A/N- Making up for the last short, short chapter yesterday! WOOOOOOOOT! TT Today might be "that" day. Perhaps.
Disclaimer- I do not own N-A-R-U-T-O What does that spell, NARUTO!
chapter six- This is what your brain is on drugs.
By the end of the next hour, five of them were sitting on the couch just watching TV blankly. This group including Kisame, Itachi, Hidan, Tayuya and Tobi. She was sitting at the end on the left. She signaled over here with her hand.
"Sasuke's brother, pass me the chips."
"I believe I told you to fix my room earlier?" Itachi muttered, as if this just came to mind now of all times. Ah, telivision, rotting your mind till you have such wonderful Short-term memory loss.
"Deidara said we were in the way."
"Hn."
It took Tayuya a full five minutes to get her chips.
The TV flashed.
Over 800 percent of the people you know...are on drugs. Whether it be Alcohol, or marijuana, THEY ARE ON DRUGS! AND 800 percent of the people they know are on drugs, and 800 percent of the people those people know are on drugs.
"Isn't 800 percent MORE than who you know?" Hidan murmered in an aggravated tone, but drug commercials do that to a lot of people.
Over 123.34 million deaths are caused by drinking alcohol each year.
"This thing is making me want a beer..." Hidan muttered.
"I hate drug commercials." Itachi growled simply.
"But they help children not do drugs!" Tobi replied. "Do you want me on drugs, Itachi?"
Kisame chuckled a bit, realizing what most of the people thought at that moment.
"I dunno..." Tayuya sighed. "But I think the anti-drug commercial shitheads ARE on drugs."
This is your brain. (Holds up egg) This is your brain on drugs, (Holds up frying pan, swings it towards egg but misses) Umm...my bad, Lets retry that. THIS is your brain on drugs.( Misses, pan flys out of hand and hits cameraman). Oh...um this..shattered skull is your brain...on drugs?
"Maybe." Kisame chuckled.
"Yep, these stupid morons are definitley on drugs." Tayuya laughed. "Fucking idiots."
"Hey, Bitch, go get me a beer."
"Get it yourself, you're as bad as that fatass snake Orochimaru."
"That one was painful, Hidan." Kisame grinned.
"And if you wish to get technical, she just called you gay, too."
"FUCK YOU GUYS!"
Itachi glared over at him. "Um...I mean Kisame and Tobi, yeah..um fuck you two guys..and um..not Itachi.."
"I'll get it if I can have one, shithead monk." Tayuya muttered.
"Aren't you underage?" Hidan muttered. She stared.
"You're an S class criminal, pretty sure it's not going to be at the top of your record for letting a minor drink, jackass." She replied swiftly, "Fucking idiocy."
"Fine, just get the damn drink then." He growled. "Bitch."
She rose from the couch. "Where's the food shack?"
"Two rooms over to the left."
"Ok."
Kisame leaned back as she left.
"Is she yours or Deidara's?" He muttered suddenly, Hidan almost choked on a potato chip from that comment.
"What the fuck are you talking about, Kisame?"
"Who's girlfriend is she?" He said in words Hidan could understand, which meant he had to say them very slowly. "It's not me, Itachi doesn't date, he's too serious, no girl in their right mind would date Tobi after talking to him for five seconds.."
"I FEEL LIKE SKIING!" Tobi shouted.
"Kakuzu always has that mask on, and he's a bit repulsive ability-wise, and the leader has a girl-friend who he keeps locked up in the dark room next to the kitchen."
-Meanwhile in the kitchen-
The door beat loudly, and Tayuya started to freak out a bit.
"Um...is someone fucking in there?" She stuttered.
"Feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee."
"Um...nevermind."
And thus Tayuya made an oath to herself to ignore whatever was locked in the room next to the kitchen.
-Back in the living room-
"So it's either you or Deidara."
"ACTUALLY ITS NEITHER!" Tobi screamed. "THEY BOUGHT HER FROM OROCHIMARU AS A MAIL-ORDER BRIDE!"
Itachi turned, "Hn?"
Hidan shuddered. Operation, Get Tobi to shut his beak before Deidara and I are fucking dead. Mostly me.
"He's lying his ass off again, you know Tobi, he's a little idiot punk."
"WHAT?"
"Ah, of course." Kisame sighed, "I mean if it was true, how would you get the money for it, steal it from Kakuzu?"
Hidan chuckled."Yeah, like I would fucking do that..." Oh shit that was close..
"So...she's yours?"
"Yeah, sure whatever."
"Good for you then."
Okay, that should be enough to convince them...wait a second what if they...oh shit. Why couldn't I just say Deidara?! FUCK!
A few minutes later Tayuya finally returned, holding an entire six pack and several bags of chips for which to gorge herself on, they never had too much food in the sound village, it mostly went into feeding the two fatasses Orochimaru and Jirobo. After awhile all the prisoners were dead, and half of them were anorexic in appearance.
"I said a beer not half the damn fridge." Hidan moaned. "Are you trying to make yourself fat or something?"
"Damn, you guys know how to live." She grinned. "Chips, soda, beer, fries, ramen, even a candy jar. I never had this stuff at the sound."
She slid down the edge next to Hidan, passing him a beer. She cracked hers open, "you have no idea how long I've needed one of these things." She took a drink that probably brought half the damn can down. Hidan stared. No way she ways gonna last very long with a shot like that.
Every day a new person starts drinking alcohol, then they start having sex for money, then they die of Diabetes. Its the natural link we call the circle of..(click channel change) CURSE YOU SUPERMAN! YOU WILL DIE BECAUSE MY ARMOR IS MADE OF KRYPTONITE! "NO! Not Kryptonite, my power is draining quickly, Green Beast of Konoha, help me!" I will save you from lex luthor superman! And I will beat his accomplice Neji for I BELIEVE IN MYSELF! (Insert weird theme song.) 5th GATE OPEN!
Deidara wandered in the room, covered with dirt, dust and blotches of plaster. "I'm finally done...with that crap,un." He glanced over and looked over to Tayuya and Hidan. "You...bastards." He growled. "Leaving me to do that crap by myself, un." THen he noticed something off. No screaming. Why were Tayuya and Hidan BEHAVING? Something must have gone terribly awry. Then he noticed the TV, of course, the ultimate sysem of bonding, sit two people who hate each other in front of a TV and they'll be good for as long as its on.
"Calm down, heh heh." Tayuya chuckled, with a chuckle that seemed a bit out of control. "Have a beer, shithead, Deirdre, or whatever your name is again." Deidara glanced at her. Then at one of the now empty cans lying on the floor.
"Are you drunk?"
"No...officer, theres no blood in my fucking alcohol system."
Hidan shook his head. And THAT children, is why you dont take massive shots of alcohol. She'd been here a few hours and so far she'd crashed through the roof, started a plywood and plaster fight, and now was drunk off her ass. Hidan and Deidara still hadn't gotten around to telling her why they actually bought her. She just assumed that she had to get hitched to someone, and for that money, hey it was worth it.
Something told them today wasn't going to be easy.
"I think I'm going to give up alcohol after all." Hidan muttered. This is also why I didn't want her drinking underage, what can fucking come next?
"CAN I HAVE ONE OF THOSE THINGS SHE DRANK, DEIDARA-SEMPAI?!" Tobi shouted. Deidara glared at him. "Never, Tobi, un."
"Awwwwwwww why not?"
Tayuya tossed her second beer on the floor.
"Will you stop fucking drinking like that?" Hidan muttered, "Speaking that you can't hold your fucking liquor?"
"Don't be like that...Hi...Hi...Hitler."
"Hidan."
"Whatever, shitheads."
There was a pause and everyone was getting a bit uncomfortable. This was almost as bad as when Tobi slipped LSD into Itachi's soda that time. He went that whole day thinking he was possesed by his own sharingan. He thought he was taking it well, however Kisame could say otherwise.
"Hey." She poked Hidan on the side. "Hey."
"WHAT NOW?!"
"You're kind of cute."
"OOOkaaaaaay, stop being fucking creepy."
"I'm sick of always being so good, cmon."
Good? HER?! Yeah right.
Itachi left the room, Kisame etched a bit away from them. Deidara shook his head, and Tobi just stared curiously, like the little idiot he was.
"Come on, I just wanna do something wild, lets just...just do it."
"WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?"
"Nothing...Tobi, un." Deidara sighed. That was one of the last things Deidara wanted Tobi to know.
Hidan was beyond freaked out as she started to pull her face up to his. ...What the fuck. This is kind of scary.
"Um...okay..."
Commence embarassment, in 3, 2, 1.
She pulled closer, but she didn't kiss him, her arm flew up, grabbed him by the hair and pulled down. Hard.
Kisame laughed, what someone would give to have seen that on video.
"Dumbass, I've been drinking since I was eleven. I don't get wasted off two drinks, all I have is a buzz." She chuckled. "I can't believe you would take advantage of me if I was drunk, sicko pervert bastard."
"Y...you bitch." He muttered. But she just laughed. Even Tobi laughed, and he had no idea what anyone was talking about, he just wanted to look cool.
"What a wonderful relationship, Hidan." Kisame grinned in his usual sharkish way.
"I...hate all you bastards." Hidan mumbled
