Voices in My Head

Chapter 8

Note: holy SHIT! I haven't updated in 2 MONTHS?! I am a HORRIBLE PERSON! begs for forgiveness Seriously, I've had so much crap lately. Orchestra went to Boston to play at Harvard which was a lot of fun! and I've had so much schoolwork lately! I mean, there's been like 5 '5-page-minimum essays' within the past 2 months! Not to mention all my usual homework.

But ANYWAY! My birthday is tomorrow gonna be 15! Holy crap! and in celebration I decided to post another chapter.

NOTE: The First part of this chap is sorta weird, I dunno. It's kinda like a chapter prolog…

Sorry again, I blame school!

PS: Hockey fans: Anyone catch the Sabres game on Friday? Miller is AMAZING! So glad the Islanders are out of the playoffs now!

--

It's been going on for only three days, but it feels like the moments are dragging on purposely, mocking them.

It was like a war, really. A silent war. All of them were mad at John. Well, Mary, Sam and Missouri were. Dean was just sort of…there. After admitting to Sam about what he had felt he hadn't said much. A few words here and there, but nothing real. Sam hadn't told anyone what Dean had told him, he was trying to figure it out himself. He knew Dean was no monster…where they just both taking this overboard? I mean, come on, don't we all feel like killing some people sometimes? Dean just happened to already have images in his head…

Mary was out of her mind with grief, to say the least. She always seemed spastic, especially when Dean was around. It took Missouri to get her to calm slightly. Giving her a cup of her 'special tea' and Mary was off to take a long nap…

John wasn't speaking either. Well, it wasn't that John wasn't speaking to anyone; it was that no one was speaking to John. Mary was beyond pissed at her husband, Sam's rage for his father was just fueled by his actions, and Missouri had known what had happened before anyone had even told her and was pissed herself.

But Dean…Dean was apathetic about everything. He didn't show much emotion, well real emotion. He'd force smiles and laughs and mask his emotion to stop the worrying, but Sam could see through it, Missouri didn't have to, Mary was too worried and John seemed oblivious, either that or he just didn't care.

Sam kept suggesting to try to harness Dean's 'power' but Dean just sort of brushed his brother off, 7 times. Then Mary tried suggesting it, but Dean still showed not too much interest. Then John tried to force Dean into it, which lead Sam and John to a screaming match and Dean to take a 4-hour walk.

Sam asked Missouri to talk to Dean. Maybe the psychic would do the trick…

--

Dean was lying in bed, he didn't bother trying to sleep. Now he really knew what it was like to be Sam. No wonder he was always brooding. He decided to let his mind wander, he was getting a little better at blocking out the dreams at night. First he got snip-bits of Mary's dream. It had something to do with apple pie and white picket fences. Next, he got a glance at John's dream, it was something about driving the truck at 200 miles an hour, Dean wasn't really sure. Then he shifted his thoughts to Sam's room, and nothing happened. Either Sam wasn't asleep or he just wasn't dreaming. But Dean didn't hear any thoughts coming from the room, so he was probably asleep. Dean was starting to get a headache and decided to try to block them all out again, but a faint voice in his head caught his ear. It was Missouri's. She was thinking something about him. In fact, she was calling him.

Dean sat up, confused. He rubbed his temples and managed to mainly block out the dreams and voices. He got out of bed and walked downstairs to where he'd sensed the thoughts coming from. The thoughts of Missouri's were laced in emotion and worry. Dean knew Missouri was worried around him, and feeling just as awkward as he was, and he knew she knew it too.

He made it to the bottom of the stairs and walked to the kitchen. There was Missouri, sitting in the dark with a steaming mug.

"I was wondering when you'd get you lazy rump out of bed."

"Rump?" Dean asked, mentally grinning as he took a seat at the table.

"Yes, rump. You know I don't like foul language Winchester."

Shit-Fuck. Dean thought, and laughed when Missouri smacked him. But then they realized they were naturally joking around and stopped, looking at eachother awkwardly.

They were silent for a long moment, before Dean opened his mouth "Look, Missouri, I…" he paused. What was he trying to say? Thanks for taking me in? Sorry I crashed at your house for several months? What?

"I know." Was all Missouri said, looking him sincerely in the eye. She smiled warmly at him and reached over to place her hand over him.

Dean let out a sigh "You see…it's just…I don't really…remember when I was here. I mean, I remember bits and pieces but…" he paused and looked up at Missouri, his emotions showing strong and true "I remember that…that you took me in, without any question and…that you helped me."

"Dean…"

"I mean, I kinda just showed up one your doorstep mute and covered in blood, and you just…helped me." He found it hard to string his words together. Was he trying to thank her?

"Dean," she stopped him "I know." Tears filled his eyes. She smiled at the young man, watching him. "Dean," she said, making him look her in the eye "You're no monster." He let out a bitter sounding, single laugh and quickly scrubbed at his eyes "The demon is playing with your head, boy. You have to know that this isn't you. You know this, don't you?" He kept trying to look away, but she kept moving her head so their eyes would link "Dean, Dean. It's not you."

Dean scrubbed at his eyes again, harder than before. "Missouri…I don't…I don't know…"

"You're a good person, Dean. You're strong, brave, you help people. You'll never be a monster. Neither you, nor Sam, nor Mary or John. They will try to turn you, and they will try to mess with your heads, but they'll never turn you. You're too strong." Dean looked her right in the eyes and nodded, some tears escaping his eyes. Why the hell couldn't he stop crying??

"I sorry." He whispered, he didn't even know what for. He just needed to apologize.

Missouri nodded, and held her hands over his, willing her strength into the younger man.

"Why not try to control your power, Dean?" but she already knew the answer.

"I'm afraid." Dean looked away, ashamed.

"Of what?" She knew, so why did she torture him so? Dean knew it was because she wanted him to say it.

"I…I'm afraid if…if I get control of it the demon will turn me and…" he looked back at Missouri "and use me to kill you all." He whispered

Missouri took his hands again and tightened her grip "Like I said, boy." She leaned in "They'll never turn you." She looked at him sincerely, and leaned back "Now, why don't we sleep. Tomorrow you're going to start practicing with Sam."

It wasn't a request.

--

Eh, a little crappy. But what can I say? I'm trying to keep the readers after neglecting you for so long! Someone might call RPS on me! (readers protection service…teehee, I'm funny)

Anyway, please tell me what you all think! And sorry again!

-claire