Life with Naruto

Life with Naruto

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, so please don't sue me, I'm poor enough as it is! –cries over the fact that she can't buy Johnny Depp-

Author's Note: I did a time skip! They're all forty or thereabouts now…don't ask me what age they were earlier, I have no idea. Oh, and if they're acting immature, it's cause they're no fun to write as adults. Pretend that they're all still teens on the inside. XD enjoy!

Chapter Six: The One Where It's Over and It's Naruto's Birthday

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Naruto's eyes fluttered open. Sasuke was sitting on him.

"Teme?" he muttered, "The hell?"

"Happy Birthday, Dobe!" the man yelled, and a dozen or so people popped into the room, toting balloons and streamers and party poppers and other merry-making paraphernalia.

Naruto rubbed at his eyes, his hands curled paw-like. "After thirty, it's not happy anymore," he groused, "And get off me man!"

His best friend grinned. "C'mon, Naruto! It's not everyday you turn forty! We figured out a way to make it special for you too! We're having a competition to see who can get you the best gift!"

Naruto sat up, yawning. "What does the winner get?"

"They get to pick one of the other gifts to take!"

The junchuuriki blinked. "The…hell?"

"Up, get up!" Sasuke crowed, "This is gonna be awesome!"

"Relax!" Naruto laughed, amused at how Sasuke was the hyper one for once, "I'm getting up, dattebayo."

-an hour later-

"OK!" Naruto yelled, pumped on a sugary birthday breakfast, "Bring on the gifts!"

Sasuke shook his head. "First: Team Seven goes for a movie. Then: we go for lunch. Third: everyone comes over, party at our place. After dinner, we do the presents, and then we party some more!"

-at the movies-

"This movie…is retarded," Sakura sighed.

"I should've known better if Kakashi-sempai was picking," Yamato chuckled, "Icha, Icha the Movie indeed."

"…" Sai had his eyes glued to the screen. He was learning so much about relationships!

Kakashi drooled a little. "It's just like I imagined it," he whispered, "Thank you, kami-sama of all adult fiction!"
Naruto wrinkled his nose. "Teme, I judge your judgment."
Sasuke groaned. "Kick me the next time I ask Kakashi-sensei to book tickets, just kick me."

-at lunch-

They'd convinced the blond to go to an actual restaurant instead of the ramen bar, but…

"I'd like two-three-no, four bowls of ramen, please!"

"You can take the ramen away from the baka," Sasuke muttered, "But you can't take the baka away from the ramen."
Sai frowned. "That…made no sense."

"Shut up, Sai," Sakura scowled, "And eat your sushi."

"Yes, ugly do- um, Sakura-chan."

Yamato glanced at his sempai. "Kakashi-sempai…? Aren't you going to order?"
The Copy Nin had a glazed look on his face. "Icha…Icha…awesomeness…"

-at the party-

"Yamato-kouhai," Kakashi sighed, "Do you ever get the feeling that you're growing old?"

Yamato stared at him blankly. "EH?" he yelled over the music, "Speak up, my earplugs are filtering you out!"
"Oh, Sai-kun," Karin simpered, "You're so charming!"

Sai, who'd done nothing but pour her tequila, smiled in a confused way. Sasuke observed the pair from a distance. "You remember back when she was my fangirl?" he chortled to Suigetsu, "I wonder what she's gonna do when she finds out he's gay."
The water nin nodded absent mindedly. "Have you seen Juugo around—"

"KILL!!"
"Never mind, I found him."
"Sakura-san—"

"No."

"But Sakura-san—"

"I said no, Lee, I will not join you in the Joyous Dance of Youthfulness!"

He sighed dejectedly. "Then will you tango with me?"

"Sure!"

Naruto bobbed his head to the music, sipping a margarita. Hinata approached him. "Hey Hinata! Sup?"

"Ah! N-N-N-Naruto-kun, I w-w-was wondering if m-maybe you'd like t-t-to dance—"

Naruto looked over her shoulder. "Oh my freaking god!" he shouted, "Neji's plastered! C'mon Hinata, let's go look!"

The Hyuuga heiress followed with a sigh. Oh well. There was always next time.

-at dinner-

The toasts were flying fast and thick.

"To-hic-Naruto's freakishly blond hair!" Sakura said, raising her glass.

"To Sakura-san's beauty!" Lee proclaimed.

"To Lee's vacation this year," Tenten muttered, "Which will give us all a much needed break from his youthfulness."

"To youthfulness, and eternal rivalry!" Gai bellowed, an arm slung around Kakashi.

"To Icha, Icha the Movie!" Ebisu roared. Genma nodded enthusiastically. "To adult fiction!"

"To Akamaru!" Kiba declared, "He's a man's best friend!"

"And what am I?" Shino scowled, "Chopped liver? To friendship! Why? Because it's precious!"

"To friendship!" Ino and Sakura approved.

"To friendship!" Izumo and Kotetsu chorused.

"To sake!" Tsunade put in, "And the way it makes the most dignified woman (and I'm not talking about me here) loose and randy as Jiraiya was (bless his soul)!"

"To sake!" Anko echoed.

"To Tonton," Shizune giggled, "Best pig ever!"

"T-to Naruto-kun's b-blue eyes!" Hinata stuttered.

"To the Hyuugas' white ones!" the junchuuriki returned the favor.

"To the Sharingan," Kakashi sniffled, "And dead teammates!"

"To dead teammates!"

"To dead teammates!"

"To allies!" Temari smiled at Shikamaru, "And lazy-ass boyfriends!"

"To dominating women," the Nara grinned, "Who're well worth the trouble."

"To the Sand, and the Leaf," Kankurou slurred, "And otoutos that can kick your ass," he added, kissing Gaara's forehead. The Kazekage gagged. "To breath mints, which my brother needs!"

"To hot guys," Karin laughed.

"Hell yeah!" Hana tittered.

"TO KILL!!"
"Juugo, settle down!"

"To tearing the limbs off your enemies before beheading them!" Suigetsu crowed.

"To sexy women," Ibiki cackled.

"I'll drink to that!" Iruka hollered, winking at Anko who shot him a dirty look.

"To and amazing sempai," Yamato chuckled, "Who you can always count on to get you porn!"

"To dobe!" Sasuke called out.

"To Naruto," Chouji agreed.

"To the Rokudaime-to-be," Konohamaru shouted, "And the best boss ever!"

"To the Rokudaime!"
"To the Rokudaime!"

Tsunade smiled a secret smile, and raised her sake cup for the umpteenth time. "To the Rokudaime!"

-the gifts-

"I can't decide!" Naruto wailed, "They're all awesome!"

"Pick one, dobe!" Sasuke urged.

Tsunade laid a hand on the blond's shoulder. "I think I can help you decide," she grinned, "Naruto, this is my gift to you: I'm retiring."

There was a collective gasp from everyone present as they realized the meaning of her words. Naruto frowned. "But how does that—oh. Oh! OH!"

Tsunade put the Hokage hat on the man's sun kissed head. "The initiating ceremony will take place next week, I'll train you till then. What do you think of that—Rokudaime-sama?"

"…YOU WIN!!"

Everyone laughed as Tsunade hime-sama, Legendary Sannin and Godaime Hokage to Konohagakure, struggled to pry her successor off of her body.

-as they party some more-

"Hey Sasuke!" the new Hokage said, finding his friend alone on their balcony, "What happened to you?"

The Uchiha shuffled his feet. "I thought you'd like my gift best," he mumbled bashfully.

Naruto punched his shoulder. "Is that what it is? You're jealous? Listen, Sasuke, Tsunade-obaa-chan may have given me the best gift today, but you give me the best gift ever, everyday."

The raven haired man raised a questioning eyebrow.

"Your friendship! Our bond, teme, that defeats all space and time and blew away my loneliness and would be extremely kinky if one of us were gay!"

Sasuke scoffed. "You always play that card to cheer me up."

"How about this one then?" Naruto grinned widely, "I haven't used it in a while."

He jumped his best friend and tickled him blue in the face.

"Ahaha-ok! Ahaha…hahaha! Fine—I'm hehehehe…happy! STOP!!" Sasuke pleaded for mercy.

Naruto sat on his stomach, wearing a supremely satisfied look. "We're best friends, teme. For life."

"For real?"

"For real."

"Really really?"

Naruto laughed, and helped Sasuke up. "Really really, best friend," he said, hugging him.

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Dut du du! El fin!

Yes, that means its over. Done with. Finished. Complete. And any more synonyms for 'I'm-not-going-to-update' you can think of. –waves- ja ne, see ya 'round!