AN Please do not read if you have not seen the finale of season 3!

Disclaimer None are mine. They all belong to CBS I just like to play with them.

Okay well it has been about three months since I updated this and for that I am sorry. I have left this fic and my other Her Goodbye for entirely too long so I will be trying in the next couple of weeks to actually finish them. Again I am sorry and hope that your reviews will motivate me to finish both of them.

It was me.

Morphine is a blessing. The pain is worse than any physical pain I have ever experienced and without the drug I doubt very much that I would have the will to survive. My ribs are broken and my legs have been operated on twice this week. They tell me the blast sent metal shards into my flesh in a way I don't even wish to imagine, they called a doctor from Walter Reed Army Hospital for advice on my treatment. It is a war wound that is what the nurses have said when they think I am sleeping.

It seems I have not been doing it that well. Sleep that is, I wake with the fear that it was not me and that my earlier dreams were true that my team, my family, has been lost. An explosion took my family once before in Boston and I wonder if they hurt as bad as I do now and then I try to stop myself from thinking such thoughts because I know that it will only destroy what comfort I have gained over the years by praying that for them it was over fast with no knowledge that the end was near.

In a way I wonder if for me this is just a stopping place between the blast and the end of my life. It seems doubtful to me that I will ever be able to return to the BAU and what is my life really without that. I also worry as the doctors seem concerned about what they are calling antibiotic resistant bacteria which I am sure Reid could explain to me if I wanted to worry him with it.

I am lost in thoughts like these when I hear Hotch say good morning to the young nurse changing the bandages on my swollen legs. She asks him to wait at the door and I am grateful that he has been spared the sight of my shredded flesh.

"Has he been awake at all?" I can hear the concern in his voice when he asks her this as she is leaving.

"No, thankfully he seems to be resting." With that she is gone.

I wonder if he just plans to sit here but I guess he does because I can hear a pen moving across paper, he has brought reports with him. In a way I want him to go only because I want to be alone with my thought for the time being even if those thoughts are at the present a dark place to be. I pretend to sleep and hope that he doesn't notice.

I am unsure how long he has been here or how long I have actually slept but when I wake I open my eyes to see him looking at me with worry written across his face.

"Morning" He left off the 'good' and I wonder if there is a reason for that before I remember exactly where I am and why.

"Yeah" It is all I can think to respond and I know that he has read more into it than I wanted him to see. He is Hotch after all.

"How are you?" It is a question you ask when you can think of nothing else to say and I know that as much as he feels he should be here he wishes he weren't.

"I'm okay." I close my eyes granting him permission to leave but he stays and after a few minutes I am convinced that he believes I am once again sleeping.

I let him believe that.

I am not sure how much time has passed but I hear someone enter the small room that has been my home for almost two weeks.

"Hey Emily." He sounds sad and that was not my intention with my fake sleep but it is too late now to tell him that.

"Hey how are you? How is he?" She sounds almost more worried about him and a small part of me wants to laugh at that but a larger part want to hear them for a moment or two. While I was sleeping somewhere within my mind I thought that there was more to the two of them than the rest of the team knew.

"He has been asleep on and off. I think he has finally realized how badly he is hurt. He seems sad when he's awake and Em… I don't know how to make any of this better." He called her Em; maybe I wasn't so wrong in my drug-induced head trauma filled coma.

"You be here that's how you make this better you do exactly what you have been doing." I almost think he may be crying but this is Hotch we are discussing so I must be wrong. "Everything will be fine and I know that sounds I don't know you know…He is strong."

"But is he strong enough for this?" It is at this point that I start to feel like an asshole for letting them think I am asleep.

"Yes as a matter of fact I am." I smile at them and watch as she steps away from his embrace. "It's okay Emily I kind of figured out the two of you had... well I'm not sure what but there is something between you."

"What? What are you talking about? There's nothing going on." She looks almost scared for an instant until she seems to understand that it is me she is lying to and then she smiles like a child who has broken the rules. Glancing at Hotch I see a mix of uncertainty and concern wash over him.

"Hotch, its cool, no worries man." He nods at me and smiles a rare smile that he seems to save for moments when he truly feels joy.

I drift to sleep, after pretending to sleep all day which in truth was actually exhausting, listening to them discuss whether or not they should tell the rest of the team and if one of them should transfer to another unit. I hope that neither does but I also realize that they are my family no matter where they work.



AN. I hope that this chapter does not disappoint especially after such a long absence. I am sorry it took so long to update, updates will be faster from now on but reviews help! LOL. He will talk to each one individually so who should be next?