Following a few encouraging reviews, I have decided to continue this story for a while and see where it goes. This chapter is pure BB comfort but there is more of a story to follow if you guys like it.
Even though most of the city is still sleeping, Booth and Brennan are wide awake and enjoying the crisp air of early morning. Brennan was reluctant to try to go to sleep after admitting her problems to Booth so he suggested that they take a walk instead. Brennan readily agreed and she is walking at Booth's side down yet another street, her arms wrapped around her chest, not because she's cold but more that she is protecting herself now that she feels vulnerable to Booth. She shares a lot with him but this is more personal than anything she has divulged in the past and at the back of her mind she is a little worried about the impact it will have on their partnership. She has always fought to assert herself as his equal but in admitting she isn't as strong as she wants to be she feels like she's at a disadvantage.
Booth walks silently beside her, not wanting to push her any further than he already did. If she wants to tell me more about the nightmares that keep her awake or the panic attacks that leave her needing to take medication, she will. He knows his partner well enough to understand that if she is pushed too far, she'll run, not physically but emotionally. He can't help her if she shuts down.
"It's nice out this time of morning." Brennan comments as she stares at the orange glow of the newly rising sun.
"Peaceful." Booth replies.
"Quiet."
"Too quiet?" Booth asks, turning to look at her.
"No, I like quiet." Brennan nods.
"Not me. I like things loud." Booth smiles widely. "Bars, music…"
"Ties and socks." Brennan smirks.
"Exactly, ties and socks." Booth lifts his arm and drapes it casually around Brennan's shoulders. "Feel like some coffee? There's a place down the street." Booth glances at her. His heart warms to see a smile on her face.
"Sure." She leans into him a little, enjoying the comforting feeling of his arm around her.
xxxx
When Brennan arrives at the lab later in the morning, she feels more positive than she has in weeks. It's like a weight has been lifted of her shoulders and it is visible to all around her. The moment Brennan entered the lab Angela commented on how she looked lighter. After getting past her friend thinking she meant she had lost weight, Angela explained that it just seemed like Brennan was happier than she's been in a while. Brennan's warm smile in response was a sight Angela was glad to see. It had been missing from her friend's face for a while.
The rest of the day flies past as Brennan is able to bury herself in her work, her mind no longer struggling with such a large secret. Even if it is only Booth that knows, Brennan is no longer alone and something her grandfather one told her enters her mind. He had told her that 'A problem shared is a problem halved'. To Brennan, it certainly feels that way. She knows her troubles are not going to disappear simply because she has told someone about them but now she sees a light at the end of the tunnel.
Xxxx
When Booth drops Brennan off at her apartment that night after taking her to dinner at the diner, he hesitates a moment, then turns to her.
"Bones."
"Yes?"
"Are you going to be okay tonight?" he asks, his eyes searching her face. Brennan drops her eyes for a moment then lifts them to look into his.
"I don't know Booth." She replies honestly. "I feel like I am but…"
"If you want me to, I'll stay with you." The words are out of his mouth before he's really thought it through and he suddenly panics about how Brennan is going to react. She looks as surprised by his offer as Booth is that he made it.
"I mean on the couch, you know, in case you need…"
"I'd like that." Brennan interrupts Booth's rambling with a small smile.
"Good, okay." Booth nods. "Go on up, I'll go park."
xxxx
Brennan is surprised at how easy it is to have Booth in her apartment. Despite the strength his presence always has in a room, she doesn't feel he takes over her space. He sits quietly on her couch watching a football game on her plasma and doesn't get in the way of her routine as she throws some clothes in the washer, tidies up and spends some time scribbling notes for her novel.
As the clock creeps towards midnight, Brennan yawns and rises from her desk.
"I'm going to uh, go to bed now." Brennan says quietly. Booth twists on the couch to look at her.
"Are you, I mean do you think you'll…"
"I'm not going to take any pills tonight Booth." Brennan assures him. "I need to try to sleep without them."
"Okay." Booth nods. "Well, I'll be out here if you need anything."
"There's a pillow and blanket in the cupboard." Brennan adds as she heads for her bedroom. "I'll see you in the morning."
"Night Bones." Booth grins and as Brennan continues down the hall to her room, she can't help but feel like everything will be fine. For some reason, having Booth just next door makes Brennan feel incredibly safe and it isn't long after climbing into bed that she falls to sleep, unaided, for the first time since her ordeal with the Gravedigger.
But her peace doesn't last. An hour or so after falling asleep, Brennan begins to toss and turn, her dreams taking her places she doesn't want to go.
Brennan begins to bang on the door of the car, the realisation that she's trapped settling in. Panic rises through her stomach to her chest and she feels her heart beating faster. Her breathing becomes laboured and her eyes wide with fear. As she moves across the car to the other side she realises she is running out of air. She begins to gasp, dizziness taking over. She knows she isn't getting out and no one is going to rescue her. With her last few breaths she begins to scream.
Booth wakes with a start and almost falls off the couch. The screaming that woke him is coming from Brennan's bedroom. Booth is on his feet and running there before his mind can register the action. When he throws open the door, the light from the hall illuminates Brennan's body, sitting upright in bed, tense and shaking. Her brow is beaded with sweat and her wide eyes glistening with tears. Booth hurries to her side and sits on the edge on the bed, his hand brushing the hair out of her face.
"It's okay Bones, I'm here." He tells her. She shifts her gaze to him and suddenly the pool of tears behind her eyes spills over. Booth encloses her in his arms and begins to rock her back and forth gently. As the minutes tick by Brennan begins to calm down and her tears dry up. But still Booth holds her close to his chest and Brennan shows no signs of moving away herself.
"You want to tell me about it?" he whispers. Brennan's answer is to shake her head which is still buried in his chest. "It'll help Bones, trust me." She sags against him and takes a deep breath.
"I was in the car. I was alone." She begins, her voice shaky. "I couldn't breath, there was no air." She sucks in a deep gulp of air and pulls back. "You didn't find me Booth, this time you didn't find me." Booth's heart breaks when he sees the look in her eyes. Brennan has never wanted to rely on him and here she is admitting that she needed him and her worst fear came true and he wasn't there for her.
"It's okay Bones, that was just a dream." He assures her. "I'm here." He pulls her back to his chest and holds her tight, planting a soft kiss on the top of her head. "I'm here now." Brennan allows herself to sink into Booth, the comfort of his embrace washing away her fears like it always does. Soon she feels her eyelids drooping and she cannot keep them open any longer, her mind and body exhausted. Booth notices the change in her breathing and when he is sure she is asleep, he lowers her back down onto the bed. As her head hits the pillow, he leans back and pulls the sheets up around her, his hand moving to her cheek to stroke her soft warm skin. She lets out a soft sigh and her head rolls to the side. Her face is a picture of tranquillity for now.
xxxx
Booth can't bring himself to leave Brennan's bedroom having seen her so upset, so he tries to get as comfortable as he can in the armchair in the corner where he can watch her as she sleeps. As the moon moves across the night sky, the changing light illuminates Brennan's features and Booth stares, his brow furrowing as he worries about her fragile emotional state. She isn't the same Bones he knows and all he wants is to get her through this so the feisty woman he grew to admire comes back.
Only a few hours pass before Brennan wakes again. There is no scream this time but she sits bolt upright, panting hard, her mind spinning. Booth, still awake in the chair, leaps up and is back at her side again.
"Another one?" he asks, his eyes full of concern. No wonder she needed pills if this is how she was sleeping. Brennan nods and her hand rises to her throat.
"I can't do this Booth." She whispers. "But I don't want to be one of those people who needs pills. I didn't need them before, I don't want to need them now." Her voice is quiet but still carries determination.
"Bones, I know you don't want to take any pills. I don't want you to take them. But you can't function if you don't get sleep."
"Booth." She takes a long pause. "I can sleep when you're with me." She admits, her head lowered so she doesn't have to look at him. Booth realises what she is asking and he smiles.
"Scooch over."
"What?" Booth gestures for Brennan to move across the bed and she quickly shuffles across. Booth swings around and leans back, resting against the pillows. He opens his arms and Brennan looks down at him, questioning herself for only a moment before she lies down and allows Booth to pull her to his body. As his arms close around her back, she rests her head on his chest and sighs contently. Booth places a kiss on her forehead and begins to rub gently circles on her bare arm. He smiles when she moves her arm, draping it across his stomach. It seems like such a natural position for them to be in yet it is not intended in that way. Booth tries to convince himself it's only so Brennan can sleep and it has nothing to do with his feelings for her. I'd do this for anyone, right? A smile crosses his face as he thinks about how he would never do this for any of the agents he works with. He realises in that moment that Brennan is special and his feelings for her are not just the feelings a partner and friend would have.
