A/N- WOOT CHAPTER #3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DEI-KUN! HIDA-KUN!!!!!! and poor kabuto!!!!
lol btw, I am having a serious character problem...lol a certain guy is causing problems for me...a Mr. Kabuto Yakushi. I CANNOT GET HIS CHARACTER RIGHT! AND IT DRIVES ME MAD!!!!!!!!TT I just read Tayuya vs Shika like eight times now...study study study, and I'm not even TRYING to get Orochi in character...why you ask? Because he's just so fun to torture.
DISSSYCLAIMER! I OWN NARUTO! fully named Nameless oblivious retard useless touchy oron-moron lol JUST KIDDING! I DONT OWN HIM! OR HIS SHOW!
chapter three- I'm not quiet, I just hate you.
"YAKUSHI! Will you move your lazy ass and hurry the hell up?!" Tayuya shouted angrily at the ever so slow moving Kabuto behind her, his arms, and his back covered with suprisingly, a shitload of luggage. Probably slowly breaking his arms. It really was a lot bigger than one would expect.
"Why can't you carry your own stuff?"
"I would have liked to force the gorge king Orochimaru to do it..." She grinned. "But you're a hell of a lot more fun to torture."
"Damn."
"Consider it punishment for being partly fucking responsible for this."
Kabuto moaned. "It was really only Lord Orochimaru..."
"What?"
"Nothing..."
He muttered curses under his breath. Witch. Well, it could be worse, he could be baby-sitting Sasuke right now, and THAT my friends, is torture. It had come to the point were he told himself that he would rather kill himself then listen to some story about how Itachi ruined Easter. He shuddered at every thought like that.
"HURRY THE HELL UP, KABUTO!"
"Fine...I'm coming...geez."He groaned in a very non-enthusiatic way. This story repeated itself until they reached the sound village gate. Kabuto threw down her luggage, gasping for air.
"My god Kabuto, be a fucking man."
He glared. His glasses gleamed. "You try keeping in shape after three years of ordering pizza and answering phones for a creepy ass snake."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, tell to someone who gives a damn, shithead."
S...screw you. He thought angrily, as her eyes rolled from annoyance in combination with her impatience.
Her foot tapped the ground. "When the hell is this guy going to GET here?!"
"Tayuya...we got here five seconds ago...you can't expect him to teleport here on your will..."
"THE HELL I CAN'T!"
Kabuto groaned. There was a long pause. She was getting more aggravated by the second, which was visible because her glare was constantly get stronger.
"FUCK!"
"Screaming curses into the air blindly isn't going to help."
"SHUT THE HELL UP SMART-ASS!" She turned on him. He just sighed. This was going to be a long wait. "It helps me, dipshit."
"Fine...fine...suit yourself."
"Ugh...My GOD!"
"Tayuya, do you even know what this guy looks like?"
"Um...no Kabuto...I can't exactly SEE over the damn telephone."
"You could ask for a description, smart-ass..."
"Screw you."
"And you're supposed to be smart..."
She tapped the ground harder. "My GOD WILL HE JUST..."
Bird...a really, big...bird...thing...She stared blankly until someone jumped off, a blonde-haired nin, her eyes widened in shock.
"O...M...F...G" She muttered, using the actual letters."I'm engaged to a fucking girl."
The blonde glared and groaned. "I'm...not a girl, un."
"Are you sure?"
"Pretty sure I know my own sex, un."
"Oh...hoh..."
Kabuto looked over to them, and froze on the spot. Holy...shit...
"Uh...hey, Deidara, how's...it going?" He waved nervously. Well this figures...Tayuya must be a curse or something. "Long...time...no...see."
"Hm?" Deidara glanced over a bit. "Hey, Kabuto, un."
"HURRY THE HELL UP DEIDARA!"
"Oh...I see you..brought Hidan...too...eh..heh.."
"Yea, guess I did, un."
"Hey, Kabuto, you know this perverted ass?" Tayuya commented rather rudely. "Wow, how fucking Ironic, he's probably a wuss like you."
They both glared at her for that one. Kabuto coughed.
"You could say...we've...worked together."
"I'll just take the girl and go then, un."
"You mean you're not like, going to try and kill Orochimaru and me for like...betraying Akatsuki and all that?"
Deidara sighed. "Kabuto, I'm off duty, I don't have time to deal with that crap." He shook his head, "Plus I have to get back to HQ before that little runt bastard squeals on Hidan and I , un."
"By the way, how's Sasori?"
Deidara groaned. "He's picking flowers, making his puppets, and eating candy like a good evil child."
"Really?"
"No, he's dead, un."
"Wow, thats a shocker."
Deidara turned to the once again impatient Tayuya.
"You know...you aren't as pretty as we thought you were going to be, un."
"Screw you, transvestite."
"Well...whatever, let's go, un."
Kabuto raised a hand. "Deidara, one more question?"
"WHAT NOW?!"
"I hate it here, can I come?"
"No."
"I just don't want to be around when Jirobo starts talking about eating people again, I don't think he's talking about chakra anymore either..." He shivered.
"Wow...it really sucks to be you, Kabuto, un?"
"Yes...I know."
"Let's go already, Deirdre."
"Deidara."
"Whatever, shithead."
He growled lowly. Very unamused.
"FUCKING HURRY YOUR ASSES UP!"
"..." Deidara mumbled something unintelligible under his breath, which of course most likely ended with an un, as usual. He started to wonder if this "Tayuya" was some sort of Hidan female clone or something, and if Tobi squealed yet or not, if not, they should be in the clear...as long as Kakuzu didn't count his money.
"Can we get the hell outta this shithole now?!"
"Get on the damned bird, un."
"BOUT TIIME!"
She attempted slowly climbing onto the bird, however much it freaked her out when it absorbed her hand a bit. She pulled it out hastily. She stood up waving off the side. "HEEEEEEEEY KAAAABUTO!"
He glanced over. Is this the part where she gets all out of character and screams I'll miss you or something?
"LATER YOU GRAY-HAIRED, SHITHEAD!"
False alarm.
"WILL YOU LOWER YOUR DAMN VOICE?! THERE ARE OTHER PEOPLE ON THIS THING!" Spoke the other man other than Deidara that was just now climbing up, this one had a bluish, silverish tint to his hair. She turned.
Stare.
Stare.
Stare.
Stare.
Stare.
"Deal with it, you whiny little bitch." She snarled. He turned to Deidara.
"Hey, Deidara, are you sure you got the right one?!"
Deidara nodded, but didn't say anything, he could already tell that this was going to be such a wonderful trip. He rolled his eyes. Compulsive curser number one, with constant complaining included. And Compulsive curser number two, in need of serious anger management, and overall, due to the ad...a total whore.
Kabuto sighed as they took off, then paused. Feels like I'm forgetting something...something important...but..what is it...hmm. He thought for a bit. Then it snapped. Oh shit I forgot the money...
He dragged his feet slowly. Kidomaru would be his replacement slave, because when he got back...Lord Orochimaru and Jirobo were going to eat him. Or kill him...whatever, either way he was going to die.
"Um...Deidre, I have a damn question."
"It's Dei...ah, never mind..."
Tayuya chuckled victoriously. "Which one of you shitheads do I have to marry?"
Hidan laughed. "As if anyone would want to marry YOU. You're just gonna be a maid." He spat out, a tad bit too loud. "I just met you two minutes ago and I can tell you're a bitch...besides, you're not even that pretty."
"You really have a way with women, Hidan.Un,"
"What's your name?" She asked, eyes slanted.
"Hidan, why?"
"I just like to theirs before."
"Before what?"
"SO IM A BITCH AM I?!" She roared out of nowhere. "Maybe you should could consider your own damn looks before mine as well, you WHINY ASS, HOMELY BITCH OF A SHITHEAD!"
"Wow, such language, un."
"HAH! AS FUCKING IF! YOU'RE TEN KADDRAUDMILLION TIMES MORE UGLY THAN ME!"
"UGLY AND A DUMBASS! THAT ISN'T A REAL NUMBER, JACKASS!" Tayuya shouted back. This could go on for awhile. Deidara twitched, the nerve in the back of his neck followed. He was going to kill them both if this went on for much much longer.
"AT LEAST I DONT DYE MY HAIR!" Hidan shouted.
"OH, MY HAIR?! WHAT ABOUT YOUR'S?! I SUPPOSE IT TURNED BLUE ON IT'S FUCKING OWN?!"
"It's silver."
"It's blue."
"It's silver."
"ITS BLUE!"
"Silver!"
"Blue!"
"Sil..."
"Will you two PLEASE STOP YELLING?!?!?!?!?!?!" Deidara screamed, and there was silence for a bit.
"Geez, don't be so fucking loud, Deidara." Hidan mumbled. Deidara didn't respond loud enough for them to hear. There was a bit more silence. Tayuya etched over closer to Hidan, moved her mouth next to his ear.
"You either way, silver or blue, it's still dyed."
He shoved her away from him.
"No yours is."
"No yours is."
"No yours is."
"No yours is."
"No yours is."
"Screw you."
"Likewise."
"Fuck you, shithead."
Deidara shivered. Peace, quiet, tranquility, happy Deidara...
Maybe this wasn't a good idea after all.
The silence returned, for a moment, actually, for a few minutes even. Thus it was very much enjoyed by Deidara. THANK YOU GOD! However, Hidan can't keep his mouth shut for too long.
"Now you're fucking quiet?"
"I'm not quiet." She replied. "I just hate you."
She glared at him. "You shithead, bastard."
"THATS IT!" HIdan roared. "YOU'RE GOING OFF THE SIDE NOW!"
Deidara swerved to them. "WILL YOU PLEASE JUST"
Deidara's soon-to-be rant was ended abruptly when he almost crashed into a tree, which had resulted directly from him paying too much attention to Hidan and Tayuya's constant, never-ending bickering.
"HA!" Hidan chuckled, "You almost crashed us, dumbass."
"Like you could do any better, retard. un."
"Fine, I will."
"Only I can fly this thing, un." Deidara sighed. "You can't control clay, dumbass."
"OH YES I FUCKING CAN!"
"Hidan...don't be a moron." Deidara paused, realizing what he said was an impossibility for Hidan.
"Let the little baby play with the fucking bird, Deidre."
"IT'S..." He stopped. It's Deidara...and what part of "You can't control clay" DO THEY NOT UNDERSTAND?UN?
Deidara wondered, mostly, overall, they probably just weren't listening. However, at that moment, Hidan had reached a new level of intelligence, and idiocy. Combined with bad stunts, and crazy ideas. jumped up, grabbing Deidara's arms, flinging him to the ground. He pushed his foot on his back so Deidara couldn't get back up. Tayuya's eyes filled with shock.
"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!" She shouted.
"Trying to steer, bitch."
"Get...off...me...un." Deidara growled. "There's an ART to driving these things.."
"Blah, blah, blah, it's always an "art" with you Deidara." Hidan mumbled. Yet somehow, in this parallel mixed up place...it worked? However with one very "minor" flaw. That being that Hidan never took giant clay bird driving school, thus sending them out of control, and taking a detour through a forest.
Tayuya stared. "FUCKING DUMBASS LUNATIC!"
She hurled, Hidan turned. "Hey It's Deidara's fault."
"HOW IS THIS MY FAULT? UN?!" Deidara roared. "WHO'S FOOT IS ON MY BACK RIGHT NOW, UN?!"
Deidara managed to wring free of Hidan, pulling his arms away he pushed him aside.
"Don't you ever...ever..."
"Tree."
"What?"
Bam. And with that, even more hell went loose.
"Um...jackass..." Tayuya muttered. "The blonde transvestite's unconscious."
Hidan paused, and the clay bird kept flying on it's own, out of control. Overall, this is what you'd call a mild Hidan screw-up moment.
"Um...Deidara...wake up...you lazy fuck.." He pushed Deidara a bit. "COME ON!" He went over board and started punching him in the face.
"You're going to give him brain damage, idiot!"
Hidan mumbled and looked ahead.
"Hey, that's HQ!"
"What?!"
Boom. Thus they crashed right through the damn wall. Clay was everywhere, Tayuya looked up from where she had brutally landed, barely conscious, she saw someone. She thought it was Sasuke.
"Oh, hey, Emo prick, how's it going?" She mumbled in a delirious voice."Why the fuck are you here Sasuke, you're not going to talk about Itachi again, are you?"
Pause.
"Bitch...get off me." Hidan growled, shoving her off him.
"Oh...hey...you."
He looked up. "Oh...hi Itachi...How's it going?" He shivered, realizing they had crashed throught the wrongest of wrong places. Itachi glared down at him.
"Explanation. Now."
"Eh...heheheheheheeee...oh Fuck."
A/N- WOOT! Chapter 3 completed! YOZORO O MIAGE HITORI!
and of course!
my victory song.
Yahoo watashi wa ato mai!
