"Nothing is more frightening than the idea of losing someone precious to you."
- Elysian Winter
Fear
He still wasn't home yet.
It wasn't that it was especially late, it's just that the reconnaissance mission he'd had with Sirius and Mad-Eye should have been over two hours ago. James knew how she worried. He always came home to see her and let her fuss over him 'til she convinced herself that he was alright, before submitting a report to the order. He never lingered after a mission; always and without fail he came home first before anything else. It was a promise he had made to her the moment they'd become members of the Order of the Phoenix.
She used to wait at the Order headquarters but it had filled her with too much anguish.
Before every reconnaissance mission (the only ones with a time limit attached), each member was issued with their person-specific portkey which would transport them directly to headquarters at the projected mission completion time. For various reasons, portkeys would sometimes arrive without their owners. Each time she saw James' red and gold quill arrive without him, she'd often be halfway into a panic attack by the time he was able to apparate safely to headquarters, her mind swimming with images of his mortally wounded form, or his lifeless corpse. Hence the decision that she remain at home.
Glancing outside, Lily saw the cloudy blue skies which heralded a typical cold English day. At times like these, she wished she had a clock like Molly Weasley's which, rather than tell the time, indicated where each member of her family was and what condition they were in. A moment later Lily retracted this wish, recalling that lately Molly's clock had started indicating that all her family members were in 'mortal peril'.
Because of Lily's fears, James had a special goodbye ritual for when he went on a mission with either the Order or the Aurors. He would gather her close, gently embrace her, kiss her tenderly and whisper that he loved her, more than anything else in the world. He always put a finger over her lips before she could say the words back to him, insisting that she could say them when he got back.
So Lily turned from the window, and stared at the flames which danced in the grate. With hope in her heart and a prayer on her lips, she would wait. Because James Potter had to be told that she loved him, more than anything else in the world.
