooked arms with her Azure Beast and breezed past. "Sakura-san," Lee whispered, "I would like to kiss you very much right now."

"By all means," she smirked, "Go right ahead."

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"Sasu-teme," Naruto groaned, "My tummy feels funny, dattebayo…"

Sasuke raised an eyebrow at the bulge in his teammate's stomach. He lifted up the orange shirt gingerly. "What—oh holy crap! That's a hernia!" he shrieked, alarmed.

"Hey," Naruto looked down, "My tummy has a boner!"

"Ok, ok," Sasuke panted, "Its okay, we'll get you to Sakura…she'll know what to do, yeah…you'll heal you won't die, it'll be fine…completely and totally fine. I won't lose my best friend, you'll live…you won't die…it'll be fine, it'll be ok…"
"I want to poke it…OWWWW!"
"BAKA!!"

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Naruto slung an arm over his best friend's shoulder. "Wouldn't you agree? Baby you and me…got a groovy kinda love!" he drawled.

Sasuke pushed him away. "No we don't."

"Its friendship! Friendship! Just the perfect blendship!" Naruto sang.

Sasuke pointed the TV remote at him and pressed the mute button. Abruptly, the blond changed his tune. "So no one told you that it was gonna be this way…Your job's a joke you're broke your love life's DOA!!"

Sasuke put his aching head in his hands and fought the urge to chidori everything in sight.

These were the days he wished he'd stayed with Orochimaru.

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"Mornings should be illegal," Naruto yawned as Team Seven waited for their commander in the chilly pre-dawn mist.

"Your face should be illegal," Sakura said, her teeth chattering with the cold. Sai chivalrously held out his cloak for her.

"I don't need that!"

Sai shrugged and retracted his offering. Sakura glared at him. "You're supposed to insist I take it!"

"But then I'd be cold," Sai argued.

Yamato made a tutting noise and gave his cloak to Sakura. "Sempai is so late," he sighed.

An hour passed. Naruto asked Sasuke if they could huggle for body heat, and got beaten up. Sakura beat up Sai to stay warm.

Yamato bore it all stoically, the weather and his charges.

Another hour passed. Naruto had dozed off on Sasuke's shoulder, who'd dozed off on the blond's head. Sakura had returned Yamato's cloak and was watching Sai draw Naruto and Sasuke as they slumbered.

Yamato sat down, moaning as his cramped limbs protested the movement.

Yet another hour passed. Sasuke and Naruto were in a decidedly yaoii position as they slept, and Sakura was going into convulsions of dismay at not having a camera. Sai crouched in the grass, mysteriously attracting butterflies.

Yamato flopped onto his back, watching the sun climb higher in the sky. "Sempai is really soooo late," he sighed, and his stomach rumbled in agreement.

Another hour slipped by. Sasuke had woken up and screamed when he saw how close Naruto was. They were sitting far away from each other now in a sullen silence. Sakura lay amidst the tall grasses in a bored stupor. Sai was teaching his butterflies to loop-the-loops on his command.

Yamato wondered if he was dead yet.

Kakashi popped into existence (or actually poofed, whichever one you like) and was immediately attacked by Naruto.

"You're so freaking late, sensei!"

"Yes, well, I had to save Iwagakure from a giant rampaging panda," Kakashi said, straight faced.

"That's a lie!" Sakura yelled.

"That's a bad lie," Sasuke snorted.

"…" Sai was teaching his butterflies how to use the spacecraft he'd drawn for them.

Yamato got up. "Can we get some food before we head off on the mission?" he asked.

Kakashi beamed at them all. "No, because good news! The mission's been cancelled!"

His grin slipped away as four very scary faces turned to him. "What?" he asked, sweatdropping.

"…" Sai painted a screen between his butterflies and his team, lest the former be scarred by what they saw.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

Kakashi totally had that coming to him one day…heh.

Iwagakure is the Hidden Rock…Deidara's village, un!