Shades of Grey
By Misha

Disclaimer and Notes in Part One.

Part Five: Torn

Meredith paled when she saw Derek in the lobby with Mark.

Oh, this is not good. She thought.

She was still trying to process what Derek had told her, that he had left Addison. Part of her wanted to run into his arms, but a more practical part held back. Not just because she knew he was going to be furious when he found out she'd slept with Mark, but because a part of her wasn't sure she wanted to take him back.

Well, that wasn't true, she definitely wanted to take him back, but part of her wasn't sure that she should, even if the Mark thing wasn't an issue. She'd begged Derek to love her, to choose her and he'd chosen Addison, so now that that hadn't worked out, she was expected to just take him back? It was kind of humiliating.

Still, she didn't really want to face the scene that she knew was in front of her. She made her way towards Mark and Derek.

"Hey, you're early." She greeted Mark.

He shrugged. "Well, I figured it might make me seem endearing."

"Meredith, what's Mark doing here?" Derek demanded of her.

"We're going out for dinner." Meredith told him quietly.

"You're going out with him?" Derek asked angrily.

"Yes, I am." Meredith said quietly, then she sighed. "I made the decision this morning, before you told me your news. It had nothing to do with you."

"It's Mark." Derek said in disbelief.

"Yes, it is." Meredith said calmly.

"Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a date." She turned to Mark. "Ready to go?"

Mark nodded. "Yeah. Do you like seafood? Because the guy at the hotel recommended this seafood place to me?"

"Sounds good." Meredith said, walking right by Derek.

She knew that that probably hadn't been the best way to handle the situation, but it was the only way she could think of and besides, everyone knew that she sucked at this sort of thing.


Derek watched Meredith walk with Mark, wondering what in the Hell had just happened. Meredith wasn't supposed to be with Mark. She was supposed to be with him.

Did you really thing she'd be there waiting patiently for you to finally pick her? A little voice in his head asked.

Derek realized that the answer was yes. He just kind of assumed that now that he realized that he had made a mistake, she'd still be there waiting.

Still, that didn't excuse the fact that she was with Mark. Of all the men she could choose to go out with, she'd chosen the one that would hurt the most. How could she do that to him?

Oh, yes, because it's all about you. That same voice in his head said mockingly. Meredith couldn't possibly make a decision without thinking about you.

Derek decided to ignore the little voice.

Maybe he was being conceited, maybe Meredith did make relationship choices without thinking about him--that was her right after all, but this was different. This wasn't just any guy, this was Mark, and Meredith had to have known, even if it wasn't her main reasoning, that it would hurt him.


"So, I guess from that scene I witnessed, Derek told you he and Addison are getting a divorce." Mark said casually over dinner.

Meredith shot him a surprised look. "You know? I was trying to figure out the words to tell you."

"Addison called my cellphone this morning." Mark told her, grimacing slightly.

It had been insulting to his pride. She hadn't come to him when he'd asked her to, but when Derek decided to kick her to the curb, then she comes running. Sorry, no, he had more pride than that.

"So why are you here?" Meredith asked him. "I thought you'd have been headed back to New York with her by now."

"Why are you here?" He countered. "I'd thought you'd be with Derek, planning your future now that he's come to his senses."

"I asked him to pick me, to choose me, to love me and he didn't." Meredith said softly. "He chose her, and now that he realizes he made a mistake, he assumes I'll be there to run into his arms. It's kind of humiliating."

"It is, isn't it?" Mark asked slightly bitterly. "Last night I would have welcomed Addison's call, but coming this morning, it feels cheap. I guess, that's why I'm here. Because last night we resolved to move on and stop waiting and I guess, I still kind of feel that way."

He was still in love with Addison, he knew that, but he didn't know if he could handle being her second choice.

Of course, he knew that Meredith Grey wasn't a better option, because, like Addison, she was in love with someone else, in fact the same someone else as Addison. But, she made an interesting companion. She was beautiful, smart, great in bed, and Mark had to admit, he liked the idea of upsetting Derek. Besides, she was in the same boat as he was, and if nothing else, they had something to talk about.

Mark looked Meredith in the eye. "The question is, do you?"