Posted: 03/04/2008
1st Revision: 13/04/2008 (Beta-ed, and a thanks to Hoppy-chan for pointing out that error.. :P)

-o-

Stigma
Nanoha:
Part I

"Dark Chariot"
- Peer Raben, 2046.

-o-

She had been furious.

So very furious at Chrono.

And she had shown him as much.

Her palm had stung, and his cheek reddened and jerked to a side.

Impassive blue eyes merely glanced back at her.

She felt herself grit her teeth.

"How could you do that?" Disbelieving and furious.

Chrono hadn't tried to defend himself.

"What else could I do?"

"Certainly not tell her that she killed - !"

His eyes darkened.

"Do you honestly think she would have believed that?"

Nanoha's hands curled into tight fists.

When she did not reply, could not reply, he continued.

"She's not listening to anyone, Nanoha. She's not even listening to you."

The brunette said nothing.

"So tell me, Nanoha," his voice rose, and for the briefest instant, Nanoha sensed the sadness and self-loathing in that cool voice; and her anger evaporated all at once. "What else could I do?"

She was suddenly cold, and she wrapped her arms around herself.

The rage that she had felt moments before had disappeared, replaced by a strange, numbing void.

She felt defeated.

Utterly and completely defeated.

-o-

Nanoha had not talked to Fate for a long time.

Not truly talked, no.

The blonde was good - and getting even better - at being evasive.

She was also beginning to be an excellent actor.

Suzuka, Arisa and Hayate had thought she was improving, she was recovering, but Nanoha knew better.

Because there was no smile that perfect.

There was nothing normal about how normal Fate was acting.

And Fate knew that she knew.

How could she not know?

Of course she would know.

But there just seemed to be a wall of steel around Fate, and no matter what she did, how much she did, nothing seemed to work.

Nothing.

Fate would just offer her that damn smile in return for her efforts, and say she was okay.

And Nanoha was hurt.

Immensely so.

-o-

Fate seemed paler today.

Blue eyes narrowed at the blonde who seemed to be oblivious to the stare.

But she knew better, and so did Fate; the other putting in more effort to avoid her.

Nanoha noticed the blonde had her hand in her pocket every time she saw her.

And she felt strangely apprehensive.

Why...?

-o-

"Fate-chan."

Nanoha grasped Fate's elbow suddenly, almost taking that hand out of the pocket, but the blonde was faster.

The shorter girl had felt the muscles of that arm stiffen, and did not try to pull that hand out. Because she knew she wouldn't be able to.

Half-turning, burgundy eyes blinked down at her.

"Nanoha?"

Her gaze narrowed.

"You look pale."

"I'm fine," Fate said, head tilting to a side.

I don't believe you.

For a moment, just one moment, Nanoha saw a shadow flit past maple eyes.

Then they were bright and clear again, and Fate squeezed Nanoha's hand on her elbow lightly; shrugging off the hold gently.

"I'm fine," the blonde repeated, smiling an amused smile, and gestured. "It's time for class. Come on."

Nanoha did not smile back, brows knitting.

The taller girl sighed this time, and her fingers brushed over Nanoha's cheek gently.

There was a reassuring, perfect smile on that face.

"You worry too much...Nanoha."

Nanoha knew all at once that she wasn't.

Fate's whole body had been crackling with tension, and her hand was clammy with cold sweat.

Liar.

-o-

So how long would this game of cat and mouse continue?

Nanoha watched the light of the orange sun soak into the uniform of her best friend (were they still best friends?), and trailed behind her from a distance.

She knew it was useless to confront the blonde now, where they were out in the open.

Fate was all too good at being evasive.

And she still had her hand in that pocket.

-o-

"Can I come in?"

Nanoha watched the masked emotion in those burgundy eyes, seeing nothing. Seeing everything.

If Fate somehow managed to not let her in without breaking that perfect facade, the brunette had resolved to break down the door.

No, Nanoha did not care how much ruckus it would create.

And Fate must have sensed that, because she stepped aside to allow entry.

"...Mm."

Blue eyes glanced down.

Fate still had that hand in the pocket.

"Nanoha?"

Her gaze snapped back up.

A quick brush of red and blue, before Fate - tore her gaze away - gestured for her to enter with a tilt of head.

"...Coming in?"

The brunette nodded, and stepped in.

The apartment was strangely silent, devoid of noise.

"They are all out?" Nanoha asked, idly, in a sudden need to break the odd silence.

"...Mm. Kaa-san has some duty to attend to, Chrono is on a mission, and Arf's helping Yuuno on some matter."

"...I see."

The phone rang.

Fate glanced at it, and paused.

"Nanoha..."

"I will go on ahead to your room," offered the brunette.

"...Okay."

Fate retreated back to the lounge, picking up the phone, and for a moment, Nanoha watched.

The taller girl had a bland face, red eyes staring into distance as she focused on the conversation.

Nanoha turned then, making her way to Fate's room.

Normal.

Too normal.

Yet she couldn't shake off the terrible, terrible feeling of apprehension building in her stomach.

-o-

The room was as it had always been.

But something felt so very different, and Nanoha simply could not do away with the oddity she felt.

The brunette placed her bag on the desk, and surveyed the room.

Books were arranged neatly on the shelves, papers stacked at one side on the table, and the bed was made up.

The only thing out of place was the school blazer Fate had left carelessly on top of the mattress.

The room was...normal. Perfectly normal.

Nanoha released a breath she didn't realize was holding, and pulled the chair out - only to knock the trash can down.

Cursing mentally, she bent down and picked up the fallen litter, throwing it back into the bin she nudged back up.

And that was when she saw a blood-stained white cloth.

What the...?

For a moment, she just stared at the fabric.

Fingers rubbed the material lightly.

Dried blood. Dried, and barely hardening.

That meant it was only just recently...

Nanoha remembered Fate's hand that did not leave her pocket.

-o-

The door opened.

"Nano - "

Slam!

Fate grimaced, her back hitting the wall painfully.

Furious blue glared into baffled burgundy.

Barely two seconds after the blonde had entered the room, Nanoha had pulled on Fate's hand (the one not in the pocket), pushed her against the wall, slammed shut the door, and pinned her with a burning gaze.

"N-Nanoha...?"

"Your hand." The brunette said, quietly, calmly. "Take it out."

Nanoha watched the flicker in red eyes change from surprise to fear.

"If you won't take it out," she continued, even as she felt her heart tighten, "I will take it out for you."

The fear was growing in that gaze.

And the brunette almost wanted to laugh, sudden bitterness enveloping her.

Fate, afraid of her?

"What - " The blonde stopped, took a deep breath, and the frightened expression disappeared, apprehension replacing it. "That's not necessary - "

Nanoha's lips thinned into a fine line, and she pulled at that hand in the pocket.

Fate resisted.

Oh, she did, but the struggle was brief and short; so pathetically short that it surprised even Nanoha.

Wasn't Fate the famous enforcer who excelled at close combat? Even despite the fact Fate had only one hand to use, when did the blonde grew so weak she could barely fend off Nanoha?

And that was not the only surprise in store for Nanoha.

It was her turn to stare in astonishment, and she stepped back, more of a reflex motion than anything else.

Silence. A silence so heavy Nanoha thought she had gone deaf.

She may have suspected, wished it wasn't true, but somehow knew with a growing certainty that it was true; and she was still stunned - because suspecting was one thing, and seeing it was another.

Blue eyes could only stare at that messily bandaged hand. There was a faint hint of blood seeping into the white cloth.

And she felt her eyes moisten.

The bandaged hand curled into a tight, shaking fist; and the cloth turned a darker shade of red.

She reached out before she realized.

"Stop that," she whispered hoarsely, grabbing that hand, uncurling those suddenly limp fingers.

"...You're disgusted, aren't you?" Fate asked, calmly.

"What? No!" Nanoha's gaze snapped up to meet cold red.

The blonde tore her hand out of Nanoha's grasp.

"This is the kind of person I am," she said, eyes hard. "Shouldn't you be disgusted?"

"Fa - "

Slam!

Books fell to the floor.

The bookshelf rattled.

Nanoha could only watch, throat dry and locked.

Fate's fist connected with the cabinet next to her, and the wood was sullied a dark red.

"This pain," whispered the blonde, "is nothing compared to what I've done to him." She killed him.

The brunette felt tears trickling down her cheek.

"This...this...insignificant...thing..." The blonde glanced at her hand, uncurled it, and watched her fingers shake; even as blood darkened the bandage.

She punched the bookshelf again.

Nanoha flinched from the sharp sound.

"Isn't this enough for you, Nanoha?" Fate said coldly. "Or do you want to - "

Another punch.

" - see more of this?"

And another.

More blood smeared against the wood.

And another.

"Stop it!"

Nanoha grasped that hand and hugged the blonde - if it could even be called a hug, with the way Fate went stiff and frozen - her voice shaky, hoarse, and hurt. "...Stop it...stop it...please."

"...You shouldn't touch me." Fate's tone was controlled; she hadn't moved to return the gesture. "I'm not worthy of it."

"That," the brunette said furiously, glaring into stony burgundy through her tears, "is for me to decide."

Her hand reached up to caress Fate's cheek. "And I say you are," she whispered. "So please..." Her voice choked.

She couldn't continue, not with the way sobs were threatening to spill from her throat, not with her eyes that shut involuntarily and head that lowered when she felt her vision blur.

Nanoha felt her wrists being grasped.

Then she felt herself pushed backwards lightly, and she opened her eyes.

Her gaze met cool red for the briefest instant.

And then lips were upon hers.

"!"

Fate's lips.

"Mnmp..!"

Two hands held her wrists tightly, and she was suddenly turned around and pushed against the wall.

Her resistance was futile, and the moment she opened her mouth to speak - wrong move - a tongue darted in and claimed her, taking in all remaining air, suffocating her, engulfing her.

Never had she been kissed with this much intensity (her first real kiss).

Their teeth clashed, and her head was spinning from the sheer force and hunger.

She couldn't think and instinctively she tried to escape, but Fate was suddenly too strong and the rawness of it all made her weak.

And then it ended, just as quickly as it had begun.

Fate pulled back, mere inches from her own face, and that red gaze burned.

Nanoha's breathing was ragged.

She sucked in air, forcing her mind to come back to reality - and she realized, dimly, that her own fists were clenched so hard that her nails nearly drew blood.

Her mouth tasted faintly of copper.

Then Fate leaned closer again.

Reflexively, the brunette braced herself and stiffened.

It made Fate pause, but only for a moment. The grip on Nanoha's wrists loosened.

Words were whispered against her mouth.

"If you don't want this..." If you don't want me to hurt you, "...leave, now."

Dark burgundy, blank and cool, pierced into her own.

Her heart hammered against her chest, and she could hear it pounding so loudly in her ears. And her mind was whirling. Did Fate say what she just said?

But still Nanoha dared.

"...If I do?" No, she didn't. She was afraid. So terribly afraid of this sudden aggressiveness, and she was trembling. But she knew she had to answer, or Fate would be forever lost to her.

And she was even more afraid of the stirring in her own heart, a mix of anticipation and fear. Was Fate really just a best friend?

Anger and amusement both flickered past darkening red eyes.

"You're...a bad liar."

The whisper was so faint that Nanoha had to strain her ears to hear it, and then her neck was nuzzled lightly. Warm breath blew onto skin, and gold strands of hair tickled the side of her face. It made her tense, and Fate stopped, as if sensing that.

"...You are afraid," the blonde said, quietly, lips still hovering above her skin. That voice was oddly bland and almost cold.

"No," she bit out; her tone impressively calm, even as her heart raced. "I'm not."

Fate laughed, softly. Mockingly.

A hand moved to press against her breast with a lover's touch (and she felt herself freeze), brushing over fabric lightly. "Yes. You are. The heart doesn't lie, Nanoha."

She couldn't reply. That touch and those words only served to make her dumbstruck, and her heart pounded against her chest even faster.

And for Fate, her silence was a good enough answer.

Then Fate leaned against her, resting her head on Nanoha's shoulder. It shook her out of her stupor.

"...Fate...chan..?"

A pause.

Then the blonde spoke, with words so soft that Nanoha could barely hear.

"...Are you still going to say...yes?"

And suddenly her throat was locked and dry.

She could feel the warmth of that palm which was pressed on her middle. And she could still taste the rawness in her mouth, which the taller girl had explored so hungrily moments ago.

But the tight grip of moments before had loosened so much it may as well not be called a hold.

The blonde was waiting for an answer, she realized bleakly.

And it wasn't just any answer Fate was waiting for; she was waiting for a no.

Just for that, just for Fate's little lack of faith, anger stirred in Nanoha, and she ground out through gritted teeth. "Yes. Yes, Fate."

That bandaged hand that held her wrist tightened slightly.

But Fate did not move.

Silence.

A silence that went on for so long that Nanoha felt her anger dissipate, replaced by hesitation.

"Fate...chan..?"

The blonde moved then, grasping her by the waist, legs; pulled her into a possessive grip, so quickly that Nanoha could not react, and then she was suddenly lying on the bed with the blonde above her, a mouth pressed hard against her own.

A hand tugged at her ribbon, pulling it off her collar easily; and then fingers were unbuttoning her shirt, placing a feather light caress on her skin, and a cold shiver went down her spine.

She did not move.

She could barely move, stiff as a rock.

And despite the cool autumn weather, it was - her eyes had squeezed shut when hands (invasive yet pleasant) roamed over her, those lips posessing hers - suddenly warm. Too warm.

Never had she been held this way before.

Fate moved away from her raw, ravished mouth and towards her neck, teeth grazing lightly; and the chill from warm moisture cooled by the air made her tremble.

The blonde stopped then, all of a sudden.

Stopped for one long moment.

It was long enough to make Nanoha relax a little, despite flushing cheeks and ragged breathing.

"..Fate...?"

Red pierced into blue.

A dark, dark red, with so much need and desire and pain.

"...Leave." Fate whispered, hoarsely. Burgundy eyes squeezed shut, even though the blonde did not move from her position. "Leave. Now." Barely controlled hunger. And fear. Fear of herself.

"Fate..."

"Please."

Desperation.

But she couldn't leave, could she?

Because to leave would mean to destroy what was left of Fate.

And did she want to leave, really?

She didn't know. It was all too new, too sudden.

Nanoha watched the trembling figure above her, feeling oddly calm and strangely at peace.

Then she reached up, hesitantly, to grasp the blonde's face with both hands.

She only saw despairing, tortured red eyes that opened to meet hers briefly - and no, she did not want to see that - so Nanoha shut her own eyes, not seeing the surprise and shock that overtook the pain when she pressed their lips together, but she knew (somehow) that they were there.

Fate froze.

But only for a second.

The response was almost instantaneous.

Eyes and hands and lips wandered, sometimes gentle, sometimes harsh, sometimes awkward, sometimes almost painful (almost, because Fate somehow always restrained herself); touching her in ways and places no one ever did.

And sometimes it did hurt, and not just because of physical roughness and soreness (it was the pain in those eyes), but then the touches that followed after always made her forget.

Nanoha felt her scar throbbing dully.

The scar on her middle; front (two inches, some centimeters below her heart) and back (below her shoulder blades, going down her spine at least five inches), from when she was pierced five years ago.

Fate's hand - the bandaged one - was wrapped around her waist; she felt the rough texture of cloth against her sensitive skin, and she was pulled up and pressed against another warm body, and fingers were tracing the rough, long bump past her spine.

Then a tongue, on her front, creating (branding her with) hot and cold marks that overlapped the scar; as if trying to taste the pain that Nanoha had felt those years ago.

Her eyes shut (not wanting to see what Fate was doing to her), and her hands curled around Fate, tangling with blonde hair.

The sensation of everything was so strange and violating and comforting all at once.

She was surrounded by dark, dark red (like blood) eyes in her mind, and all she could feel was the pain (that Fate was feeling) and the desire (that she never realized was there) and scorching flames (that she never knew were in her); all of which that created ineradicable marks on her.

And she trembled involuntarily despite it all.

Those eyes - that soft, gentle gaze belonging to Fate; they had always made her warm. Safe. Protected. Comfortable.

Now, they were conflicting images of steel and fragility.

She was trembling involuntarily.

She didn't know why, but she was.

-o-

A/N: Okay, I caved in. -grimaces- This is part one of two, and part two is pending until...I'm done with the last scene or two. Which I can't seem to write. But this has been collecting dust for...more than three months?

I am...ironically, morbidly amused. A little freak accident just yesterday that could potentially give me a bad concussion and put me in the hospital was what made me decide to post this. Why, I have no idea. Don't ask, because I'm going to give you a blank look and a shrug.

So - yes, some of you who had been hoping to see this got your wish - Nanoha's version of this story. In particular, I'd like to thank (or growl) at guubear for inspiring me to write this. Nonetheless, it may be a while more before the posting of part 2 come. I'm having trouble figuring out...Nanoha.

I have a feeling that my writing style doesn't quite match with Nanoha's...pace, as well. You may notice that I added in a fair bit more details than usual. Mm...yeah, Nanoha's the kind of character where one would need details to write her. But that's just what I think, though. However, I'm not used to adding a lot of details, so...hopefully it looks fine.

At any rate, some of you may notice (if you read back old fics) that a lot of fics have been rendered unreadable by this site's new fiddling. This includes mine. You have my apologies if you find them difficult to read, but at the moment, there is only so much time I can and am willing to spare. FFnet has tested my patience a lot, and these few days I have very little patience remaining. I will edit them, yes. But in my own time. TBS and Stigma are the only ones fixed so far. I will also be looking around for a second home to put my fics - or if not, they will likely end up in my LJ. Suggestions on where to go are also most welcome.

In other words, the next time FFnet screws up again (why do I feel that it's a high possibility?), that's it. Fics will be stripped from this account, and I will no longer post here.

And yes, I know it's not the best looking scene-breaker, but it will have to do till I figure out a better one. And no, I refuse to use that god forbid ugly black line.

On the other topic - my decision to stop writing is still pending. I haven't really been writing much either, to be honest. A lot of things to settle and...stuff. Well.

Hope the fic's been enjoyable so far. Reviews are most welcome, and most inspiring. :p

-Eagle