I still feel your touch in my dreams.
Forgive me my weakness, but I don't know why
Without you it's hard to survive.
'Cause everytime we touch, I get this feeling.
And everytime we kiss I swear I could fly.
Can't you feel my heart beat fast, I want this to last.
Need you by my side.
--Every Time We Touch, Cascada
Authors Note: This is a short chapter but I posted the last update yesterday so you all can KISS IT. lol... and the next one will be shortly.. later this week most likely.
I felt like the entire world was spinning but I stuck standing still, everything a blur around me.
"Let's get him to the chopper," Kakashi said. "You can get medical care at our base."
"Kakashi..." Iruka started to say in a reproachful tone but Kakashi was already steering Gaara forward.
The two, Kakashi and Gaara, passed me. Gaara didn't take his eyes off me. I was relieved after he passed and I couldn't see if he was still staring. Naruto, like me, hadn't moved. He looked stunned and confused as he stared at Gaara's back. I didn't move to comfort him. I didn't even say words of comfort. For in fact I did not know what to say so I said nothing. Instead I stood hands at my side and face slack with too much emotion and let the world move about me.
Iruka followed Kakashi's wake and Neji soon followed Iruka. Naruto and I were standing alone. He was staring after my husband and I was staring at the grassy bed within the church.
I kissed Gaara on the cheek. "I'm going to go for a walk. All this talk, I'm so bored."
He smiled and his hand slid from my waist, "Don't wander too far."
"Not too far," I said with a smile.
The echo of the men's voices could be heard as I walked down the familiar halls of my father's castle. I ran my hand down the wall as I walked. It was as if touching it made it more real. Soon I was outside. I walked past the people mulling about in the courtyard and out passed the gate. I slipped into the forest unnoticed and walked slowly until I reached the familiar body of water. This is where Sasuke and I first kissed. I had been sixteen years old. I had kissed him when he wasn't expecting it but more to my surprise was that he had responded to the kiss. It had been my first real kiss. This was also the place where Sasuke had kissed me for the last time.
It had been two years. Two years without him.
I walked over to the familiar boulder, squatted down, and sat on it. I pulled my legs up to my chest and hugged myself. How had this happened to me? I wondered for the millionth time in the past two years. I lowered my forehead onto my knees.
After the marriage I had to go live with Gaara in his country. The marriage was a sign of good will and change. We represented a strong alliance. The Lands had come together to fight against a new Land which was constantly trying to take over. We knew little about their tactics for hardly anyone survived their attacks.
I had always known why we were suppose to marry. Why it was for the good of everyone. Everything said that this was for the best. He was of my status, of my class, and he and I represented the Lands. We were an icon for the people. We smiled and waved and were always in the public light.
But at night I didn't think of my husband. When my mind wandered in the middle of the day I was not thinking of my husband. I thought of only one person. My mind, my heart, couldn't let go. When I closed my eyes I saw a pale face with a stern expression and dark hair. I didn't dream of green cat-like eyes but instead I dreamt of gray charcoal eyes in a sea of expressions.
Sometimes I would wake up in the middle of the night and I would forget where I was at. My arm would reach back searching for a body that was only once beside me. Gaara would scoot closer in his sleep, his arm would surround me. This was the worst out of anything I had to deal with because for those few seconds when I didn't know whose bed I laid on I had felt so light. So happy. Then the memories would crash back down and I would feel my loss again as if it was new.
Gaara was not a bad man. He deserved so much more than me. When I had first arrived at his home he had given me the full tour, showed me his favorite places around the country. He took time out of his day to talk to me and make me feel like I had a home within his. No, he was not a bad man. He was decent and kind one.
"So..." Naruto said breaking the silence, "you're.. married?"
"Yes," I said. I blinked out of the daze and focused on Naruto. He was already looking back at me.
"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked sounding hurt.
"I didn't remember until I saw him," I said.
"Oh," Naruto said, "Well, yeah."
I felt bad. Naruto had become my friend. I had known he liked me but I had hoped it would pass. But it hadn't and instead he just got hurt. He looked uncomfortable as I stared at him.
He visibly swallowed hard before asking. "Do you love him?" he asked.
"He is a good man," I finally said.
"That didn't answer my question," Naruto said bluntly.
"No," I said and glared slightly at him, "no, it did not." I looked away and out into the deserted city.
Naruto seemed to wait for me to answer and when I did not he asked, "Are you going to answer?"
I sighed and squinted at the spot I had chosen to look at. "It's actually not any of your business if I love my husband or not," I said. I instantly regretted my words because I saw Naruto flinch slightly at them. Remorseful I answered his question, "Yes, I love him just not the way a wife should."
"Does... that mean..."
"I love him as a friend or perhaps a family member but not in the way I should," I said and my voice shook.
"If you didn't love him," Naruto said softly but sternly, "Why did you get married?"
"I didn't want to but I had to," I said.
"Did he force you?" Naruto asked anger rising in his tone.
I laughed but it was a sad laugh almost a cry, "No. No, he did not."
I clutched my knees a little closer to my chest and stared out at the water. I had hoped even today that I might see Sasuke. I always hoped I would see him. Every time my father said he would visit my hopes would sore only to get dashed as the party entered and he was no where to be seen. My father always said he was busy doing something or other but he sent his regards. Whether or not my father knew why Sasuke skipped my visits wasn't known as he never let on the wiser.
"How could you leave me?" I whispered.
The questioning look in his eyes lead me to answer with a roll of my eyes, "Arranged."
"People still do that?" he asked in surprise.
"I don't know. It was very common where I was."
"Weird."
"Everything here seems weird. Its like I'm in a completely different universe," I said.
"Does that mean you have all your memories back?" he asked.
"No. Two years after my wedding then nothing," I sighed.
Naruto stepped closer, "You'll remember."
"Yeah. I will," I said. "I just don't know if I want to anymore. It was so much easier not remembering."
Naruto looked sad at my answer and opened his mouth to say something when Iruka called out to us, "Hurry up!"
I took the chance to escape his questions and ran back to the helicopter.
The bushes rustled and I leapt from my place on the rock. Sasuke emerged from them. My chest tightened and I found it hard to breath. I stared with my mouth open, my eyes questioning, and my hand raised to my throat.
"I thought you'd probably want to talk alone for the first time rather than around a group of people," he said after the silence had grown awkward. He seemed very uncomfortable, rather unlike him.
"You never came to see me," I said. The words had come out before I could stop them.
"What good would it have done but hurt us both. Or at least me," he said and turned his head to the side.
"What's that suppose to mean? At least you?" I said my shock starting to wear off with the anger.
"Two years is a long time," he said softly.
Oh. My stomach jumped into my throat. He had someone else. He loved someone else. "I see," I said trying to fight back tears. I looked away from him. "I guess it was bound to happen," I said and tried to smile but it was more a grimace of pain.
He flinched too. He turned and gave his back to me, ran his fingures in his hair. The pain in my chest felt like it should be physical. It hurt so much more than the separation, than the goodbye. This was the type of pain that made someone jump into freezing lakes, jump off of roofs, slit their wrist, poison, and any other form of suicide. This kind of pain was the unbearable kind. I felt like gravity was too strong and I was being weighted down. I stared at his back and felt such a loss.
"What's her name?" I asked softly though I had no right to.
"What?" he asked turning around to look at me.
"The woman you love, what's her name?" I asked again.
"What woman?" he asked frowning.
"The one you love," I said getting annoyed, tears were threatening to leak out.
"You?" he asked confused. "Why are you talking in third person?"
"I.. I.. I wasn't!" I said. "You just said two years was a long time and that see me would hurt you so I thought-" I said my voice breaking with the words.
He strode over to me and placed his hand over my mouth, "There is no woman." I started crying. I was shaking, the tears wouldn't slow, and I was making small noises as my body shook with the shear force of my tears. His arms wrapped around me and I clung to him.
When I was merely hiccuping with intakes of breath, the tears long gone, he said, "I meant you loving your husband."
I lifted my head off his chest and looked up at him, "He is a very good and kind man but I do not love him. I love you."
He closed the distant and when our lips touch I felt burned. He started to lean back from the chaste kiss but I quickly rose my arm and ran my fingers through his hair. I gripped the strands of hair near his roots and pulled him roughly back down to my lips. I plunged my tongue into his mouth and took out two years of anger and loneliness. The kiss, his touch; it was everything I remembered.
I made it to the chopper. Neji was climbing in. I went to the helicopter without looking back at Naruto and climbed in. The engine and propeller noise was deafening but I was glad as I wished for the silence.
Gaara continued to stare at me wordlessly. I tried to pretend not to see, it failed mostly. It was a long ride back to the base.
Ah! I almost forgot to add this at the end. I WANT REVIEWS... thanks.. lol.
