Chapter 2: Hell Hath No Fury...

At almost the exact moment Dante was venting his spleen on the sorry state of his sex life, an attractive, brown haired woman wearing biker shorts and a plain white shirt was climbing up the side of the aforementioned tower (and if you didn't know Dante's in a tower, what the fuck were you doing in Chapter 1?!), she was swearing enough to shock an entire season of South Park, and was sporting a look so angry Kratos would've soiled himself and hid in Zeus' beard. She normally would have been at the peak of the tower by now, as she would have just ridden her bike up it. But events had conspired to rid her of her precious motorcycle six months previously. Events involving a certain white-haired half-demon ladies man. Six months since Temen-Ni-Gru had erupted out of the earth and changed her life forever. More important than that, six months and not even one call from said ladies man. She'd spent the last month tracking him down (it wasn't exactly hard to do, all she had to do was follow the trail of dead demons and strip clubs), and now she was going to wreak some serious Lady-wrath on his demon shaped ass. As she passed a window a certain image caught her eye, she took a closer look and saw what looked like a spiky-haired, freakishly ugly clown getting it on with a rather dumb looking guy with black hair and a dopy smile. Supressing a shudder of disgust, she continued on her way.

Meanwhile, Dante was in a rather embarassing situation. It wasn't a life threatening situation, or even a distinctly dangerous one. He'd entered a room through way of getting thrown through the door by what had looked like a giant packet of noodles, and before he'd gotten a chance to get his bearings or even utter an angry remark, the door had violently slammed shut and all the light in the room had disappeared. Normally this wouldn't have bothered Dante in the slightest, what with the whole seeing in the dark business (I know that's never mentioned in the game, but I always thought he would be able to. Come on, it would just be LAME if he couldn't see in the dark!). But the fact was, this darkness wasn't natural, it was being excreted by something that was probably icky. Next thing he knew, he was on his back and he was being stripped of everything on his person. And to top it all off, it was somehow so cold he was freezing his newly exposed nuts off. Suddenly, blinding light exploded in his eyes. Immediately, Dante sprung into action, the first thing he did was say "AAAARGH!" rather loudly. The second was to crouch over and try to protect Little Dante from the attack that was inevitably going to come.

But the attack never came, and eventually Dante opened his eyes... to find himself standing in a room facing an incredibly attractive, naked white haired woman. Well hello there he thought, instantly striking a pose that he knew would show himself off to the fullest. Oddly, the woman did the same. Dante smirked and cocked an eyebrow, again the woman copied him. Wait just a pizza-lickin' second Dante thought (no idea why I added pizza-lickin', seemed like a good idea at 2.00 am...jeez...I have no life), why is she copying me? Slowly, and with dawning dread, the awful realization sank into his brain. He was staring at a mirror.

It was said that the resulting scream rendered an entire train-load of fan girls permanently deaf.

One thing was for sure, Lady was almost blown off the tower by the force of the scream. It chilled her to the core, and as a side effect accidentally set one of her guns off. The bullet itself shot downwards, rebounded off a spiky bit of metal that Lady had almost ripped her shorts on, shattered a window and splattered the dumb looking guy's brains all over the wall, much to the shock of the freakishly ugly clown thing, who after a moment of stillness shrugged and continued with his activities. (is that going too far? having Ryuk screwing a corpse? And a headless one at that :p)

Meanwhile, Dante had begun to calm down and assess the situation. "Okay, why am I a chick?" he said, but instantly shut up in horror, as his voice was still his own. After a few minutes of thinking, he still hadn't arrived at any solutions as why he was now the opposite sex, and how he was going to turn himself back into a man. Then again he thought, this ain't so bad. He looked at himself in the mirror again and gently poked his newly aquired bosom. After a couple of minutes of experimentation, he understood why every girl he had ever felt up had slapped him. Boobs were so goddamn sensitive. Also, his lower back was starting to develop one hell of an ache (A/N this is a little nod to a friend of mine, I'm sure she knows who she is...). He was about to further explore himself when the door opened and an elderly man wearing glasses, a suit and sporting a magnificent white moustache stepped into the room. There was silence for the next thirty seconds as they both stared at each other, before Dante realised that he should probably make a small attempt at modesty. But before he could do anything, the man removed his bowler hat, scratched his moustache a bit and flung himself on Dante.

If anyone had been watching this bizarre scenario, they would have said it was eerily like a perverted comedy show. The old man kept lunging at Dante, presumably out of some kind of lust-driven trance he had slipped into. Dante kept diving out of the way, which he was finding harder to do than usual, as his new body seemed to have ideas of its own. It all ended rather violently when the old man managed to slap Dante on the ass. Dante shrieked like a girl, lashed out with his foot and managed to connect with the old guy's unmentionables, as the old man doubled over in pain, Dante grabbed his head and swung him face first into the mirror.

Instead of shattering, the mirror instantly turned into a small purple vortex, which instantly swallowed the old man, burping out his glasses before closing. There was another blinding flash of light, forcing Dante to close his eyes again. When Dante opened eyes he registered two things, one good, one bad. The good thing was: he was a guy again, but he was still naked. The bad thing was, he was several hundred feet in midair outside the tower. Then he began to fall, and as he was falling he voiced his half completed thought had been when he found himself in midair "Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit..."

Well that's chapter 2. Only took me a year to getting round to writing it... reviews plz, especially good ones. And if I pissed off anyone cus I killed Matsuda, well tough shit, I wanted to kill him. And then have Ryuk bang his corpse. Hopefully you'll have liked the whole thing about turning Dante into a girl. Chapter 3 should be done soon, so until then, remember to stay away from geese and keep the crack-whores happy, and in the words of Mr. J "Why so serious?"