Disclaimer: I don't own.

Author's Note:I'm sorry about the delay. The holidays and craziness at work kept me rather blocked. I think I'm over that now, so I'm going to get back on schedule with this one and Frames. To those of you reading and reviewing, MWAH! You guys are so sweet, and really, it can't be said enough how much it means to me when I read your comments. Thank you so much. Enjoy!

Warning: Language

For Her Sake

Chapter 4 – Regrets, I Have a Few

Snowed In and Bored

January 8, 1980

The basement was dark and chilly, lit only by the two or three dozen candles placed around the room. The gang sat on the floor, gathered around the round table, and focusing on a board in the center of it. Everyone had their index fingers placed on a plastic planchette. Jackie shifted uncomfortably; sitting on the floor was not really her idea of a good time. She'd much rather be cuddling on the couch in her own apartment, though judging by how enraptured her boyfriend was, it wasn't a mutual feeling.

Donna rolled her eyes. "Again, I have to ask why we're playing with a Ouija board. Have we all regressed to nine year old kids?"

Kelso shook his head and glared at the redhead from across the table. "We're playing it because we're snowed in, the power's out, and we're bored, Donna!"

Eric nodded. "Besides, we're learning all sorts of interesting stuff. Like the fact that Fez calls his little friend…" He made a face. "Little friend."

Jackie looked at Fez is disgust, then rolled her eyes. She held up a hand. "Okay, that's too much information even for me." The last thing she needed was yet another reminder that her boyfriend had perverted tendencies.

Fez nodded. "Yes, I am not very creative in the naming department." He glanced seductively at his girlfriend and nudged her shoulder with his. "Don't worry, Jackie, I am much more creative in the bedroom."

"Yeah. Like when you hum the national anthem, right?" Hyde shook his head. "Alright, enough. If we're gonna play this, let's get on with it. Kelso, you're up."

Jackie giggled at the comment, but tried her best to stifle it when Fez looked at her. "Sorry," she whispered to his rolling eyes. The sad thing was that it was true. He hummed when they made out, so she could only imagine what he'd do if they ever had sex.

She frowned.

If? Shouldn't she be thinking when?

"Okay. Everyone concentrate." Kelso took a deep breath. "Has Hyde ever been in love before?"

Jackie's heart flipped, and everyone watched as the planchette slowly moved to "Yes".

"How many times?"

O.N.C.E.

"And what is the name of the girl that Hyde loved?"

S. A.M.

Kelso chuckled and pointed at Jackie. "That's a b, u, r, n, BURN on Jackie!!"

Jackie's head shot up, her hands tore off the mover, and she stared at Steven. He slowly lifted his head and his eyes met hers. No sunglasses, but even so, especially because of the dim light, she couldn't read his eyes. They seemed empty, and hers were starting to burn, just as her cheeks were. Humiliation filled her stomach as the others quietly "ooooohed" all around her, expecting a blow up. Instead, she tossed her perfectly styled, beautiful, silken hair over her shoulder and gave Steven her most haughty look. "Whatever. I mean, I didn't love him, either."

Lie. Such a damn, damn lie, and everyone knew it.

Fez frowned. "But Jackie, you used to say all the time how much you loved Hyde."

"Fez!" She elbowed her boyfriend, who she was just noticing had a big, huge, idiotic mouth.

Just as Jackie looked again at Steven, the power restored and the lights came on. His head was lowered, his eyes studying the board, his fingers the only ones left on the planchette. She tried to tell herself it was just a game, that he'd probably spelled out that name in order to hurt her. But when he looked up, directly at her as if his eyes involuntarily sought her, he looked…confused.

So it wasn't him pretending to be an oracle.

It was fate talking, reminding her that she was better off without him. Better off no longer in love with him. So much better off with a boyfriend like Fez. Her head knew that for certain, no doubts at all.

But she couldn't breathe.

She tried. God, why did her chest hurt? Why was it so damn hard to breathe? Why did she feel torn up inside? She was over Steven. Completely. Forever over him. It didn't matter to her at all if he never loved her.

Except that it did.

"This is freaking lame," Hyde said suddenly, his voice tense and cold. He stood. "You losers keep on playing if you want. I'm out of here."

Before Jackie could breathe, he was gone, off to his room. The slam of his door made her jump.

Donna sighed and stood up, tugging on Eric's hand. "Yeah. Come on. Let's go to the Hub or something."

Everyone stood, but Jackie couldn't move. Fez held his hand down to her, and she smiled weakly. "I uh…I need to use the bathroom. You guys go on. I'll meet you there." She shrugged at the looks she was getting. "I might be awhile. You know I have to make sure my hair looks absolutely perfect!"

After more weak explanations to a persistent Fez, the gang finally left, and Jackie slowly stood up. Her eyes focused on the back of the basement, and before she could stop herself, she walked to his room. The door was closed, and she knew she should knock, but she didn't. "Steven, I wanna talk to you." She walked in, and smiled when he seemed to turn to her with a start. He'd been on his cot, facing away from her, and when he did turn, she noticed him wiping under his nose repeatedly with his hand. She frowned. "What are you doing?"

He shook his head and answered quickly. "Nothing. What do you want?"

Jackie sighed and brushed her hair off her shoulder. "I just…I wanna know why you made the Ouija board spell out Sam's name." She cleared her throat, hoping that the tears in her throat would stay there. "I wanna know why you feel like you have to keep humiliating me over and over again."

He stared at her for a long moment, and Jackie, as she had so often done during their relationship, wondered what he was thinking, what he was feeling. Was his heart aching the way hers, annoyingly so, was? Was his chest tightening with each second that past? Were his temples pounding each time he recalled that stupid planchette spelling that specific name?

"I didn't make it spell Sam's name, Jackie. It must have just been fate talking. Or maybe your new boyfriend did it."

The bitterness in his voice surprised her, but she chose to ignore it. Didn't matter, anyway. If he was jealous, well, it served the bastard right. After all, she'd never be with Fez is only he hadn't married that… She closed her eyes for a moment. No. No. That's not true at all. It's not. With a deep breath, she crossed her arms over her chest. "Is it true?" Her stomach tied itself in tiny, pulling knots. "Was she the only girl you loved?"

She held his breath. And it felt like forever.

"Yep."

And just like he always did, just like she always prayed he wouldn't do, Steven looked her straight in the eyes when he spoke. No excuse to lie to herself that he hadn't meant it.

The tears rushed up and into her eyes, but she smiled. Smile, though your heart is breaking. "Yeah, that's what I figured." Her words only half-sounded, but she knew he'd heard her. She turned, intending on stalking out and never letting him see anything she felt again. She'd promised herself she wouldn't long ago, right after she'd found out about Sam.

But something stopped her, and she whipped around.

"You're such an ass, Steven!"

He didn't look surprised. He stayed unmoving and unmoved, his body still, his face blank.

"God, I am so glad I'm with Fez now! He isn't afraid to tell me how he feels! He is willing to do all sorts of things to show me how he feels!" A sob threatened to escape her lungs and fill the room, and she clasped her hand over her mouth for a moment.

"Jackie. I love you."

A lie. Stone cold words, uttered with no meaning or feeling behind them. And she'd believed them. Clung to them. Needed them desperately the past few years.

Her hand dropped, and she spoke just as limply as the limb fell. "And he actually…he actually loves me." The tears fell, and just like he did, always looking ather with that blank expression, knowing that it hurt her, she looked at him with teary eyes, knowing it bothered – or at least used to – him.

He faltered. He turned away from her. "Well, then I guess it worked out for the best, didn't it?"

"Jackie. I love you."

She stared at his back. Typical. He always turned on her. Always. Always, always, always. "Oh, it definitely did, Steven. For the very best." She took a deep breath. Of course she was going to ask, even though she shouldn't. "Just...why did you even say it, if you didn't…why?"

He turned around, and this time, he looked angry. His eyes, still naked, flashed at her. "Damn it, Jackie, why in the hell does it matter now? It's over!"

She couldn't stop herself, as per usual, and she stomped over to him. She grabbed a fistful of his tee shirt and glared up at him, the tears now rushing out. "Because I believed you! All that time, Steven, I actually believed that you…" She lowered her head. She was close enough to him that her forehead touched his chest, and the contact tempted her to put her arms around him, cling to him even if he didn't hold her back. Even if he ended up pushing her away. Just to have a few seconds of him, of that comfort he used to be for her.

And that she missed so much.

Instead, she kept her forehead on him.

"I hated myself for screwing things up with you, because I thought you loved me, and I thought I'd pushed you away and it was all my fault…and it wasn't like with Michael. I thought you'd shown me what it was supposed to really be like." Another moment of resting on him, letting some tears, some hurt out.

He didn't move. Didn't push her away. So odd.

Finally, she found some calm, and backed away from him. She looked at him as she moved towards the door, and when she reached it, she gave him a sad smile as she wiped the wetness from her cheeks. Enough. It was enough. "You know, no matter what happened between us, Steven, no matter how bad it hurt…I never regretted being with you." She lifted one shoulder, and winced as the throbbing in her chest became worse. "Until now."

She turned to walk away, but stopped when he spoke.

"Jackie, it was just a game."

She looked over her shoulder, and found his eyes, his face, still devoid of anything, and she smiled bitterly. A game. Their entire relationship had been just a game to him. Obviously. Otherwise he never could have done all he had to her. "Yeah. I know that, know."

"That's not what I meant."

She walked away. Had to. Otherwise, she'd regret so much more than she already did.

My Way

She left, and Hyde stood there, unable to move, except to grab and pull at his tee shirt, where just a few seconds ago her fingers – the ones he used to love watching when she drew designs on his chest – were clinging. She'd touched him….her forehead touched him, and for the first time in so long, he the blood rushed so quickly through his veins he could feel his very life.

But that feeling left nothing but afterburn. Scorching afterburn.

He sighed. Truth was, he hadn't moved that stupid planchette. Hell, he'd hardly been touching the stupid thing. But someone had, and on purpose. That paranormal psychic crap was just that, crap. Someone had forced the answer. He figured Fez had done it. Or Kelso. At first he'd wondered if it had been Jackie, but she'd been too upset.

He began pacing. So he'd lied to her. Had to. It was his way. Too bad his way resulted in him hearing Jackie's voice over and over again.

"And he actually…he actually loves me."

She really had no idea. She believed his lie. How could she? How could she not know that he was lying?

He knew why. He hadn't exactly been acting like he'd ever loved her. Still, the fact that even though he'd tried so hard, the best way he knew how to, the most he was able to, show her that he loved her, she still thought he hadn't, burned him.

Then again, wasn't it better this way? Wasn't it just part of the goal? His way. Reminded him of Sinatra. Regrets, I have a few…

Yeah. He had a few. And it seemed like they all had to do with one chick.

His fist clenched. His fucking way.

He glanced down at his chest, where her head had rested so briefly. Yeah. My way kind of sucks big time. He looked back at his dresser at the coke he'd barely managed to ingest before she interrupted, and shook his head. It wasn't any good, at least he hadn't noticed anything special. Toad probably ripped him off, the asshole.

He crawled on the cot and opened a drawer, digging around until he found what he was looking for. Yeah. Pure Columbian. Right.

He wasn't gonna sit around and feel sorry for himself because of his ex-girlfriend's tears. Someone was gonna pay for screwing him over, and it looked like it was gonna be Toad. Payment would be a bloody face.

Now that was his way.

Better Than Donna

Fez and Jackie's apartment

"I just can't believe he would say that! I mean, he did love me! I know he did!" Jackie stormed around the living room, her face flushed with anger. The hurt had subsided, melting into fury. Steven had lied to her. She'd spent the entire drive home thinking about their relationship, thinking about how he'd been with her, and she knew, she knew he was lying. "Fez, why would he lie to me about it?"

Fez sat on the couch and shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know, my princess. Perhaps he really did not love you." He furrowed his brow. "Hyde is a very complicated man so it is hard to tell."

She stopped pacing and stared at her boyfriend, her stomach sinking. "Do you really think that?" She closed her eyes. What was she doing? Was she actually asking her new boyfriend, the perfect man for her, if he thought her ex-boyfriend, a man who couldn't be any more wrong for her, had ever loved her? God, what was wrong with her? She sighed and moved to the couch. She sat next to Fez and took his hand and gave him an apologetic pout. "Never mind, Fez. I shouldn't be talking about this with you. I mean, it doesn't matter now how Steven felt about me. I'm…I'm with you."

She smiled through her lie. It did matter. A lot. No matter that she'd moved on. No matter that right now, the memories were still painful. Eventually, they were supposed to turn sweet. But how could they? How could they turn misty-colored now that she knew they were lies? Were they lies? How could they be lies? They'd seemed so damn real!

"It's okay, Jackie. I want you to be able to talk to me about anything. Even your ex-boyfriend." He grinned. "That way, I can learn what not to do, because I do not want you to hate me the way you hate Hyde."

Jackie nodded. "God, Fez, it's so easy to talk to you. Better than talking to Donna." She frowned. "She would just tell me to get over it already. Lately, talking to her is beyond pointless." Her eyes rolled. "She's such a lumberjack." She smiled. "You're a much better friend than Donna."

Much better friend, Jackie? He's not suppose to be just your friend!

"Well, that is good, my sweet. I want to be your best friend. And…" His grin turned seductive and he turned to her, putting his arms around her waist and drawing her closer. "Soon, I hope, your lover."

Jackie smiled, and her eyes closed as Fez pulled her to him. He began planting sweet and soft kisses on her neck, and yet, no excitement burst her stomach into flames. No shivers coursed through her fingertips or curled her toes. All she could think about was that Fez was her best friend. He had been the only one there for her these past several months.

And Donna was always going on and on about how Eric was her best friend and the love of her life, and how amazing that was.

Jackie winced, and Fez kept kissing her. She held lightly to his shoulders. What was wrong with her? Why wasn't she feeling more than this dull acceptance? She pursed her lips.

She was just distracted today. That's all. Once she was herself again, once she came to terms with yet another blow, the last one, she vowed, Steven dealt her, it would be just as, if not more, amazing than Donna claimed her relationship with that skinny twig was. After all, she and Fez were much better looking than Eric and Donna.

His hands began to roam, and panic replaced the dullness in her stomach. She pulled back and gave him a weak smile. "Uh, we, uh, better get ready for the movies."

Fez pouted in frustration, and Jackie felt his eyes on her as she stood up and turned to go to her bedroom. "Jackie, when are we going to do it? I have been patient, but you are making it very hard." He grinned sheepishly. "Literally."

Jackie shrugged and paused. She gave him a tiny smile. "Soon, Fez, I promise. Now I have to go change, so you put on something less…" She glared at the tacky and too tight shirt and pants he wore. "Less polyester."

In her room, Jackie closed the door behind her, and closed her eyes.

Tears rushed to her eyes.

She should be happy, with a new boyfriend who worshipped her, who was going crazy with lust for her. Hadn't she always thrived on adulation? Hadn't that always been her only desire? With Fez, she had it. No question about it.

Then why in the hell was the only thing she could think about the fact that Steven hadn't ever loved her?

Just An Ex

That night, an alley beside Point Place Cinema

"So, I think that'll more than make up for this misunderstanding, Hyde. Trust me. These guys pay good money for this stuff. If you can manage to get 'em to buy it all, man, you'll have enough money to quit your job for a few months, at least."

In the dim glow of the solitary light that hung on the side of the movie theater, Hyde could see the nervousness on Toad's pot-marked face. Good. Served the idiot right. His eyes flickered down to the large paper bag the guy was offering him.

"Hell, you keep selling, you can quit your day job for good."

Hyde arched an eyebrow. "And this stuff is the real stuff? Not the crap you gave me?"

Toad laughed nervously. "Hyde, my man, I was suckered, too. I got it from some guy from Sheboygan. Shoulda known better. But it's taken care of. This stuff is pure, man, and worth big time bucks."

Hyde nodded. "You're lucky I'm feeling generous, man." He took the bag. Hell, more money meant more beer and weed. Coke hadn't done it for him, but there were others for whom it did, and he might as well profit from it. At least this one time. He wasn't up for a fight, his head was killing him, and so when Toad offered this way out, the chicken shit that he was, Hyde figured he had nothing to lose. "You ever screw me over again, your ass is gonna be a hell of a lot prettier than your face."

He turned and started to walk towards the parking lot of the theater. Toad followed him.

"Man, I know. Trust me, it won't happen again."

Just as he reached the edge of the alley, Hyde stopped, his heart catching in his chest. His friends were walking towards the theater, and instinctively, in case they happen to see him, he put the bag behind his back.

Toad stopped beside him. "What's up, man?"

Hyde shook his head, but didn't say a word as he stared at one of those he was hiding from. The one he was hiding the most from.

She looked so beautiful, even just in profile as she passed him. She was wearing a skirt, and as she walked, the flowing material fluttered, giving glimpses of her legs. Sexy legs. Her arm was hooked through Fez's, the way she used to hook it through his.

"Ahhh, yeah, that dark haired chick is fi-ine. You know her?"

Hyde cleared his throat as Eric, Donna, Fez, and Jackie passed by on their way to the front door of the theater. "Just an ex, man."

The ex I gotta get the fuck over!

He shook his head with a scowl on his face he could feel to his bones. No more of this wussy crap.

He had money to make. And maybe he'd take a little sample. Might as well give the stuff another chance.