This was really difficult for Paige and she wasn't sure why, but she knew she had to do it. It took guts to throw caution and her parents to the wind. This whole conversation was hard to start and Alex wasn't making it easy, "Is that the only reason you came over, to fatten me up?" Alex didn't even give her time to settle down and relax. She was always so difficult but that was part of the reason she was here, Alex never let her off the hook. Alex, sweet, willful Alex was the one she didn't want to be without.
Alex in turn was feeling the deep shame of having to do what she did for money. She could not bring herself to get excited over Paige's presence. She only felt mild irritation. Getting over Paige was not an option but she'd had enough of the back and forth. Paige sitting here pretending that they hadn't had the last difficult conversation was not going to cut it.
Paige took a deep breath, "no in fact, it's not." She wondered why this was so hard but there was no turning back. Paige reached over and anchored herself on Alex, she needed to touch her and make this real, "I've thought about what you said, about labels, straight, bi, lesbian, whatever," with these words, Alex finally looked up. Was Paige really going to address their issues, face their situation?
"I really, really care about you and I've decided to try get over my fears." Paige rushed through the words she'd practiced all day. And she felt relief. She'd actually felt less afraid just having said it. Immediately, the residual fear was overwhelmed by the excitement she felt.
"So… Miss Nuñez, will you be my sweetheart?" Paige bit her lip at the corniness she couldn't contain. She hadn't rehearsed that part, or well not rehearsed it like that. At the actual moment of truth, the heart spoke its needs.
Alex's smile spread joy across her face. And she forgot… she forgot she wasn't getting evicted, she forgot she was a stripper, she forgot everything… but Paige. Her heart's true desire was in front of her, wanting her back. Feeling overwhelmed with the great love inside of her, she reached for Paige in a joyful kiss. Paige was so surprised that her little, stubborn Alex had just agreed, she couldn't stop smiling through the kiss. She had not felt this joy in so long. Slowly, Alex finished her kiss, "there's your answer, sweetheart." Paige couldn't help but look away and bite her lip again at Alex's use of her own word. Oh, she'd forgotten how Alex could make her blush. She was so sweet when she wanted to be. The memories of their previous intimacy were rushing back. She had Alex back, the Alex no one ever saw, her Alex.
They remained there staring into one another's eyes for eternal moments, till Alex slipped and fell back on the couch, pulling Paige down with her. Their joy released in a fit of laughter. It was such a relief after everything they'd been through. Alex held on to Paige in a close soft embrace that slowly became more serious. Paige felt the change and relaxed into the hug. Paige traced her fingers up and down Alex's arms. She'd missed the feel of her and she'd missed something else… her scent. Her nostrils were filled with Alex and it was intoxicating. She smelled like a spring morning. And suddenly she felt Alex tighten her grip, and her body shook quietly.
"Are you ok?" Paige's voice asked with concern.
Alex shook her head. "I am ok, I am just a little happy," she tried to hide her tears. "Paige, I've missed you soo much. Paige… you've made me so happy today."
Paige pulled away a little bit to see Alex's tears. She wiped one away, "I get to comfort you though, right?" Paige recalled their last conversation.
Alex smiled, "yes, because you've put my heart back together now, it's no longer broken." She closed the space between them to kiss her lips again. But this time, it was slow… and gentle and Paige was ready for it. Paige met her lips and melted into Alex. She caressed Alex's cheek gently as the kiss deepened between them. Their long pent up emotions revealing themselves as their lips separated and immediately reconnected. They settled themselves on the couch, laying down side by side, facing each other. Alex's hand settled on Paige's waist as she pulled her closer. Their lips came apart as they settled on a long embrace, shoulders touching shoulders, breast touching breasts, thighs touching thighs. They both sighed into each other's necks.
"Alex you can be so sweet when you want to." Paige whispered in her ear.
"Only for you," Alex's voice barely audible but she meant every word.
Suddenly Paige had to know. "I remember all the ways you would show me that. Alex, will it be different this time?" Paige felt a wave of fear wash over her. She couldn't do this again, she'd finally had the courage to face her feelings. She didn't want a quick retreat.
"If that's what you want? I think you know how serious I am about you," Alex wasn't sure how to answer that question. She pulled away from Paige, pushing herself back against the couch.
Paige immediately felt the distance and scooted closer to Alex, essentially trapping her against the couch. "Alex, I am ready for more, more than we used to have. I know that it was more like dating. I have thought a lot about everything and I didn't think I was ready for something serious and certainly not with a girl, but … it's not about any of that, it's about you and how I feel about you. I want to follow this through… I think it could be really special." Paige's eyes closed in on Alex's and she brought her lips closer to her… placing a gentle kiss on her lips.
"Oh, Paige," Alex moaned feeling vulnerable and that feeling scared. She kissed Paige back holding her close again, her hand snaking in Paige's hair, her other hand around her waist and down to her hip. Their kiss intensified, and she wasn't sure that they had ever been as intimate, not so much physically but emotionally. All the months they had gone out, their relationship had remained at a certain emotional level. Oh but this sweet feeling of Paige's surrender. Alex had never experienced this before and felt helpless in the overwhelming feeling of Paige, "I love you," she whispered between kisses and she felt so good saying it. She had felt it for so long, and hid it for so long but her little outburst outside of the Dot had freed her to say it. Paige already knew.
Paige was feeling dizzy with the intensity of her feelings, and accepted Alex's love. Paige brought her own hand and laid it on Alex's neck, caressing the soft skin under her hair. Paige felt so much, she was finally free to feel but she still couldn't put it all together to form an actual thought. She knew how Alex felt and it pleased her and made her feel new wonderful, tingly things. She felt her insides melt with each passionate kiss.
They barely registered the door opening before they heard a voice, "I can't believe they wouldn't give me overtime today…" the words caught in Emily's throat as she caught a glimpse of two girls separating themselves after apparently being entangled on her couch. She knew well enough what she'd interrupted. She quickly looked away and tried to make small conversation while they straightened themselves up, per say. "Yeah, I mean they know I need the money right now and can you believe they just sent me home today."
Alex nervously tried to apologize, "I am sorry mom, I didn't know you'd be home." Alex thanked her lucky stars that all they had been doing was making out.
Emily turned around figuring it was safe and noticed Paige holding her head down trying to hide her deep embarrassment. "I guess that means you guys are back together," Emily smiled, she'd become aware of her daughter's sexuality back when Alex and Paige had first gotten together. At first she suspected something was going on as Alex and Paige spent too much time locked up in the bedroom. Initially, they had tried to hide it but eventually came clean as it became too much to hide.
Alex and Paige blushed but looked at each other, smiling both acknowledging the statement to each other, "yes we are," they both said at the same time and laughed.
Emily had no problem with her daughter's sexuality anymore and she'd always liked Paige. She smiled and brought her things in, "well, if you'd excuse me, I am going to go unwind." She quickly grabbed a beer and headed to her bedroom.
Paige reached for Alex's hand, stroking the soft skin with her thumb. "I can't believe you just accepted." Paige put her head on Alex's shoulder.
Alex reached over and put her arm around Paige, "oh, Paige, I just wanted to make sure that you really wanted to be with me. I didn't want to be like one of the guys you were messing with. I really couldn't take that"
Paige snuggled up closer, still holding Alex's hand, "I couldn't do that to you… it's why I was having a hard time accepting what was going on with us. I just knew that being with you, it wasn't … couldn't be cas. Plus there was…" Paige paused and added sarcastically, "Carla."
Alex shifted uncomfortably, "That was never as serious as it seemed." That was all she had to say on the subject. How could she tell Paige that she was desperately trying to get over her, desperately trying to prove that she did not need her? How could she explain that every kiss with Carla was a brutal reminder of the feelings that were not there, the feelings that poured out of her when she just looked at Paige, much less kiss her?
Paige sighed, "I am glad that's done with, and that you are my sweetheart," they were itching to be closer but could not bring themselves to do more, fearing Alex's mom. "I am going to tell my mom," Paige said as her thoughts had drifted to mothers.
Alex sat up, surprised, "really?"
Paige smiled, "yes, really! I am not going to go around hiding it like last time." Alex rolled her eyes, recalling the many times they were almost caught, or the times they out and out lied about going on double dates. Alex often thought the only thing that kept Paige's mom from becoming suspicious was Paige's previous hyper-heterosexuality and Paige's obvious femininity. It just wouldn't be like before. Paige and Alex both knew that this time things were different.
"We should eat your food, it's getting cold," Alex didn't want to move away from the conversation but she was hyper aware of her mother not too far away. "Falafel, eh?"
"I know how much you like it, you spoiled my plan you know? Paige teased.
"How did I do that," Alex asked arching her eyebrow.
"I planned on feeding you good food, making you full and satisfied and happy… then get you back!"
"Paige, one day you're going to learn that plans are made to be broken," Alex joked.
"Oh believe me, it's a lesson I am learning every day!" Paige laughed back as she put their plates together.
Alex thought about how true that was, she was now learning that you could not even count on keeping your integrity. The thought suddenly brought her back to the reality of her life, stripping. And suddenly she felt bad, she was lying to Paige and if Paige found out, she'd break up with her and how could she lose Paige again after just getting her back.
"You ok?" Paige had noticed the change in Alex.
"I am fine," in that one moment Alex made up her mind. She'd have to keep lying to her because she was not ready to lose her. She would enjoy as much as she could until Paige found out. She would deal with the situation, but right now, she wanted to pretend that everything was alright. She wanted to love Paige, just shower her with all the love she'd been holding in. If it had to end, she would prefer it to be later rather than sooner. And tonight, she'd already been to work. She didn't need to think. In fact, the less she thought about it, the better it would be. "I am really fine, with you next to me." She leaned over and kissed Paige. Oh yeah she'd made the right decision. She couldn't deny herself the kisses that she'd longed for.
Paige kissed her back, and Paige couldn't deny that since their breakup, she had not experienced this feeling. "Hon, you're so soft," Paige said between kisses. Alex couldn't help but to love when Paige called her hon. The food was soon forgotten as their kiss deepened. Paige was the first to part her lips, inviting Alex in. Alex didn't waste a moment and darted her tongue out, softly entering Paige's warm mouth. Alex's tongue sought Paige's own tongue. Gently they caressed each other, exploring parts that were never quite forgotten. They separated again having heard Alex's mom stir in the other room.
"Hmm… maybe I should offer your mom some food," Paige broke off the kiss slowly. Alex nodded her head, hoping that there would be one more day, but not really knowing how long they had left.
