So. It is rumored that Gippal was once so sexy that he was even capable of wooing Shelinda into bed with him, regardless of whatever political affiliation she held at the time (or how damn cute she looks paired with Baralai.) I don't believe it for a second, for that woman probably wears a frickin' chastity belt under her robes complete with a pad lock and self detonator, but most of Home seems to hold this general consensus.

Alright. I've been hearing about Gippal's sexcapades plenty for the last couple of years, and after a while...I dunno...I want some sustenance, ya know? Proof that he's more than just a pair of testicles. He has to have feelings and thoughts and brain processing down there somewhere. Something more than an endless supply of condoms and alcoholic beverages.

Though, by the looks of it, perhaps my original assumptions were not that far off.

I was still absent mindedly fiddling with the controls on the metallic mother board when Gippal decided to grace me with his presence yet again (this time clothed, thank gods) and wearing lethal amounts of cologne.

"We need to make a pit stop at Besaid," I chirped, no room for arguing. "Yunie has a surprise for me."

"Well I have a surprise for you," Gippal retaliated, fussing with his hair in the reflection of a nearby edifice. "How about no?"

"I didn't ask, Gippal," I pointed out. "I told."

"Whose ship is this again?"

"I'm borrowing it, remember?"

There was a dead beat as the repertoire momentarily flat lined.

"I'll turn this thing around," he threatened. Lamely, at that. How can someone manage to pull off threatening and still be lame? He does it, I swear. I don't know how but he does it.

"Shoopuff turd," I exhaled. "You're not coming anywhere near the control panel."

His one eye glimmered in the impending sunshine, absolutely radiant and beautiful up here (the sunshine; not him), since it was sans the heat, which is why I never much minded flying (or machina in general, for that matter. You can control the internal temperature) and leave it to Gippal to have a thermostat on his ship that ranges from tropical spa like climates to Ronsonian frigidness, all accessible in a matter of seconds.

He doesn't discriminate by race. All species are equal opportunity lovers.

"Why are we going to Besaid?" he questioned, which was his silent way of resigning to my stubborn audaciousness, matchable only by his own.

"I told you, Cyclops, Yunie has a surprise."

"...she's wearing clothes again?"

"Gippal, that's getting old."

"Then put something on," he directed, turning away and muttering in ancient eastern languages. Since when did he become so bilingual anyway?

I played with Gippal's joystick for a while, since the ship was on auto pilot with its coordinates set to Besaid (previously altered from Bevelle, curse my sporadic mind) and didn't stop my mindless fidgeting until I realized how scandalous that last sentence just sounded.

"So what did you manage to name this thing anyway?"

Gippal plopped down next to me, shot gun, reeking of man perfume and shower gel and way too much deodorant. He looked at me as though the topic of names never crossed his mind.

"I hope you don't have the same theory for your offspring," I articulated. "Your babies need names. You do know that, right?"

"That was custom last time I checked," he replied, the corners of his mouth turning up a bit at this. I felt something deep inside me turn over at his smirk, but chose to keep such observations to myself. Well, at least until I told you.

"So is it some lame knock off triptych name?" I suggested helpfully. "Gippal I, Gippal II, and Gippal III?"

"Even I'm not haughty enough to name my ships after myself," he intoned.

"Smart move. They probably have more stamina."

Cue another one eyed glare. Can you imagine the havoc this man would wreck with his veers if he still had possession of both his eyeballs?

"Beer," I wildly proclaimed. "You named them all after beers."

"..."

Gippal did not deem that worthy of comment.

He then insipidly propped both of his bare feet up on the dash board, which I had the instinctual urge to reprimand, but then I quickly realized this was not indeed my ship which I was in a position to do reprimanding on, and sat there stupidly as I watched my childhood rival make himself at home in a place that actually felt like home, not some ancient, dead, long forgotten ghost town Pops tries to keep resuscitating.

"Fuzzy Navel," he inexplicably offered.

I blinked in response.

"This one is named Fuzzy Navel."

I paused. "Did you make that up just now?"

My comrade snorted at the indignity. "Of course not, Trampie. I've had that name picked out for a long time."

I fiddled with a lock of my blonde hair that was currently on strike.

"...did you name it after the body part or the alcoholic beverage?"

Gippal had to think on that one.

"Well, I guess the beverage, seeing as though the other one is named Slippery Navel."

"Ew."

Cyclops was taken aback by my disgust. "Slippery Navel's are friggin' good, man! Especially the way Nooj makes them."

It startled me to hear Gippal refer to Nooj at all, much less in terms of camaraderie. Enough camaraderie to be drinking buddies, at that. But then again, I suppose it makes sense, doesn't it? After all, they were in the Crimson Squad together.

"Well then what's the third one?" I continued.

"The third what?"

"Ship, stupid. Your precious baby. What's its name?"

Gippal festered over this for a moment or two.

"...Pierced Navel?"

There was some silence.

Then we both inexplicably burst out laughing.

It wasn't a volcanic eruption, the kind I was notorious for on the deck of the Celsius, the kind that seemed to follow the likes of Yunie and me where ever we may go (and later Paine, who didn't really do all that much laughing, in retrospect. Though she did smirk quite a lot.) But it was a handful of hiccupped giggles, later swallowed alarmingly and tried to be ignored, for when was the last time we did that together?

For Gippal, that was probably more intimate than making love.

Only they don't make Laugh Condoms, so now I probably have his deadly tomato juice STD's.

"Alright," I conceded. "So your fetishes for navels aside, anything else I need to know about before taking up temporary residency on your ship?"

"Don't touch the thermostat," he said in all seriousness. "And, well, don't touch the thermostat."

Then a frightening realization occurred to me.

"Oh noes!" I cried, hands migrating to the sides of my peeling face.

Gippal quirked his good eyebrow.

"I left my dehydration medicine at Home!"

"Oh good gods..."

"No, really," I continued to babble. "I over heat easily, remember? I like the cold. I need the cold."

"Yes Rikku, we can all see that."

"Well then I need free reign of the thermostat!"

"Well you're not getting it," Gippal muttered. "I like it hot. Deal."

I dead panned in the wake of his attempted negotiations.

"Your chivalry is astounding."

"As is yours, dear."

I really had nowhere to go with that one. I was pissed I didn't have total control on a ship my enemy let me steal. I guess I would just have to suffer stoically. Like I usually do. Right?

"Alright," I breathed. "But if I faint and whack my head on one of your precious dash boards and have my brains and blood and bodily fluids spilling all over your floor—"

"—I'm making you clean it up."

Again. A pause. This man has no soul.

"Cyclops," I hissed out, this time taking my turn to storm off into the guest quarters I already knew were built in from previous ventures on Gippal's Fuzzy Navel.

"Trampie," he cut back, not even bothering to deliver the insult over his shoulder, instead opting to let it bounce off the windshield and ricochet back at me.

I made my melodramatic exit. Only I succeeded in actually slamming the door.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

I was getting jittery, like I had once again ingested way too much coffee to be considered healthy or even legal. I mean, I am prone to bounce off inanimate objects when not under the influence of chemical enhancement, but now that I was faced with getting to see Yunie and Tidus and Wakka and Lulu again in one fell swoop? Well, caffeinated beverages are over rated anyway. Adrenaline is a much more plausible (and cheaper) substitute.

(Never mind Auron banned me from drinking anything stronger than diet tonic water on our previous ventures. Apparently my eternal spastic nature while inebriated on things other than his precious Saki gave him a migraine.)

And, well, it's not like Gippal had coffee on his ship. Just beer.

Brother and I once had the discussion on what kind of drunk I'd be; since already insane and liable to do highly illogical things while sober. It was one of the first family debates Buddy ever participated in, and served as a rite of passage for admitting him into the family. Pops had his own reservations concerning the matter, saying that I would probably make for a depressed, suicidal drunk, not too unlike Shuyin, while Brother advocated I would just be all the more crazier.

"Yes, but she may be inclined to be abusive," Buddy noted, in tones of great import.

We all sat and pondered this for a moment.

It was a good point.

"...So, Gippal, what kind of drunk do you think I'd be?" I questioned, panting because I had just finished up my third set of jumping jacks and my fourth set of push ups (you think I got the body naturally?) mostly because I could now see the dark, ominous waters of the ocean begin to turn to more friendlier shades of innocent Besaid blue, soft and welcoming like cotton and candy, and that meant we were all the more closer to Yunie and Tidus. The clouds wisped by as my comrade lowered the Fuzzy Navel so it could take up temporary residency on the sandy shores of the island, complete with tourists and children and a practicing Blitzball team. ('I hate Blitzball,' Gippal had muttered previously, upon listening to one of my tirades concerning Tidus and his ever reigning stupidity. 'How do you think I lost my eye?' He was, of course, joking, or at least I think he was, but at any rate, I ignored his displeasure and continued to foretell of my amazing adventures experienced while saving the world that he was forced to sit out on the first time around.)

Gippal was manually making the descent through the ethereal heavens as I came up behind him and poked my face over his massive array of spikes.

My unrequited wrath that I had pledged would last a lifetime had long been forgotten, say, sometime when I saw the sandbars start materializing and the tropical birds flying overhead.

"What kind of a question is that?" he asked, scrunching up his face like a washboard made love to a slinky, and quietly trying to hide the can of alcoholic 'Al Bez' he was listlessly sipping in the cockpit.

Previously, like, two years previously, he had tried to persuade me to start on a steady diet of beer simply because the beverage is a known depressant and he thought that perhaps it would take the edge off of my stellar personality.

It didn't. But still.

"An honest one," I chirped, peering over Gippal's shoulder and eyeing the can in his right hand.

"I dunno. We've already tried getting you drunk, remember? There wasn't much of a difference."

"Gippal, I got up on your kitchen table and started ranting about nonsensical notions concerning the Bevellian sewage system."

A pause.

"...like I said, there wasn't much of a difference."

Another pause.

"I'm still mad at you."

"I couldn't tell."

Insert some unscripted grumbling here.

After a few minutes dedicated to some patented Rikku fuming, I took to pacing the length of the cockpit, my nerves now clearly evident as Gippal maintained his normal cool nature he seemed to pick up every time he piloted something twice his body mass index. (Let it be known, while the man has always had a knack for piloting airships, he is absolutely horrible at flying anything with remote controls. Even Brother can beat him in the former, which we set out to prove on fateful day in a contest set up by yours truly. Of course, Brother and I were young and stupid and forgot to factor witnesses into the occasion. The two of us yelped with glee when his homemade model aircraft passed Gippal's on the vast expanse of desert we momentarily turned into a racing arena. Gippal, trying to hide his displeasure, took up façade number one seventy five, and simply shrugged it off saying, 'No one's going to believe it.' Brother paused, confused, and asked, 'Whaddya mean?' Gippal smirked at this, setting the mood for his next statement. 'I mean I won.' Brother and I then commenced on a lengthy list of oaths we picked up from Pops some while back, but Gippal was ultimately right. No one did believe it, and he was somehow able to convince everyone in our intermedial class that he was the true victor in our backyard drag race. Brother never forgave him for it. Come to think of it, I never did, either.)

Where was I?

Oh. Nerves. Right.

"Um. Am I landing on the beach or what?"

"Yeah, yeah, go for it," I panted breathlessly.

"Dude, calm down. You sound like you just finished up having sex."

My face scrunched up, and I kicked the back of Gippal's leather clad seat with as much strength as I could muster, for the moment not caring if we crashed and died.

"Trampie!" Gippal spit out, but we both knew it would take more than my temperamental nature to have a seasoned pilot such as my comrade crash the ship in defeat.

I watched as Gippal resumed his former position and readied the Fuzzy Navel for docking.

He does it with such ease and nonchalance it's enough to make any machina guru jealous. Even me. And strangely, I find nothing hotter than watching a man work with machines. Which is not to be read into for subtext. Obvious disclaimers still apply (ex: Gippal.) But I think that's why I never developed a thing for Tidus (well, beyond that whole brother/sister thing we had going there before he disappeared and all.) He was absolutely horrible with anything involving metal and electric. I still have a hard time believing he grew up in Zanarkand, which was practically a machina metropolis, and he couldn't plug in a power converter to save his soul. Same goes for Wakka and Auron. They could punch their way through solid brick walls if called for (Wakka all by the sheer strength of his thick skulled head and his innate ability to face plow through anything that stands in his way) but none of them were any good with building or tuning or even flying for that matter. It's just so...lame. I mean, how hard is it to steer an airship? (Brother is exempt from this argument, for it is clearly evident he is still learning to deal with some severe brain trauma sustained during early childhood. Pops claims he dropped him down the stairs when he was a baby. I think he dipped his head in the toilet one too many times. At any rate.)

And then there's Buddy, who has brains like you wouldn't believe, but I think the gods removed part of his libido to make room for all of his smarts. I don't think the guy is even aware females populate the planet. Pops thinks Buddy will one day create his own robo wife, which, according to him, has obvious advantages. "Just imagine, Bro," Pops continued, on his usual soap box. "She'll clean and cook and maintain the house all without a word." He paused, and then added, "And she'd stay in the kitchen, where women belong." He said that specifically to get a rise out of me, and he got it, too. I chucked a ceramic bowl at his dome shaped head and missed only by a few centimeters. I don't know how you could spawn a daughter who went off and saved the world and still pretend like you believe bull like that. "And she'd probably wear clothes," he pressed on. Brother then looked at him quizzically. "Me thought robots were usually naked."

I remember smirking quite evidently at my wayward victory.

So Gippal finally touched ground and I think I nearly died from excitement.

(The nice thing about Besaid is you can feel the sun warming your back and you don't have to worry about skin boils.)

The minute the Fuzzy Navel hit sand I leaped out of the exit ramp. I had it opened while we were still in the air. Gippal spit out profanities accordingly.

o-o-o-o

The first person I ran into was an unsuspecting Wakka. I hadn't Comm-ed in ahead of time, because I thrive off the element of surprise. In response to my unforetold arrival, Wakka turned five shades of red from shock.

(Which is funny, because you'd think he'd turn white, but he didn't. I guess Wakka's just so tan his skin has forgotten how to be white. Like the sun stained him or something. Heck, I live in a desert and I'm not that tan. I want to be. But I'm not.)

I screamed like a banshee and tackle glomped him to the ground. If Lulu were the jealous type, I would have feared for my life. But she's not, and I think Wakka secretly still hates me anyway. So no worries there.

Gippal emerged from the now docked air craft to see me sprawled across the chest of Wakka, squealing and kicking like an infant past feeding time.

"I thought he was married," Gippal threw out helpfully.

At this, Wakka stammered and sputtered and reverted to shades of crimson. I didn't bother to move.

"Rikku, you're embarrassing me, ya?"

I snuggled into his chest just to further annoy him.

"It's what I live for!"

Eventually I was tossed off my perch and we both stood upright and made eye contact (and for Gippal, it was literally eye contact.) Wakka reached behind his neck to scratch awkwardly, a habitual action for him, if I recall correctly, and tried to figure out something to say after being caught off guard.

"Um..." he stuttered intelligently.

"Was he this prolific when you saved the world?" Gippal asked.

"Only when somebody mentioned machina."

"So...who's this?" Wakka finally decided to question.

"Oh, this is Gippal, my..." and I trailed off. What was he? Certainly not my friend. And he may spit blood if I refer to him in less than complimentary terms.

"...pilot," Gippal finished.

"Oh," Wakka mused. "You look familiar, ya?"

My pilot dead panned.

"I only saved the world."

"Did not," I hissed. "Paine and Yunie and I—where is Yunie anyway?"

"Back at the village. She said she's been wanting to see you."

"And that's why I'm here," I chirped, absent mindedly bouncing on the balls of my feet.

Another awkward we-have-major-cultural-differences silence.

"So, how have you been?"

"Dandy!"

Lie. Complete and utter lie.

Auron would have seen right through it, too. Because he was Auron and had these amazing psychic dead powers and could read people's minds and stuff. But not Wakka. Gods. Never Wakka.

(Why did you marry him, Lulu? Why?)

"So...how have you been?" I returned.

"Gods," Gippal breathed. "Could you guys be any more awkward?"

Wakka didn't hear, or at least pretended like he didn't.

"Good, I've got my baby boy and all, ya? He's growing day by day—Lulu can hardly keep up with him!"

And he looked happy when he said this.

So very, very happy.

And I found myself hating him for it.

But babies aren't supposed to be something you get angry over. They're supposed to provoke squeals of jubilation and exclamations of joy and the onslaught of advice that is the mantra of all mothers beforehand.

But I found myself staring dumbly at him, fighting to keep my emotions at bay. I fervently prayed Yunie was not on the mother to be list, but pushed the thought aside. Maybe the big surprise was that the world is secretly in peril and Yunie has found yet another way to sacrifice herself.

Doubtful. Tidus would probably beat her to it.

They're like the official poster couple for martyrdom.

"Baby?" Gippal repeated.

This brought me back to reality. Why would he care about babies?

"Ya man. Vidina. He's a year old already. Can you believe it?"

"Wowzers!" I cried. "It's been that long?"

Wakka reverted back to scratching his neck. He must do this to pass the time while his brain is processing.

"I think so. How old are you now, Rikku?"

"Almost twenty."

"So nineteen," Gippal corrected.

I glared. "That's what I said."

Cue the infamous eye roll.

Wakka regarded us strangely for a moment—and I didn't like it. It felt like he was trying to pull an 'I'm old and wise now and therefore can spot romantic couplings in the making.' I wanted to stab him with something. Preferably something blunt so it would hurt more.

After a little more small talk ('So how's Brother?'—which came out sounding more like 'So how's Brudda?'—and I had to honestly reply that I had no idea if he was dead or alive at the current moment; though I admitted that I was leaning more towards the alive possibility as it were) Wakka began to lead us back to the village.

And it was just as dull and insipid as I remembered it.

There's, like, nothing to do there.

I looked over at Gippal to see how he was adapting to the new climate, and was amused to find him glancing repetitively at the ocean, like it was some giant, colossal fiend he was incapable of defeating and it was going to reach out with its personified arms and devour him whole.

Ha; Gippal the Immortal, scared by water.

While I was mentally plotting all the ways I could use this newfound information to my sadistic advantage, I was alarmed to discover that we had somehow, in the midst of all my scheming, made our way to the village of Besaid in record time, and a smirking, sexy looking Lulu was there to greet us.

It's not fair. She always looks hot. Even when she was pregnant and gained, like, eighty bazillion pounds, she still was able to bring a man to his knees with the blink of an eye. And now, more so than ever, what with having a rambunctious toddler running around and sticking every inanimate object into every open orifice he could find, she still looked like the runner up for the Ms. Luca Pageant. (I say runner up because Yunie would most undoubtedly win. Sorry Lulu. My cousin's hotter.)

Lulu actually smiled when she saw me, a rare feat in and of itself because, much like Paine, she usually resorts to simply smirking, and seemed to size Gippal up when her eyes fluttered from that of her husband to the newcomer.

She was probably thinking of all the ways she could vanquish his ass with her black magic.

And since Gippal can't even caste Cure without going into a conniption fit, I doubt he'd put up much of a fight.

Standing behind Lulu's dress, all shy and timid like, was the aforementioned Vidina, appropriately sucking on some inedible object probably due to the arrival of teeth. At the very least, Lulu should have looked sleep deprived. But she didn't.

Vidina wobbled over to me and risked a glance northward. I waved awkwardly and pat it on the head.

"Rikku, what the hell? It's not a dog."

"I'd prefer if you refrain from swearing in the presence of my son," Lulu remarked, her voice deep and sultry as ever.

I stifled a smirk. Ha ha; Lulu: one, Gippal: zero.

But, almost as if to repent for the act, Gippal leaned over and tossed the kid over his shoulder and started to whirl him around at the speed of sound.

I dunno about you, but if some freaky one eyed stranger picked me up before even saying hello, I'd be frickin' freaked out.

"Hey, that's my job, man," Wakka pouted.

Vidina giggled accordingly and I was caught off guard by the proximity of Lulu's impending voice.

"So how have you been, Rikku?"

I startled at the inquisition. She had somehow managed to stealth float over to my side.

"Oh! Good, good," I chanted, trying to ignore the incessant complaining that is Wakka ('Hey man, give him back now, ya? That's my son, not yours. Hey. Hey!') "We've been busy rebuilding Home and stuff. Pops was all like 'Rikku you hurry up on back here and help your ol' man out!' So I really had no choice but to oblige. Um, how's Yunie? Is she around?"

"She's in her home."

And something in the way she said that rubbed me the wrong way.

No, she wasn't at home. Home was the Celsius. Home was me, Brother, Buddy, Shinra, and Paine. Home was in the sky. Home was other people.

This was not home.

But I plastered on a faux smile of merry mirth and continued on my way.

Just as we were about to enter the village, I heard a very unpleasant sound, much akin to the ones Gippal made when he was busy dry heaving what he didn't already drink of the tomato juice, and turned around to find Gippal standing there, in the middle of the clearing, with a copious amount of baby spit adorning his face.

"Ha," I choked out. I didn't mean to. I totally did not want to sound immature in front of Lulu, of all people, who can look calm and at peace even when fighting Sin or Seymour (all the while without breaking a sweat or misplacing a hair,) but my mouth runs without my consent.

(To this day I am still fairly certain all Lulu would have to do is glare at Shuyin and he would have backed down out of fear and respect. But as it goes, the rest of us actually had to resort to fighting. Paine did try the glaring part, though.)

"He's an…interesting character," Lulu noted.

"Who? Gippal? Pu-lease."

"How do you two know each other?"

"We've been stuck together since childhood," I blabbered absent mindedly while I watched Gippal try to wipe the gunk off his face. ('I told ya you should have given him back to me, ya?') "He's the leader of the Machine Faction and stuff. Or so he claims. Baralai seems to be under the misconception that he played some part in saving the world." I looked over at Lulu. "Ya know, the Ribbons Ceremony?"

"Yuna did mention that," she recalled.

"Yeah, well, I hijacked his ship because there was no way I was gonna hitch hike all the way to Bevelle, and he decided to tag along. Sorta."

"He decided to tag along to his own ceremony," Lulu repeated incredulously.

"Something like that."

"…I see."

"Anyhow, I'm kinda glad your baby spit up on him. He must be able to smell evil people a mile away. Maybe he can sniff out the next undead madman before he builds a huge mechanical robot to destroy all of Spira?"

Lulu was somehow deep in thought. Which confused me. I didn't exactly say anything that thought provoking in the last five minutes.

"…Actually, Vidina typically doesn't care for strangers. He much more apt to cry or hide when someone approaches him."

"Or throw up," I finished happily.

"That may be because Gippal was spinning him around." Lulu cleared her throat. "Like a Frisbee."

"I pity his children," I finished for her, but she made another thoughtful face and I was convinced that Wakka and Lulu were involved in some sort of face making conspiracy because they kept looking at me funny.

I could hear Vidina giggling away as he spread the throw up all over the remainders of Gippal's face with his pudgy hands.

Ha; let's see if Nhadala wants him now.

It's strange to see the man of the year getting face painted by a toddler with his own phlegm.

It's stranger still to know that he let him.

o-o-o-o

I guess I could tell you how excited I was to finally see Yunie, but I don't want to freak you out.

(Though I must admit, if there was ever anyone who could convince me to go gay, I'd have to say Yuna would be it. She's just so pretty and so perfect and so awesome and why oh why can't I be just like her?)

I immediately went to tackle glomp her, but was stopped be the ever present Tidus, who I swear is never more than five feet away, when he thrust out his arm and threw me over his back, much akin to Gippal's previous actions with Vidina.

"Hey," I whined. "Lemme go! Lemme go!"

I was surprised to see that Vidina had migrated to Gippal's neck and was now peering at me quizzically from behind his head. I would have thought getting spewn upon would be enough incentive to give the thing back to its rightful owner.

"You can't tackle glomp her," Tidus explained, somewhat more seriously than I had ever heard him explain anything before (which was odd considering he was using a word like 'tackle glomp.' I invented that word. You can not say it seriously.)

"Alright, alright. Now lemme go. You're just doing this because you want to cop a feel, you big pervert."

Tidus responded by abruptly dropping me on the adjacent cot and letting me plop down on my butt with a resounding thunk. I bolted upright immediately after and went for Yuna once again. Just incase I hadn't heard him the first time, Tidus grabbed the top of my head and pushed me back down on the bed. "No tackle glomping. I'm serious."

"I get it already!" I swatted at his hands like they were bugs intent on sucking the life out of me. "And yes, it's nice to see you too!"

And if I find out that he somehow impregnated Yuna I swear to all that is holy I'll castrate him.

(I also swear that I can hear Auron's voice in the back of my head going, '…That's only slightly counter productive.' Followed by a dot dot dot. And some veering.)

This time I approached Yuna slowly and gingerly hugged her from the side (since Tidus had already anticipated my frontal assault and was conveniently blocking the way.)

Tidus seemed to go somewhat green when he focused on Gippal for the first time.

"You didn't tell me she had a boyfriend," Tidus said to his newlywed, and it looked as though she was biting the inside of her cheek to keep from laughing.

I was biting the inside of my cheek too, but it was to keep from vomiting.

"Why does everyone pair me up with him?" I all but screeched. "Ewie!"

Tidus quirked and eyebrow. He was just all kinds of serious today.

I risked a glance at Gippal to see how he was handling it and was surprised to see Vidina mindlessly fiddling with his new friend's spikes.

"I don't date outside my species," Gippal responded without missing a beat, yet somehow waiting one just the same for dramatic effect. "Now Yuna, on the other hand, well, I'd gladly date her."

Tidus turned from green to greener.

"He's kidding, ya?" Wakka tried from behind the now two headed Cyclops. Which I guess technically wouldn't make him a Cyclops anymore. What with three eyes as opposed to one.

(…I had forgotten Gippal's affinity to flirt with all who were female and aesthetically pleasing.)

Which surprised me, because he hadn't hit on Lulu yet. Maybe the belts and the total ownage from before had scared him.

Oh, and the whole being married bit.

But that didn't seem to phase him now.

"Calm down, I'm just messing with you."

Tidus seemed to fume in the wake of Gippal's previous dismissal and I ingeniously decided to break the tension by voicing my dire need for some sort of food.

It worked rather well, because it distracted Tidus enough to turn his attention elsewhere as he slowly processed my request. Food, yes, food. Tidus had a tendency to forget to eat. Not so much because he was stupid like Brother but more because he just got too obsessively involved in whatever he happened to be doing beforehand. Like trying to go cave man on Gippal's head.

After some persuasion on Yunie's behalf, she managed to coax Tidus (and the rest of us, for that matter) into the kitchen for 'refreshments' and 'appetizers' while she busied herself making a 'pot luck supper.' I almost requested some tomato juice, just to see the look on Gippal's face, but somehow found it within me to refrain.

o-o-o-o

For those who do not know, pot luck suppers take forever and a day to actually make, so I decided to go for a walk.

I mean, I know that sounds crazy. To talk about nothing but seeing Yunie again and then when I finally do, to up and leave.

But the truth is, amidst all the hustle and bustle, it was beginning to sound like home, just not this home, or the one Pops was rebuilding. It was beginning to sound like the deck of the Celsius, how when Buddy was trying to cook dinner against all of Brother's protests and locking himself in the kitchen ('I can cook! I no need your help! Go away!' 'Brother, no offense, man, you're great and all, but you can not cook.') Paine would then mumble something about how we were all doomed the day Brother discovered the wonders of an open flame.

At that point Buddy would usually resort to having Shinra pick the lock with some new high tech gadget (or a simple paper clip) and then proceed to tackle Brother to the floor and tie him up so the two could go about creating a dinner that was actually edible, and sparing our lives while at it.

It was only going to be a short walk. Maybe, like, five or ten minutes. Then I was going to return and convince Yunie to rejoin the Gullwings, despite Tidus and all. I momentarily contemplated the odds of kidnapping her, but then she'd be stuck on the Fuzzy Navel, and I didn't think my cousin deserved that sort of cruel and unusual punishment. Not yet, anyway. Maybe if she decides to start a family or something. But not yet.

I stopped when I realized I could go no further, compliments of the Besaid Ocean, and decided to sit at its shores and watch the sunset. It's a rare feat for an Al Bhed to watch the sunset, since they are usually so cruel and unforgiving back at Home, and only when we traveled elsewhere were we able to admire its beauty. Which is kind of hard in and of itself, to be honest, because it triggers so many memories of stifling heat and torrents of sweat and bad BO, but I figured I'd give it a shot since I was at a lack of better things to do. Besides moping, of course. But I guess that's sorta what I ended up doing anyway, sitting there all by myself, trying to stomach the fear of losing Yunie to a life of pot luck suppers and insipid villages and teething babies.

And I guess, in the two years that Tidus was off busy being dead (or a dream, or a time traveler, or whatever the heck he ended up turning into; I kind of dozed off during the epilogue), I had forgotten his innate ability to read me so damn well and was shocked to discover that, lo and behold, the tackle glomping natzi had followed me (he had gone more than five feet away from his beloved Yuna!) and was now sitting at my side and staring out over the ocean.

"Ya know, you never did tell me about your boyfriend."

"Oh my gods, Tidus, I swear, you are such a girl sometimes!" I then punched him in the arm. "First of all, he is not my boyfriend, just someone I happened to save the world with, and second of all, he's only here because I stole his ship!"

"With him in it?"

"…I wasn't planning on that."

Tidus chuckled to himself and continued to watch the waves lap at the shore.

"I guess that makes sense. I can't exactly see you settling down with anybody."

"Damn straight!" I confirmed. "I'm not settling down ever."

"Never? Like, never ever?"

And it occurred to me that mental astuteness must not have been something high on the list when Yuna was choosing a significant other.

"Nope."

"Yeah, I said that once too."

I looked at him sideways for a moment. Then I turned my attention back to the ocean. It was now a startling shade of tangerine, like the sun was bleeding into the sea or something, and the whole spectacle kind of threw me for a loop, because oceans aren't supposed to be orange, they're supposed to be blue.

"So, after the Gullwings get resituated," I informed Tidus, just for his information, "we'll be back to pick up Yuna and all. You can tag along if you like, but we're not stopping at every city so you can sate you blitzball addiction."

Tidus leaned back on the heels of his hands and waited for me to continue. He was smirking wildly, and it was beginning to worry me, almost as though something was amusing him more than it should.

"And we'll be able to hunt for treasure again," I continued to babble, more for my sake than his. "And everything will be just like it was."

There was an unscripted pause as I resumed my previous riveting activity of staring at the ginger dyed waves.

"….Rikku," Tidus began, trepidation hiding within the confines of his words. "What's stopping you from going out on your own?"

I blinked. "Huh?"

"You're a big girl now, right?"

I nodded vigorously.

"Then why do you think you need the Gullwings to search for adventure? Why can't you just go out and find it on your own?"

I gnawed at my chapped lower lip. I had stopped using lip gloss ever since I had stopped living with Yunie, because she was the only one who ever bothered to carry the stuff around. I was too spastic and Paine was too apathetic. But that didn't stop me from stealing my cousin's. And she had so many flavors to choose from. My favorite was Blueberry Blast. Paine hated it on me, though. Said it made me look like I was oxygen deprived and if I didn't play my cards right, someone was liable to start mouth to mouth if I so much as dozed off in one of the taverns.

"No one kiss my sister," Brother muttered from the driver's seat. "Kiss my sister and die."

At any rate; that was not now and now was not then. I averted my attention back to a wildly grinning Tidus.

"It's no fun alone," I complained. "And Yunie's my family. Family sticks together, ya know?"

Tidus' brow seemed to furrow at this last comment, and that only made me worry all the more. He started combing the immediate proximity for wayward shells and forgotten pebbles that lay amidst the sandy shores of the island. He then silently began to toss them, one by one, into the shimmering ocean.

I could tell he was stalling for time. You throw pebbles into lakes, not oceans.

"Well what if," he began, drawing in a deep breath before continuing. "What if Yuna wanted to start her own family?"

"…She'd need to get permission."

"Permission! Permission from who?"

"…Me."

"Um, Rikku," Tidus tried again, lowering his voice and octave. "What if she already chose to start a family?"

I gnawed at the inside of my cheek. "That's unacceptable."

"…Unacceptable," Tidus repeated, already sensing the impending storm.

"Yes. She's not allowed to start a family yet. The Gullwings have to get back together, Tidus! We have to start looking for treasure again!"

There was a very strangled sigh emitted on the blitzball player's behalf.

"What if…what if Yuna doesn't want to search for treasure anymore?"

"Yuna always wants to search for treasure," I corrected him. "So she can give it all away to charity or something. You know her. Always putting others first and all that."

"I am aware of that…aspect of her personality."

"Aspect?" I repeated, scrunching up my nose. "Tidus, you shouldn't use big words you don't know the meaning to."

"I know the meaning to aspect," he dead panned.

I supplied a very resounding 'hmph' and continued to brood over the sunset, which was now finishing up on its descent for the evening.

"Just because you're not ready to settle down doesn't mean—"

"Yunie shouldn't be ready to settle down either! She's still young! And…and, well, young! Young people don't settle down! They live their lives like no tomorrow! They go out there and change the world! They make names for themselves! They—"

"…Rikku, Yuna's already done all that."

"Nu-uh," I spat. "She only saved the world twice. I'm sure there'll be another half crazed psycho plotting world domination sooner or later."

"So why don't you take care of them?"

I flirted with the notion for about half a nanosecond. It didn't seem all the appealing.

"It's no fun alone."

Tidus laughed.

"Who says you're alone? You've got that…one eyed guy with you."

"First of all, his name is Cyclops," I corrected. "And second of all, he's nothing more than my pilot."

"Then why is he getting a statue in Bevelle?"

"He's getting a statue in Bevelle because he's all buddy buddy with Baralai, who, if I recall correctly, almost got us all killed while we were trying to defeat Vegnagun." I paused. "You should go to Bevelle and, like, punch him or something. He almost eliminated your precious summoner."

"Nice try," Tidus leered. "I'm not leaving Yuna at your mercy. For all I know, you'll kidnap her and force her to reinstate the Gullwings."

Dammit! How did he figure it out?

"Besides, I'll be there for the Ribbons Ceremony anyway. We can go punch him together."

I paused.

"Well, I can't punch him because I'm part of the statue." I chewed on my lip. "But you can."

"Yeah, speaking of which, how come I never got a statue?" Tidus muttered, momentarily going emo on me as he veered out over the ocean.

"Maybe because you, like, died and stuff."

"That doesn't matter. I still should have gotten a statue."

I heaved a sigh that was so intense it pretty much depleted my lungs from all of their oxygen in one long exhalation.

"You really are a girl, Tidus."

"If I was a girl I wouldn't have been able to get Yuna pregnant."

And I don't know why he chose to drop the bomb on me the way he did. I guess, now that I look back on it, he was hinting at it all along, but I was simply choosing to skip down the path of blissful ignorance and pretend like I hadn't caught on to all the innuendo he kept lacing into every comment bestowed upon me.

So, I'd like to say I maintained a very mature, stoic composer, that my façade was that of 'congratulations!' and 'oh I'm so happy for you!' But in reality, we all know the type of girl I am, and it is not the type to sit there and keep all of her feelings bottled up inside of her simply because it is the cultural norm.

"You suck fiend balls!" I cried, this time punching him in the side of the face. I mean, it wasn't like a death blow or anything, and I could have gone a lot harder on him if I wanted to, but I did aim towards his visage as opposed to his arm.

He should be grateful; originally I had all intentions of aiming at his crotch.

"Ow, Rikku, cut it out!"

I then finished up my attack by leaping to my feet and delivering a swift kick to his gut. He winced a little—perhaps being a star struck lover had softened him—and I found that his abs weren't at all what they used to be. Auron would be disappointed. Tidus should have kept in better shape while he was gone.

"Why? You're not pregnant. I can tackle glomp you!"

"This isn't tackle glomping! This is torturing!"

"Torturing?" I repeated, my voice cracking, as it is always liable to do under times of duress. "You want to see torturing? Try spending an entire day stuck on a ship with Gippal and then we'll see who's whining about torture."

I settled on one more jab in the ribs and left it at that. If I ever had homicidal urges, I would most definitely choose to eliminate Gippal before Tidus. That's just me, but there's not really anyone else higher on my hit list except for possibly Shuyin, and he's already dead.

Though that didn't stop him from coming back the last time.

Regardless, I left my foster brother/cousin in law/somewhat good looking relative (that never really mattered because he sucked with machines anyway) sprawled out on the shores of Besaid as I indignantly stalked back off to the village, where I would have to swallow my bile for a third time this evening and make nice with Yunie who had chosen to abandon me for this…this family business she seems so keen on all of the sudden. I was going to have to touch her tummy and giggle when the thing kicked. I was going to have to ask her all about name choices and organic baby food. I was going to have to inquire as to schools and diapers and bottles and…and maybe I'd be inquiring as to a different bottle, say one with alcoholic attributes, which I'm sure Gippal must have tucked away on the ship somewhere.

And maybe that's what I need. To go get plastered on the Fuzzy Navel. Because anything beats sitting around a table of newly wed mothers hell bent on sharing their joy with someone who would much rather be left alone.

o-o-o-o-o

Author's Notes

o-o-o-o-o

Okay. So there are multiple reasons Rikku is so anti-baby in this story, I just have not revealed them all yet. (I figured I'd throw that out there before someone has a heart attack over the potential OOC-ness in this chapter.)

And major LOLZ to heaven-monument: beer is now an activity, not just a beverage.

Oh, and the reviewer riku made a good point: is Nhadala really Gippal's sister? Did they say that in the YRP dig? OO Gippal is all kinds of kinky in my story, now isn't he?

And I wanted to thank you all for reading and reviewing! It really means a lot to me! I audibly squeal and do a happy dance for every review. So make Vixen squeal! And leave a review!

(You don't have to, of course. But I really do squeal when I get reviews. XD)