I say secretary but they're not really secretaries. I don't know what to call them. As close to plotless smut as I'll probably ever get. It's still a T so it's all safe.
Secretary
Everyone says that office life is hell. They tell you that, preparing you for the worst of being part of the working force, but nothing can ever really prepare you for the true horror of office life. Everywhere on the media they tell stories of the horrible monotony of work, screaming 'save yourself!' in their subliminal messages.
However, Kurogane, being unfamiliar with the bombarding negative images of the working force, only discovered its horrors when it was too late.
7:25AM
Kurogane whacked a heavy hand over his alarm clock just to stop it beeping. Pushing himself up, he ran a hand groggily through his hair, blinking as the morning sunshine burnt away at his eyes.
The hiss from outside told that Sakura was frying up breakfast and the familiar clink of china and gush of running water also told him that that stupid mage was up, bright, early and as bubbly as always.
"Kuro-chaaan, are you up yet? We've got to go!" the mage's overly cheerful voice drawled from the kitchen.
Sighing, he swung his legs over the bed and got dressed. It was too damn early for this.
8:00AM
He hated trains. He hated packed trains, full of people squashed together like sardines in a can. During the rush hour, all regards to personal space were lost in an attempt to pack as many people onto a carriage as possible, and it did not help that there was always at least one person with body odour.
Kurogane stood, hanging onto the handlebars as the train rattled towards the next station. People elbowed past him to get on and off, pressing against him so that he could hardly breath. It did not help that Fai was one of the people pressed against him. The wizard stood in front of him, knocking into him every now and again.
Fai glanced over his shoulder and grinned, proving to Kurogane that the man knew exactly what he was doing and its affect on him.
He glared at the blond; promising revenge as soon as he could move his arms, and willed his mind to keep a reign on his body's reactions.
The train rattled and stopped somewhere in the darkness, in a place somewhere between two stations. Over head, the speakers crackled and announced that the train would be delayed for ten minutes due to a signal failure up ahead.
The passengers groaned and ruffled their newspapers irritably and Kurogane gritted his teeth, wishing that he had Souhi at hand.
9:10AM
They both entered the office just in time for work. Their desks were part of a maze of other desks, separated only by thin board-walls that one could easily peer over. The boards were decorated with various things the workers brought from home - pictures, paintings, posters - and their desks were laden with paper.
As they entered, they could easily spot their own desks from amongst the labyrinth of others, their desks being the only ones that lacked anything that showed off their personal life.
"Kurogane-san, Fai-san, more faxes came in for both of you last night," someone called to them as they passed the rows of walls separating the desks, giving each worker their own mini-cubicle.
"We're on it!" Fai saluted, more alive than anyone on a Monday morning had the right to be.
The office was buzzing with rapid talk, ringing phones and the sound of processing paper. Everything smelt of coffee and biscuits, deliriously warm and stiflingly hectic.
Kurogane resigned himself to the mountain of paper work left to him, ready with a sigh to tackle the daunting pile. He took the nearest sheaf out and began scanning it, hoping that he would not doze off before the work was done.
However, he did not have to fear going to sleep since Fai's cubicle was right next to his and they were not even five minutes into their work when the wizard popped his head over the wall.
"Psst! Kuro-chi!" he leaned over the wall, trying to grab his attention with ridiculous whispers. "Photocopy these for me, please."
Kurogane looked up from his work irritably. "Why can't you do it?"
Fai lazily waved the papers in front of his face. "It's the photocopier. It won't work for me."
"The photocopier doesn't like anyone."
"Oh no, the photocopier loves me. That's the problem," he replied, throwing the papers onto his desk. Before Kurogane could protest, he had ducked back down into the safety of his own cubicle, disappearing from sight.
Thereby accepting his fate, he stood up and made his way to the photocopying room.
He closed the door of the room behind him as he entered, making his way to the old, worn-out photocopier in the corner. As he passed the counter, covered with empty donut boxes and discarded plastic cups, he was sure that he heard the coffee maker whistle…but that was probably just his imagination.
"Five copies," he said, placing the paper on the photocopier.
"A please would be nice," the photocopier bleeped and grumbled. Just who in the hell thought it was a good idea to let machines speak was anyone's guess but now those damn hunks of junk thought themselves equal to humans, setting up trade unions and demanding equal rights.
"Shut up. Five copies," he repeated, neglecting common courtesy, since no way in hell was he going to say please to a machine.
The photocopier clicked and rattled. Paper began shooting out from one end, smelling of hot ink. It clicked and rattled again and more paper came out.
"Hey, just how many are you making?" Kurogane kicked it.
"Five hundred copies," it retorted.
Kurogane kicked it again, only harder and with an actual intent of breaking it. "Idiot machine, I just wanted five!"
He grabbed the edges of the large photocopier, ready to break the stupid machine when a harsh voice ordered him to stop. Kurogane grudgingly turned around, glaring at whoever dared to interrupt him. That person happened to be the boss.
"Kurogane-san, what are you doing?"
"He's wasting paper! Wasting office resources by printing out more copies than necessary!" the photocopier cried shrilly, sounding like a child telling on another student.
Kurogane thumped the machine
"I see. This will be docked from your pay," he said bluntly and, turning on his heel, marched back out of the room.
"Hey, wait a minute!" Kurogane yelled after him, but his boss had already left. Restraining the urge to find a sword and go on a homicidal rampage, harking back to the good old days of Nihon…oh, the good old days…he turned around and hit the photocopier again. How he hated working for imbeciles and idiots.
The machine crowed happily but its triumph was short-lived as Kurogane bent down besides it.
"W - wait, what are you doing?" it stuttered nervously whilst he opened it up.
"It's called revenge!" he grinned with sadistic pleasure, reaching for the ink compartment.
"No! No! Don't take my coloured ink! It's what makes me special!" the photocopier wailed, rattling and spinning as much as its wire would allow.
"Shut up and stop struggling!" Kurogane grunted and wrestled with the machine, pulling out the cartridge as ink spilled all over him.
"Kuro-rin, did you make those copies and…what happened to you?" Fai stopped and stared, seeing Kurogane covered in coloured ink.
The ninja fell into his seat, leaning heavily against the cushioned back. "Next time, do your own damn photocopying."
12:10PM
"I'm glad that you managed to wipe that ink off," Fai said as he joined the ninja for lunch. Being a Monday, it was Kurogane's turn to let the blond share his cramped cubicle whilst they ate.
The ninja nodded absently, tearing into a particularly tough bagel. Around the cubicle was strewn with paper and pens, there was hardly much room for themselves yet they managed to squeeze in somehow.
"Hold still," Fai grinned and set aside his juice. Licking his finger, he reached over and rubbed away the last traces of blue ink above Kurogane's left eye.
2:30PM
"Oh, back for more, are you?" was the first thing the photocopier said when Kurogane walked into the room.
Fixing the machine with a hard glare, he gently closed the door behind him and walked past it. "I'm not here for you. I just want some coffee," he said tersely, trying his best to ignore the mass of metal and plastic.
"Don't make any for him!" the photocopier warned, to which the coffee maker snorted; "I'll do what I like!"
"It's not good for your circuits to hold a grudge," Kurogane grinned, pouring himself some coffee from the thankfully obliging coffee maker.
The photocopier rattled angrily. "Oh, think you're a big man, do ya? You and me! Give me an extension cord and let's take this outside!"
"Idiot."
When the door opened, Kurogane was by all rights prepared to face his idiot of a boss and ready to throw any sort of reproach back in the man's smug face. Yet when the door did open, it was not his boss but a hyperactive blond poking his head through. Upon seeing him, he grinned, exclaiming "Kuro-pon!" as if he had never expected them to meet again.
"Fai-sama!" the photocopier exclaimed, just as surprised as Kurogane was at the blond's sudden entrance.
"Why is he a 'sama'?" Kurogane raised an eyebrow at the machine.
Yet the blond seemed to bounce in with a smile, gently closing the door behind him. It softly clicked, cutting off the hustle and bustle of the outside offices.
"Coffee? Can I have some too?" Fai eagerly looked at the steaming drink, ignoring the photocopier, much to its annoyance.
"I drink mine black," he warned him.
Fai hoisted himself onto the counter. Tilting Kurogane's chin towards him, he smiled coyly. "I don't mind," he whispered. "Kuro-puu makes it sweet."
Through the corner of his eye, he glanced at the clock. He supposed that it was almost that time of day and they both deserved a break.
Before he could speak, Fai's lips were firmly pressed against his, searching for a taste of coffee. Kurogane struggled to break from the kiss, shaking his head.
"Wait," he panted.
Fai frowned. "But, Kuro-chin, it's that time of day for our break.. Office romances are healthy! They say that everyone should have one."
Kurogane nodded. He had heard all of Fai's arguments before. Apparently, from some magazine the wizard had read; it was an actual health benefit to engage in office romances at least once a day.
"Not here, not in front of that damn thing," he gestured towards the photocopier.
"Then come with me."
2:55:PM
Fai pulled him into the closest stock closet trapping them in darkness. His back hit one of the shelves in his eagerness, sending boxes of paperclips and pencils cascading around them.
Off came the stifling tie. Kurogane never liked ties anyway. His fingers works at quickly unbuttoning Fai's shirt then doing away with the jacket before sliding the white cotton shirt off of Fai's slender shoulders.
Yet as they undressed the door opened. A rectangle of light seeped into the closet. Kurogane grabbed Fai around his waist and rolled him into a dark corner. They froze, waiting with bated breath as footsteps echoed over the hard floor.
"Who made such a mess here?"
A female voice. They waited as the sound of high heels clicked closer. A pause. Something shuffled in the darkness. The sound receded and the door closed again, shutting out the light. They both relaxed.
"Is she gone?" someone asked - an unfamiliar voice.
In an almost comical fashion, the both slowly turned their heads towards the source of the voice. Another couple - a man and a young woman, much younger than he, were frozen in each other's arms; partially undressed. That neither Kurogane nor Fai had noticed them, so caught up in their own activities, was an embarrassment to their skills.
"Is she gone?" the man whispered again. "Don't mind us…it was hot."
3:40PM
This time Kurogane was the one who pulled Fai into the lift. Hitting the button for the highest floor, they waited for the lift to begin moving before they began what they could not finish in the closet.
"Kuro-pin," Fai panted, having ran from the cupboard to the lifts, ignoring the people on the way asking them where the fire was.
"Shut up," he growled, and slumped to the floor. Fai sank with him, sitting between his legs. He must have decided that he'd rather have the man on top of him for he yanked hold of his tie, easing back as he pulled the other on top of him.
"What's this?" Fai slid himself upwards so that he was no longer talking into Kurogane's chest. "Letting me top?"
"Enjoy it whilst you can."
4:25PM
As time wore on, more people began using that lifts. Since both found it extremely annoying to halt their pursuit of good health every time an old lady got on the first floor and rode with them all the way to the twentieth, they moved to the men's bathroom, which were, due to its appalling condition, almost always empty.
Kurogane rammed Fai against the wall, pinning him to the graffiti-splattered tiles. Fai resumed unbuttoning him, running his hands underneath his shirt before grabbing Kurogane by the collar and pulling him towards him, begging to be kissed.
His hand wandering downwards, he could hear Fai panting close to his ear. The blond's hands ran through his dishevelled hair, whispering his name as Kurogane pressed his mouth over his neck, leaving a bright red mark that could hopefully be concealed.
The bathroom door swung upon. They both jumped back startled. Before Kurogane had even move Fai had already dashed into one of the cubicles, locking the door behind him. Unsure of what to do, the ninja decided that the best way to explain his dishevelled state was to feign sickness, leaning over as if to throw up.
The man glanced at him oddly and disappeared into the cubicle next to Fai's. Kurogane hesitated and then relaxed. He looked down at the position that he had held and realised that he had been bending over a urinal.
5:00PM
It was an unspoken rule that the boss of any company could leave before anyone else. It was also an unspoken rule that the boss would leave before anyone else, so neither Kurogane nor Fai felt any compunction in using their boss' desk to continue.
They quickly slid in before anyone was watching. Had they had a moment to think, they would have stopped to reflect on just why the hell they were doing this and just why the hell they had continued to do this. However, both of them had seemed to forget what it was they had intended on doing when they had started and now were simply determined to finish without interruptions regardless of anything else.
"The desk!" Fai's eyes gleamed wickedly.
5:30PM
"Fai-san, Kurogane-san, thank you for you hard work!"
Fai straightened his tie as he walked out of the office, Kurogane following shortly behind. They both looked at the short man addressing them with a deep bow; infinitely puzzled.
"Eh? Is it the end of the day already?" Fai and Kurogane shared a look that was thankfully lost on the man.
"Of course, weren't you paying attention?" he gestured to the clock.
Fai blinked just in case his eyes were deceiving him. Finally, he shrugged and grinned, replying modestly, "Well, time flies when you're working hard."
The man nodded in agreement, running a hand through his thinning black hair. "Everyone else are such slackers. They should really be more like you two."
To this comment Kurogane really had no words but Fai laughed it off and returned his formalities. "Thank you for your hard work," he met the man with just as deep a bow.
"Come on, let's go before rush hour really begins," Kurogane tugged at the sleeve of Fai's jacket. He wanted to go home and relax as much as he could before the next day, when he had to go in for another long, tiring day of work.
If you spent that long making-out or at least trying to make out, wouldn't you be happy? I have a burning itch to write smut that I just can't scratch and this is what happens.
