A/N: James is still my typist, and more than likely will be for the remainder of the story,...unless some hillbilly gets confused about hunting seasons and thinks James is a deer and not a stag...last time the poor bloke was at St. Mungo's for at least three weeks.

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, for not only myself but also for humanity as a whole, I do not own the characters used in this story. That right belongs to J.K. Rowling. Sorry, World.

Chapter Two

Baths and Bad Beginnings

Remus felt a bony finger poke his face, and he opened his eyes to see a pair of grey ones staring into his.

"Sirius?" asked Remus, still dazed and confused from sleep.

"No, silly, this is William Shatner." Sirius lied.

"Really?!"

"Noo…" replied Sirius with an exasperated sigh at how long it took for his friend to awaken.

"What time is it?" asked Remus, still rather dazed and confused.

"About 6:30."

"SHIT!" yelled Remus.

"Shit?" Now it was Sirius's turn to be confused.

"Yeah! I needed you to wake me up at six!" screamed Remus to Sirius.

"Oh, sorry…"

"Save your apologies!"

"Well," said Sirius indignantly, "somebody's P.M.S-y this morning!"

"Shut it, Sirius," giggled Remus while giving his friend a light shove onto his bed.

Remus pulled the bed sheets off of himself (and threw them on Sirius, naturally), and jumped out of bed, only to sway and feel woozy. Sirius looked at his werewolf mate mockingly. Remus smoothed his hair before grabbing his clothes and quickly hurrying off to the boys' dormitory showers.

Sirius followed at a leisurely pace, grabbing a pack of cigarettes from the inside of his nightstand.

Remus arrived at the showers to see James standing in front of a mirror and running his hands through his hair and posing sexily.

"Narcissist," mumbled Remus, heading for a shower with a curtain. James turned around.

"Top o' the mornin' to ye, lad!" exclaimed James with the incessantly annoying happiness of a habitual morning person. His Irish accent was about as bad as Sirius's sarcasm.

"Morning, Prongsie. How long have you been standing there oggling yourself?" asked Remus as he stepped into a shower.

"Six o'clock!" said James proudly while giving himself an overly cocky smile.

"Wow," said Remus, who was obviously unimpressed. "But, more or less, why?"

"Because," said James in that matter-of-fact tone of his, "I'm going to ask Lily Evans out again, so…in all necessity, I must look like a GOD!"

James was just starting to struggle with the child-proof cap on his mouthwash when Sirius walked in.

"G'day, mate!" Sirius said to James, exuberantly landing into an old armchair in the corner. "Going to ask Lily out again?"

"You've got it, Pads," said a smiling James.

"How did you know?!" shouted Remus over the rushing waters of his shower.

"Because Padfoot and I have tell-a-pathy," replied James.

"Don't you mean telepathy?" said Remus.

"No," James said in a patronizing voice, "according to our Divination teacher, it's tell-a-pathy."

Remus turned off his shower and toweled off.

"Shit," thought Remus; he had left his clothes in the chair by Sirius's chair. Remus walked into the main room and gathered his clothes and went back into the showers to dress so his friends wouldn't get their own free strip show.

Whoosh

Remus looked back quickly to see Sirius flip his wand, causing a huge gust of air to blow Remus's clothes out of his hands and the towel to fly from his waist.

There was a dead silence for a moment. Remus wrapped the towel around his waist, whilst his cheeks turned a violent shade of scarlet. He picked up his clothes.

"Remus," choked James between bouts of laughter, "that thing between your legs,…it's like a penis,…only smaller!"

At this Sirius let out a bark of laughter.

Remus's face only turned a brighter shade of red.

James looked nervous. Sirius couldn't stop laughing.

Remus rushed behind the showers and started to get dressed.

James started in again. "Umm…were you born with an incredibly small penis, or was it an accident like the werewolf thingy, or did some healer have it chopped off so you couldn't reproduce…?"

Sirius let out another howl of laughter.

Remus grabbed a bar of soap and threw it in James's general direction.

"Ouch," said James sarcastically, "that so totally hurt me. I think I am going to be scarred for life."

Remus slid on his robes, tied his shoes, and quickly rushed past James and Sirius, mumbling something about going to breakfast.

"Good," said James, "but don't let the sausages bruise your already so fragile ego."

Sirius once more hysterically laughed, brushing tears from his eyes.

Remus slammed the door behind him.