DISCLAIMER: JKR is the most talented person that I wish I could know.
I've been singing 'Lockhart is a sexist pig' in the tune of Mary had a Little Lamb for the past five minutes.
Sorry that I haven't written in a while, for those of you who are still reading (like two people). I had a band competition. The ceremony was at an amusement park, so we had six hours to hang out before the ceremony. We got third place. We apparently tied with our arch rival school, but they got ahead somehow. The band with first place was a mile ahead of us. We never could have beaten them. Eh. I'll try again next year. The ride back to the school was horrible but I'm glad I got to miss school. (The school year doesn't end until June 19th for me, so teachers are cramming in last minute exams and projects.) I won't be able to write as frequently.
"Haven't you heard?" squealed a blonde witch. "Snogging's out of style!"
"Are you kidding me?" said the brunette, eyeing her friend with speculation. "Then what is in style?"
"Let's just say, I will never be able to peel a banana – let alone eat it – ever again," Blondie giggled.
"Ah," said the brunette with a knowing smile curving her lips.
Two pairs of eyes flickered to the dashing blue-eyed man who had just wandered in. "Oh, look, Charlotte." Blondie bared her teeth nastily, green eyes glinting at the thought of amusement.
The brunette let her eyes lazily trail up the man's body. "He's gorgeous enough, but he looks kinda dumb."
"All the better," Blondie sneered. "We don't want him for his smarts, after all." The brunette was unconvinced. "Fine, I'll have him. Just because he isn't muscular, like the guys you prefer, doesn't mean he isn't good for anything. He may just have a few hidden talents." The blonde sniggered, but straightened up and soon stopped. "Besides, he's gorgeous. You said it yourself."
"What about your ex, what's-his-name? Aren't you supposed to be checking in on him? He nearly died after a run-in with a mad whisk-wielding house-elf."
"Oh, him? He was getting boring anyway. That's why I dumped him," Blondie said in a tone that suggested that it was obvious.
"Really? I thought the whole whisk-wielding house-elf thing was hot."
"I guess, but on a milder level." Blondie sighed. "Why can't anyone I date be perfect?"
"You mean you don't like who you have now?"
"You mean David? He's okay, but a little dull. All he talks about are broomsticks. And he talks about them like they're women."
"Really? He seems cool, though. Do you want to trade David for Tommy?" The brunette was eager.
"But wasn't that how I got stuck with David in the first place?" Blondie frowned.
"Wait, we've already traded?"
"Yep. We really need to transfer to Beauxbatons soon." She sounded bored. "We've dated all the datable guys in our year at least twice."
"Or Durmstrang. Those guys are so tough and rugged looking," the brunette cooed.
"Excuse me," said Gilderoy, "but could either of you take me to the Healer, Datura? She has frizzy, light brown hair and greenish eyes."
For a few seconds, the two girls were completely still. They had forgotten entirely about the presence of the famous author.
Then a slow grin crept across Blondie's face. "Yeah, I think I saw her entering a storage closet."
The brunette tried to suppress a giggle, but it evaded her attempts. "You're going to do it in a closet?" she whispered. Oblivious Lockhart didn't hear that. Young women always whispered around him. It was a little annoying sometimes, but he knew for a fact that they were interested. They were just doing their girly thing.
"Take me to her," Gilderoy said urgently.
"Okay," she said slyly. "Follow me."
"She's in there?" he said when they had come to a halt.
"Yeah. Go ahead inside."
He wrenched open the door and stepped in. A musty odor was the only thing that greeted him. "There's no one in here."
"I know."
"Then why did you-"
Blondie grabbed him and pinned him to a shelf, kicking the door shut with her foot. Rough, harsh lips met his. She had just been joking about the 'snogging being out of style'. Gilderoy thought that this whole ordeal was quite flattering, but as he really needed to see Datura at once, he tried his best to extract himself from the crazed blonde's clutches. He was dismayed when he realized that the blonde seemed to be stronger than she looked – and stronger than he was, as well.
"Excuse me-"
She covered his mouth with hers once more and pressed him harder into the shelf. His back was beginning to ache. He was definitely going to have bruises the next day, if he made it out alive. He let out an agonized moan, which Blondie probably mistook as a moan of pleasure.
Suddenly the door was wrenched open. "I thought I heard-" It was Datura. Blondie showed no signs of being abashed. Gilderoy, however, was frozen. Datura cleared her throat. "Uh… Carry on." She slipped out the door. Blondie shoved it closed and advanced once more on Lockhart.
He dodged her and burst out of the storage closet. An elderly Healer gave him a dirty look as he passed by him. "Datura," Lockhart called. He could see her taking long strides away from him. He jogged to her and caught her arm. "Datura, please listen to me."
"I think your new girlfriend is waiting for you," she said stiffly.
"Well, I was looking for you and she told me that she had seen you. So I followed her."
Datura sighed. "What do you want?"
"First, can we get out of the blonde's sight before she tackles me, beats me over the head into unconsciousness, and drags me back to her lair?"
"Fine." She pulled him into an empty ward. "Now, what do you want?"
"I need you to come to Romania with me." His eyes were trained on her face. "Rosie won't come with me," he continued, "because she has a family and all that to take care of. But you – you don't have a family or boyfriend or anything."
"How do you know I don't have a boyfriend?" she asked sharply.
"Because you're too smart to have one."
"I don't know if that's a complement or an insult."
"Yeah, that was my goal." He gave her a heart-stopping grin.
"Okaaay… So, what's your point? You want me to come to Romania with you?"
"Oui."
"You're more of an idiot then I thought you were," Datura said dryly.
"Complement or insult?"
"Insult."
"Oh. I thought so."
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-R
