Brief Commentary:
Isn't this just peachy?
'Death is the Road to Awe' by Clint Mansell plsu. Also a few various Japanese songs and 'Speeding Cars.'
Now, now darling,
Oh, don't lose your head
'Cause none of us were angels
And you know I love you, yeah...
Reasons Not For Your Ears
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Winry silently climbed the stairs in the apartment building, shoving wet hair and bangs out of her face and unable to suppress a cold shiver. She had become completely soaked in the time it had taken her to get back home, and she was already planning out a nice, hot bath. Forced to take the jacket draped over her book bag off, and the book bag off of her back, it took her a minute or two to fumble through the various things in it in order to find the apartment room's key.
The key made a quiet click as it unlocked the door. Winry was greeted with an unusually loud silence as she entered; all of the lights were off, not a sound being made except for the soft scuffle of her shoes on the floor. This was strange...a balance was off, somehow, and she could feel a small bit of herself quivering in fear and anticipation. She set her book bag onto the coffee table in the kitchen/living room (Pinako had acquired it recently), and began a search through the apartment. Her grandmother was always home at this time of day. Always.
Little pinpricks of terror danced across Winry's skin as she walked back out from the bedrooms, the bathroom, even the hall closet, to reach the kitchen/living room once again. Pinako hadn't been anywhere, and she found herself much too distracted by this to properly push away her fear. She had just made a quick search around the living room-like area with the same results, and now the teenager found herself turning to the kitchen - her grandmother's element. The tiny island in the center seemed to stand proudly, as if daring her to look behind it.
Her footsteps felt heavy as she approached the kitchen, her shoes making a haunting clicking noise on the suddenly tile floor. As she turned to glimpse behind the counter, Winry knew she was expecting the worst.
And she received it.
Her heart was suddenly thrumming very loudly in her ears, her brain feeling as though it were knocking around in her skull, and the feelings she had been keeping locked up for so very long crying out at her, begging to be released. Voices from long-forgotten memories screamed in her ears, invisible hands touching her in places of comfort and in places where no one ought to venture. She thought she heard herself give a hoarse little moan, but with all of the noise in her head, she could not tell.
Winry!
Winry...!!
I said...not to move, didn't I? ...You shouldn't be screaming...either.
It's okay, I'm here, Winry, I love you.
WINRY!!
I'm sorry, sixteen. Either way you will be dead.
You're safe now, Winry, don't worry...
That's not funny, Win.
Winry-san! Hello there! Are you quite all right?
Don't you dare lay a hand on my daughter, don't you dare...!!
Winry?
I killed them, those sons of bitches!
Winry, where are you?
Winry...
Her emotions whirled through her head in an explosion of colors and shapes, Winry feeling tears streak down her face as she began to vomit. Palms smacking the floor, her body shook with a sudden wave of adrenaline, and her stomach continuously found more and more things for it to reject as she tried to tell herself that it was all a hallucination, this wasn't happening.
I love you so much, Winry.
I've been waiting for this day for five years...
But her sudden waves of grief and terror overpowered these thoughts; her body was so unused to them that she began to wail aloud. Winry shivered as a hand touched her inner thigh for a flicker of a second before disappearing, the last of the vomit hitting the kitchen tiles before she used a shaky hand to snatch a dishtowel off of the floor and wipe her mouth. Still wailing, still crying, she attempted to rise to her feet, ignoring the feel of a hand on her shoulder as she did so.
Winry, go give your Baa-chan a hug!
I'm so proud of you,
WINRY.
She felt like a little child as her palms went to wipe away her tears, her mouth continuously making nonsensical noises that sounded like crosses between hiccuping and screeching. She forced her eyes to lead themselves back to the kitchen floor, as if to better accept her realization. Winry felt like vomiting all over again as she stared, turning away at the last minute. Her emotions, her feelings, her thoughts, her happy memories...they were all back, violently pushing away her "no emotion logic," triggered by only one thing.
Pinako Rockbell was dead.
Winry didn't know why she was out, alone in the rain, running. Her mind had given her a stupid solution, and she had followed it without a moment's hesitation. She had raced out of her apartment, probably forgetting to lock or even close the door behind her. Not caring as her clothes and hair once again became soaked with the rain water, and thankful that the rain would disguise her tears from passerby, she only had one objective in mind.
She had to find him. She didn't know where he was, and the city was huge, but she needed him suddenly, with a longing and a heart-breaking sadness she had not previously been aware of. At least, not to the degree of strength it was at now. Her feet had taken her in the direction of the mansion, and she hoped she could still be able to find him on the street, not in the huge house he lived in. Her breathing was shallow and painful, and her legs were aching, feet struggling for a grip on the slick cement. More than once already she had fallen over, possibly spraining one of her arms, but she didn't care.
Where was he?
Where was - oh.
There.
She had probably scared the ever-living shit out of him, barreling into him like that, but she didn't care. Winry pressed into him, ignoring his demands of "What the fuck?" as she breathed in his noticeably fainter cigarette smell. He grasped her shoulders tightly, and pushed her away so that he could look at her. Edward's yellow eyes were narrowed with irritation and curiosity at the redness of her face. It seemed he could tell her tears apart from the rain.
"Hey...zombie..." his voice softened, "What the hell happened?"
Winry's fingers trembled as she clutched at the material of his school uniform, which was as wet as hers. Her mouth opened uselessly; it took her a minute to regain her voice.
"S-she's...she's dead, she's dead and I'm so stupid...she's dead..." she cried, hardly able to see past her tears. "She's dead, she's dead..."
He seemed to know who "she" was without need for explanation, and with a small sigh, he released her shoulders. Edward stared at the pavement for a few moments, before beckoning her to come closer. Winry did so without hesitation, throwing her arms around his torso as his came to circle his own around her back and head. The position was a bit uncomfortable - she was leaning over with her nose slightly meshed against his chest, but this was good enough for her as she allowed herself to cry, regretting and remembering, remembering and regretting. And Edward, he just stood there with her in his arms, and let her do so.
"I never...I never said anything...I just..I ne-...n-never said 'I love you,' or anything, and we had st-stopped talking...I'm so a- aw-awful...I'm sure she hated me when she d-died...I...I never s-said...n-never...no, I j-just.."
After fifteen to twenty minutes, Winry's sobbing subsided, and she timidly looked up at him. His gaze was careful and unusually warm and sympathetic, and she felt herself hug him harder. Edward returned the gesture, and she wondered if she was imagining the feeling of lips in her hair.
"I'm really sorry, zombie," he murmured, his voice nearly lost in the soft whisper of rain. "Really sorry. It sucks to have people you care about die, I know... Sure, I didn't lose both my parents, and I've never known my grandparents... Still sucks, though..."
She nodded, finding that she couldn't speak any more. The rain was still falling, and Winry realized how unbearably cold it was outside - the only source of heat available was Edward, but she wasn't sure it would be okay to get any closer than she was now...
Edward was thinking differently, apparently - she felt his hands slide to the sides of her head, and he lifted her face towards his. Her eyes widened, and her breath hitched as he pressed his chapped lips to her own. As the memory of the first "kiss" flooded back into her mind, she realized that this wasn't as hard, as forced, as needy. Granted, there was still a great pressure and it seemed a bit awkward...but it would do.
A soft warmth began to flow through her, originating from each place they were touching. The rain couldn't bother her now, and the paralyzing grief of her grandmother's death had been temporarily forgotten as she slowly returned the gesture. She tried to suppress her own smile as she felt the corners of his mouth turn up a bit, but it didn't work.
Once Winry had called the hospital, Pinako's body had been taken in for examination. The causes for death had been simultaneous heart and lung failure, and apparently the unhealthy conditions of the aforementioned organs originated quite some time before that.
The young Rockbell woman wondered if she'd ever be able to stop hating herself for how she had treated her grandmother prior to her death. Had Pinako understood that she still loved her? Had her grandmother still loved her? Winry began to cry again at the thought, and even the close presences of Edward and Alphonse (who had quickly been notified) were of little consolation.
But besides her emotional concerns, Winry was also worried about where and with whom she would live. Pinako had been the last of her close family, the rest being distant cousins, aunts, and uncles who she had never met before in her life. She didn't want to move away from the apartment - she rather enjoyed how small it was, and it would be torturous to leave behind her friends and everything that had occurred in this strange city.
She had quietly voiced this issue to Alphonse, who had retained a thoughtful look on his face for the past few minutes, deep in thought. The three of them still sat in the hospital waiting room, in case any other news surrounding Pinako's death would be released. So far, the only other news was that she had sustained a minor head injury when she had collapsed to the floor, but it would not have been lethal if she hadn't had her heart and lung failure.
Winry glanced over at the younger Elric when he made a small sound of satisfaction, her expression tired and desperate. When Alphonse had shown up to meet them, the relief on his face when he saw that she was actually crying over her grandmother's death was astounding - he had hugged her as well and murmured a mixture of "Thank God," and "I'm so sorry, Winry."
"Winry, it's quite simple," Alphonse told her cheerfully. "I'll buy the apartment building, and you can remain there, as long as you continue to pay the rent. You won't have to worry about your age, and if you have financial problems, I'll help you out. Is that alright?"
She stared, mouth opening and closing like a fish's. She had quite stupidly forgotten how rich the Elrics were.
I think I really rushed this chapter... For those of you who complain that this story is very slow paced, this is a prime example as to why I make it slow paced.
