Disclaimer: I don't own.
Author's Note: Thanks so much for the sweet reviews! You guys always make my day. This chapter has some J/H interaction, and I hope you enjoy it!!!!
For Her Sake
Chapter 6 – Real Friends
Run to Him
March 4, 1980
Jackie stood outside Steven's closed bedroom door. The cold of the doorknob chilled her, though her trembling fingertips barely grazed the metal. It had been her first instinct, an instinct she forced herself to ignore. But after blowing Fez off, after spending hours driving around Point Place searching for peace of mind, she'd buckled to that instinct and found herself here.
What am I doing? It's not like he'll have anything nice to say. He'll probably just agree with everyone else. He's already called me a bitch and a slut…he hates me. So what if he used to think there was more to me? He doesn't anymore.
She closed her eyes. Too much had happened for her to run to him now. Or ever again.
But even before, when he hated me, he was always there for me when I needed him. Maybe now he will be, too. God, I need him to be.
She sighed and opened her eyes. It was a risk, and she was probably only asking for more pain. But no one else had ever understood her in the way Steven had.
She had to ask him. Him.
Closing her fingers around the knob, she took another deep breath. Slowly she opened it, and when she walked in, right away she saw that he was sleeping. He lay on his cot, the covers pushed down to his waist, his chest bare, his head turned to the left. She smiled slightly and crept towards him. Should have known better. It was only ten o'clock, and Steven liked sleeping in.
Good to see that some things never changed.
For a few seconds, she watched him breathing, his face, for a change, relaxed and at peace. He was even almost smiling, it seemed, and a softness in the center of her chest spread through all of her.
I miss waking up with him.
She shook her head. No. No. This was a bad, bad idea. She rushed back out the door, but just as she was about to close it behind her, she heard him talking in his sleep.
"Mmmm….yeah…Jackie…"
Jackie covered her mouth to stifle her giggle. She'd forgotten how he talked in his sleep. If he was having a sex dream, she really couldn't blame him, she was so beautiful. And it felt good. He was dreaming of her, and it didn't sound as if he was cursing her out or burning her till she wanted to die. Maybe…maybe it wasn't such a bad idea to run to him once more. Just once more.
She took another deep breath. "Steven, wake up." She took the few steps to his cot and sat down next to him. Her eyes skimmed his bare shoulders, his chest, his stomach, and her breath caught hotly in her throat. Her tongue involuntarily darted out to moisten her lips. Why does he have to be so sexy? She wanted to touch him, but didn't dare. Her racing heart told her how dangerous that would be. "Steven. Wake up." She spoke loudly. She'd always been able to wake him up, even when others weren't. It was like he was in tune to her voice and her voice alone.
Hyde slowly, and mostly against his will, opened his eyes into small slits. He groaned slightly, his body still desiring sleep, and tried to figure out why Jackie was sitting on his bed. "Jackie? What are you doing here?" he muttered.
She smiled as he rubbed his eyes. He'd hate to know it, but he was so much like a little boy sometimes. "I need to talk to you."
He frowned. Talking was not what he associated Jackie in his bedroom with. Or at least not what he wanted to associate Jackie in his bedroom with. And damn, she looked hot. That red and white striped, off the shoulder shirt with a tie in the front she usually wore in the summer, her hair tied back in a ponytail. Morning hormones combined with Jackie on his bed in that shirt made him shift uncomfortably and hope that she didn't notice. "Why don't you talk to Donna? Or Fez? Or anyone but me?" He rubbed his eyes again. Damn it, it's too freaking early to be awake.
"Because you're the only one who'll tell me the truth."
He met her eyes, and was a bit startled to see sadness. Something was going on with her, and it wasn't good. He sighed. Talking was never his strong suit, and he knew he was probably just going to wind up pissing her off, but then again, he wanted to know what was painting defeat all over her face. "Fine. Talk." She smiled, and he did too when he noticed her eyes trailing down to his chest. "Go ahead, touch it. You know you want to."
Jackie giggled and lightly swatted at the chest she'd been caught ogling. "Shut up, Steven." She couldn't help herself, and flattened her hand on his smooth skin, still warm with the flush of sleep. "Okay, first you have to promise that you won't burn me."
He hadn't felt her touch for so long, and he had to fight not to show her how damn good it felt, how it made every atom of his body electric and alive for the first time since that night in Vegas. He had to fight not to put his hand on top of hers and press it down until her skin entered his. Instead, he smirked. "But that's what I do, Jackie. I burn everyone. Why should you get special treatment?" He expected her to give him a snappy comeback, something along the lines of "because I'm special and you know it", but none came. Instead, her eyes became glassy. Before she could say anything, he gave in. "Okay, fine. I promise not to burn you, Jackie."
She smiled, but avoided his eyes. She watched her fingers on his chest. "Do you think I could go to college?" Taking a deep breath, she looked at him. And of course, he just gave her his patented smart ass grin.
"Only if it's a college for shopping." He meant it to be teasing, but just before she looked away, he saw the ripe hurt on her face. "Jackie…"
"That's what Donna said. And my dad said I need a man to take care of me." The ache inside made its way up to her throat, and her voice cracked. "I guess you think so too."
Hyde had never seen her hang her head the way she was now. A strand of raven hair fell from her ponytail, making her look so much like a lost little girl; the lost little girl he knew for a fact was still hiding inside of the woman she presented to the world. "Come on," he said, trying to sound off handed. But his body belied his attempted tone, and he gently placed his hand on her tiny one. "I don't think that you're just a shopaholic chick." She lifted her head, and now she looked hopeful. He shrugged. "I was planning on mooching off you, Jackie. You think I would have pinned all my hopes on someone who wouldn't make a decent living?" He grinned.
Jackie giggled. "Steven…" She remembered that day. Just like every other day they'd shared together. She remembered so well.
"Look." He squeezed her hand, and his smirk faded into a serious expression. "You can do whatever you wanna do. College, a public access tv show, whatever. And you don't need a man to make it." Instinctively, he began rubbing her hand. Slowly. Enjoying the soft, god, so soft, skin wrapped over her wounded soul. "Remember that day I came to see you at the tv station?"
Jackie nodded. Of course she did.
"I was gonna see if you wanted to get back together. But…you were happy. You were doing fine. You didn't need me."
Jackie smiled, her head swimming with surprise. "Really? You…that's what you thought?"
"Yep. The point is, Jackie, you can do whatever you want." It was odd, being this kind of emotional cheerleader, and yet Hyde wasn't ashamed. He knew what the others must have said. All of them battered Jackie to some degree or another; none of them, it seemed, save him, had any idea of what she was truly made of. And damn it, someone should tell her at least once in her life. "You usually get what you want."
Her eyes welled up with hot tears again, and she smiled sadly at the face of the man she'd loved like no other. She had to admit that. She'd never be able to deny it. Except you, Steven. I didn't get you. "Usually," she whispered.
He knew what she meant. And god, in this moment, with her hear so close to him, his mouth opened, the words on the tip of his tongue. If he told her…maybe she wouldn't hurt.
Of course she wouldn't hurt. Because she'd probably die. He's around here. She sees him. He knows what's going on in her life. He's playing the good daddy for the first time in her life.
He'd find out.
He cleared his throat. "So. That's what you're gonna do? You're gonna go to college?"
Jackie brushed back a strand of hair that had fallen free from her style and put on a flirty smile, waving her hand dismissively. "No. I think I'm just gonna find a man to take care of me." She shrugged when he arched his eyebrows, and she arched her own back. "Hey, I just wanna know that I have options."
They both laughed, looking at one another with no hate, no bitterness, no resentment for the first time in so long. Still touching hands, though it felt so natural neither of them remembered they were doing it.
"Steven?"
"Yeah, Jackie?"
She licked her lips nervously, not noticing the way his eyes burned and followed that slight movement of her tongue. "Look, I was just wondering. Do you think we could…we could be friends? Real friends? I mean, friends who don't go out of their way to burn each other?"
That ache opened up in his chest again, but he ignored it. He had to. "Jackie, again, I burn people. It's my only mission in life, well, besides getting drunk." She smiled, but there was that sadness again. A different shade, maybe, but still sadness. He squeezed her hand again. "Fine. I guess I could be a little less…brutal."
And I guess I can try to be your friend. Just your friend.
Damn it, how in the hell am I gonna do that?
"Me too," she said softly, a crack on the final syllable. She rubbed his chest. "Thank you, Steven. For…this."
He grinned wickedly, forcing away the disgusting feeling that felt suspiciously like pain and longing. "If you wanna really thank me, why don't you rub a little lower?"
And what he wouldn't give for her to do precisely that.
Jackie laughed and stood up. "Keep dreaming, pig." But as she started to move away from the cot, she dragged her hand out from under his, down his sculpted chest, extremely sexy stomach, and over what she'd just noticed was a slight rise in his covers, giving that area a little squeeze. She turned and walked towards the door, swishing her hips sexily, and she smiled triumphantly when she heard him groan rather loudly.
"Damn it, Jackie!"
She turned and winked at him. "Sorry, but I am a bitch, aren't I?"
Hyde grinned. She was still badass, after everything. "You said it, not me."
"Steven?"
He watched her take a few steps back to him. "Yeah?"
"Are you okay? Lately you've been kind of...weird. And not around."
His smile, his lust instantly faded. No one could know what he was doing. "I'm fine. Just...I don't know. Bored, I guess." He again put on a seductive smile. "You wanna take care of my boredom?"
Hell, flirting wasn't illegal, even if she was dating one of his friends.
She grinned back and cocked her head, showing off that swan-like neck of hers. "You should be so lucky." She paused, and came back to him.
He watched her as she pulled the covers up over his chest.
"I'll see you later. Go back to sleep."
A pat on his chest, and she was gone, closing the door quietly behind her.
Hyde stared at the ceiling, then closed his eyes. So warm now. Just from her presence, her touch. Her flirting. Her.
God. Friends. Real friends. Right.
Trouble didn't even begin to describe what he was in.
More to You
March 5, 1980
Hyde sat on his bed, looking at the bottle of booze he'd found on his dresser. Whiskey. Expensive whiskey. He picked up the note that had been taped to it.
Steven,
Thanks for yesterday. You made me proud. I mean, you actually talked to me about something serious and I didn't even have to threaten you. I wanted to do something to make you proud, too. So I stole a bottle of whiskey from my father's liquor cabinet. I figured you'd appreciate the fact that it was stolen.
And Steven, thank you. For believing there's more to me than just a shallow, shopaholic bitch. For the record, there's more to you than just a dirty burnout. I'll always believe that.
His eyes opened, and he grinned slightly at the bottle of booze. He was proud, and not because she'd boosted the whiskey, though that was pretty cool. She was thinking of college. No one ever expected her to. He had. Just never said anything. Like most of what he thought and felt about her.
He tossed the note aside and glanced down at the bed, where he'd set a mirror with a line of coke ready for his pleasure. It should take the sting out of that god damn "your friend Jackie" she'd signed the note with.
Huh. She wouldn't think much of him if she knew about his new hobby.
His eyes closed. It wasn't too late. He could still take it or leave it. He wasn't an addict, at least not yet.
There's more to you than a dirty burnout.
He thought about the few parties he'd been to with Toad and the suppliers. Ugly. People laying around, shooting up heroin, looking like death warmed over. Desperation thickening the air, and the cries of strung out junkies drowning out Zeppelin tunes. Skinny women with bones jutting out, veins popping from their pale skin.
I'll always believe that.
Maybe he ought to rethink the whole cocaine thing.
Applying for More
March 18, 1980
Someone told me once that I was more than a shopaholic chick. I didn't always believe that, but I do now. I believe it, and I want more out of life than just finding the best sales. And that is why I would be perfect for the University of Wisconsin.
Jackie smiled as she took her application essay out of the typewriter. Done. All she had to do was attach it to the application and mail it off. Her heart pounded, for the first time in her life, because of something she was doing for herself. She was applying for more. And even her toes were tingling. She'd never imagined this would feel so…good.
I bet Steven would be proud of me.
"Jackie? Princess? Are you ready? We are going to be late for the movie."
Jackie glanced at her closed door and sighed. She'd forgotten about the double date with Eric and Donna. She stood up and left her essay and application on her desk. A quick glance in the mirror; of course she looked beautiful. "I'm coming, Fez!"
She opened the door and found her boyfriend standing there, a slight scowl on his face. She gave him her most charming smile. "I'm ready."
"You have been hiding in your room all day." He now pouted. "In fact, you are in your room a lot lately. Have I done something wrong, my goddess?"
Jackie shook her head. "No, no, of course not." She prayed her face wasn't turning red the way it felt like it was. She had decided not to talk to Fez about this, not yet. She had to broach the subject very carefully. "Come on."
She pulled him away from her bedroom and to the door, but stopped just before exiting. "Oh, I forgot my sweater. And it's always freezing in the theater."
Fez grinned. "I'll keep you warm, baby."
Jackie rolled her eyes. Had he always sounded so sleazy? "I'll be right back."
"No, no, I'll get it for you, my sweet. Eric and Donna are waiting for us in the car."
Jackie smiled, but like so often lately, wondered why it didn't feel as wonderful to have Fez at her beck and call as she'd expected it too. "Okay. It's on my bed."
"I won't be long, my angel."
Another smile that didn't feel all that natural. "Okay, Fez."
On her way out of the apartment, she thought of the application on her desk.
This time, she felt her smile to her soul.
