Chapter 7: Resistance and Denial
Minato sat on the edge of his apartment windowsill and gazed out at this view of the village. The snow was finally melting, but slowly as it was still the dead of winter. He really didn't notice the slushy puddles and dripping icicles though; his mind was firmly…elsewhere.
…Wow.
Intellectually, he'd know that she was a woman. That she was pretty. That she could be nice. But…
"You're such a sweetheart, Minato."
He gaped like a fish and his face felt hot. "Uh-um…"
Her smile turned mischievous. "Oh my…am I embarrassing you? Minato-kun?"
"What?! I—" He lurched back in his seat, face burning. "N-no!"
"I'm sorry," she giggled, completely unrepentant. "Thank you very much for lunch. And for putting up with me."
"Y-you're welcome," he gulped and tried desperately to calm his racing heart and cool his flushed face. "H-how long will you have to stay here?"
"The doctors say a week, a week and a half maybe." Kushina pouted. "Way too long."
"Oh."
"But you'll come and visit me, right?"
Her wide, green-flecked eyes were strangely mesmerizing, as was her small hopeful smile. Even though she'd been through a deadly battle and gone many days in the hospital without a real shower or hairbrush, she looked so beautiful. His mouth went dry and he thought about leaning over and k—
"So how'd it go?"
Minato yelped and jumped away from his window to find—
"Jiraiya-sensei?!"
"Well?" the white-haired man asked, leaning against Minato's fridge. "Judging by your face I'd say that it went well…"
Minato wanted to die. "Nothing happened!"
"Oh?" Jiraiya frowned. "What were you daydreaming about just now, eh?"
"That is none of your business!" Minato snapped and strode across the room to his beat-up couch.
"Besides 'nothing,' what happened on your little visit with her?" Jiraiya inquired while he turned to raid the fridge.
"I brought her lunch, we talked a little, and I left," Minato growled tensely. "That's it."
"What did you talk about?" Jiraiya fished out some old leftovers and cracked open the container to inspect the contents. "Anything juicy?"
"Nothing like that. Just how she was feeling and when were they going to release her."
"Did you plan any dates?"
"No!" Minato choked. "Why would we do that?"
"I dunno, maybe because you get along well with her, enjoy her personality and good qualities, and you find her attractive—"
"No I don't!" Minato sputtered.
Jiraiya raised a curious eyebrow. "So you think she's ugly."
"No! She's…she looks…fine." Minato fixed his old teacher with a stern look. "Can we talk about something else?"
"Just 'fine,' huh?" Jiraiya found some chopsticks somewhere and started eating whatever he'd found. "So has she found herself a boyfriend yet?"
"What?" Minato frowned. "No, what sort of question is that?"
"Just curious." Jiraiya paused to twirl his chopsticks. "A pretty girl like her…sooner or later she'll attract someone. If not you, then someone else for sure."
Minato clenched his teeth and wondered just why his old sensei was needling him about this. "So what if she finds someone? It's not any of my business if she does or not."
"And you won't be the least bit jealous when she does pick up a boyfriend?" Jiraiya asked with a smirk.
"Nope," Minato answered with a firm shake of the head.
All trace of teasing left his teacher's face. "What are you so afraid of?"
Minato scowled and flopped back on his couch. "What are you talking about?"
"The worst thing that she'll do to you is not return your feelings, and then you can still stay friends with her. It might be a bit awkward for a while, but it's not the end of the world."
He stared at his mentor incredulously and ignored the vague queasy sensation that twisted his insides. "What are you going on about, sensei?"
"Quit playing stupid, Minato; you're too smart to pull it off," Jiraiya admonished. "Now think of it this way: There's no reward without a little risk. If you don't take the chance, you'll never get anywhere. Now go buy her some flowers!"
"Rin already bought her flowers," Minato sighed, glowering at his teacher.
"Well then get her chocolates or a stuffed animal."
"I've already smuggled her in some ramen, which she appreciates more than chocolates, and…a stuffed animal?" Minato tried to picture her cuddling a teddy bear with any amount of enthusiasm and failed.
The older man chewed on Minato's leftovers thoughtfully. "Maybe if you found her a toy Summon animal with a knife…"
"Just give it up, sensei," Minato muttered. "She's not one for gifts."
"Well then as soon as she's feeling better, take her out to eat!"
"She'll bankrupt me," Minato protested, purposely ignoring how he'd been planning on taking her out to eat before she'd been hurt.
"That's a small price to pay for love, my boy!" Jiraiya laughed.
Minato awkwardly tugged at his shirt collar and glared at the floor near his teacher's feet. "Knock it off, Jiraiya-sensei. And quit eating my food! Buy your own."
"But this would've gone to waste if I hadn't eaten it!" the Sannin protested. "And don't I get something in return for training you all these years?"
Minato rolled his eyes and put his hands into a seal. "Whatever, just don't empty out my fridge, okay?" And then he activated his Hiraishin and warped out of his apartment before his uninvited guest could reply.
He reappeared near the top of the Hokage monument and walked out to stand on top of the giant head of the Shodai Hokage that was carved into the cliff face overlooking the village. It was bitingly cold and windy, but he didn't care. He'd come out here for the solitude, not for the temperature.
But even out in the cold on top of the stone head of the Shodai he couldn't escape her.
He thought of her as a rough-and-tumble tomboy genin. How she was so spirited, full of fire and more than a few insults. How she was always after him, always determined to show him up, always ready to make him bleed. How she acted so much like a boy, yet had been so hurt and insulted when he thought that she was a boy.
He thought of her on the disastrous fake-date that he'd unknowingly taken her on. How she'd rescued him and then broken his poor little wallet. How she'd hidden her identity until the very last moment. How she'd surely savored her little victory over him, and left him gaping while she walked away.
He thought of her standing on the pond that night, surrounded by lazily drifting fireflies. How she'd looked so unlike the Kushina that he was used to seeing. How still and peaceful and…and pretty she was then. How much like some forest spirit she'd seemed, even as she left the water to stand on solid ground. How she tolerated his awkward presence without complaint, even as he trailed after her all the way back to her building.
He thought of her after Obito's death. How she fished him out of a bar, absolutely plastered, and let her sleep in her apartment—in her bed. How she put up with him when he was hung-over. How she let him cry all over her and never told a soul or looked at him with any less respect.
He thought of her and her friendly nature. How she would pop up, sometimes from seemingly thin air, and liven up his day, whether he really wanted her to or not. How she'd always hang on his arm or drape her arm over his shoulders or jump on his back. How, when he needed her to be quiet, she would. How she played around with him and played with his hair. How she made him laugh. How she made him smile.
He thought of her in the hospital. How she managed to look good even though she was recovering from a near-death experience. How she held on to her sense of humor, even when he didn't. How she lit up when he brought her Ichiraku ramen. How she'd called him sweet and he'd wanted to k—
Minato scrubbed a half-numb hand over his face and gazed blankly over the slush-covered village rooftops. What am I going to do? he wondered morosely. Why did this have to happen? And everything was going so well, too…
An icy blast of wind hit him and he jammed his hands into his pockets with a weary sigh. He couldn't like her like that. He just couldn't! They had a great friendship, and this threatened to wreck it. The very thought of that made him shudder and ache inside.
I need to get over this, he decided. I need to bury it so deep that I forget all about it. We're good friends and that's what we're going to stay.
Besides, he thought, recalling their antagonistic childhood, it's not like she feels the same way…
Kushina boredly counted the tiny holes in the ceiling tiles over her hospital bed. She was tired, but not quite tired enough to pass out just yet. So she occupied her brain with mindless counting.
She was flirting with disaster. Namikaze was wonderful and she had a blast hanging out with him. But the more time that she spent with him, the more she fell under his spell. His smile, his laugh, his adorable social awkwardnesses—she adored it all.
And that was a problem. Liking led to loving which led to scary and unpleasant things like marriage, pregnancy, babies, and being a mother. That was not the future for her. She was a ninja, a kunoichi, a fighter and a killer. Her hands were too rough and bloody to bring up a child; too clumsy not to screw it up.
Therefore, she would never fall in love and never have children. She would die a kunoichi, alone, and probably a virgin. It was something that she'd decided on years before, and she refused to change her mind.
To hold true to this goal, she really should break everything off with Namikaze. She should put distance between them, find a new circle of friends, new hang-out places, and socially get a fresh start in Konoha. That would be the ideal solution.
But…her friendship with Namikaze felt so safe. He made her laugh (mostly when he didn't mean to), and smile, and feel happy. If she left him without any good reason, he'd be upset and she'd feel just awful about the whole thing.
After I get through this hospital stay, I'll cut back on my "Minato time," she decided. Give us both a little breathing room, let things calm down. Her mouth twitched into a shadow of a smile. After all: All good things in moderation…
