FLASHBACK
Once Ratchet got Arcee back to where she'd be safe and away from any Decepticons or bounty hunters like Lockdown he tried to stay calm and easy, but at what happened it was just too much for him. He kept rubbing his broken head spike Lockdown gave to him. The other medics wanted to make sure he was okay and take a look at him, but he refused any help or check-up. The other medics knew this wasn't Ratchet, they knew their friend would never act like this less something tragic happened, and something did.
Ratchet came back with the intelligence officer barely functioning himself. He was one determined 'bot he was. All noticed what damaged he took and losses. His EMP was gone and once Ratchet made sure Acree got good care he told them what happened, but there was a hint of bitterness in his vocals and all knew what he had been through was something no medic 'bot should have gone through.
He was content with waiting to find out if there was anything they could do to help Arcee recover her memory. Ratchet prayed there was some way, but deep down inside his spark he knew it was hopeless. He bowed his head in his hands and nearly broke down right there. None of his friends had ever seen him in such a state before and didn't know what they could do to help him so left him alone and hoped that would help heal those inside wounds that cut far deeper than any Decepticon could do any milliennia
Ratchet looked up and just thought about what he could have done to prevent this. Ultra Magnus was glad she was back, but grieved at the loss of information she had. He didn't blame Ratchet, or Arcee for wanting this, but he blamed that bounty hunter Lockdown and so issued a warrant out for his arrest, though none ever found him. Ratchet had been in this war for a while, ever since he was drafted as a youngling.
This war wasn't supposed to be pleasant, but up until now he hadn't minded anything. What made this so different from the other ones he's lost? It could be the way he lost her. This had never happened before. He was always so careful with that EMP.
If Lockdown wouldn't have—no, no, it was his fault. He can't blame any of this on him no matter if it was because of him Arcee was in this state. Ratchet took it like a mech and accepted full responsibility for what happened. Yea he could take it like a mech on the outside, but on the inside he was dying from sparkache.
Even though he hadn't known Arcee for long they had made a certain connection he couldn't explain. Not like any of his war buddies elsewhere, but something deeper and softer. Well it could have been a slight attraction, but he wasn't going to admit that. He kept his mind on his job that day . . . and look where that got him and her, but now that he's away from the hard war his mind is not on his job.
It's on her and a strange deep feeling is seeping out that he can't explain. It was only growing the more he thought of what happened to her and how he could or may have prevented it.
"Ratchet," came Ultra Magnus.
Ratchet shot his head up and stood up straight saluting him saying—
"Sir!"
"At ease soldier," said Ultra Magnus now standing in front of him.
Ratchet listened, but inside he couldn't help but not listen. His face became grim as he asked—
"How is she sir?"
Ultra Magnus gave out a heavy sigh, closed his optics, and shook his head signaling they couldn't do anything for her. Ratchet's optics widened in horror and pain. He then let his shoulders fall with his gaze.
"This was all my fault, if I wouldn't have—if I wouldn't have—" began Ratchet, but Ultra Magnus stopped him.
"Ratchet it wasn't your fault," he said trying to give some words of comfort to the medic. "You didn't know there was a bounty hunter out for her."
"Yes, but the EMP—it was all my fault it activated so strongly—It slipped in my hands and—I'm sorry you lost all the information sir," sighed Ratchet.
"At least we have Arcee," said Ultra Magnus. "Saving her life was what you were meant to do soldier and you did it. Don't take it any deeper or any personal than that for THAT can break a soldier. I've had my share of sparkaches and believe me . . . there will be more."
At that Ultra Magnus left Ratchet. Ratchet just turned into grief more once everyone left him. It'd be nice to have someone help him go through this, but deep down inside he wanted to do this all alone since it was his fault alone. He then turned his head and wondered how Arcee was doing. Some other doc 'bots came out of the room they were keeping her.
They took a quick glance at him, but soon left around the corner of the hall. She was all alone now just like him. Hm, it wouldn't be bad to give her some company would it? Ratchet thought for a couple seconds and decided there was nothing wrong with that and so he slowly came to the door and looked inside. He knocked on the door and saw she was laying in her berth in stasis.
He came in and sat down by her bed side. He sat there for a minute with a stone cold face. It was like no one was home, but after a few disturbing flashback of what happened he bared his teeth in pity and sorrow and looked down at the sleeping femme. As he saw her sleep so peacefully like nothing had ever happened he couldn't help but think of what happened.
Ratchet's hands were shaking as he reached out to her own hand that was placed gently beside her slumbering head. He took control of himself wondering what in the pit was wrong with him. He then placed his sorrowful hand on hers and let it ease up. After a few seconds she began to move in her sleep and so take her hand away from Ratchet's.
He gasped a little inwardly seeing her move, but soon his mouth opened as he saw her optics come back online and see him. She probably forgot him altogether. At first there was a blank stare she stared at him then her head began to shoot up little by little till she sat up on her berth.
"Who are you?!" she asked in an almost alarm.
Ratchet didn't understand this. She saw him after her memory loss and she wasn't like this before. What was wrong? Had she forgotten again or had she realized she didn't truly know him and he could do her harm if he wanted to.
Ratchet's mouth was open but he couldn't speak. He wanted to speak so much, but why the frag wasn't he speaking!
"G-get out!!" she cried backing away from him almost falling off her berth.
"W-wait," said Ratchet getting up from his seat next to her berth and holding his hands out to her letting her know he didn't mean her any harm.
"NO!!" she cried falling off the side of her berth.
It was then Ratchet's instincts kicked in and he ran to Arcee trying to help her, but once she saw him she screamed and wanted him to stop touching her. Her screams alerted the other doctors and so they ran inside wondering what was wrong. They saw Ratchet and just ran to Arcee to help her. Ratchet back away saying—
"I didn't mean to . . . I didn't know she—"
At that he broke and ran out of the room. It was then the doctors knew that not only Arcee needed some help, but perhaps so did Ratchet.
Hot Shot's girl: I hope you know this is angst right? This is going to have sadness in here and then happiness and then sadness all over again :) I like doing angst, don't know why. Well enjoy and review and tell me what you thought about it. The other chps will be up whenever ;D
