Thanks for all those leaving reviews it means a lot to me. Again sorry this has taken so long I'm moving house, again, and have been rushed off my little feet.

This is a very long chapter, I've spent ages changing it and re-adjusting it so I hope you like.

Disclaimer: Not mine.

Chapter 14

2 weeks later

"Olivia get down!" Elliot shouted.

She was slowly walking towards a perp that they had been after for almost a week now. He was pointing his gun directly at her and they all knew he had no problem shooting women, that was what he had done to his four victims, right after viciously raping them.

With everyone involved in the black market now safely behind bars where they belonged, a new case had quickly demanded the Detective's attention. Thankfully all the women who had gone missing during the other case had been found. All of them were in pretty bad way but they were now all finally in a place where they were safe and would have the time to heal, most of them being back with their families. Others were staying at a halfway home that had been opened up especially for them. It was a place where they could have counseling and meetings and start to try and heal.

Still the one person not healing and not allowing herself the time to heal was Olivia. She was stubborn and refused to let herself cry. Most of the time she refused to let herself even think about all that had happened.

As she slowly edged towards the perp she began lowering her gun ever so slightly. Elliot, Munch and Fin were all ducked down behind their car doors and waiting for back-up. Olivia however wasn't about to wait.

The perp was holding another victim in his arms. She was bloodied and broken and crying. She was his fifth victim. The Detectives had received a call from a motel owner saying that a suspicious man had arrived there, booked a room for the night and had then dragged a crying teen in to the room. They had heard screaming and shouting and straight away called the police.

Olivia could clearly see they hadn't arrived in time to save the girl from a rape. Her clothes, what remained of them, were torn and covered in blood and the look was in her eyes. One Olivia saw every time she looked in the mirror. She had also been shot in the stomach, she held her hands over the wound but the blood continued to seep through her fingers. They needed to help her and quick.

"Don't be a fool Angelo, let her go." Olivia began, trying to reason with the perp Angelo Enriles.

"Shut-up bitch or I'll blow your fuckin' head off!" he yelled at Olivia as he waved the gun around.

"Olivia, get back here!" Elliot shouted. She had been the only one not to duck behind the safety of the cars when Angelo had whipped out a gun and he hated himself for having not dragged her down.

"If you want someone, take me, Angelo. Let her go she's just a kid. Look at her… Just take me instead." she said as she threw her gun down on the floor and put her arms up to show him she was surrendering.

"Shut the fuck up!" Angelo screamed.

"She's bleeding Angelo! If you don't let her go now she'll die then you'll be charged with five murders not four. Let her go you stupid son-of-a bitch!" she screamed at him.

"Fuck you!" Angelo shouted as he pushed the girl to the floor. He began walking towards Olivia and as he did she could see his finger tightening its grip on the trigger. She was just waiting for the bang followed by the pain of been shot when there was another bang, one that came from behind her. She watched as Angelo fell to the floor, a small pool of blood now forming around his head.

She didn't bother to turn around to see who had shot him; if she had she would have seen Elliot's smoking gun and the horrified expression on his face. Instead she ran to the girl. She quickly knelt on the floor and scooped the girl up into her lap. She looked down at her and tried brushing the dirt off her face. She was all covered in dust and dirt and all of it mixing in with her blood.

"You're gonna be okay sweetheart. You're gonna be fine. Just stay with me." she said confidently as she pressed her hand down onto the girls wound. "Hold in there baby you're gonna be okay." she repeated as she looked down at the girl. "Where's that bus?" she yelled at the others.

As the young teen looked up at her with glassy eyes filled with tears of pain and anger she began to mumble something. Olivia tried to read her lips but she was speaking Spanish, mumbled Spanish. Realizing Olivia couldn't understand her she said, in English, "You found me too late…"

Olivia looked down at her as she took her last painful gasping breath. She began to shake her head and her tears began to fall. "No!" she cried. She wished she could somehow bring her back to life but there was nothing she could do now.

Elliot knelt down beside her and placed his hand on her shoulder, however she was quick to shrug it off and gently passed him the girl and got up. She walked over to the car and climbed in. As she sat there she covered her face with her hands. She wouldn't allow herself to cry. In her mind she didn't deserve the right to be able to cry.

- - - - - -

Once they had all gotten away from the scene of the shooting and back to the SVU things had become more and more awkward. Olivia had disappeared into Cragen's office before coming back out, grabbing her coat and disappearing out of the precinct without so much as a word to anyone where she was going or what was gong on.

Finally Elliot couldn't take it anymore; he got up and walked over to Cragen's office.

"Come in." Cragen shouted as he heard a knock on the door. When he looked up and saw Elliot he instantly knew what it was about.

"Where did Olivia go?" Elliot asked.

"She asked for the rest of the day off. I told her to take a few but I doubt she will" Cragen told him. "She could certainly do with the time away from this place."

Elliot shook his head. He was worried about her. He didn't want her to be alone right now. "Do you know where she was going?" Elliot asked his Captain.

"She said home, but I don't think she went home." he said knowingly.

"Where do you think she is?" Elliot asked.

Cragen shrugged.

"Where would you go if you were her?" he asked.

Cragen just looked up at him. In the past he knew right where he would have gone if he was dealing with as much crap on his shoulders as Olivia was…the first place he could get his hands on a drink.

- - - - - -

"Can I get another?" Olivia ordered as she held her now empty glass up above her head. She had gone straight out of the precinct and straight into the bar across the street, which meant she'd been in here for the last 4 hours so by now she was well and truly wasted.

The bar tender walked over to her with the scotch that she had been drinking for the last hour non stop, in his hand but he was hesitant to refill her glass. "Don't you think you've had enough Detective?" he asked.

She just shook her head and looked down into the shiny bar as she held her glass up higher for him to fill. Reluctantly he filled it for her.

"Add it to the tab." she cheered before taking a long swig.

Thankfully the bar was empty so she was only making a fool out of herself in front of herself, the bar tender – who was surely used to it – and the other drunks, who were too drunk to notice her anyway.

She was almost halfway through that drink when Elliot walked in and sat down next to her. She knew it was him by the way he smelled, his amazing aftershave that drove her mad at times and just by the way he sat there saying nothing out loud but a million things in his head all of which she seemed able to hear.

She knew she looked like hell, propped up by the bar with a collection of beer bottles and shot glasses and spilled scotch around her. "Please Elliot whatever you do just don't make any smart comments because I really couldn't take that right now." she said as she didn't look at him because of the tears now filling her eyes.

"I'm not going to." he said, "I just want to sit here and have a beer." he told her as he raised his hand to get the bar tender's attention and then held up one of the beer bottles that had been emptied by Olivia once he had it. Straight away the bartender brought him his beer.

Olivia watched as he took a swig. "Aren't you supposed to be in work?" she asked him.

"Finished," he informed her.

She looked at her watch and could, after a moment or two, just about make out the time. It was late, she had no idea she had been that long in here. It just made her feel more pathetic. She shook her head at herself as she still refused to let her tears fall. She looked around the bar at the other drunks all being propped up by tables or the bar. Suddenly it was getting harder not to cry.

"Why are you here?" she asked him, her voice so cold it sent shivers up his spine.

"To have a beer." he lied.

"Liar." she said then she began laughing. It was a laugh that was so cold it made the shivers run up his spine again. "You don't have a wife and kids to go home to anymore so instead you chase me around. You're like a pathetic dog Elliot." she said as she turned to face him, swaying on the barstool. "Well I refuse to be your master, I don't want to be anyone's master." she said as she climbed down from the barstool. She threw a pile of notes down on the bar then began stumbling out.

"Good," Elliot said as he paid for his beer then got up as well, "because I sure as hell wouldn't want to be around you anymore than I have to. Look at you." he said before he walked out past her.

Once outside he pulled his coat closed, shielding his body from the frosty winters night. He heard the doors clatter as they hit the walls as Olivia practically fell through them. She chased after him as she continued struggling to get her arms into her jacket. He hadn't meant a word he had said but he knew it would make her react and ultimately open up…he hoped.

"You think you're so on top Elliot Stabler well guess what you're not…you're just like me!" she yelled at him.

"Is that so." he said as he turned around to face her but continued walking backwards.

She quickly gave up with her jacket and just held it, digging her nails into the brown leather. She stormed over to Elliot, nearly falling with each step. She stopped when she was right in his face. She wasn't even aware of it when he grabbed hold of her elbows to stop her from falling right over. She just continued shouting in his face.

"You think you're so good just because you're married and you have children and because you don't have to live alone and be alone and…you have no idea what it feels like to be me!" she yelled at him.

She was making no sense and Elliot knew it was because of the massive amount of alcohol in her system and that that was what was making her act this way but he still couldn't help but feel some of what she was saying was the truth. He was luckier than her because at the end of a hard day if he wanted to be with Kathy and the kids he could, he would find comfort in them. Olivia couldn't do that she had to find comfort in herself and he guessed that was what made her want to make sure she didn't have a bad day so he knew that the events of the last month must be killing her, first Ashley and the other missing women then everything that happened with Harris, still of which he didn't know because she refused to tell anyone and then all the stuff that went on at the market all topped off with this mornings events must have been killing her.

"You don't have to be so lonely." he told her.

"I have no choice." she yelled at him as her tears stung her eyes. "I've been alone all my life Elliot so don't you dare say that I'm not. I can't help being the way I am." she said as she hit him in the chest.

She was trying to pull herself free from his grasp but it wasn't working. "Let me go." she said as she ripped her arm out of her grasp. With her body suddenly having to support itself she fell over. She would have hit the floor a lot harder if Elliot hadn't caught her.

He settled her down gently on the floor as he crouched down next to her. She was ready to breakdown right here in front of him. He gently cupped her face and began brushing her tears away with his thumb. Realizing how weak she was being she suddenly pushed herself up and began slowly walking away. She was walking right next to the wall, leaning on it to keep herself up.

Elliot walked next to her. He grabbed her elbow again in one hand and wrapped his other arm around her waist. He wasn't about to let her walk home like this alone. Even with all the protests she put up.

- - - - - -

After a very long walk they had finally arrived at Olivia's apartment. She had protested all the way that she didn't need his help, but it was Elliot's help that had stopped her from walking out into on-coming traffic and falling back down the stairs in her apartment building.

Finally inside her apartment, Elliot let Olivia walk by herself. She walked straight over to the fridge and Elliot watched as she pulled out another beer. He quickly walked over to her and pulled the bottle out of her hand.

"Elliot, leave me alone." she said bitterly as she tried to reach for the fridge again.

He quickly grabbed her wrist and pushed her arm away from the fridge. "Is this how you think you're helping yourself?" he asked.

"I'm fine El." she said as she ripped her wrist free from his grasp all the time trying hard not to slur her words.

"You're not alright you're going to get yourself killed."

"What?" she asked almost laughing at him. "It's not like my fridge is gonna kill me, Elliot." she laughed.

"No but that perp was about two seconds away from blowing your face off before and you don't even care." Elliot said to her, trying to make her see just how much she was loosing it.

"Whatever," Olivia said she didn't need to hear this. She began walking towards her bed.

"Sure Olivia that's right. Run away from me like you run away from all of your problems." he said, knowing it would hit a nerve.

"You know what Elliot, screw you. My problems have nothing to do with you." she yelled at him as she turned to face him, almost toppling over. She managed to steady herself by grabbing hold of a cupboard before walking over to him. "I wish you would just get out of my life because it was so much easier when you weren't in it." she spat at him.

"Why because before you had friends you didn't think you were lonely. That's because you had no one and when you have no one you suddenly realize how much you need people in your life when you do eventually get them." he said back to her. Not yelling anymore just trying to make her see sense.

"Fuck you Elliot," she said as she walked over to her bed and climbed in, still in the clothes she had been wearing all day, the ones that were still soiled with the girl's blood.

Elliot walked over to the couch and sat down. He could see she had already fallen into a drunken sleep. He wasn't going anywhere until she had sobered up some. He needed to talk to her when she was sober and he guessed that that may take a while so he adjusted the pillows on the couch, took of his tie, undid a few buttons on his shirt and then lay down and got comfortable, as comfortable as he could at least on the old, well slept on couch.

- - - - - -

Although he hadn't been in a deep sleep, Elliot couldn't help but want to stay asleep as he was awoken by a light shining in his eyes. He sat up, shielding his still sleepy eyes from the harsh light. He slowly stood up, taking his time to try and wake up, until he suddenly remembered where he was. He looked over at Olivia's bed only to find it empty. He looked back up at the light that was pouring out of the opened bathroom door.

Slowly he made his way over to it. He had to wonder if she was still very very drunk and had gone the toilet and left the door open by accident. 'Maybe she left it open anyway', he thought to himself. He guessed people who lived alone could do that if they wanted. People who had five kids certainly couldn't.

As he got closer to it though he could hear Olivia, she was sobbing and the sound of it broke his heart. He walked right up to the door and walked in. She was sat on the cold tiled floor, leaning over the toilet. She seemed so small and helpless almost childlike, it was something he had never seen in her before and something, if he were honest, that he never wanted to see again. This wasn't the strong, tough cookie Olivia he knew. This was just the shell of her.

She was so busy crying into the toilet he wasn't sure if she had even noticed him standing there. He had straight away realized she had no top on but she held it in her hands and he knew it was the innocent girl's blood that she was concentrating on.

He grabbed a towel and stepped towards her. He carefully wrapped the big fluffy white towel over her shoulders, covering her up. "You must be freezing." he said as he sat down next to her on the floor next to her and began rubbing her back, trying to warm her up some.

She let go of the shirt with one hand and wiped away her tears. "I got them killed." she cried, "Ashley and that girl today. It's my fault they're dead." she said matter-of-factly.

"No it's not." he said confidently, she had to know that.

"El what's happening to me?" she asked him, still looking at the girl's blood as her tears continued to fall.

"Nothing." he said as he shuffled closer to her and began rubbing her arm as well, still trying to warm her up, he could see her shivering but he guessed it was because she was crying so hard as well as her being freezing.

He knew what her question had meant and what he had replied was the truth. There was nothing wrong with her. The only thing she was guilty of was being human and that was not a crime. "There's absolutely nothing wrong with you." he said again.

"Then why am I sat on my bathroom floor at 2 in the morning throwing up my entire stomach contents and more and why does my head feel like it's spinning so hard it may fly right of my shoulders?" she asked.

"Because you're drunk sweetie." he answered.

"No El. My head's felt like this for so long now that I can't even see straight anymore. I have no control over the direction that I'm going in and…I'm so lost I can't even begin to find my way back." she said as new tears fell.

"Liv you've been going through a really rough time recently. No one blames you for being confused and upset…" Elliot began.

"I'm not upset Elliot. I'm angry. I'm so angry at me and at…at you and Fin and Munch and everyone. I'm so tired of being angry." she cried.

"Why are you angry with me?" he asked her.

"Because you weren't there when I needed you, because when Harris raped me I wanted you to come save me and you never did." she said honestly.

"He raped you? I thought the kit was negative for…"

"Not like that…" she had to say. "Orally." she told him. "It was the only thing I could do to stop him from hurting Ashley…ha fat lot of good it did." she said angrily. Before Elliot could speak, not that he felt like he could say much right now, she spoke again. "I'm not blaming you for what happened El, I'm not blaming any of you guys I just…" she sighed, "I don't think I can blame myself and hate myself for what happened much more and that's why I think I'm taking it out on you. God I'm so sorry." she said, now not allowing herself to cry anymore.

"Come here," Elliot said as he pulled her close to him. "You have nothing to be sorry for and you can't keep hating yourself and being angry at yourself for what happened Liv, it was all out of you control." he told her.

She began crying again, she couldn't stop herself. "That's what pisses me off the most. I always promised myself that I would never let myself become one of the vic's and that is all that seems to be happening at the moment. The worst thing is every single time I look in the mirror I see my mother staring back at me. I'm turning into her El." she cried.

"No, no you're not. I won't let you. Besides you have me. Your mom was lonely that's why she was how she was." he reminded her.

"She had me, I just didn't mean enough to her." she said as she leant on his chest and cried still.

"Liv," he said as he lifted her chin with his finger. "Your mother never knew how special you were or maybe you were just too special to her. Sometimes we love people so much we can't work out how to show them and we have no idea how to tell them how we feel." he said knowingly.

She looked into his blue eyes and saw the sincerity in them. She rested her head back down on his chest and slowly was able to slow her tears. Elliot had his one arm wrapped around her and was gently stoking her hair with the other. After a moment of silence Olivia spoke, "I need help." she confessed.

"We all do at some point but it takes someone really strong to admit it Liv."

"I'm not strong."

"Yeah you are." he told her.

"Will you help me?" she asked.

When he didn't answer her she looked up at him. He was looking right into her eyes. "Always." he replied.

She smiled back at him and wrapped her arms around him and just sat there, leaning on his chest enjoying the chance to have someone there for her for once.

TBC

Not long to go now till the end.

Thanks for reading, please leave a review.

Originally I had written this as an E/O but now I'm tempted to adjust it so it's just E/O friendship. What do you guys think?