My thanks to Nonasuki-chan for beta and valuable comments.
Chapter 9
Certain kinds of pain never disappear. It could diminish a little as time passed, I could almost forget about it for a while but then it would suddenly return just to strike me harder. And it always left only sadness and impotent rage.
But nothing could be changed here, so I offered my parents a quiet farewell and left.
Farfarello was waiting for me behind the gate, leaning against the wall casually and playing with a knife. At the sound of my steps he looked up.
"This was personal," I said coldly not curious why he was here at all.
"Yeah," he nodded. "That's why I waited outside."
That halted my thoughts abruptly. It was strange to come to an agreement with Berserker on something. Hell, it wasn't strange, it was scary.
"Why are you here?" Had he decided to kill me after all?
It was stupid to be unarmed but I hadn't thought about it when I'd gone here. Well, that wouldn't change anything anyway. I couldn't take katana for the obvious reasons and knives were not enough against him. I needed a gun.
Farfarello just smiled. "I came to warm you."
"Really?" I asked sarcastically.
He bounced off the wall and draw near to me. I refused to be intimidated and stayed still. He stopped just with a little space separating us.
"Don't provoke him now, angel."
I stared at him. "Provoke whom?" I inquired even though I knew about whom he was speaking. The 'angel' part was ignored completely.
"The Guilty one," murmured Berserker. "He's too angry, too rough. He'd kill you if you annoy him and I might not be there to stop him."
The whole situation was almost ridiculous as well as the thought about Farfarello protecting me. But he'd already done it once.
I frowned. That didn't change anything. I was not going to stop just because the wacko told me so. He watched me with an almost cunning expression, head tilted a little to one side.
"You won't save you sister if you're dead. Better to be sly and wait for the right time," he said.
Why had I thought that the world can't be crazier?
"And that will be when?" I had no patience left.
Farfarello looked at me as if he could read my thoughts and sighed. "If you die, you'll be safe from His hands at least since I don't think that you'd come to beg Him for forgiveness."
He backed few steps away and then he turned and walked away. I didn't follow him. He was not the one I was interested in.
When I returned it was past the closing time but the lights in the shop were still on and the door was open so I came in.
Ken, Yoji and Omi were talking to Sakura but felt silent when they saw me. After our last encounter I didn't know what to expect from her or how to behave.
"I came to say goodbye, Aya-kun," she said at least, looking sad but calm.
"Goodbye?" I echoed.
"Yes. My family and I are going to move soon," she said. Then twisting her fingers nervously with slightly reddened cheeks she continued. "And I also came to apologize for my behavior…"
"There's no need," I said quietly still floored from the news. "I think that you're doing the right thing. Try to live a normal life again, will you?"
She nodded, her eyes brimming with tears.
"Be well," I said and smiled a little.
She moved to me, giving me a quick kiss on my cheek before rushing to the door. Stopping there she smiled at us before passing through it.
Be safe.
Yoji was giving me concerned looks obviously forgetting to be mad at me. And Omi followed his lead. Like if I was on the verge of nervous breakdown.
I liked Sakura, she reminded me of my sister. The best way that she could protect herself was to move away. In some ways it was as if part of my burden was taken away.
Feeling much calmer I went to my room, ignoring my teammates. I sat down on the bed and closed my eyes, sending Schuldig a direct invitation for talk.
The response came almost immediately.
/ You're pretty pushy. Some people don't know when to stop. /
Without visual contact it was even harder to read his mood but I guessed I was going to have a headache.
/ You bet. /
I decided to ignore it and waited. He knew what I wanted.
/ I hate to break it to you, but I'm not a charity club. /
/ I'll pay you. /
He actually laughed at the idea while I try to stay calm and reasonable without any murdering thoughts. And really did such a good job in it.
/ I don't think you have enough money left after paying those bills. / At least he sounded amused now. / And I have enough anyway. /
/ So what do you want? /
There was silence at the other side while I was contemplating how dangerous this question could be. I went through the things he might want from me and almost immediately decided that I wouldn't betray Weiss if he'd asked for it. My teammates faced death every day to get rid of the bastards Schwarz usually protected. Even with their hands red they tried to make the world at least little better.
/ Oh, get down of that horse, / he was irritated. / I can take down your pathetic team whenever I want just by myself. /
Gritting my teeth I didn't comment it.
/ I'll tell you what. I'll wake your sister up if you kill a person I point you at. /
I stared at the opposite wall not knowing what kind of answer I should give him. Why would he want something like that when he was more than capable of doing it by himself? Or was there someone even Schwarz didn't want to be connected with?
/ Oh, don't worry. It won't be a dark beast. / he thought mockingly.
My heart almost missed a beat. He… he wanted me to kill, no, to murder an innocent person.
/ Bingo. With the exception of your lofty team and that Sakura girl, of course. /
I couldn't do it. No fucking way.
/ As you wish. Say hello to your sister for me. /
He wanted to leave and never contact me again.
/ Wait. / I sent him sharply, but didn't know what to say further.
He snorted. / If you decide that your sister's more precious to you than some stranger, be prepared at 10 p.m. tomorrow. If not, don't dare to bother me ever again. /
With this I felt him leaving my mind. I didn't move for a long time.
There were some leftovers from dinner so I put them in a microwave. I wasn't really hungry but my room suddenly felt too oppressive for me to stay. The kitchen was empty as it was late in the night. When the food was warm enough, I sat down to eat it. At some point I realized that I was simply staring at it without eating anything.
"They waited for you to come up from your room. At the end they decided to speak with you in the morning."
I looked up. Ken stood in the doorway, watching me.
"So why are you not sleeping?" I asked, not really interested in the answer. I didn't want to talk with Ken right know. For a while I felt a pang of regret that it wasn't Yoji here instead of him. But it was better this way.
"I waited for you as well," he said and moved towards me. I watched him cautiously don't trusting him completely. It was unfair but I couldn't help myself.
"What's your problem? And don't tell me that it's Sakura. I know better."
"And why should I tell you?"
He sat down across from me, smiling.
"It's Schuldig, right?"
"You're all obsessed with him," I retorted, half-rising.
"No, you are. But why? What can he give you that we can't?" he tapped his finger against his mouth. "Maybe your sister." He spoke quietly, lips still curved in that strange smile.
I froze before sitting slowly down again.
"What did you offer him to do it?"
"That's nonsense," I said, but my voice sounded strangled.
"Oh, common," he snorted.
I didn't answer him, my pulse accelerated. He had guessed too much. But did it matter? I needed to speak with someone about it.
"Aya?" he asked me almost softly.
I shook my head, not trusting my voice. "He wants…in exchange… I had to kill someone. I don't know who. He said… no dark beast."
He studied me quietly for a while before asking. "Are you going to do it?"
"I don't know," I exploded. "What would you do?"
He sighed, leaning back on the chair. The blue eyes studied me seriously.
"I'd probably agree on it. If she was my sister, she'd be more important."
"You'd become a murderer." Suddenly I was angry. For Ken voiced something with which one part of me agreed on.
"We do it all the time."
"That's something different…" I snapped
"I know, I know. We kill dark beasts. Do as you think." He stood up. "But the world is full of beasts. Just like us. Why pretend anything?"
He left the room. I looked at the food before throwing it away. I really needed to talk to Yoji.
The following morning I just brushed away all inquiries. I especially avoided Yoji, not trusting myself completely. I didn't want to take him down with me.
Without any control, I was falling.
To Be Continued…
