This was a strange idea that suddenly hit me. Everyone's a little drunk/tired, which is my excuse for getting them to act funny. i also think I should warn you ahead of time that it features crack pairings too.


Bartender

Sakura ran across the stone floor, almost slipping on the beer-spills as she dashed this way and that with a tray heavy with pitchers of beer. The walls were permeated with smoke and stained with dark patches where alcohol had seeped into the wood. Oil lanterns hung from the heavy ceiling, bringing light to an otherwise dim little tavern.

Syaoran was watching over Sakura like a hawk in case anyone should try to make a drunken advance on her. He too had to run from table to table, collecting empty glasses and silver pieces, but his eyes were always trained on his princess. He would have already caused an accident if not for his ability to walk without looking, courtesy of years reading whilst walking.

The two children dashed around long square table of hard oak, squeezing past the crowds of customers in clothes that Syaoran would have described as slightly medieval. Sakura's bodice was tied just a little too tight; earning her catcalls and all sorts of winks from the men huddled around the tables.

"Ignore it," Kurogane advised Syaoran when he saw how annoyed the boy was becoming.

"It's…it's disrespectful! Sakura-hime is a princess!" the boy cried, flustered.

Kurogane grunted and nodded, without offering much help. "Disrespectful…yeah."

From the cellar, Fai emerged, dragging with him several empty glasses. His blue eyes sparkled, in his prime amongst the rowdy chattering and crowds of people.

"Kuro-chan! The men over there want a refill!" he called and Kurogane was forced from his comfortable spot against the wall to serve the far table with more alcohol. Just how much could one person drink?

"That will be ten pieces," he grunted as he served them their ale, pushing pewter pitchers underneath the noses of a group of three men.

They tossed him his silver and Kurogane quickly pocketed it. Turning around, he felt his tunic catch in someone's hand. One of the men tugged at him. "Here, why not come have a drink with us," he smiled, drawling out his words ever so slightly in his drunken daze.

Kurogane glared and the man let go of him.

"I only drink with those who can hold their liquor," he grunted, turning his back on both them and the other tables full of equally detestable idiots.

"Think you're so good, eh?" one of the men threw something at his back. It missed and clattered against the cold stone. "Eh? Eh? Think you can stomach Fai-san's extra-special, impossibly fiery, ginger-root ale from the murky deep™?"

"The what?" Kurogane turned, his eyebrows slightly upraised in mild surprise, his face slightly contorted by the thought of the wizard ever brewing alcohol. He suddenly had a mental image of Fai huddling over a thick cauldron of ale, cackling with evil glee. The very thought made his mouth twitch.

Yet for the men sitting at the table, a revered hush fell upon them and they suddenly started talking in subdued whispers.

"You mean that drink that was made in the devil's own brewery?"

"The one that can floor a man in just a simple gulp?"

The third man lifted his pitcher into the air. At first, Kurogane thought that he would hurl it at him and was fully prepared to make the man eat that pitcher, but the man brought it straight back to the table again, slamming it down as loudly as possible. The whole tavern turned towards the source of the noise.

"Drinking contest!" the man proclaimed and soon the whole tavern was banging their pitchers against the wood, hooting and shouting, "Drinking contest! Drinking contest!"

"Why not, Kuro-tan? It would help boost our sales!" Fai sidled over towards him, smiling wickedly. "All drinks, five pieces each!" he announced as he turned towards the rest of the crowd.

There was a great cheer and the tavern seemed to come alive again, teeming with bodies chattering and shouting, laughing and cursing.

"I say the winner gets to keep the young Miss for a whole day!" someone pointed at Sakura but Syaoran quickly silenced that suggestion in the most efficient and reasonable way that he knew how - by knocking the living daylights out of the man.

Kurogane had taught him well.

The man fell without attracting much attention and Syaoran quickly disposed of him outside the tavern.

"Well, there's gotta be a prize!" someone wailed. His sentiments were quickly followed by a long, loud murmur of agreement.

"How about me?" Fai suggested, pointing a finger at himself. "You can have me for a day. However, first you have to best my gallant protector!"

He spread his arms wide and he spun his back to them for a moment. Kurogane thought that the wizard was going to point at him. However, when he turned to face them Fai had two large pitchers of ale in his hands. "Fai-san's extra-special, impossibly fiery, ginger-root ale from the murky deep™! Made in the underworld's own brewery and full of hell fire!" he proudly announced, slamming the tankards onto the table in front of him like two solemn sentries protecting their king.

The crowd cheered and whistled but Kurogane felt the muscles in his mouth twitching unpleasantly. So this was Fai's gallant and noble protector - ale.

"Um, may I?" Sakura tiptoed towards the two tankards, lowering her head tentatively towards the overflowing brim. Before anyone could stop her or Syaoran could dive into the line of fire, her lips touched the frothy liquid and she drank, long and deep.

It felt as if everyone's eyes were on her in that moment. Everyone was staring at her with fixed eyes and bated breath as she drew away from the tankard, taking one wobbly step backwards. Her eyes rolled and she fell backwards. There was a collective gasp just as Syaoran lunged and caught her before her head hit the hard floor.

It seemed that Sakura's trip into unconsciousness triggered something deep within the watching men. There was a great scramble for alcohol, each one out to prove his manliness, or simply to have a pretty slave for the day, and Fai found his arms filled with silver.

Syaoran barely had time to move Sakura to a safe place before he was barraged with requests for more ale. Both he and Fai rushed in and out of the cellar for more kegs of beer and pewter cups to meet the hoarding demands of their customers.

Large pitchers were filled with Fai's extra-special, impossibly fiery, ginger-root ale from the murky deep™, the smooth, amber liquid glinting almost teasingly as it was poured into them. Kurogane watched as men clamoured to get try a taste of the infamous ale. There was something a little disgusting about seeing grown men act in such an undignified way, something that rubbed him the wrong way as he watched so many desperately trying to win.

"Hey wizard, give me one of them," he gestured towards himself.

"Hope you can handle it, Kuro-pon," Fai grinned, sliding a large pitcher across the stained table.

He made a face at the wizard, as if he had been asked if the summer sky was blue. Kurogane grabbed a pitcher of Fai's extra-special, impossibly fiery, ginger-root ale from the murky deep, ™ throwing back his head to let the amber-coloured liquid slide down his throat. The contents were drained in one, long chug. Alcohol burnt his throat, sizzling its way all the way down to the stomach, where it razed his insides.

Gasping for breath, Kurogane pushed his head forwards again and slammed the pitcher against the table, demanding another.

Fai's smile was slightly blurry as he offered the ninja a refill. Kurogane drank the offering in another long gulp and slammed the pitcher down again, ready for more.

"Whoa! He's still standing!" someone cried. He felt the weight of a dozen pairs of eyes burning his back but that was nothing compared to the burning feeling within him.

Perhaps Fai had added something strange to the brew, perhaps there was just a hint of magic within the clear amber liquid, perhaps it was the thought of that stupid, insane wizard being in the possession of someone else but Kurogane could not stop drinking. Alcohol tasted too damn good anyway.

"Another!" His pitcher shook the table, close to breaking it, as he slammed it down again, empty.

"Mokona wants to try too!" the white manjuu, which the locals believed was some kind of overweight fairy, grabbed a glass from Syaoran's tray, startling him so that the rest of the cups clattered to the floor, spilling all the ale. Though he apologised, in the drunken clamour and giddy excitement, no one seemed to notice him bowing to the wall over and over again.

"Another!" Kurogane yelled. The shouting and cheering around him was becoming almost intolerable and he needed another drink to keep him from punching someone. Mokona was bouncing around happily like an insane white tennis ball. His rivals in the drinking contest where all looking a little unsteady. It would only be a matter of time before they gave up or passed out.

"Another!"

XX

The sun burnt into his eyes. Lights swam across his vision and his back felt painful and stiff. He was sleeping on the floor. The cold, hard, stone floor to be exact, alone, without another soul to share his splitting headache with.

"What?" he rose his head, blinking away the last traces of sleep from his eyes. Memories of the previous night flooded back to him in an unpleasant stream. He jumped to his feet, immediately regretting making such sudden movements. "Crap! Hey! Hey, idiot mage, where the hell are you?"

He began moving slowly, then faster and faster. He moved towards the stairs and began climbing the creaky steps, making his way to their rooms, cursing under his breath. No drink had been able to give him such a terrible hang over and he blamed it squarely on the maker. Oh, he would make that mage pay alright, he would make him pay just as soon as he found the man

"Stupid wizard!" was his customary greeting as he burst into Fai's sparse living quarters.

The blonde lay sprawled underneath a blanket, random limbs poking out of bed in a hopeless tangle of bed sheets. Kurogane marched towards the bed, reaching for a corner of the blanket.

"I'm sleepy, go away! You've been riding me all night!" Fai batted away Kurogane's hand, moaning sleepily.

Kurogane almost stepped away. He had forgotten that someone else must have won the contest. So someone else had won Fai. Someone else, meaning someone which was not him, meaning someone that he did not know, meaning an idiot.

"Wake up!" he thwacked the mage around the side of his head.

"Oh, Kuro-min," Fai blinked his eyes open, not the least fazed by the blow.

"Who won?"

"Hmm?"

"The drinking contest! Who won it?"

Fai's eyes were tired but lucid. "Oh, Mokona won," he sat up, clutching the blanket to his chest.

"W - what?" he blinked, feeling slightly relieved…only slightly.

"It was amazing," Fai drawled, still in a daze, "Mokona can really put it away. I wonder where all that alcohol goes."

"So the manjuu won you?" Kurogane muttered distastefully. He felt a strong urge to strangle someone. Somehow, it felt as if the fates were only playing with him. He did not want to admit that he had been slightly worried for the blond wizard…only slightly.

"Slave driver! Mokona was riding me all night," Fai sighed, stretching out his tired, aching muscles.

"What?" Kurogane looked at him sharply, suddenly alert again just as he had been beginning to relax.

Fai nodded. "Look at all these bruises I have," he let the blanket fall to his waist, revealing several dark, purple bruises across his torso.

Kurogane knew that he should not jump to conclusions but he was feeling slightly disturbed…only slightly.

"Is that…is that even…anatomically possible?" he asked with uncharacteristic hesitance. As soon as the question was out of his mouth, he wished that he could take it back. He did not even want to know the answer.

"Of course it is. I'm really flexible, you know," Fai answered, oblivious in his still-sleepy state of Kurogane's wary disposition.

"That's disgusting!"

The door opened with a click and the perpetrator of such a heinous act, one that could even disgust Kurogane, bounced in with a smile as sweet as the summer sun.

"Morning!"

Fai raised a hand in greeting but Kurogane went straight for the kill. Seizing the white manjuu by the…some part of its body or other, he tightened his grip on the manjuu and shook it irritably.

"You! You disgusting manjuu! I never thought I'd say this but what were you doing last night, you perverted, pork bun?" he yelled. He remembered something that Dimension bitch had said once. He was sure that Mokona was much older than any of them were. It was obscene just thinking about the manjuu going after a much younger man. No! It was obscene thinking of Mokona with anyone!

"We were playing!" Fai piped cheerfully. His perhaps not-so-innocent use of words gave Kurogane the worst mental image.

"Playing what?" Kurogane shot.

"Knights and castles! Fai was the horse and I was the knight and the room was our giant castle!" Mokona yipped happily. "But…it was so dark and I think Fai was a little drunk. He kept bumping into things," it nodded wisely, shaking its head with a sigh.

Kurogane paused to reflect. He imagined the two running around like children, slightly drunk, slightly tired and slightly hyper.

"That's…" Kurogane found himself at lost for words. He was not sure if it was the alcohol killing his brain or the result of spending too much time with two insane beings from another world. Perhaps it was the fact that he had come an inch within the greatest shock of his life, but he suddenly felt too tired to even shout.

Letting go of Mokona, the manjuu slipped through his fingers. It heard rustling coming from the next room. "Ah, Sakura-chan is awake!" it cried and bounced out of the room to greet the waking princess.

Kurogane let the pork bun go feeling vaguely annoyed and slightly confused. The muscles in his face were twitching unpleasantly.

"Kuro-chi, you look like you need to sit down," Fai patted the space next to him on his bed.

"I'm fine," Kurogane waved a dismissive hand but he sat down anyway.

"Do you want to play?" Fai childishly drawled out his words and Kurogane would have thought that he was still a little drunk if Fai did not almost always act like an insane eccentric.

"Knights and horses?" Kurogane's eyebrow twitched.

"It's fun."

"No way," he groaned, feeling his hangover coming back to him. He forgot himself for a moment and flopped across the bed. Tiredness had drained all the tension and confusion from his body as he was feeling queerly light-headed, which was why he would have to be excused when he looked over at Fai, giving the blond a wry smile "I have a better game," he grinned.


Okay, I've almost satisfied my desire to write MokoFai crack. I will only never do it again i swear, at least not for this fic anyway.