Chapter 17: Losing Her Touch
I started to wake as I heard the others talking, but the voice of my stomach was louder. Turning in the seat I whined a little by accident, this tipped off the others to know I was waking up. It was at this point that I really didn't care what they did, put me to sleep or take me back to that horrible place…it didn't matter. Now I began to feel the bruising and soreness from my confrontation with Shalimar earlier and it was hurting even more in the position they had me. My left eye opened just a little and I saw that I was on the helix and closed it since Lexa was watching me. I heard them say that Adam wanted them to bring me back to Sanctuary, now I felt better knowing I'd get to go home…but of course that would not be without consequence and Adam could be one really mean guy. Unconsciously I shook thinking about the disappointment that would be seen his face…disappointment towards me, uhg I hated that feeling. When Lexa and the others weren't looking I moved my head slightly to get a view of the door. My thoughts now were on escaping, if I managed to get away I wouldn't have to face Adam, the feral camp, or embarrassment over what happened with Brennan. It all seemed like a good plan…if only I was in top condition and that I wouldn't be sure of till I had my feet on the ground.
My mind seemed to slip elsewhere as my body was overcome with heat; "Jeremy…" the name escaped my lips as my eyes opened looking at Lexa.
"He's dead Val…" I heard her say.
This came as a shock to me since I had not learned this news from anyone, "What?..No he's not!"
Lexa seemed to realize her own mistake and looked at the others before looking at me. "Adam found out three months ago…he wasn't sure how to tell you. He said there was a plane crash..."
I shook my head, "no…why would he be on a plane…there must have been a mix up, I'm sure there are a lot of Jeremy Danvers in the world...right?"
Then I remembered that plane ticket I saw in our room after getting back from our mission.
Lexa sighed and seemed to look to the others for help, but they didn't seem to get involved, "The flight was retuning here and it never made it."
Tears started to come down my cheeks, "it's not fair…" I cried moving towards Lexa for comfort, "I loved him Lex…I thought…he'd come back you know?" She nodded and tried to be affectionate, "why didn't I know? Adam shouldn't have hid this from me!" Now all of a sudden running away seemed like an even better idea than before. Jeremy was never coming back to Sanctuary and the man I trusted lied to me. Jesse announced that the Helix was arriving at Sanctuary.
"Lex? I want to leave…I can't stay here anymore, not after what I did."
Lexa stayed while the others started leaving the Helix, "Adam still needs to help you, and running isn't going to bring him back…Brennan and Shalimar just need some time."
I sat up and with her help got to my feet and together we left the Helix to the lab.
"Adam…I'm sorry…I'm so sorry..." I told him over and over as he cuffed me into the chair.
"Why did you tell me about Jer?" My voice was soft spoken.
He stopped what he was doing to look at me, his hand brushed his hair and he seemed to get a little choked up about it, "I was afraid…that you would relapse. Time went on and I just found it too hard."
Tears clouded my eyes and my nails grew longer and thick, "you made it worse! You can't keep these things from me Adam! I deserve to know." My arms fought against the cuffs, "I hate you! You drove Jeremy away from here in the first place…then you don't even tell me he's DEAD? God Adam…I don't know what's worse...that or making me this rapid animal that I can't control!"
He sat down across from me; he looked really out of shape…dark tired eyes and just sad. "I know…I made a mistake Valerie. I wish I could make things right, and I have tried…numerous times on improving your condition while you were gone. I have a treatment plan….but there are risks involved, it will be a series of shots you'll have to give yourself during the mating period that will control your aggression and thoughts."
I studied him closely, making sure he was telling me the honest truth. "I've got nothing to lose Adam…just do it," I turned my head away from him and looked to the floor.
After the injection I was able to relax more, but everything else seemed to be catching up with me. Before it had all felt unreal, well now the truth was setting in. Adam kept me in the lab and tried to make it comfy, only I was still upset with him and refused to talk to him. The others came to visit me often…yeah I stayed in the lab Hilton for a week, which was the remainder of the season. Adam's solution seemed effective, which was a relief since he scared me with the whole risk thing. Things were still a little shaky between Shalimar, Brennan and I…I don't blame them for that, it was my fault for not holding myself back at the feral camp.
When I was back on my feet Adam came up with the idea to honor Jeremy by making a little monument for him. I knew he was still trying to kiss up, but I didn't care anymore and was just trying to deal with the loss more than the not knowing.
