Bella pov-
He played the songs. Carlisle had gone to his study, Esme had gone to talk to Edward and everyone else had stayed in my room with me and from what i got from their minds they were waiting till Esme left to interrogate me. Now they got their chance but i was sure if they were going to question i was going to have a mental breakdown. I got up to leave but Alice was already two steps ahead of me.
"Not this time Bella you are going to answer us and thats that" Emmett got up, closed the door and locked it.
"Now Bella why did you forgive him?" asked Alice. The song The Rose came on from my pain cd.
Some say love, it is a river
that drowns the tender reed.
Some say love it is a razor
that leaves your soul to bleed.
Some say love it is a hunger
an endless acheing need.
"Alice i haven't forgiven him. But Alice you know better than anyone that i can't survive without him." I turned to all of them "You saw what i was the first time he left me. You all heard what happened. Then the second time it was worse. Do you actually think i will be able to go through it again for the third time? I know he left me for someone else but i need him to live."
I say love
it is a flower
and you its only seed.
"But Bella dont you think you are going about this way to fast? I mean if you forgive him that means we'll have to and I am not so sure he desserves it." Jasper had a point. Was i giving in too fast? "Bella do you think he would forgive you just as fast as you are forgiving him?"
"But theres a difference. He would never have to be in that position where he had to forgive me. I'd rather jump off a cliff that be with someone else" They all looked at me like I was missing something very big.
Its the heart, afraid of breaking
that never learns to dance
Its the dream, afraid of waking
that never takes the chance
its the one who won't be taken
who cannot seem to give
"But Bella he put YOU in that position. He must not love..." started Rose
"Rosalie dont you even go there. He does love me and i don't need to read his soul and feel his emotions to know that. I could see it in his eyes. I may be mad at him and i may not forgive him for a while but i when i looked into his eyes they were full of love." I turned to Emmett "Just the way you and Jasper look at Rose and Alice... full of love, thats how Edward looked at me. He made a mistake but EVERYONE deserves another chance. I can't bear to be alone anymore. At night when you guys are in your rooms keeping "occupied" i feel the rushes of love generating off you. It makes me feel like any day now i am going to crack becasue there was no love and compassion for myself" they all looked at me apoligetically.
And the soul
afraid of dieing
that never learns to live.
" Dont be sorry" I managed a small smile
"Bella but what about this little problem of if he leaves you again? Do we have your permission to kill him then?" asked Alice
"A) he won't leave me again and B) I'll probably beat you to it. I swear if he leaves again which he wont i will rip him to shreads and bring him back just to clean it up"
"Can we still take a crack at him now?"
"After i forgive him you can do whatever you want"
When the night has been to lonely
and the road has been to long
and you think that love is only
for the lucky and the strong
Just remember
that in the winter far beneath the bitter snows
lies a seed that with the suns love
in the spring becomes
the Rose...
After that little interrogation Emmett and Rosalie left to go do something and Jasper went to go talk to Carlisle about a car. Alice stayed with me.
"Bell how are you really doing?" she eyed me. Damn this girl knew me too well.
"The truth Alice? I'm not doing to good.I mean what if he leaves again. Alice i wont be able to go through it again i wont." I broke into sobs
"Oh Bell." she pulled me into a hug "You're really incomplete without him arn't you?" I nodded "Bella I am so sorry my pigheaded brother did this to you. I should have seen it sooner i mean i saw it while it was happening and i hoped i would stop him."
"Oh Alice it is not your fault. Think about it. The future it never set in stone but somethings are ment to happen. Its called karma."
"I know but..."
"ALLY" i whined and she put on a shocked look "No buts" and she smiled.
Edward pov-
When the first song came on i swear i would have cried my eyes out if i could. Is this how my Bella felt? So alone and my love eating her away. And then i heard. Very faintly might i add but i still heard-
"But Bella he put YOU in that position. He must not love..." started Rose. you enough to still put you in that position was the end of the sentance. What have i done?
"Rosalie dont you even go there. He does love me and i don't need to read his soul and feel his emotions to know that. I could see it in his eyes. I may be mad at him and i may not forgive him for a while but i when i looked into his eyes they were full of love." Oh thats my Bella. But how could she still love me! after all i did to her? "Just the way you and Jasper look at Rose and Alice... full of love, thats how Edward looked at me. He made a mistake but EVERYONE deserves another chance. I can't bear to be alone anymore. At night when you guys are in your rooms keeping "occupied" i feel the rushes of love generating off you. It makes me feel like any day now i am going to crack becasue there was no love and compassion for myself" Oh my poor Bella. Oh Bella what have i done to you?
Then i heard the knock on the door. "Edward may i come in?" It was Esme
"Of course Esme." I motioned toward the couch so she could sit. Just then the new song started. Behind these hazel eyes.
Seems
like just yesterday
You were a part of me
I used to stand so
tall
I used to be so strong
Your arms around me
tight
Everything, it felt so right
Unbreakable, like nothin'
could go wrong
Now I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm
barely hanging on
I took in a breath and held it. I felt Esme's eyes on my the whole time "Well Edward how were your 62 years?" Wow. I must have really hurt Bella, even Esme's words had a bit of venom in them.
I couldn't look in her eyes. She was after all my mother she could tell through my lies "Really Edward we thought you would have learned the first time but no. You had to leave her again. Not only did she suffer once but twice." I looked at Esme and her eyes softened "Edward, honey, you knew what this would do to her but you left anywhere. I am so sorry for slapping you but did you really fall in love with someone else?"
"The truth Esme?"
"Yes Edward."
" Yes i thought i had."
silence.
Here
I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't
pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep
inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these
hazel eyes
"See Esme remember when i had left for that one night and didn't come home?" she nodded "I drove to seattle. I was just mad becasue Bella fought with me. I refused to change her and she called herself a mere human. When i finally realized what i had done was wrong my car ran out of gas. I got out and punched the side of the car." i looked down. This was going to be painful " Someone came out from the forest. She was definatly a Vampire. I dont know what happened but i thought she was beautiful" i felt like kicking my self at that point. " Bella didnt cross my mind once. She started to talk to me and then i just... Esme i dont know what happened but i kissed her. The kisses that i had never even given Bella. Well me and her went hunting together and by the time i had gotten back i decided i didn't want Bella anymore." i looked at Esme and she looked truely hurt.
I
told you everything
Opened up and let you in
You made me feel
alright
For once in my life
Now all that's left of me
Is
what I pretend to be
So together, but so broken up inside
'Cause
I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hangin' on
"Then
you came back here and broke Bella's heart?" Although she asked
it as a question i know it wasn't at all a question.
"Yes"
i whispered "And then I lived with Lucy" i swallowed "that
was her name by the way. I stayed with her and her family. Although
they hunted humans i continued to hunt animals and they were okay
with that. I lived with Lucy until one day something in me broke. It
was like i had no will to live anymore without Bella"
Here
I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't
pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep
inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these
hazel eyes
"Edward honey did you really ever love Bella?" I looked at Esme dumfounded
"Of course Esme I did. I still do" i added quietly
"Well Edward you have an odd way of showing it."
"Esme what am i to do? Will she ever take me back?
Swallow
me then spit me out
For hating you, I blame myself
Seeing you
it kills me now
No, I don't cry on the outside
Anymore...
"Although no one belives she should she will. Becasue thats who she is. You weren't there when she was suffering Edward. She is truely incomplete without you.
Here
I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't
pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep
inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these
hazel eyes
"Esme you understand right you forgive me?" she looked at me long and hard and said "yes I do" she got up and gave me a hug "And the others will too." she thought for a moment and then turned to leave.
Here
I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't
pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep
inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these
hazel eyes
"The question is honey" she turned back to me "Will Bella ever truely forgive you and will you forgive yourself?" and with that she turned to leave. But the question rang in the air...
"Will you forgive yourself?"
