The Jonin and Kami knows what else Proudly Present:
A/N: Maito Gai is let loose with a camera. Yes. Really. Please R&R. And I know Asuma should be dead and all, but this is a fanfiction.
Disclaimer: No, I don't own Naruto or the characters, I'm just borrowing them. It isn't the same as stealing them…uh, let's start, right?
Week One: Maito Gai
Click. Crash! Thump.
"Damn it!"
"Do not say such unyouthful things, Neji." The voice of Gai could be heard reprimanding Hyuuga Neji, who appeared to have dropped the camcorder on his foot.
"Trust me, Gai-sensei, considering what I was going to say, that was extremely youthful." Neji retorted. The camera wavered as Gai picked it up and pointed it at Neji, who scowled and crossed his arms over his chest in a bad-tempered way. "Why are we doing this anyway?"
"Because I and my friends wish to observe the youthfulness of you all." Neji snorted at Gai's explanation.
"Whatever, Gai-sensei."
"Would you mind being interviewed, Neji?" Gai asked hopefully. Neji sighed in a long-suffering way, and replied:
"No, as long as you don't ask me why I don't want to grow massive black eyebrows and wear green spandex and a headband round my waist, okay?" Gai nodded, and proceeded with the interview.
"What is your name, Neji?"
"Hyuuga Neji. Yes, of the Hyuuga clan, as you full well know, before you ask." Neji glared at his sensei, who jolted the camera in an apparent attempt to zoom out. Gai muttered what sounded a lot like a swear word. Neji tutted. "Do not say such unyouthful things, Gai-sensei." Gai muttered a much worse word. Neji grinned.
"Moving on, give me the names of some of your family members." Gai's voice sounded strained. Neji's grin went wider still.
"Hyuuga Hanabi, Hyuuga Hinata." He said in an offhand voice. Gai inhaled sharply for some reason or another. Neji continued. "Hinata's practically engaged to Naruto – not that he knows. Hanabi's dating the Uchiha."
"Leaving Haruno Sakura free for Lee?" Gai questioned solemnly. Neji's left eyebrow twitched almost imperceptibly.
"No, Gai-sensei. Sakura is with…" He paused, grinning smugly. "But I'd best shut up before she finds out I've told you something." The camcorder did a few wavering twists: it seemed Gai was intrigued by this news.
"Wow, who is Sakura with?" Lee appeared behind Neji, causing Gai to train the camera on his favourite student. "I would be so happy for her!" This caused Neji some amusement. Lee frowned in confusion. "Do you know, Neji?" Neji sighed.
"Yes, I do know. Now maybe you could both go away and harass Tenten rather than me?" Tenten, walking past, shot him a look of horror and began walking faster. Gai turned the camcorder to face her directly.
"Tenten! Would you permit me to interview you?" Tenten heaved a sigh a turned to the camera.
"Go on, then. Make it quick please, Gai-sensei, I'm busy training." Gai began his interrogation.
"What is your name, Tenten?" Neji smirked. Tenten sighed long-sufferingly.
"Tenten."
"How old are you, Tenten?" Gai asked.
"Eighteen, Gai-sensei. Don't you know this stuff already?" Tenten sounded worried that their sensei apparently did not know her age. Gai's camcorder zoomed in on her face.
"I do know, but my friends do not, so I am informing them!" Gai sounded excited. Neji shrugged helplessly to Tenten, who turned to Lee, standing eagerly behind Neji.
"How about interviewing Lee, Gai-sensei? I'm sure he's desperate to be questioned." She dragged Lee forwards, and Gai zoomed in on Lee's eyebrow. A massive black expanse filled the screen. After three seconds, the camcorder focused on Lee's whole face.
"What's your name, Lee?" This time, Neji and Tenten could hardly control their laughter. Lee shot them an annoyed look, before replying:
"I am Rock Lee, the handsome Konoha citizen and taijutsu specialist!" Gai sighed, as if wondering why he only liked one of his students.
"Very good, Lee." He paused, obviously thinking of more questions to ask. "How old are you?"
"Eighteen, Gai-sensei!" Lee bounced about. Tenten seemed to be struggling to refrain from hitting him. Gai continued.
"What things do you like, Lee?"
"I like the colour green, Sakura and you, Gai-sensei!" Neji rolled his eyes. Tenten's shoulders shook. She had succumbed to laughter. Neji stepped smartly in front of her. Gai continued to film his students.
"How about we practice that formation you showed us the other week? You know, Sensei, the 'Big Eyebrows are Youthful' formation?" Lee suggested. The camera went up and down.
"Yes, Lee, we will indeed practice 'Big Eyebrows are Youthful'!" Neji and Tenten groaned, Tenten through giggles. Neji helped her to her feet, and the camera's focus wavered three times, before dropping to the ground. Gai could be heard bounding away to the nearest large hill, Lee in tow. Neji picked up the camera, examining in, before finding the right button.
Click.
XOXOX
"The hell?" Anko looked concerned, her faced almost pressed against the television screen. Kakashi pulled her back. Iruka coughed uncomfortably.
"We did well, do you not think?" Gai smiled toothily. No one answered. "One thing I never found out was who Sakura has found to love her." Everyone stared at him in disbelief. Kurenai was the one to break the news to the clueless spandex-wearer.
"Neji, Gai. Sakura is dating Neji." Genma patted a choking Maito Gai on the back. Ayame took the opportunity to move closer to Kakashi, who grimaced as though in a great deal of pain. Asuma grinned. Kakashi glowered. Anko pushed Ayame out of the way to lie with her head on Genma's shoulder and her legs across Kakashi's lap. Kakashi sighed resignedly. Shizune glared at Anko. Anko smirked back.
"So…" Asuma's strident tones made everyone look up. "Next week, Genma shall be showing us what work of art he has created on film. Kami help us." Everyone smiled, apart from Shizune, intent on sending a certain purple-haired woman death stares, and Kakashi, completely out of his element surrounded by women.
"Until next week, then." Asuma dismissed them all. Kakashi leapt for the door, saying something about needing to talk to Sakura about her latest object of affections. Ayame followed him, not buying his excuse for a second. Asuma watched the Copy-nin disappearing in a cloud of thick smoke, which made Ayame cough violently.
Genma sauntered by, Shizune speaking to him in low, angry tones. Anko shook her head smugly as she passed the two, chatting casually to Kurenai about what a cute couple Neji and Sakura made. Hayate, who had been silent the entire meeting, stayed silent as he left.
Asuma sighed as the last person left his house, and collapsed onto his couch. Trying to control a group of supposed adults was proving hard work.
XOXOX
A/N: Next week, Genma tries to film his apartment, with concerning results. But first, this chapter. Please tell me what you think of it. Too short? Too boring? Okay? I want to know your opinion, if you have a little time to spare reviewing.
