Fire Emblem: Path of Retardedness
MistressYaoi: Chapta three! WHOOOOOOOOO!! SOREN! The disclaimer!
Soren: Why not ask someone else. I don't feel like doing it.
MistressYaoi: Fine! Oscar!
Oscar: Yes?
MistressYaoi: Would you mind doing the disclaimer?
Oscar: Certainly, MistressYaoi does not own Fire Emblem or any of its characters.
Soren: Wait! Why are you all nice to him but put me through…
MistressYaoi: SILENCE! You bore me! That is all you need to know!
Soren: Bullsh--
MistressYaoi: READ ON!! By the way… This chapter is for chapter 7 in the game… A.K.A. The one where Greil dies… )
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Greil was wandering around the outside of the abandoned castle coming up with ways to inconspicuously kill Ike. As he came up with an awesome idea involving a rubber chicken Ike came wandering around and ran into him. Greil got pissed and killed Ike. Ike was revived by a holy light.
"Why did you kill me?" Ike asked.
"Pure accident." Greil replied, "What are you doing out here boy?"
"You won't believe it but there's this large brown wooden barrier preventing me from getting inside!" Ike exclaimed.
"That would be a door you retarded buffoon."
"Oh. That would explain the knob…"
"Yes. Come, Ike. Follow me. I have something I wish to discuss with you." Greil commanded reaching for the knife in his pocket.
"You called me Ike." Ike said as he deformed to a teary eyed chibi-Ike.
"Riiiggghhht. Just move it." Greil said getting impatient.
"Coming!" Ike skipped behind his father.
Just as they reached a clearing and Greil was about to stab Ike a Black Knight came and impaled Greil.
"Ha! Take that you fer!" The Black Knight laughed as Greil died an extremely slow dramatic death. As he died in Ike's arms the Titanic music began to play.
"NOOOO! FATHER!" Ike screamed. "You killed my father!"
"No, Ike… I am your father."
"No…No! That's not true!"
"Of course not you moron! I've just always wanted to say that."
"Oh."
"Don't worry my boy." The armored one said, "In the next game you get to kill me and avenge your father."
"Really?"
"Yep."
"Really, really?"
"Yes."
"Really, really, really?"
"YES!"
"Really, really, really, reall-." The Black Knight impaled Ike. Ike was revived. The Black Knight disappeared in a flashy red light. Kinda like those ones you see in Vegas. Yeah. You know the ones.
Some how the rest of the mercenaries knew that Greil had died and soon came and immediately buried Greils body in hopes his spirit would move on and leave them the hell alone.
Later Shinon and Gatrie stormed out of the abandoned castle. Rolf tried to get them to stay but Shinon just shot him with a uzi. Later Boyd and Oscar went and tried to convince them to stay. They ended up re-enacting the entire Matrix lobby scene. They failed to bring Shinon and Gatrie back.
So the mercenaries feigned sorrow and murdered people. They gained another mage named Ilyana. Soren hated her and killed her. She was revived by the magic reset button. She then went al psyco beeyotch on him and killed Soren. He was revived and never lived down the shame of being killed by a girl… Soren became even more emo than before. He constantly wore a pitch black cloak with a hood and carried a candelabra. People were creeped out.
END CHAPTER 3 XP
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MistressYaoi: Okay. I cut the chapter short because I didn't want to do the fighting. To troublesome. So if you're wondering what an Uzi is, it's a gun usually used by terrorists and mafia peoples in Hollywood movies.
Soren: Why an uzi?
MistressYaoi: Go bother someone else with your trivial retardedness.
Soren: What!? I'm the only sane person here and you're calling me retarded?!
MistressYaoi: Will you shut it before I kill you permenantly?
Soren: Cowers I'll be good.
MistressYaoi: There's a love. See you in da next chapta! Kills Soren with an uzi MWAHAHAHAHAHA!! DO NOT DEFY ME! I AM YOUR MASTER!
Police sirens
MistressYaoi: Uh-Oh. The police. Hops into army jeep with mafia members You'll never take me alive!
--Also just as a side note... Occasionally there will be someone named Krad appearing in my author's notes and I would like to make it known that he is mah buddy who helped with the story! Arigatou Krad!
