Disclaimer: The Host and all of its characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I am not making any kind of profit from this.
A/N: Sorry it took me so long to get this one up but my life has been pretty crazy. Plus, it's super long so I hope that makes up for it. I'm kind of sad to see this end so I was thinking of doing a few extras but we will see. I hope you guys like this chapter! And thank you to everyone that has reviewed or put this story on their favs or alerts! And a huuuge thank you goes out to my beta, efficacious humorosity! And once again, a good portion of the dialogue comes from the book, pages 539 - 608 (sorry I didn't add this in sooner! I had to go steal the book back from my sister to get the exact page numbers).
Seven
It didn't take me long to realize that Kyle was missing. I had thought it was strange when he didn't take part in any of the planning for the upcoming raid. This one was different from all the others we had been on; we would be going to the shuttle field to drop off the Seeker and then picking up more souls so that we could free their human hosts. I knew he would want to go on this raid, would want to see how exactly the souls were taken out, but he was strangely absent. But I didn't really think anything of it until Jared realized that the Jeep was gone. Then I just knew. He had gone for Jodi. It made sense. Now that he knew there was a way for the human host to come back, now that he had seen it happen with his own two eyes, he would do anything he could to bring get Jodi back, even if it meant risking all of our lives. Everyone was upset with Kyle. He had taken that great feeling of hope that had spread through the caves and turned it into a tense anxiety. Going off on his own was a stupid move, and we would all have to deal with the consequences if he got caught. And there was a good chance of that happening, too. Jodi had lived in Portland before she was taken. If she had gone back there, she would be surrounded by other souls. Kidnapping her would be more difficult than the test subjects we had captured for Doc before Wanda came. I had the strangest feeling of déjà vu as everyone hurried to pack up everything in case we had to leave. Kyle had been outraged with Jared for taking Wanda out that first time because it was putting us all in jeopardy, and now he was doing the exact same thing. Unfortunately, I was a little too preoccupied with making sure that we wouldn't have to bear the brunt of his stupid mistake to fully appreciate the irony.
Jared wanted to postpone the raid, at least until we knew Kyle's fate, but Wanda insisted on leaving right away. She had noticed the way some people looked at the occupied cryotank that she had taken to carrying around everywhere. Everyone knew that Wes's killer was in there, and a lot of them wanted revenge, even the ones who weren't that close to him. There were moments when even I wouldn't have been too upset if something happened to the soul inside of it. But then I was able to remember that the Seeker had just been following orders. I didn't like the fact that I was able to empathize with the enemy, but I couldn't hold Wes's death against the Seeker. It was doing exactly what we were trying to do: survive this war. And so I helped Wanda keep it safe. I was practically glued to her side, taking on the role of bodyguard again. I knew that no one would try to hurt the Seeker while it was in my care. Wanda seemed to realize that too, and I was the only one she allowed to even touch the cryotank. I helped Wanda convince Jared to go on the raid. It would take Kyle at least three days to reach Oregon and that gave us more than enough time to go on the raid. In fact, we would probably be back at the caves long before Kyle was able to find her.
We stayed close to home, going to a shuttle field outside of Phoenix. It was a strange sight, the space shuttles the souls used when traveling around the world. There was a long line of them taking off frequently, although it was kind of hard to see them from the back of the old paneled van. Wanda drove us around to an area with larger shuttles, the ones that must be used for flying to other planets. I held the Seeker's tank while Wanda steered the van; I guess she was scared that Jared would try something. It was kind of nice, knowing that she trusted me more than him with the Seeker's life.
"Everything's labeled," Wanda reported from the driver's seat. "Now, this is important. Avoid ships to the Bats and especially the See Weeds. The See Weeds are just one system over – it takes only a decade to make the round trip. That's much too short. The Flowers are the farthest, and the Dolphins, Bears and Spiders all take at least a century to go one way. Only send tanks to those." I was slightly confused. Why was Wanda telling us all of this? It's not like we would ever come here, to a place crawling with souls, without her. "This will be easy. They've got all kinds of delivery vehicles out here, and we blend in. Oh! I can see a tank truck – it's just like the ones we saw them unloading at the hospital, Jared. There's a man looking over the stacks… He's putting them in a hover cart. He's going to load them… Yes, onto this ship." I could just barely make out the smile on her face as she turned the van around and pulled into the shadow of what must have been the spaceship. "Get ready," she whispered. Then she cut the engine and hopped out of the van. I carefully placed the cryotank right in front of the back doors to the van. Wanda opened the door a crack, grabbed it, and disappeared into the night. My stomach clenched in anxiety then. I still worried about her, even though she had already proven that she could take care of herself.
She wasn't gone long. After a few short minutes, which still managed to feel like hours to me, she was back in the van. She put it in gear and drove away slowly, not wanting to draw the attention of the souls working on the shuttle. I waited until we were out of the shuttle field to climb into the passenger seat. "Doesn't look too hard."
"It was very good luck, with the timing," she said. "You might have to wait longer for an opportunity next time."
"You're the good luck charm," I said, grabbing her hand and holding it in between both of mine. "Do you feel better now that she's safe?"
"Yes." But I had gotten so good at reading her that I could hear the lie in her voice, and I couldn't understand why she was lying. It had been clear how worried she was about the Seeker, so wouldn't she be happy now that she knew without a doubt that no harm would come to it? Maybe it was because of what we were going to be doing next. Wanda wouldn't like the idea of kidnapping someone, even if it was done with the best of intentions.
It didn't take us long to reach the small medical clinic. Wanda had insisted on taking a Healer, she was convinced that the humans being occupied would be able to remember everything that the souls inside them had done, including everything about the mysterious soul medication. Luck seemed to be on our side that night, because there were two people in purple scrubs climbing into a small black car right as we pulled up. Wanda stopped the van behind them and jumped out.
"My friend is in the back – I don't know what's wrong with him," she said. I was amazed at how convincing she sounded. Wanda was usually a horrible actress, but even I could hear the tears in her voice. The Healers responded instantly, rushing to the back of the van with Wanda. I grabbed a cloth dipped in chloroform from Jared and slipped out of the van as soon as they were out of sight. Jared was ready when Wanda opened the back doors, and we were able to knock the two Healers out in seconds. He pulled the two unconscious bodies into the back and I slammed the door shut, ready to get back to the caves and witness the soul removal first-hand.
I could see now that Wanda's tears hadn't been an act. She never enjoyed hurting others, even when it was for the best. I took the driver's seat, knowing that she was in no condition to drive. I grabbed her hand again and said, "Sorry, Wanda. I know this is hard for you."
"Yes," she said softly, the tears falling freely down her face.
I squeezed her hand, trying to comfort her. "But that went well, at least. You make an excellent charm."
She didn't say anything for a few minutes. I was almost at the freeway when she spoke up again. "Ian, could you do me a favor?"
"Anything you want," I said, smiling down at her.
"I want fast food."
I hadn't been expecting that. "No problem," I laughed.
I pulled over in the parking lot of a McDonald's and switched seats with her. She drove up to the ordering box and turned to me. "What do you want?"
"Nothing," I said, smiling again. "I'm getting a kick out of watching you do something for yourself. This has to be a first." She made a face at my joke and asked Jared if he wanted anything. Once she had gotten their food, we switched seats again so she could eat during the drive back.
I was a little surprised when we reached the caves without incident. Maybe the Seekers had bought the story we had set up and thought that the Seeker inside of Lacey had been attacked by a coyote. It was plausible, after all. They had witnessed it happening to one of their own during their search for Wanda. Maybe they had all come to realize that if you spent too much time wandering around the desert, chances were that you wouldn't make it out. And if there were no Seekers watching the highway, then that must have meant that Kyle hadn't gotten caught yet. I was relieved by that, although I still thought he was an idiot.
It seemed like everyone was waiting for us when we got back to the caves. Jared and I walked right through the crowds, carrying the two Healers straight to Doc. They followed us, all of them just as curious as I was to see the operation that would bring the humans back. Jeb shooed them all away, threatening anyone who tried to sneak in to see the procedure with his rifle, and then followed us down the south tunnel to the hospital wing. Doc was waiting for us. He turned on the brightest lantern we had as soon as we entered the room. Jared and I laid the bodies out facedown on the cots. Doc quickly administered the No Pain and Jared got out two empty cryotanks. It was a strange object. I had to push a button on the top of the lid and then turn a dial. Once the light at the top of the tank had turned blue, I popped the lid open and felt the biting cold that was emanating from inside the tank. I held it ready as Doc stood over the female Healer, holding his scalpel over the small insertion scar.
"Wanda?" he asked.
She grimaced. "Do you swear, Doc? All of my terms? Do you promise me on your own life?" Her eyes were watering, and I could see that she was worried about the souls. She could only go through with this if we promised not to kill them. Once again, I wondered how any of us had ever seen Wanda as a threat.
"I do. I will meet all of your terms, Wanda. I swear it," he said.
She nodded and turned to look at the rest of us. "Jared?"
"Yes. Absolutely no killing, ever."
"Ian?"
Of course I wouldn't condone killing any of the souls. If I had been able to suppress my desire for revenge on the Seeker that killed my friend, there was no way I would ever want to murder innocent ones that had done me no harm. "I'll protect them with my own life, Wanda."
"Jeb?" she asked.
"It's my house. Anyone who can't abide by this agreement will have to get out."
She nodded again. "Okay, then. Let's get it over with."
Doc cut into the back of the Healers neck and I could see a small amount of silver underneath the blood pouring from her neck. Then he placed the scalpel down on the cot and turned to Wanda. "Now what?" he asked.
She put her hand on his and guided it to the surgical site. "Trace up the back ridge. Can you feel that? Feel the shape of the segments. They get smaller toward the anterior section. Okay, at the end you should feel three small… stubby things. Do you feel what I'm talking about?"
"Yes," Doc said, clearly amazed by what was happening. He was finally learning how to take the souls out of their hosts without killing either of them.
"Good," Wanda said. Both of their fingers were inside the girl's neck as she taught him. "Those are the anterior antennae. Start there. Now, very gently, roll your finger under the body. Find the line of attachments. They'll feel tight, like wires. You can count them, you're looking for the two hundred and seventh connection, but it would take too long with her blood flowing like this. Maybe she'll know how to fix that… Do you feel that ridge that's larger than the others?" Doc nodded, his eyes wide in wonder. "Now, rub softly in toward the body. Knead it lightly."
"It's moving," Doc said, panic seeping into his voice.
"That's good," she said, trying to reassure him. "It means you're doing it right. Give it time to retract. Wait till it rolls up a bit, then take it into your hand."
"Okay," he said, his voice shaking.
She turned and reached for me. "Give me your hand," she said. I grabbed her hand and held it tightly in mine. She turned it over gently and curled it into a cup before pulling it close to the Healer's neck. "Give the soul to Ian – gently please."
I watched as Doc pulled it from the woman's neck and placed it carefully in my hand. I had never seen an actual soul before, but I had heard the stories from Jeb. And I wasn't expecting this. I had thought the souls looked like bugs, little centipedes that were able to worm their way into a human's brain. But this one looked like a small silver ribbon that glistened in the light of the lantern. It moved slightly and I could see its thin attachments billowing softly. It was completely different than what I had imagined any kind of alien to look like. "It's pretty," I whispered in surprise.
"I think so, too. Let it slide into your tank." I stared at it in amazement for another second before sliding it into the cryotank and latching the lid.
"Look out!" Jeb shouted, raising the gun and pointing it behind us. For one small second, I thought the Seekers had found us but when I whirled around, I saw that the male Healer was awake, staring at us in shock. Jared dropped his empty tank and jumped towards him. I almost joined in, but then I remembered the delicate soul that was inside the tank I was holding.
"Chloroform!" Jared shouted as he tackled him to the cot.
But we couldn't get to him in time. He stared directly at Wanda, the light of the lantern showing what she was as it reflected off her eyes. "Why?" he asked in a small, confused voice. Then his face went blank as his body slumped on the cot. I knew immediately what had happened, I had seen it once before. Doc would find the human brain completely shredded if he tried to operate.
"No!" Wanda screamed, rushing to his side. "No!"
Jeb sighed and lowered his gun. "He's gone."
"No," Wanda said, trying desperately to flip him over. "He still has a chance." Jared helped her, although there was no way we could save him now. None of us wanted to point that out to her, though.
"Doc, come help me," she pleaded.
He walked slowly to her side and said, "I'm sorry, Wanda. They're both gone."
"No!" she cried. "The soul might still be alive! I need you to cut him open!" Doc could see that there was no point in arguing with her. He grabbed his scalpel and cut into the back of the male Healer's neck without even bothering to sterilize it again. As soon as the cut was large enough, Wanda stuck her fingers inside the wound. She looked over at Jared and said, "Get the tank ready!" He grabbed the tank and held it open for her as she pulled the soul out of the human body. Once she had gently deposited it into the tank, she moved out of the way so Doc could inspect the damage. "Is there any way you can help him?" she asked in a small voice that indicated she already knew the answer.
He shook his head. "I'm sorry, Wanda. Even the soul medicine couldn't fix this."
Her face fell. I walked over to her side and placed my hand on her shoulder. "It's alright, Wanda. We still managed to get one Healer." She nodded but didn't say anything.
We stood in a heavy silence for a few minutes, not really sure what to do. The soul inside the tank had just murdered the male Healer and I could tell that Jared and Jeb were both feeling a little conflicted. On one hand, it would be only fair to kill him, we had spent years living by the eye for an eye rule. But on the other hand, we had promised Wanda that we wouldn't kill any of the souls that we extracted from their human hosts. The right side won out in the end, and he gently placed the occupied cryotank on the cot next to the dead body. "I'll go get some shovels," he said quietly.
Jeb sighed. "I'll go and make sure there isn't anyone hanging around. Who knows how they'll react to this." I nodded, knowing that this was a very good idea. Some people still didn't trust Wanda, and they were likely to start a riot if they thought she had murdered this man on purpose.
Wanda ducked out from under my hand and went to the female Healer. She grabbed her hand and started talking to her so quietly that I could barely make out what she was saying. I wanted to go after her, tell her that everything was alright, but Jared was back with the shovels by then. I lifted the male Healer and carried him back outside, incredibly grateful that Jeb had managed to clear the way so quickly.
Jared and I worked in silence as the sun rose, both lost in our thoughts about what this meant. With this knowledge, the ability to free the humans from the souls holding them prisoner inside their own bodies, we actually had a fighting chance in this war. And not only that, but we had found a humane way of getting rid of the souls. By sending them to other planets, we could get our planet back and keep our conscious clear. I couldn't help but wonder what would happen once these souls reached their destination, though. Would they give up on earth? Or would they just try to hit us harder? Wanda always said that souls were gentle, completely nonviolent, but I couldn't imagine them taking this lying down; they had fought so hard for this planet. I couldn't stop thinking about it, even after we had buried the body with the other test subjects and gone to bed. Who exactly would be in charge of Earth once the Seeker reached the planet Wanda had sent it to?
I spent the next morning with Jeb, trying to help him decide if we should evacuate the caves now or wait a few more days. It was around mid-day when Jared came running to get us. He had been waiting on the mountain that housed the hospital wing, watching for any signs of the Seekers. "The Jeep's about half a mile out. I didn't see anything else but…" he trailed off, not waiting to finish the thought. The Seekers might send Kyle out first because they knew we'd have another place to hide, and we'd be watching for him if we hadn't left yet.
It didn't matter, though. As soon as the words were out of his mouth, I raced down to the entrance, trying not to look too panicked so I wouldn't scare the people I passed. I got there just as Kyle was pulling the Jeep under the overhang. I watched warily as he got out and then I got a small flashlight out of my pocket. I pointed it at his eyes and knew instantly that he was still human. "You idiot!" I yelled, my hands clenched into fists as I advanced on him. I stopped in my tracks as soon as I saw who was with him. It was weird seeing Jodi again, especially after I had considered her dead for so long. But it wasn't Jodi, I could tell from the scared expression on her face. Kyle had been able to steal her body and the soul inside it. Still, he was lucky that she was with him, it was the one thing stopping me from killing him with my bare hands. "How?" I asked, rendered almost completely speechless from the shock.
"Look, Ian, you can see that I'm still human so just let us inside, okay?" Kyle said, his hands raised in a gesture of surrender. It was clear that he didn't want to fight, he just wanted to get Jodi inside so that he could get the soul out. That was the whole point of his mission, after all.
I scowled but moved out of the way, walking with them as they made their way inside. "How'd you get to Oregon and back so fast?" I asked curiously.
He shook his head. "She wasn't in Oregon. She was staying with Jodi's mother in Vegas."
I didn't say anything, although I was curious about how he had managed to grab her in a city that crowded without attracting any attention. And she was walking alongside him, not putting up any kind of a fight. What was up with that? I smirked when I heard the angry voices echoing off the walls, coming from the main field room. Someone must have heard Jared and alerted the others because it sounded like everyone was in there. "You're in for it," I muttered.
He frowned but walked into the room anyways, not seeming to care that he had upset everyone. They all started shouting as soon as they saw him, the noise was so loud that I couldn't make out what anyone was saying. Jared charged at him, his face red and livid, and Jamie grabbed onto his arm to hold him back. I turned and watched as Kyle stepped in front of Jodi, trying to shield her from the violence that many people wanted to inflict on him. "Just calm down, okay?" he called out, although he was being exceptionally dense if he thought everyone was going to relax just because he wanted them to. "Back off, Jared, you're scaring her!"
"What were you thinking, bringing her back here?" Jared asked, his voice so low and deadly that it was hard to hear over the shouts of the others.
Kyle ignored him, something across the room had caught his attention. "Wanda?" he called out, his naturally loud voice somehow managing to carry over all of the shouting. "There you are! Could you please come and give me a little help?"
I whirled around and saw her standing in the mouth of the tunnel that led to the kitchen area. There were bags under her eyes, and I realized that she had stayed up all night with the female Healer, trying to get some kind of response out of her. I watched as Jeb pushed people out of the way with his rifle so she could walk across the room. "That's enough," he said to those who took offense. "You'll get a chance to dress 'im down later. We all will. Let's get this sorted out first, okay? Let me through." Wanda brushed my arm softly as she passed, calming me down considerably. "Okay, Kyle," Jeb said, smacking the gun against his palm in a threatening manner. "Don't try to excuse yourself, 'cause there ain't no excuse. I'm plain torn between kickin' ya out and shootin' ya now." Jodi peeked around Kyle's elbow, her mouth open in horror. I could tell that she was as opposed to violence as Wanda was. The faint line of silver in her eyes threw me for a loop. I had known Jodi for so long, and it was so strange knowing that someone else was in control of her body.
"But right now, let's calm everybody down." Jeb turned around and held the gun low across his body as he glared at the angry mob. "Kyle's got a guest, and you're scarin' the snot out of her, people. I think you can all dig up some better manners than that. Now, all of you clear out and get to work on something useful. My cantaloupes are dying. Somebody do something about that, hear?" The crowd dispersed and soon only Jared, Jamie and I remained. Jeb glared at the three of us and opened his mouth, probably to tell us to get lost but I grabbed Wanda's hand before he could say anything. There was no way I was going to miss this. Besides, I wanted to be there when they brought Jodi back. Kyle had dated her for so long that she was practically family. I noticed that Jamie had grabbed her other hand and Jared was holding onto her wrist because they both didn't want to get kicked out either. Jeb rolled his eyes at us, and then turned back to Kyle.
"Thanks, Jeb," Kyle said.
"Shut the hell up, Kyle," Jeb snapped. "Just keep your fat mouth shut. I'm dead serious about shooting you, you worthless maggot." Jodi whimpered in fright from behind Kyle.
"Okay, Jeb. But could you save the death threats till we're alone? She's terrified enough. You remember how that kind of stuff freaks Wanda out," Kyle said, smiling at Wanda. I felt her muscles lock up and I knew that she wasn't the only one feeling completely shocked. I was beginning to wonder if Kyle wasn't really back, and I was just having a very vivid dream. Then he turned to Jodi. "See, Sunny? This is Wanda, the one I told you about. She'll help you like us – she won't let anyone hurt you, just like me." Jodi, or Sunny as she was now called, stared curiously at Wanda. Kyle put his arm around her waist and pulled her out from behind him.
"Kyle's right," Wanda said softly, trying not to startle her. "I won't let anyone hurt you. Your name is Sunny?"
Sunny's eyes flashed up to Kyle's face uncertainly. "It's okay. You don't have to be afraid of Wanda. She's just like you." Then he turned to Wanda and said, "Her real name is longer – something about ice."
"Sunlight Passing Through The Ice," she whispered.
"She doesn't mind being called just Sunny, though. She said it was fine," Kyle said. Sunny nodded, seeming to relax now that everyone had calmed down.
"I was a Bear too, Sunny," Wanda said. "They called me Lives in the Stars then. Wanderer, here."
"Lives in the Stars," Sunny whispered, her eyes going wide in shock. "Rides the Beast."
Wanda rolled her eyes, looking more than a little exasperated. I had never heard that name for her before, and I made mental note to ask her about the story behind it later. "You lived in the second crystal city, I guess."
"Yes. I heard the story so many times…" I was having a hard time holding in my curiosity now, and I could see that Jamie and Jeb were interested too.
"Did you like being a Bear, Sunny?" Wanda asked, clearly not wanting to go into it now. "Were you happy there?" Sunny's face crumpled in pain, and she looked up at Kyle, her eyes filling with tears. "I'm sorry," Wanda said, looking curiously at Kyle.
He patted Sunny's arm and said, "Don't be afraid. You won't be hurt. I promised."
"But I like it here. I want to stay," she whispered, her voice so low that I could barely hear her.
"I know, Sunny," Kyle said as he pulled her against his chest in a gesture of comfort. "I know."
Jeb cleared his throat and Sunny jumped in surprise. Then she cringed into Kyle's chest. "Sorry, Sunny. Didn't mean to scare you, there. Maybe we ought to get out of here, though." He turned and glared at the few people who were standing by the exits, obviously listening in to our conversation. He sighed, "Probably ought to git along to Doc."
"Right," Kyle said, pulling Sunny along with him as he headed for the south tunnel.
I followed behind him, still holding onto Wanda. Jeb paused and we all stopped, looking at him curiously. He pointed the butt of the rifle into Jamie's hip. "Ain't you got school, kid?"
"Aw, Uncle Jeb, please? Please? I don't want to miss –"
"Get your behind to class," Jeb said, cutting off all arguments.
Jamie turned to Wanda but she shook her head at him. "Could you get Trudy on your way?" she asked. "Doc needs her."
His shoulders slumped and he pulled his hand out of hers. "I miss everything," he moaned as he headed in the opposite direction.
Once he was gone, she whispered, "Thanks Jeb."
"Yep."
"It's okay," Kyle murmured to Sunny, who was obviously terrified, as we made our way to the hospital wing. "There's nothing that's going to hurt you, and I'm here."
"How's the Healer?" Jared asked. I scowled when I realized that he was holding her other hand now.
"She woke up, just before I came to find you," Wanda said. I sighed in relief and I could hear a few others doing the same. We had all gotten a little worried when she hadn't woken up right away, like Lacey. We hadn't wanted to face the possibility that the human hosts couldn't always come back. "She's disoriented, though, and very frightened. She can't remember her name. Doc's working with her. She's going to be even more scared when she sees all of you. Try to be quiet and move slowly, okay?" We all agreed quickly. "And, Jeb, do you think you could lose the gun? She's a little afraid of humans still."
"Uh – okay," Jeb said, obviously not feeling all that comfortable without his rifle.
"Afraid of humans?" Kyle asked, confused.
I suppressed a smile. "We're the bad guys." At least to the souls. I squeezed Wanda's hand and couldn't suppress the grin that formed when she squeezed mine back.
"Kyle?" Sunny asked timidly after we had walked in silence for a few minutes.
"Yes?" he replied.
"I don't want to go back to the Bears."
"You don't have to. You can go somewhere else."
"But I can't stay here?" I could hear the sadness in her voice.
"No. I'm sorry, Sunny." There was a hitch in her breathing, and I knew she was crying.
We reached the end of the tunnel, and I could hear Doc speaking quietly. "That's very good. Keep thinking of details. You know your old address – your name can't be far behind, eh? How does this feel? Not tender?" I was surprised when I realized that she was having that much trouble remembering things about herself. Apparently, coming back from being erased was a lot harder than I had originally thought.
"Careful," she whispered. We all paused at the arch as she walked slowly into the room. "Hello," she said in a low, even voice.
I heard a little shriek and assumed that it was the female Healer. "Just me again," Wanda said.
"It's Wanda," Doc said.
"That's the soul," the woman whispered, the fear evident in her trembling voice.
"Yes, but she's a friend," Doc said, trying to reassure her.
"Doc?" Wanda asked. "You've got a few more visitors. Is that okay?"
"These are all friends, all right?" Doc said to the frightened woman. "More of the humans who live here with me. None of them would ever dream of hurting you. Can they come in?"
The woman hesitated for a moment and then whispered, "Okay."
"This is Ian," Wanda said, motioning me forward. I walked slowly to Wanda's side, trying not to scare the Healer's host. The others followed my lead when Wanda said their names. "And Jared, and Jeb. And this is Kyle and… uh, Sunny." Doc's eyes widened in shock when Kyle and Sunny walked in.
"Are there any more?" she whispered.
Doc cleared his throat in an effort to compose himself. "Yes. There are a lot of people who live here. All… well, mostly humans."
"Trudy is on her way," Wanda said. "Maybe Trudy could… find a room… for her to rest in?" She glanced at Kyle and Sunny as she said this, knowing that what Kyle wanted to do would upset the woman.
Doc nodded. "That might be a good idea."
"Who's Trudy?" the woman whispered.
"She's very nice. She'll take care of you."
"Is she human, or is she like that one?" She nodded toward Wanda.
"She's human," Doc said. She relaxed back on to the cot.
Sunny must have noticed the occupied cryotanks sitting on Doc's desk, the lights on top growing red, because she buried her face into Kyle's chest as she burst into tears. "I don't want to go! I want to stay with you!"
Kyle wrapped his arms around her and said, "I know, Sunny. I'm sorry."
Sunny broke down into sobs. Wanda walked over to her and stroked her hair. "I need to talk to her for a minute, Kyle."
Kyle nodded and pulled her from his side. "No, no," she begged, grabbing for him.
"It's okay," Wanda said. "He's not going anywhere. I just want to ask you a few questions." She pulled Sunny into the far corner of the room, away from the rest of us so she wouldn't frighten the Healer's host any more than she already was. I followed them slowly, trying to block the hysterical soul from the woman. They didn't seem to notice me as I listened to Kyle explain how he had kidnapped her. Sunny hadn't put up any kind of a fight when she first saw him. Apparently, she loved Kyle just as much as Jodi had, much like Wanda loved those that Melanie loved, but she was incredibly upset when she realized that Kyle had stolen her away for the sole purpose of removing her from Jodi's body. She put up a bit of a fight, wondering why Wanda got to stay when she couldn't. And then I heard Wanda say, "That wouldn't be fair, would it? But I don't get to stay, Sunny. I have to go, too. And soon. Maybe we'll leave together. I have to go, Sunny, just like you. I have to give my body back, too."
It took me a moment to process what she had just said. Wanda was leaving? How? Why? I couldn't even imagine living without her; she had become such a large part of my life. I didn't want to. I was completely enraged at the thought of someone trying to take her away from me. "What?" I asked, my voice hard and flat with my anger. I walked to the far corner they occupied in two quick strides and glared down at the three of them. How could she plan this and not say anything about it to me?
"Ian?" Kyle asked, completely bewildered by my reaction. "What's the problem?"
I could only focus on her. "Wanda," I said, my voice practically a growl. I held my hand out to her, letting her know that I wanted to discuss this somewhere else. I couldn't to do it here with everyone watching us. I watched as the sadness swept across her face, and I realized that she had planned on keeping it from me. Maybe she would have left in the middle of the night so that Melanie would have to explain everything to me after the fact. I couldn't take it anymore. I grabbed her arm roughly and pulled her to her feet. Sunny was still holding onto her, and I shook her off.
"What is with you?" Kyle asked. I couldn't contain my anger anymore. How could he ask me that? Hadn't he heard what she just said? She was planning to leave, for fuck's sake! Why couldn't he see that I was simply reacting to that? I pulled my leg back and smashed my foot right into Kyle's nose.
"Ian!" Wanda said reproachfully.
He grabbed his nose, trying to stop the blood flow, and struggled to his feet. Sunny threw herself in front of him as if she planned on protecting him from me. Her sudden movement knocked Kyle back down and I was glad. I didn't have time to deal with his wounded pride right now. "C'mon," I said, turning abruptly. I had to get out of the hospital wing.
"Ian –" Wanda said, probably wanting me to calm down. I couldn't.
Jared stood in the exit, blocking my only way out. "Have you lost your mind, Ian?" he asked, completely shocked by my reaction. "What are you doing to her?"
The fact that he was even going to pretend that he actually gave a crap about Wanda made me see red. "Did you know about this?" I yelled, my voice echoing off the rocky cave walls. I was so angry that I was shaking, and therefore, Wanda was as well.
"You're going to hurt her!" he shouted back.
I was going to hurt her? Me? I was the only one who looked out for her, kept her best interests in mind. Even she didn't do that! And who did Jared think he was, saying something like that to me? He had been hurting her ever since she came to the caves! "Do you know what she's planning?" I asked. His face went completely blank, the way it did when he didn't want anyone to know what he was thinking. And that was enough for me. I pulled back and punched him, hoping that I had broken his nose as well.
"Ian, stop," Wanda begged, trying to check on him as I pulled her down the south hallway.
"You stop," I shot back. Why did she have to do this, sacrifice herself again and again, for Jared? Couldn't she see that he didn't care about her, that he was only concerned with Melanie's body? How could she love him after this, after he was willing to let her go just so he could get Melanie back?
"O'Shea!" I heard Jared yell. I almost hoped that he would follow us so that I could hit him again.
"I'm going to hurt her?" I yelled over my shoulder, continuing down the corridor at the same quick pace. "I am? You hypocritical swine!" I didn't realize how hard I was gripping her arm, or that Wanda was having trouble keeping up with me, until she let out a moan of pain. Oh God, I was hurting her. I was no better than Jared. That thought stopped me in my tracks.
"Ian, Ian, I…" she said. I didn't want to hear her explanations here, where anyone could see us. I picked her up quickly, before she could say anything else, and cradled her to my chest. And then I ran through the caves as fast as I could, not even seeing the faces of the people I passed. I didn't stop until I reached my room. I kicked the red door out of my way and dropped her down onto my mattress. I was panting, both in anger and exertion, as I put the door back in place. Then I turned back and watched Wanda as she rolled onto her knees and held her hands out to me. I couldn't stop wondering why she thought she had to do this.
"You. Are. Not. Leaving. Me." I glared down at her, trying to get my point across without resorting to shouting again.
"Ian," she whispered, looking at me pleadingly. "You have to see that… that I can't stay. You must see that!"
But I would never think it was right for her to leave. "No!" I shouted. She cringed away from me, and I realized that I was scaring her. And then I felt it, the pain that flooded through me every time I thought about being without Wanda. I tried to hold it in, but I couldn't. The pain was too great; there was simply too much of it. I fell down to my knees in front of her and locked my arms around her waist. I tried to bury my head in her stomach to muffle the sobs that were shaking my whole body. How could I let her leave if the mere thought of being without her did this to me?
"No, Ian, no," she pleaded. "Don't, please. Please, don't."
But I couldn't stop. "Wanda," I managed to choke out.
"Ian, please. Don't feel this way," she said. She couldn't see that it was impossible for me to not feel this way. "Don't. I'm so sorry. Please."
I didn't have to look up to know that she was crying; I could hear the tears in her voice. "You can't leave," I said, gripping her tighter. I wouldn't let her leave. I would anchor myself to her until she realized that she didn't have to sacrifice herself for Melanie and Jared. There had to be some other way.
"I have to," she said, sobbing just like I was. "I have to." But she didn't. This wasn't right. The anger was coming back now, trying to overshadow the pain. Jared was selfishly putting his wants before the good of the community. We were better off with Wanda than without her. She had already done so much for us, getting us the alien medicine, going on raids, showing us how to remove the souls from their hosts… And then it was like something clicked. Of course. I should have seen this sooner. She had been planning this ever since she took the Seeker from Lacey's body. She must have thought that it was only a matter of time until Jared forced her out of Melanie. But I wouldn't let him touch her. It was easier to get a hold on the pain then, easier to rein it in until it stopped tearing me apart. The simple fact that I was not going to let anything happen to Wanda made it easier. Once I had stopped crying, I straightened up and pulled Wanda into my arms.
"Sorry," I whispered. I knew that if I tried to speak louder, I would end up shouting again. "I was mean."
"No, no. I'm sorry. I should have told you, when you didn't guess. I just… I couldn't… I didn't want to tell you – to hurt you – to hurt me. It was selfish."
But what she was planning on doing, giving herself up for Melanie, was the opposite of selfish. Why couldn't she be selfish when it actually mattered? "We need to talk about this, Wanda. It's not a done deal. It can't be."
"It is." She spoke with finality, as if she had already made her decision and wasn't going to change it.
I could feel my muscles tensing up again, getting ready for another fight. But I didn't want to yell at Wanda anymore. I should my head and changed the subject. "How long? How long have you been planning this?"
"Since the Seeker," she whispered, confirming my suspicions.
I nodded. "And you thought that you had to give up your secret to save her. I can understand that. But that doesn't mean that you have to go anywhere. Just because Doc knows now… that doesn't mean anything. If I thought for one minute that it did, that one action equaled the other, I wouldn't have stood there and let you show him. No one is going to force you to lie down on his blasted gurney! I'll break his hands if he tries to touch you!"
"Ian, please," she said.
"They can't make you, Wanda! Do you hear me?" It took me a moment to realize that I was shouting again.
"No one is making me. I didn't show Doc how to do the separation so that I could save the Seeker. The Seeker's being here just made me have to decide… faster. I did it to save Mel, Ian." My hands clenched into fists behind her back. I was really starting to dislike Melanie Stryder. "She's trapped in here, Ian. It's like a prison – worse than that; I can't even describe it. She's like a ghost. And I can free her. I can give her herself back."
It was noble of Wanda to want to free Melanie, it really was, but she would erase herself by doing it. And she deserved so much more than that. "You deserve a life, too, Wanda," I said, trying to convince her. "You deserve to stay."
"But I love her, Ian." I understood then, even though I didn't want to. I could understand loving someone so much that you would do anything for them: I felt that way for Wanda.
It was wrong, and really stupid, of me, but I was desperate. I tried to use her need to appease everything against her. "But I love you," I whispered. "Doesn't that matter?"
"Of course it matters," she said softly. "So much. Can't you see? That only makes it more necessary."
My eyes flashed to hers as I tried to fully comprehend what she meant. Was she really that disgusted by my love for her? It felt as if she had stabbed me right through the heart. "Is it so unbearable to have me love you? Is that it? I can keep my mouth shut, Wanda. I won't say it again. You can be with Jared, if that's what you want. Just stay." And it was true. I would live through the pain of seeing her with someone else as long as she stopped this.
"No, Ian!" she said, grabbing my face with both of her hands. "No. I – I love you, too. Me, the little silver worm in the back of her head. But my body doesn't love you. It can't love you. I can never love you in this body, Ian. It pulls me in two. It's unbearable." I closed my eyes, not wanting to see the truth in hers. I had wanted her to love me for so long, but I had come to expect this. Melanie would never allow her to be with me, not when she was so wrapped up in Jared. I felt the pain trying to overtake me once more, but I held it back as best as I could. I didn't want to cry in front of her again; it would only make things worse. Then Wanda did something completely unexpected. She wrapped her arms around my neck, much like she had when she was desperate to find Melanie, and pulled herself closer to me until our lips touched. I reacted instantly, pulling her as close as she could possibly get. It felt like our lips were fused together, never to separate again, and I could taste the salt of our tears mixing together. I wondered briefly how Melanie felt about this, but all thought flew out of my mind when she bit down on my lower lip. And there it was again, the fire I had felt the first time I kissed her. It burned from the skin inwards, changing every part of me that it touched. It was silly and cliché, but Wanda had changed me, had made me re-evaluate so many things in my life. I had gotten better, strived for it, for her. And I wasn't going to let her leave. I would do everything I could to make her stay, even if it meant never leaving her side again.
She started to cry again. It must be difficult, having someone in her head that objected so strongly to whom she loved. But we could work through it. I kissed her closed eyelids, hoping to stop the tears. "Don't cry, Wanda. Don't cry. You're staying with me."
"Eight full lives," she whispered, her lips rekindled the fire as they moved against my jaw. "Eight full lives and I never found anyone I would stay on a planet for, anyone I would follow when they left. I never found a partner. Why now? Why you? You're not of my species. How can you be my partner?"
"It's a strange universe," I murmured. My mind was elsewhere, trying to come up with a plan to fix this. A tribunal might help. If I got Jeb on my side, no one would try to take her from me. I couldn't let everyone know, though. The majority would want her gone, and I wasn't sure if Jeb would give in to their demands. It would have to be just us and Doc. And even though I didn't want to include him, Jared would have to take part in this as well. It wouldn't be fair if he wasn't there to argue Melanie's side.
"It's not fair," she whispered. "I love you."
I had longed to hear her say those words for so long but I didn't want them now. It felt wrong, like it was the last time I would hear her say it. "Don't say that like you're saying goodbye."
She continued on, despite my protests. "I, the soul called Wanderer, love you, human Ian. And that will never change, no matter what I might become. If I were a Dolphin or a Bear or a Flower, it wouldn't matter. I would always love you, always remember you. You will be my only partner."
Her words only deepened the pain. I couldn't let her go, not after hearing her say the words I had been waiting months for. My arms tightened around her. Jared would have to break them if he wanted to even get near her. "You're not wandering off anywhere. You're staying here."
"Ian –"
I interrupted her. "This isn't just for me. You're a part of this community, and you aren't getting kicked out without discussion. You are far too important – even to the ones who would never admit it. We need you." And it was true, I wasn't using this as a way to stall her or change her mind. The community needed her, more than I needed her and more than Jared needed Melanie. It was hard to imagine what the caves would be like if she had never come because she had changed it all so completely, all for the better.
"No one's kicking me out, Ian," she said.
"No," I said, because she was trying to kick herself out. She had never thought she belonged here, although I had no idea why. She was more human, in the non-physical sense of the word, than any of us. We didn't deserve her. "Not even yourself, Wanderer." I kissed her again, rougher than before. I couldn't fully appreciate it, though, because I was so consumed with anger. But I couldn't stop myself now that I knew she enjoyed it just as much as I did. I pulled her face an inch away from mine and demanded, "Good or bad?"
"Good," she said. I could tell that she wasn't lying.
"That's what I thought," I said, and then I kissed her again. My arms tightened around her, wanting her closer even though it wasn't physically possible. Her lips moved with mine until she was gasping for breath. I pulled away then, burying my face in her hair. "Let's go," I said, my lips at her ear.
"Where? Where are we going?" she asked.
"Don't give me any trouble about this, Wanderer. I'm half out of my mind." I stood up abruptly, pulling her up with me.
"Where?" she asked again.
"You're going down to the eastern tunnel, past the field, to the end." I wouldn't let her come with as I found everyone. She would do whatever she could to stop me, probably invite Sharon and Maggie to take part in the tribunal, and I couldn't let her do that. This was too important.
"The game room?"
"Yes. And then you are going to wait there until I get the rest of them."
"Why?" she asked, clearly confused.
"Because this will be discussed. I'm calling a tribunal, Wanderer, and you are going to abide by our decision." As long as it was the right one, anyways. She looked like she was going to argue but stopped when she saw the determined look on my face. She sighed in exasperation as she turned and headed towards the rec room.
It didn't take me long to find them, they were all still in the hospital wing. The Healer's body was gone and Jodi was lying motionless on a cot. Kyle was sitting beside her, cradling an occupied cryotank to his chest. It was obvious that they had been busy in our absence. Jeb and Jared agreed to come at once, both realizing that I wanted to discuss what Wanda had just revealed. Doc was strangely reluctant, but he finally agreed once he was convinced that Jodi would be fine while he was gone. I walked with them to the rec room, blocking everything out. I knew that Jeb would see my point, having Wanda around was good for the whole community because she knew so much about the souls, but I also knew that he might have a hard time being completely objective. Melanie was his niece. It would be difficult to go against his family, no matter how much he liked Wanda. I didn't know what I would do if he sided with Jared and wanted to make Doc take Wanda out of Melanie's body, but I knew that I couldn't let them do it. I would have to improvise, find some way to get out of there quickly without making him use his rifle.
As soon as we arrived, Wanda turned to Doc and asked, "How is she?"
"Which one?" he asked as the five of us gathered around a small blue lamp on the ground.
Wanda's eyes widened in shock once she realized what he meant. "Sunny's gone? Already?"
"Kyle thought it was cruel to make her suffer longer. She was… unhappy.
"I wish I could have said goodbye," she murmured. "And good luck. How is Jodi?"
"No response yet."
"The Healer's body?"
"Trudy took her away. I think they went to get something to eat. They're working on finding a temporary name she likes, so we can call her something besides the body," he said, smiling wryly.
"She'll be fine. I'm sure she will. And Jodi, too. It will all work out." It was clear that she was trying to make herself believe that we'd be fine without her. I wondered if she even realized that she was lying to herself.
Doc sighed and said, "I don't want to be away from Jodi long. She might need something."
"Right. Let's get this over with," she said. I could see that she was determined to get her way. I don't think she realized that there wasn't anything I wouldn't do to stop her, even if it meant leaving the caves.
"Okay," Jeb said. "Wanda, what's your side?"
"I'm giving Melanie back," she said, her voice firm. She was trying not to give us a reason to argue with her.
"Ian, what's yours?" he asked.
I decided to follow Wanda's lead of being short and firm. "We need Wanda here."
Jeb nodded. "That's a tricky one. Wanda, why should I agree with you?"
"If it were you, you'd want your body back. You can't deny Melanie that," she said.
"Ian?" Jeb asked.
"We have to look at the greater good, Jeb. Wanda's already brought us more health and security than we've ever had. She's vital to the survival of our community – of the entire human race. One person can't stand in the way of that." They were all valid points, and I knew there was no way he could disagree with me.
"Wanda, what does Mel say?" Jared asked.
She stared into his eyes and got that look on her face, the one that said she'd do anything for him. My hands balled up into fists as I resisted the urge to punch him. "Melanie wants her body back. She wants her life back." Her eyes went unfocused, like they usually did when she was talking to Melanie.
"Liar," I said. "I can see you arguing with her. I'll bet she agrees with me. She's a good person. She knows how much we need you."
"Mel knows everything I know," she argued. "She'll be able to help you. And the Healer's host. She knows more than I ever did. You'll be fine. You were fine before I was here. You'll survive, just like before."
Jeb frowned. "I don't know, Wanda. Ian's got a point."
I watched Jared as he glared daggers at Jeb. I couldn't believe that he was going to argue this. It was so selfish, which wasn't like him. Usually he was willing to do whatever was good for all of us. "Jeb," he said. "There's only one decision here. You know that."
"Is there, kid? Seems to be there's a whole barrel of 'em."
"That's Melanie's body!" Jared protested.
"And Wanda's, too," Jeb pointed out.
"You can't leave Mel trapped in there – it's like murder, Jeb."
I couldn't stay silent any more, I was likely to seriously maim him if I did. "And what is it that you're doing to Wanda, Jared? And the rest of us, if you take her away."
"You don't care about the rest of anybody!" he said, his voice rising in anger. "You just want to keep Wanda at Melanie's expense – nothing else matters to you."
I was a little shocked that he was throwing that in my face when he felt the exact same way about Melanie. "And you want to have Melanie at Wanda's expense – nothing else matters to you! So, with those things being equal, it comes down to what's best for everyone else."
"No! It comes down to what Melanie wants! That's her body!" He started to get up, his hands clenched into fists, and I was more than ready to fight him. It would be nice to have an outlet for my rage.
"Cool it, boys!" Jeb said, and we both sat back down. "Cool it, right now! This is a tribunal, and we're going to stay calm and keep our heads. We've got to think about every side."
"Jeb –" Jared started to protest, but Jeb cut him off.
"Shut up." He chewed his lip for a long time and then said, "Okay, here's how I see it. Wanda's right –" I jumped to my feet in disbelief. He couldn't do this, it was the wrong choice! "Hold it! Sit yourself back down. Let me finish." He waited until I sat back down to continue. "Wanda is right. Mel needs her body back. But," he added, when he saw me tensing up again, "but I don't agree with the rest, Wanda. I think we need you pretty bad, kid. We got Seekers out there lookin' for us, and you can talk right to 'em. The rest of us can't do that. You save lives. I got to think about the welfare of my household."
"So we get her another body," Jared said through his teeth. "Obviously." My eyes widened in shock. I hadn't thought about it before but putting Wanda in a new body would solve so many problems. She could stay and Jared could get Melanie back. It was a win-win situation.
"No! No!" Wanda said, shaking her head.
"Why not, Wanda?" Jeb asked. "Don't sound like a half-bad idea to me."
Wanda took a deep breath and said, "Jeb. Listen to me carefully, Jeb. I am tired of being a parasite. Can you understand that? Do you think I want to go into another body and have to start this all over again? Do I have to feel guilty forever for taking someone's life away from them? Do I have to have someone else hate me? I'm barely a soul anymore – I love you brutish humans too much. It's wrong for me to be here, and I hate feeling that. And what if things change? What if you put me in someone else, steal another life, and it goes wrong? What if that body pulls me after some other love, back to the souls? What if you can't trust me anymore? What if I betray you next time? I don't want to hurt you!"
She started crying again, and I pulled her into my arms. "It's okay, honey. You don't have to be anyone else. Nothing's going to change."
"Hold on, Wanda," Jeb said. "How does going to one of those other planets help you? You'll still be a parasite, kid." I flinched at the word. I wished they would stop calling her that, Wanda was not a parasite.
"It's different on other planets, Jeb. There isn't any resistance. And the hosts themselves are different. They aren't as individualized as humans; their emotions are so much milder. It doesn't feel like stealing a life. Not like it feels here. No one will hate me. And I'd be too far away to hurt you. You'd be safer…" It almost sounded like she was lying, but it was hard to tell though the tears.
Jeb sighed. "This is a pickle."
But I didn't really think there was any other option. We needed Wanda. It was sad that it had to be at Melanie's expense, but I could tell that she agreed with me. "Jeb –" I started to say, but Jared spoke at the same time. He stopped talking as well and we scowled at each other, both incredibly annoyed by the other.
"Jeb," Wanda said, her voice so soft that it was hard to hear her. "You don't have to decide right now. Doc needs to check on Jodi, and I'd like to see her, too. Plus, I haven't eaten all day. Why don't you sleep on it? We can talk again tomorrow. We've got plenty of time to think about this."
"That's a good idea, Wanda," Jeb said. "I think everyone here could use a breather. Go get some food, and we'll all sleep on it."
Wanda wiped the last of her tears away and said, "I'll be along to help with Jodi after I eat, Doc. See you later."
"Okay," he said. It was weird. He sounded wary, like he was dreading seeing Wanda again.
"Hungry?" I asked. She nodded and I helped her up, latching on to her hand. I wasn't going to let her out of my sight now.
She led me to the middle of the field in the next room and sat down in the half-grown sprouts of wheat. "Can we eat here? I don't want Jamie to know about… all of this." I nodded, and went to get some food. I understood why she didn't want to tell him; he would be crushed if he knew what she was planning. Jared and I were biased, we both loved one of the ones inside that body, but not the other. Jamie loved the both of them equally. He would be torn either way.
We ate in silence, both lost in our thoughts about the tribunal. When we were done, we went to the hospital wing. Jodi hadn't come back yet; she was still motionless on the cot. My brother and Doc were taking good care of her, though, and we didn't spend too much time there. She went with me to my room because she was still avoiding Jamie. I was delighted by this, selfishly hoping that it would last for a while, but I could tell that she was bothered by it. I could feel her trembling in my arms. "It's going to fine, Wanda," I said, trying to reassure her. "I know that we'll find a solution."
"I truly love you, Ian," she said. "With my whole soul, I love you."
"I truly love you, too, my Wanderer." I nuzzled my face against her face until my lips found hers. The kiss was slow and gentle, the way I had always wanted to kiss her, the way I planned to kiss her for the rest of our lives. I pulled away when she stopped shaking and smiled. "Sleep, Wanda. Save it for tomorrow. It will keep for the night." I was so happy that she was there with me, that she loved me too, and it didn't take me long to fall into a deep, dreamless sleep.
I knew something was wrong as soon as I woke up. It was still dark out and I felt oddly empty. And then I realized that Wanda was gone; she had taken off while I was sleeping, and I knew instantly what had happened. I jumped off my mattress and raced to the hospital wing. She had lied. She wasn't going to wait for Jeb's decision; she was just going to sneak off in the middle of the night. I could only hope that Doc had stopped her. I was shocked when I skidded to a stop in the entrance to the hospital, completely out of breath. Melanie's body was lying facedown on a cot, blood gushing from the surgical incision on her neck. Doc was holding a glowing silver ribbon: Wanda in her true form, in his hands. Jared was standing behind Doc with a knife to this throat while Kyle watched in shock from the cot he had been sleeping on. They all froze when they saw me.
"What the hell is going on?" I roared. I couldn't believe that she had done this, had managed to fool me into thinking that she would stay until Jeb had decided. I couldn't be angry with her, though. I was in too much pain. Life without Wanda was a reality now.
"It's not what you think," Jared said. He looked as if he were actually frightened by me, and there was a small part of me that was glad. There were all different scenarios running through my head, most of them involving him forcing Doc to take Wanda out. I advanced on him quickly, raiding my fists so that I would be ready to hit him as soon as I was close enough.
"Ian, wait! He's saving her!" Kyle called out. I looked at him in disbelief. "Apparently, she had some kind of agreement with Doc."
Doc's face twisted in shame. "What the hell is he talking about?" I asked.
"It can wait," Jared said. "Get a tank."
I realized then that Wanda was suffocating. I ran to Doc's desk, grabbed an empty cryotank, and opened it as I hurried over to Doc's makeshift operating table. He placed Wanda into the freezing tank and I closed the lid. "Explain," I said, glaring at the both of them.
Doc sighed, suddenly looking exhausted, and held his hand up to make me wait. He grabbed the soul medicine and quickly healed Melanie's neck. He helped Jared turn her over and then said, "Wanda came to me before she removed the Seeker from Lacey's body and said that she'd show me how to do the procedure if I agreed to her terms. You heard the first part of it, but she also wanted me to take her out of Melanie and… and let her die."
"What?" I felt like I had just been blindsided by something that was aiming directly for my heart. I walked over to an empty cot and sat down. "You mean she's been planning to die this whole time?" I didn't know what I would have done if Doc had actually gone through with her plan. It was one thing if they sent her off to another planet, at least I'd know that she was still out there in the universe, but her death was different. It was so much more final. And to think that she had been planning this for weeks… I felt so stupid. I turned to Jared and asked, "When… how did you figure this out?"
He evaded my question by turning to Doc, who was checking Melanie's pulse, and asking, "How is she doing?"
I frowned. What did that mean? Had he seen her before she came to Doc? Had he known what she was doing and let her go through with it anyways? I was broken out of my thoughts when I heard Doc say, "Her pulse is speeding up."
"What does that mean? Is she going to be okay?" Jared asked worriedly.
Before Doc could answer, Melanie opened her eyes and started screaming. "Wanda! No!" Her eyes focused on Doc and she asked frantically, "Where's Wanda?"
The look of absolutely joy on Jared's face cut through me. He had gotten everything he wanted. Melanie was back now. It was strange, how bitter I felt. I had never actually despised someone simply because they were happy before now. I didn't like it. He placed his hand on her cheek. "Oh, Mel," he said softly. I looked away, wanting to give them some privacy as they were reunited.
Kyle caught my eye and mouthed the words, "I'm sorry." I frowned and turned away, not wanting his sympathy.
A few minutes later, I heard Melanie ask, "Where is she, Jared?" I turned and saw that she was sitting up. Jared was on the cot with her, his arms wrapped around her and a huge grin on his face. It was weird, looking at Melanie and knowing that it wasn't Wanda. I didn't feel that strange pull anymore, and I wasn't the least bit jealous as I watched her with Jared.
"Ian's got her," he said, bending down and kissing her jawline.
She noticed me for the first time and winced. I didn't know what I looked like, but it had to be bad. I felt completely hollow. "Is she dead?" she asked in a small, scared voice. I shook my head and she tried to get up. "We have to find her a new body!" She sounded frantic, like she thought Wanda would die if she didn't have a new host in a few minutes.
Jared chuckled at her reaction and held her down on the cot. "Wanda can wait. You need to let Doc check you out."
She scowled at him, but laid back down. "Fine. But then we're going to find her a body."
"Are you sure?" Jared asked, his smile so wide that I thought it might crack his face. "I think Jamie would like to see you first." She sighed longingly, but didn't say anything else as Doc examined her. I made it back to my room soon after that, although I'm not quite sure how, and stayed in there with Wanda for a long time.
Time seemed to fly by as I stared blankly at the wall, trying to figure out what would happen now. Would we find a new host for Wanda or would Jeb decide to let her die? It was what she wanted, after all. He would have to wrestle her tank from me, of course, but I'm sure there were a few people who wouldn't have a problem with that. It was almost sunset when Jamie came to my room and asked if I wanted to go with him, Jared and Melanie to get her a body. But I didn't really care what she looked like; I'd love her no matter what. Besides, I was more concerned with her safety. I couldn't leave her here alone, and it would be impractical to bring her on a raid. I knew that Doc and Jeb were willing to protect her, but I wasn't convinced they'd be able to stop someone determined to hurt her. They left soon after that. I'd like to say that life went on in the caves, but the truth was, I spent most of my time in my room with Wanda. Lily came by a few times and sat with me, but we didn't say much. We were both wallowing in her grief, although I felt like some kind of fake. Wes was dead, while I would get Wanda back eventually, but she didn't seem to mind. Kyle stayed with Jodi in the hospital wing for over a week, but she wasn't waking up, and there was no way to feed her. Finally, Kyle made Candy, the female Healer's host, put Sunny back inside Jodi's body before her muscles atrophied. Kyle was upset, but he spent all of his time with her, trying to help her find Jodi somewhere in her mind.
Melanie, Jared and Jamie got back with a body after a few weeks. It even looked like Wanda. It was small and delicate, with wide, doe-like grey eyes and wavy blonde hair. There was a small amount of freckles spattered across the nose, the lips were full and pink and the skin was ghostly pale. The soul inside was named Petals Open To The Moon, and I sat with the body once she had been extracted. I talked to her for almost a week before we decided that the human mind wasn't coming back. I almost felt guilty for being overjoyed by that, but I really didn't care because I was getting Wanda back. I helped Candy with the insertion, not allowing anyone else to touch Wanda, and then stayed by her side as we waited for her to wake up. It felt as if practically everyone else was there with me.
"Wanda?" Doc asked as he checked her pulse. "Can you hear me, Wanda?"
"Wanda. Come back," Melanie said. "We aren't letting you go."
Candy handed a white spray bottle to Doc and said, "Use the Awake."
He sprayed it in her face and I watched as she took a deep breath. "Wanderer?" I said, leaning closer to her and grabbing both of her hands. "We're all waiting for you, honey. Open your eyes." I kissed her lips softly and then her eyelids, hoping that she could actually feel it.
She blinked a few times and Jamie could barely hold in his excitement. "She's waking up!"
I put my hand on her face and asked, "Wanderer?"
She turned and looked at me, her eyes wide in shock and confusion. "Ian?" she asked. "Ian, where am I? Who am I?"
That was a stupid question. "You're you," I said. "And you're right where you belong."
She pulled one of her hands free and moved it towards her face. She froze when she saw it, looking completely terrified. Then she flexed her fingers, realizing that it was her hand. Her eyes were unfocused as she remembered something and then demanded, "Where is she? Where is Pet?"
"She's right here," Doc assured her, holding the occupied cryotank up for her to see. "Tanked and ready to go. We thought you could tell us the best place to send her."
She looked at him and her eyes narrowed in anger. "Doc!" she gasped. "Doc, you promised! You gave me your oath, Eustace! Why? Why did you break your word?"
Doc looked down, not wanting Wanda to see that he was glad he hadn't gone through with her plan. "Even an honest man sometimes caves to duress, Wanda."
"Duress," Jared scoffed.
"I'd say a knife to the throat counts as duress, Jared."
"You knew I wouldn't really use it."
"That I did not. You were quite persuasive."
"A knife?" Wanda asked, trembling in fright.
I pulled myself closer to her and murmured, "Shh, it's all okay." My breath blew strands of her hair across her face and she pushed them away. "Did you really think you could leave us that way? Wanda!" I tried to sound reproachful but it wasn't working. I was too happy to have her back.
"I told you I didn't want to be a parasite," she whispered.
"Let me through," Melanie said. Doc moved out of the way and she stood on Wanda's other side. "Listen up, Wanda. I know exactly what you don't want to be. But we're human, and we're selfish, and we don't always do the right thing. We aren't letting you go. Deal with it."
"Mel?" Wanda asked, surprised. "Mel, you're okay!"
Melanie smiled and leaned down to hug her. "Of course I am. Wasn't that the point of all the drama? And you're going to be fine, too. We weren't stupid about it. We didn't just grab the first body we saw."
"Let me tell her, let me!" Jamie said, shoving in beside Melanie.
"Jamie!" Wanda said, grabbing his hand.
"Hey, Wanda! This is cool, isn't it? You're smaller than me now!" he said, grinning triumphantly.
"But still older. I'm almost –" She stopped herself abruptly and then said, "My birthday is in two weeks. I'll be eighteen." I stiffened in surprise, almost sure that she was lying. She didn't look a day over sixteen.
Jamie patted her face, making her focus on him again. "They let me come on the raid to get you."
"I know," she muttered. "I remember… Well, Pet remembers seeing you there." She turned to glare at Melanie, who shrugged.
"We tried not to scare her," Jamie said. "She's so… kind of fragile-looking, you know? And nice, too. We picked her out together, but I got to decide. See, Mel said we had to get someone young – someone who had a bigger percentage of life as a soul or something. But not too young, because she knew you wouldn't want to be a child. And then Jared liked this face, because he said no one could ever dis… distrust it. You don't look dangerous at all. You look the opposite of dangerous. Jared said anyone who sees you would just naturally want to protect you, right, Jared? But then I got the final say, because I was looking for someone who looked like you. And then I thought this looked like you. Because she sort of looks like an angel, and you're good like that. And real pretty. I knew you would be pretty. Ian didn't come. He just sat here with you – he said he didn't care what you looked like. He wouldn't let anyone else put a finger on your tank at all, not even me or Mel. But Doc let me watch this time. It was way cool, Wanda. I don't know why you wouldn't let me watch before. They wouldn't let me help, though. Ian wouldn't let anyone touch you but him."
I squeezed her hand and whispered, "I held you in my hand, Wanderer. And you were so beautiful." I needed her to know that I loved her, the soul, not her body.
Her eyes filled with tears. "You like it, don't you?" Jamie asked, his voice filled with worry. "You're not mad? There's nobody in there with you, is there?"
"I'm not mad, exactly," Wanda whispered. "And I – I can't find anybody else. Just Pet's memories. Pet's been in here since… I can't remember when she wasn't here. I can't remember any other name."
"You're not a parasite," Melanie said firmly, playing with Wanda's wavy golden hair. "This body doesn't belong to Pet, but there's nobody else to claim it. We waited to make sure, Wanda. We tried to wake her up almost as long as we tried with Jodi."
"Jodi?" Wanda asked, her voice high with anxiety. "What happened to Jodi?"
Doc answered her while Wanda looked around the room. "Jodi didn't respond. We kept trying as long as we could. We were able to keep her hydrated, but we had no way to feed her. We were worried about atrophy – her muscles, her brain…"
Wanda noticed her then. "Sunny!" she said, smiling at her.
"I got to stay," Sunny said. She was trying not to sound smug but wasn't succeeding. She looked up at Kyle, who was taking Jodi's absence pretty hard, and frowned. "I'm trying, though. I am looking for her. I will keep looking."
Doc continued, "Kyle had us put Sunny back when it looked like we would lose Jodi."
Wanda turned back to me. I couldn't read her expression and that made me nervous. I had hoped that she wouldn't mind being back with us, but maybe she really wanted to die. She had never seemed suicidal to me, but it had already been proven that I didn't know everything about her. "You don't mind staying here too much, do you, Wanda? Do you think that maybe you could tolerate it?" I asked softly.
She looked back at the crowd of people watching her, most of them smiling in welcome. I couldn't stop myself from touching her and I pushed her hair out of her face. "I suppose I could do that," she whispered. "If it makes you happy."
Of course I would be happy if she stayed, but that wasn't what I wanted. She had to be happy, too, I refused to hold her prisoner. "That's not good enough, actually," I said. "It has to make you happy, too."
She looked in my eyes for a few seconds and then looked down at her lap, a gorgeous blush filling her cheeks. She repeated that a few times and then said, "I… think it might. I think it might make me very, very happy."
I pulled her face up so that she was forced to look into my eyes. Her cheeks flushed darker and I smiled. "Then you will stay," I said. I kissed her there, not caring who saw. It still felt the same, even though I was kissing a different body, and that didn't surprise me one bit. I hoped that it was the same for her.
"I will stay," she said when I pulled away. And that was all I needed to hear.
