Title: Religion and Music
Chapter 8: When I Rejected Her
Midnight. Dark sky. Full moon. Thick air. Cold breeze. Nervous man.
Kakuzu and I waited outside the apartment of "Two-Tails" on that cold night. We knew that she would be returning soon. Pein had told us that she wasn't really a night person, so it was safe to say, even if she was out partying, that she would be back before long.
I gripped my scythe in my right hand and breathed deeply. Jashin, it had been a while since I had used this on a human other than myself. This wasn't going to be easy.
It was only made worse because of the call I had made earlier that day after I had gotten home from school. When I was sure that he would be alone, I called Deidara's cell. He picked it up and asked me what was wrong, so I told him about Kakuzu's demands to go after our Jinchuuriki. I then asked him to do a little research for me.
"Find out whatever you can about 'Two-Tails'," I almost begged. "I need to know what I'm going after. You're on those online profile websites all the time. You should be able to find something."
I could tell that Deidara was busy at his laptop as soon as I had asked for the information; he never passed up a good reason to use that contraption.
Two minutes later, the blonde spoke into the phone again. "Hidan, un," he began, "I found something." I heard him click the mouse a few times. "Okay, I've got it. She's a senior at that Cloud Academy. Her name is Yugito Nii. She's planning on becoming a vet after studying biology in college. She's famous at Cloud Academy for being a 'vengeance bringer.' If anyone wants revenge on someone, that person goes to her to get the job done, un. That was probably where she gets her full nickname from. She's known as the 'Two-Tailed Cat' in her school." He paused. "I'm sure you know the legend of the Chinese zodiac and how the cat is left out, right, un?"
"Yeah, I know," I sighed. "Thanks, Dei. I owe you again."
"It's no problem, un," Deidara replied. "Still...I don't mean to ask, but why do you want to know all this?"
I was quiet for a long time before responding. When I finally spoke, I only said one sentence, and then I hung up.
"I need to know what kind of chick I'm dealing with."
I watched my breath become visible as I exhaled deeply. It was getting colder outside, but my body was hot with anxiety. I swallowed the lump rising in my throat. It was strange. I had never been so nervous about going on a mission for Akatsuki before, and I had never passed up an opportunity to sacrifice someone to Jashin. It meant nothing to me. If anything, it always made Jashin happy, so that was reason enough for me to do it.
If that was so, why did I feel like I was about to do something horrible?
I clutched the scythe close and said a short prayer. "Jashin-sama," I murmured, "give me strength. Give me courage. Give me the guts I need to spill the guts properly, if you'll pardon the expression. Please...I beg you. Amen."
"You muttering some gibberish again?" Kakuzu snapped. "Shut up. I think I see our target."
I immediately shot my head up and grabbed onto the Jashin symbol hanging around my neck. Yeah, there was no doubt about it. A high school girl was walking down the street towards the apartment. Even in the darkness, I could tell it was her. Wow, she was pretty. She didn't look like a "vengeance bringer." She looked rather harmless.
"Let's go," my partner mumbled. Silently, the two of us slipped through the darkness, under the shadows, closer towards "Two-Tails." I panted heavily as we made our way closer. I could see her clearly, her long hair swinging in its ponytail and her painted lips whistling a random tune. Oh, my Jashin, she looked so damn innocent.
Eventually, she walked up to where Kakuzu and I were hiding. Kakuzu immediately jumped out and grabbed her arms, forcing them behind her back. I jumped out and held one of the blades against her neck. I tried to look menacing.
Yugito didn't panic. Her dark eyes narrowed, and she suddenly flipped her lower half outwards, successfully kicking both Kakuzu and me in the stomach. It was hard enough that I had to take a few steps back to recover, and Kakuzu loosened his grip on her enough to let her escape. Once she was out of his grasp, my partner cursed loudly and ran after her. "Come on, Hidan!" he shouted. "Get your lazy ass up! We need to catch her!"
I blinked twice and followed him. Yugito led us down a long trail, through two different parks and across a parking lot until we made it to a bridge crossing over a small man-made river. At one point, she slipped into the darkness, and neither one of us could see her. Kakuzu and I exchanged glances and split up.
Five minutes later, I heard a girl's scream come from the opposite direction. My partner had found her! I ran in the direction from which the scream had come and searched the shadows for any sign of life. Soon enough, I saw Yugito running in my direction. I tried lifting my scythe but only got about halfway up before she swiftly ran past me. Kakuzu stumbled out of the darkness and pointed at the frantic girl. "GET HER, HIDAN!!" he screamed. "Get your crappy act together and go after her!"
I turned and ran in the direction I had seen Yugito go. It wasn't that hard to pick up her trail, because I could see little red droplets in the grass. As I followed them, I noticed that they started to get bigger. The breath caught in my throat when I saw them melt into the darkness. Yugito was standing within those shadows under the bridge.
I quietly walked under the structure and looked quickly to my right. There she was, curled up into a ball and sobbing pathetically. Oh, Jashin, if I needed strength at any moment, it was right then.
Yugito looked up at me with huge, panicked eyes. I could tell that she wanted to run, but I could also tell that she had no strength in her legs. She was so damn scared. She was scared to the point to screaming for help, and I noticed that her mouth was twitching, ready to do so if need be.
I frantically looked from side to side to make sure Kakuzu wasn't there. When I was sure that we were alone, I looked back at Yugito and murmured, "Are you part of the Jinchuuriki gang?"
Yugito's eyes started to tear. "No," she whispered. "I've heard of them, but I'm not one of them." She paused. "They asked me to join them, but I refused. My nickname had nothing to do with that gang! You have to believe me!"
I stared at her. What? She wasn't part of Jinchuuriki? It was a misunderstanding?
I watched the blood drip down her face and into the water below us. She was badly injured. Whatever Kakuzu had done to her sure had weakened her, and I knew that it would only take a few slices from my blade to kill her. That was all I needed to do. Hell, I didn't even need to do THAT! I could have just beaten the crap out of her and been done with it. THAT was the mission. It was easy!
I slowly lifted my scythe and narrowed my eyes. I could do this. I could DO this. I could fucking do this...
I lowered my scythe.
I couldn't do it.
"Get out of here," I murmured. "Get up and go before my partner finds you." I paused to sigh. "Don't ever make yourself seem like a threat to Akatsuki though, okay? If you do, others will come after you, and they won't be as forgiving."
Yugito nodded and ran away from the bridge towards her apartment. I watched her as she ran. Her pretty face was destroyed, and her hair that was once neatly put away was filled with globs of mud and blood. Jashin, I hardly needed to do a thing; Kakuzu had beaten her up pretty well.
It was that face.
When she had looked up at me, she had looked scared shitless. She looked...
Vulnerable.
The worst part was that it was the same vulnerability that Tayuya had showed me. I just couldn't do it.
"HIDAN, YOU FUCKING BASTARD!!" Kakuzu screamed, throwing me against the concrete bridge. I cursed loudly as my head smacked against the cold stone. Squinting my eyes shut, I could feel the blood dripping down my back and cursed under my breath. When I opened my eyes, I was met with Kakuzu's angry green ones. "YOU BASTARD!!" he repeated. "YOU LET THE JINCHUURIKI GO!!"
"She wasn't a part of the Jinchuuriki, dumbass!" I shouted. "Pein's information was wrong. She just had a nickname that made her sound like she was a part of Jinchuuriki, damn it!" I gripped Kakuzu's wrists tightly. "She was totally innocent. THAT was why I let her go."
"SHIT, HIDAN!!" Kakuzu screamed, shaking me against the concrete. "We are going to be in so much fucking trouble with Pein! If he finds out that we let 'Two-Tails' go...!"
"SHE HAS A FUCKING NAME, JERK!!" I cried, slapping my partner's hands away. "Her name is Yugito Nii! She's going to become a vet after she graduates from college!"
Kakuzu's eyes grew wide, and he took a few steps back to see me completely. I panted heavily as he steadily kept his eyes fixed on me. The moonlight made him look that much more threatening. I almost couldn't take it.
"Oh, my..." he finally gasped. "It's that chick. It's that Tayuya chick." I could tell that his body was going numb. "You spend a little bit of time with a chick you couldn't stand a few months ago, and you suddenly lose everything about you that makes you YOU!" I watched as he balled his hands into fists. "You are so fucking dead," he murmured. "Akatsuki is going to suffer because of you. If you don't choose between Akatsuki and this girl RIGHT FUCKING NOW, I will kill you myself, RIGHT FUCKING HERE."
I gasped. Jashin, if I ever needed a miracle, I needed one NOW.
"I love her," I whispered.
Stupid.
Kakuzu narrowed his eyes. "You'd choose that psycho over the gang?" he growled. "You really would? I can't believe you." He was silent for a moment. "Do you even worship Jashin anymore?"
I gasped. "What the fuck kind of question is THAT?!" I roared. "OF COURSE I still woship Jashin-sama!! How DARE you?!" I lifted my scythe. "Just for that, you'll...!"
"I thought Jashinists weren't allowed to love."
I stopped. Oh, my fucking Jashin, he was right. I remembered reading about that in the Holy Book. Followers of Jashin were not allowed to love, only hate. I shook all over. It was true. In Jashinism, there was no Heaven, only Hell. There was no salvation, only damnation. There was no love, only hate.
I was breaking one of the most important rules of my beloved religion.
"Figure out who you love more first," Kakuzu breathed. "If you love Tayuya that much, you'll be abandoning both Akatsuki AND Jashin." He turned and walked into the dark streets. I watched him until he was out of sight.
When he was finally gone, I dropped to my knees and cried.
I fucking cried.
The next morning, I woke up with tears in my eyes. My eyes were pinker than usual and really puffy. I looked like a damn idiot when I finally saw myself in the mirror. Jashin, I looked stupid. I was a total wuss, and I hated myself for it.
I sluggishly threw myself into the shower but didn't really wash myself. I just sort of stood there and let the hot water run over my pale skin. Normally, I wouldn't turn the water heat up that high, but I was too damn numb to care. I couldn't feel anything but the pain in my heart. I knew that I loved Tayuya. I couldn't help it. I loved her so damn much. I wanted to wrap my arms around her and hold her forever. I wanted to run my fingers through her pink hair and stare into her brown eyes. I wanted to share all the strawberry ice cream bars in the world with her. I wanted to bring her into my heart and give her the love she didn't feel at home.
I wanted to love Tayuya AND Jashin.
I leaned up against the cold tiles and cried some more. Jashin, I was so damn pathetic. This one girl had changed me so much in record time. But why? It wasn't like she was some saint. She was rude, harsh, cross, always angry, and unlikable. She had the mouth of a construction worker and no manners. Hell, she hardly had any breasts!! She was nothing like the perfect, ideal girl. NOTHING.
And yet...Damn it all...I loved her.
"Hellfire..." I whispered without thinking. "Dark fire..."
It hit me. This was the villain's song from the only Disney movie I had really watched and remembered as a kid.
"This fire in my skin...This burning desire...is turning me to sin..."
I was sinning.
I threw myself against the shower tiles and let more tears fall. Slowly, I shut the water off so all I could hear were the sounds of my own sobs. I stood there like that for a while and didn't bother reaching for a towel. I was there long enough to start air drying.
Eventually, I hauled my ass out of the shower and dried off. I washed my face and brushed my teeth in front of the foggy mirror. When I was done, I slicked the comb full of gel through my hair but didn't style it back all the way. I was in no mood to go all out. I let the comb fall to the counter and sighed. I was so damn out of it.
No sooner had I gotten dressed, there was a knock on the door. "Let me in, jackass," I heard Tayuya hiss. "It's Sunday. I'm playing for you, remember?"
I had lost track of all time. I had overslept and forgotten that it was Sunday.
I gently opened the door to reveal a grinning Tayuya. She shuffled her way into my room and put her instrument together. I followed her and sat down on my bed, ready to listen to the performance. Maybe the sound of the flute would cheer me up.
It didn't. If anything, it made my heart hurt worse.
"And that'll do it for today," Tayuya finished, pleased with herself. She deftly took the instrument apart and put it back in its case. Before she could finish doing that though, she looked up at me and stared into my pink eyes. "Holy shit, what's the matter with you?" she asked as if she truly cared. "Have you been crying?"
I shook my head and rubbed my eyes. "I was up all night trying to figure out my geometry homework. If I don't do well on my next test, I'll fail for the semester."
I'd like to thank the Academy.
Tayuya nodded. "I can help you if you want," she offered. "Show me the work."
"How could you help me, first-year?" I snapped.
The girl smirked. "I've practically lived the third year of Shinobi High many times before. My brothers all had to learn the same geometry you do." She grabbed my backpack from the nearby corner and sat next to me on my bed. "Trust me, you can do it." She gave me a reassuring smile. "If that idiot Jiroubo could pass Asuma-sensei's class, then you can." She flipped through some of my notebooks until she found the one for math. Surprisingly, I didn't argue.
"It's on the area of shapes within shapes," I told her. "I don't get it."
Tayuya sighed. "You know how to find the area of different shapes, don't you, stupid?" she groaned. I nodded. "Then you can figure this out!" She practically screamed that sentence. "It's not that hard! Take a look at this here." She pointed to a drawing of a hexagon with a triangle on the inside. "Do you have ANY idea of what to do here?" I shook my head. She just frowned bitterly and rested her face in the palm of her hand. "I wonder if there's something around here I could use to explain it to you..."
Without thinking, I got up and moved my bed against my wall. Tayuya cursed loudly when I did so but fell silent when she saw the symbol on my floor. She looked up at me. "That'll work." She got down on her knees and sat outside the Jashinism symbol. I watched as she pointed towards different sections of the symbol. "So you'd find the area of the circle and the triangle and then subtract the area of the shape within from the area of the shape on the outside. That gives you the area of these three remaining spaces." She pointed to where the triangle didn't take up space. "You divide that number by three, and you have the area of each of these little spaces." She looked up at me. "Does that make sense?"
I nodded. It really did. It made fucking sense!
I didn't say anything though. I knew that if I said anything, the wrong words would come out.
Tayuya narrowed her eyes. "Aren't you going to say something, jerk?" she spat. "I just saved your ass from failing this next test. Can't you be a little appreciative?"
I don't know why I said it.
"I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU ANYMORE!!"
Time froze. It fucking froze.
Tayuya stared at me with wide eyes. She was shaking all over, and I watched as the color drained out of her skin. She was pale and lifeless with unblinking eyes.
Oh, shit.
"YOU FUCKING BASTARD!!" she screamed, slapping me across the face and standing. "DO I REALLY MEAN NOTHING TO YOU?! YOU LITTLE PIECE OF SHIT!! I FUCKING HATE YOU!!" She hoisted her middle finger upwards toward me and grabbed her instrument case. She stomped angrily out my door and screamed, "BURN IN HELL, FUCKER!!"
I sat on the symbol painted on my floor and stared at the empty room before me. It was clean and orderly, something Tayuya had helped me do. It smelled pleasant and welcoming, something Tayuya had done. I stared at the room. I wasn't worthy of being alive.
I broke down and cried atop the symbol, pounding my fist into the paint. I screamed into the carpet and did everything I could to inflict as much pain as I could on myself. I was so fucked. I had fucked things up BIG TIME.
I hadn't just hurt myself. I had hurt Tayuya.
When she had run out of my room, there were tears in her eyes.
TO BE CONTINUED
