Disclaimer: I'm poor. I own nothing
--o--o--o--
The rest of the dishes went by in relative silence after the talks of 'special hells'. It was a companionable silence though and Xander couldn't help but grin tiredly as he made his way back to his room.
The very notion that he might take advantage of River was ridiculous. If anything it was his virtue, such as it may be, that was at risk. He let out an amused snort at the thought and could almost feel a weight being lifted off his shoulders as he was finally able to see some humour in the situation. Which, he suspected, was part of the Shepherd's plan from the start.
Not to say there wasn't a legitimate note of warning in the speech. There certainly was. It was just the incredulity of Book's comment that caught him off guard. It forced the class clown part of his brain back to the fore and got him to see things in a different light. If nothing else it did wonders for his stress level.
Xander yawned heavily as he reached the door to his room. New humour or not he still hesitated at the handle.
Thank God. Still locked. He let out an audible sigh.
Tiredly Xander made his way into the room, not bothering with the lights. Unceremoniously he sank to the edge of the bed and bent down to work on his boots.
He nearly jumped out of his skin when a pair of slender arms encircled his waist. Instead he jumped to the far side of the room and hit the light switch.
"River!" Xander exclaimed. "The door was… when I left… still when I got… How!?"
River giggled. "Locks are easy."
"Keep scaring the life out of me and I'll put a bell on you!" Xander threatened.
She just giggled some more and sat up, the bed sheet sliding down her body.
"Wow there!" Xander tried to look anywhere but the naked girl in his bed. "Clothes. Of the good clothes would be."
River ignored his broken protests, not bothering to cover up any as she pointed to his hand. "You won't need that."
Against his better judgement Xander looked long enough to follow her hand. He blinked in surprise at the stake he hadn't realized he had pulled and dropped it like it burnt.
River pointed lower and grinned wickedly. "That you'll need."
Xander squeezed his eyes shut and brought his hands together in front of him to block himself from her view. "Special hell, special hell," he repeated over and over to himself like a mantra.
"Come to bed now please," River said as she patted the place next to her.
"I'm not sleepy."
River looked at him quizzically. "Sleep is not required." She looked him up and down. "You are however overdressed. Remove your clothing."
Xander didn't even care that it was becoming habit forming. He bolted from the room before he did something that would get him shot.
--o--o--o--
When Mal found him Xander was curled up half asleep behind some boxes in the cargo bay. In a low voice he was muttering to himself. "Special hell, special hell, special hell."
"Great," Mal grumbled. "Why do I keep getting the crazy passengers?"
Xander started at the voice but calmed when he realized it wasn't a crazy girl trying to seduce him. "Huh, what? Captain?"
"Don't you have a perfectly good bunk?" Mal asked.
"River-"
Mal stopped him. "I've heard enough. Come with me."
Xander gulped as the captain led him towards the stairs. At least it wasn't the airlock. That had to be a good sign. Right?
When they reached the kitchen Mal pointed him to one of the chairs. Obediently Xander sat as Mal started rummaging through a low cupboard. He came out with a brown bottle and two glasses in hand. "Got to hid these from Jayne else I'd never get myself a decent drink."
Putting the glasses on the table Mal filled both and slid one to Xander. "Way I see it if any two people on this boat need a drink it's us."
"Normally I'm make some crass comment about my father and say no thanks," Xander told him as he took the glass in hand and examined the amber liquid sloshing about. "But tonight I dare say I need this."
With that he lifted the glass to his lips and downed the entire contents in one fluid motion. Xander's eyes widened as the liquid burned its way down his throat. "Smooth," He croaked, fighting not to cough.
Mal just laughed at the younger man's expression before making a show of downing his own glass. Smirking he sets the empty glass down. "Ahhh."
"Show off."
For a moment Mal thought about commenting about a man Xander's age not being able to hold his liquor but thought better of it. The comment about his father gave a good indication as to why.
Instead he refilled their glasses and said, "So you got a 'special hell' speech too."
"Ya, what's up with that?"
"Preacher's got a smutty mind that's what."
Xander nodded his agreement as he grabbed his glass. It didn't burn as much the second time, though he wasn't sure if he was just starting to get used to it or if it was because this time he only took a sip. "He seems to be under the impression that I'm a lecherous old man who'll take advantage of young girls."
Mal shook his head amused. "Odd thing hearin' you call River young and you old. You could probably pass for a bit older but I'd doubt you're older that twenty, maybe twenty one."
Xander snorted. "Depends on if we're talking physical age or chronological age."
Mal blinked at the man. "There's a difference?"
"Nineteen," Xander told him quickly. "I'm nineteen."
Xander could see in his eyes the Captain filed away the odd answer for later. "So how are things with the missus going?" He said trying to change the subject.
For a moment it seemed like Mal would say something. Instead he let it drop for now.
"A might skittish," Mal told him. "But I have to admit, she makes a mean bao."
Xander laughed. "So Wash says. Jayne was upset he didn't get any."
"Imagine so." Mal agreed.
"You're lucky," Xander told him. "My wife keeps trying to seduce me. I found her naked in my bed."
Mal gave him a significant look and Xander added, "You found me sleeping in the cargo bay."
Mal nodded. "Point."
They swapped stories about their encounters with their new wives for a while, each making comments here and there. Mal laughed at the younger man's plight while silently commending his self-control. Xander laughed more at the situation in general while shuddering at the thought of what he'd end up with if River tried to cook for him like Saffron had for Mal.
--o--o--o--
Xander just sat there for a while after Mal had left. There was no way he was going back to his room until he knew for sure that River was in her own. Plus he didn't really have the ambition to move. Not to say he was that drunk. In truth he had a good buzz going on but stopped at that. He was just tired and sluggish.
He kept looking at the glasses on the table debating on the merits of taking them to the sink. It just seemed like too much work at this point. Sighing he grabbed the glasses and stood up anyway.
As he dropped the glasses in the sink Xander heard a strange noise in the hall towards the bridge. Curiosity getting the best of him Xander turned towards the doorway.
He came up short as a redheaded form nearly ran into him.
"I'm sorry sir," she told him looking away. "I didn't realize anyone else was up."
"It's alright. Saffron right?"
"Yes sir."
"Can't sleep?" Xander asked.
"How could I? Everything is so wondrous out here," she said looking up with bright eyes. "I have never been on a ship before. The idea that something so small can travel the stars is something I could only dream of in the maiden house."
"Tell me about it. This is new to me too. Until a little while ago the very idea of travelling to other worlds seemed so out there."
"Have you ever heard the myth of Earth-That-Was?" Saffron asked as she placed a hand on his chest.
Xander gulped and cut her off. "I've heard a lot of myths. What are you doing?"
"We've both seem to have led sheltered lives. Both placed in a situation we did not ask," she told him while rising to meet his lips. "Soon I'll be away from this place and away from you. But please sir, make this night what it should be."
Xander gently pushed her away. "I'm married. Even if it wasn't intentional I'm the loyal type." After a moment he added bluntly, "So you're evil right?"
"What?"
"You're hitting on me so you're either evil or crazy and I've already got a crazy wife." He paused and scrunched his brow in thought as he got his first good clear look at her face. "Wait a minute. Haven't I seen you before somewhere?"
Saffron didn't respond, instead she sent her fist towards his face. Xander blocked more on reflex than anything else and returned with a straight punch of his own. His connected, knocking Saffron back and bending her over the counter.
He couldn't see her face but Xander could hear her tears as she begged. "Please! I didn't mean it! Please don't' hurt me!"
Acting on instinct Xander rushed to comfort the distraught woman and placed a soothing hand on her back. "I'm not going to hurt you if you don't try to hurt me."
He never saw the metal coffee pot. He sure as hell felt it though. Then everything went black.
