Tree Houses are for the Birds

These fellows don't belong to me but I promise when I'm done to pick um up, dust um off and with a kiss on the cheek return them safely home.

"A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or the others crazy?" Albert Einstein.


Chapter 2

"Squad 51, woman down, 418 214th Street………………Time out 11:21."

"51, KMG 365." Hank reached over and handed the slip to Roy. "Be careful you two."

Johnny was considering asking for that body guard that Chet had offered. Instead he listened to Cap then they headed out again.

"Hope there's no furniture involved this time," Roy mentioned with a quick glance at his quiet partner.

"You're telling me," Johnny replied.

Once again the residence seemed quiet but oddly enough this time, the door was open already for them. They found the husband, who they now knew as Mark, in the kitchen working on fixing his lunch. He showed no indication of needing rescue from anything.

Roy came up to the kitchen island, "Mr. Kilgore, did you call us about an injury?"

The man didn't even look up at Roy and Johnny, nor slow his pace at fixing his lunch. Johnny glanced around the living room but didn't see anyone. Turning back to the husband he raised his voice some, "Where's your wife Mr. Kilgore?"

This time he acknowledged them with a wave of his arm and mumbled, "bathroom." He then began whistling a little tune to sit down and eat lunch by. Roy looked at his partner and shook his head in wonderment at the dynamics of this odd couple. Without speaking they agreed to go looking for the bathroom. Finding no one downstairs they moved up the staircase to the next level calling her name.

"Mrs. Kilgore, fire department."

"In here," she finally answered them as they go closer to the room. "Come on in," she told them in a very matter of fact tone of voice. Opening the door Johnny and Roy found her standing in front of the mirror looking at herself intently. Roy noticed that the bathtub was filling up with hot water apparently for her to take a bath and get cleaned up. Any other time they might have started laughing but they knew this house was not normal.

She was covered in spaghetti, all in her hair and Johnny also noted down her shirt. It was hard to tell if she was hurt under all that red sauce.

Roy moved beside her while she looked in the mirror, "Uh, are you hurt?" Reaching up he tried to help her get some noodles out of her hair.

"Hurt? Of course I'm hurt," she said pushing some of the noodles away from her forehead to reveal a cut just above her eye. Seeing that she was injured Roy took the towel she was using, wet it in the sink, and tried to clean her face and forehead some. Johnny reached into the trauma box to get some gauze and passed it to Roy.

"This is deep enough to need stitches. What hit you?" Roy asked as he put a clean dressing on it.

"A flying plate," she responded blandly.

Roy buried the smile that wanted to come out unlike his partner standing behind her who was grinning from ear to ear.

"Flying plate huh?" He noticed as he wiped the sauce off her face it was actually pretty red under there.

"Ouch!" She tried to push his hands away.

Roy kept working, "I think you have some mild burns here too."

Johnny set up the biophone as Roy worked on cleaning her up and getting a set of vital signs. "Rampart this is Squad 51, do you read me?"

"Read you 51 go ahead." Johnny recognized Dixie's voice.

"Rampart we have a female, approximately age 22."

"I'm 20," she said, interrupting him.

"That's 20 years old Rampart. She has a laceration to the forehead with some bleeding. Looks like it will need some stitches. Vitals are BP 120/75; pulse is 70 and respirations 16. She is alert and oriented and in no distress Rampart. There are some first degree burns on her face from hot food."

Dixie was trying to put the picture together, "51, what was she hit with?"

"Rampart, a flying plate of spaghetti." He couldn't help it, he had to say it.

"10-4 51, clean up the wound and transport."

"10-4 Rampart." Johnny hoped that Dixie would get a chuckle out of that. He loved to see her smile.

"Oh, I'm not going to the hospital," she stated very matter of factly.

Johnny and Roy just looked at each other then her. Roy spoke first, "You have a deep cut on your head here and it needs stitch's to heal up properly. They just want to make sure that you're ok after getting hit in the head, ok?"

"No." She wasn't upset or highly protesting, simply stating a fact. Despite Johnny and Roy's strongest attempts to get her to change her mind they wound up having her sign a refusal form.

Roy added a gentle attempt at trying to stop the fighting between them, "Maybe you could find someone to talk too?" She looked at him like who's fighting? Leaving both of the paramedics bewildered over the entire situation.

They began gathering up the boxes and supplies in the small bathroom. Amy went back to the sink and started cleaning off the noodles from her hair and body, tossing them all over the bathroom floor. As Johnny stood up he sharply turned to grab one of the boxes only to be greeted with a wad of spaghetti in his face and eyes. His hands were full but he still tried to reach up and brush it off so he could see where to step next. However, he found that carrying boxes, standing, twisting and brushing did not all work well at the same time. His feet went out from under him on the slick food ridden floor.

Roy saw him going down but his hands were also full and he just couldn't catch him in time. Johnny slipped around for about two steps then went down with a resounding THUD, falling onto the side of the tub then into the water. Roy instantly dropped boxes and turned to grab his friend but he also found a floor full of noodles which was now floating in water. Falling head first into the side of the tub he struck his head on the corner of the fiberglass and landed flat on his face.

Johnny didn't see Roy go down as he was struggling like a turtle on its back trying to get out of the tub full of hot water. Sputtering and splashing he finally found his feet and stood still for just a moment. Just long enough to see Roy out cold on the floor.

"Roy!" He stepped carefully out of the tub and knelt at his friend's side. Turning him over carefully Roy started to come too.

"Oww," he groaned. "What happened?" Rubbing his head he pulled himself to a sitting position. Johnny helped him lean against the tub but let out a yelp of his own as his right side sent out a sharp pain. Rubbing his own injury he realized he had hit the tub on his side, impacting his ribs, before falling into the water.

"Johnny?" Roy saw the wince of pain that went across his face and was instantly more concerned about him than he was himself.

"I hit the side of the tub. Think I just bruised some ribs is all. They don't feel broken," he said as he did a self assessment along his ribcage. He looked over to Roy, "What about you? How's your head feeling?" Johnny knew that Roy had been knocked out but it was brief and he came too quickly. Still he worried.

Roy looked at Johnny sitting beside him, soaking wet and holding his ribs while trying to exam his own knocked around head and started laughing.

"Ok, what's so funny about this?"

"Well Junior do you want to call me in and then I'll call you in?"

Johnny thought for a moment and laughed too, "Couldn't you just picture Brackett's face?"

"Yea. What about we just ride in and get checked out."

Roy stood up and swooned a bit, "I think I'll let you drive." He steadied himself then looked down offering Johnny a hand up, who groaned with an ache in his side. Roy stood still for a minute and let his orientation settle some. He suddenly realized that Amy was not even in the room anymore. Figures.

Roy reached out to check Johnny's side, catching him off guard Johnny flinched. "Let me check your ribs."

"Told you I checked um Roy." Johnny pulled away from him some.

"Geeze Junior, its not like I haven't seen your chest before, let me look at those ribs." Roy wasn't gonna let the youngster win this contest.

Johnny could play this game too, "Their just bruised, nothing broken. Do you have a headache Roy?"

Roy knew that Johnny was trying to distract him, "A little but not bad. Do you have any shortness of breath?"

"No, just sore. Do you feel nauseated? Johnny smirked.

"Not at all. Did you get burned by the water?" Roy shot right back at him.

Johnny relaxed, "It wasn't that hot. How many fingers am I holding up?"

"Twelve, happy now?"

Johnny just smiled. "Well at least I don't have to go into the ER alone this time to face Dixie and Brackett."

"Just tell them that you narrowly escaped with your life from killer noodles." Roy poked at him and the noodles sliding down his chest. Johnny realized that he still had them on him despite his bath and worked to brush them off.

"Funny, very funny Roy. Your no help at all, you do realize that don't you?"

Roy helped him gather up the boxes, again. "Sorry but you are a sight for sore eyes at this point partner."

"Me? What about you?" He poked Roy back.

"Hey at least I'm dry," he answered smugly.

"Besides, don't say 'sore eyes'. They might go for that next. I'll wind up with a cane if I have to come back here."

They loaded up with boxes and gingerly climbed their aching bodies down the stairs. They were pretty much speechless to see the couple sitting on the couch together watching TV, obviously unaware they were even around.

Johnny took the drivers seat deciding he wished Roy could actually drive since his ribs hurt so much. The trip to Rampart was quiet with each one dreading the looks of the medical team that awaited them.


Johnny backed them in. They climbed out, and gingerly walked inside the ER doors. Standing in front of the automatic doors they both paused, looking at each other, sharing a weary grin. It was an unspoken support for each other.

Dixie was sitting at the nurse's station chatting with Kelly when they both looked up to see the pathetic looking paramedic team heading towards them. Roy was summed up as pale with a large bruise just to the left of his forehead. Johnny looked worse, dripping wet, his earlier bandage gone with his left hand holding his ribcage. He was listing just slightly to the side.

"What the…." Kelly stammered as he stepped forward thinking he might have to catch one of the men at any moment. Dixie also jumped up taking Johnny by the arm to help him walk a little straighter.

"We had a little trouble at our last rescue," Roy managed to get out as he watched the very concerned faces of Kelly and Dixie. At least they won't laugh until they know we are ok. "Johnny's worse, he hit his ribs. I just bumped my head."

"Dix, put Johnny in 2 and Roy come with me to 4. Then Dixie, call Joe down to help us out down here. Ah, go ahead and order some chest x-rays for Johnny."

"Right Kel," she answered as she guided an already protesting Johnny to his favorite room.