Chapter 25: Hiding in Doubts

The five of us sat together, while Brennan stood pacing in worry and refused to see a doctor to get checked up.

"Damnit what is taking so long!" he growled with tight fists, sparks coming from them unintentionally.

"Calm down before you set this place on fire…" I was feeling over anxious as he kept moving back and forth. Angered at my statement he surprised me by grabbing me by the neck and pulling me out of my chair to hold me up above the ground. Looking down at him I could tell he didn't know what he was doing. "Down," I gasped and tried kicking him.

Jeremy rolled his eyes and blasted Brennan to let me down, "ow…" my ass hit the ground first, "couldn't you tell him to put me down gently?"

He looked away, "just shut up Val.."

Biting my lip I looked away from his coldness, "right." After I got up I left the room to find something to drink, that's when I saw HER again. "What are you doing here?" I snapped at Lisa actually meaning what I asked her.

"Visiting, and to give a gift," she handed me a manila envelope.

Looking at it I knew what it was…"Why are you doing this? Why not just go to the police and make your case known there?"

Lisa smiled at this, "You still denying it Valerie?" she laughed, "why? Because I want to see you suffer…squirm…and your punishment should be something more painful than what they would do."

With that she turned and left. Holding the envelope I didn't want to open it at all….ever, would my conscious let me? What was in this folder anyway?

I sat down on a bench and opened the "gift". There were pictures…and a couple sheets of paper. The photos were of my parent's house, my mom's body on the couch...bloody and her cheek purple already from being punched in the face with scratches. I covered my mouth seeing her like that. The next was of the gun… sitting on the counter and there were plenty more of my dad who was on the floor. Skimming through the report it noted that it was a murder with no apparent witnesses, but prints were recovered from the gun…there was a positive match to a known criminal, hair was also found but it matched "the daughter of the victims". My mind started thinking back hard, "I had never been to their house before…how could that be?"

They were forced to move when mold had made the place unfit to live. But who did these prints match? Through the documentation it never named a suspect, though I knew they had one…a crazy man who they said lived on the streets. These weren't the documents I had seen when I went to the morgue…these looked original 'cause the other version was neatly typed and this was hand written.

"There was no forced entry…nothing was stolen from the home and anger seems to have been the motivation. Victims had no known enemies and were shot at close range after the confrontation. Killer left a note on the wall in blood..." Reading this made me gasp out loud as well. I quickly found the picture of the message on the wall and closed my eyes, in blood it had said, 'Do you love me now?' "Oh my god…"

Looking around the hall was empty and I started to cry, I did it…I killed them...I didn't remember it...but I did it. Someone must have covered up for me, who exactly I didn't know…could have been Adam? I couldn't risk asking him because then he'd know what I had done.

I threw away the papers and photos before going back where the others were. Brennan was sitting down finally and Lexa was asleep with her head on Jesse's shoulder. I sat down away from them on the other side of the room. I felt distant…from them, from the hospital and almost everything else. My mind seemed focus on trying to remember that night my parents were killed…by me, why wasn't it coming to the surface? I wanted to go home….but home was no longer there. Adam was on the phone getting arrangements settled for a place to stay until Sanctuary was rebuilt. I looked at my watch, we were supposed to leave in two weeks for Jesse and Lexa's wedding in Quinta Roo; I wondered if we were still going now. A doctor finally came, Brennan jumped up with lightning speed (no pun intended).

"She will be alright. Some bed rest will be in order till the stitches heal and all that will be left is a scar, a small price to pay for what could have been much worse. Shalimar will probably be awake in half an hour so you can go in and see her then."

"Thank you doctor," Brennan sighed relieved.

I laid down on a couple of chairs that I had put together and figured I'd get in a short nap while we waited.

Dream

I left the gun there. What a stupid mistake, I realized as I drove down the dark street. My hands were pale on the steering wheel as I looked down, knuckles swollen red with blood under my finger nails. Faster. The needle was pushing 120 mph. My body felt heavy and tired, so I leaned in close to the steering wheel. Bright headlights coming towards me startled me, making me sit back up and I swerved the car back onto my side of the road. I got back home, falling into the shower after I turned it on and laid back against the wall while it ran. I slid down the floor, resting my head against the other wall and fell asleep. In shock I woke up under the now cold water.

"Val? Val wake up!" Jeremy shook me as I mumbled and shook in my sleep. Opening my eyes I looked at him.

"Are you alright?"

I didn't know what to say…"Yeah, just a bad dream."

Jeremy helped me up, "Shalimar is up."

I felt weak but managed to hide it from Jeremy and the others as we left the waiting room to Shalimar's room. On the way I looked at Adam…wondering if he knew something that I didn't.