Chapter Two
How far are we?
This is my dream, it has been my dream since before I can remember dreaming. The idea of running my own class, my own school; mine. I knew it wasn't going to be easy, i was prepared for the challenge. At least I thought i was. It wasn't until they asked me the direct question that I actually felt the sharpness of the blade behind it. In Japan my life style was considered different but in no way bad. Living with a woman as a woman was merely seen as a different life choice, i was never naive enough to believe this was a common practise world over, i could feel the cool stares in Daytona but the crowd there was different and the jockeys mixed with the shop boys found our relationship erotic and easily accepted it. My lover would never sacrifice me for anything and i knew that, even if she did let that rat hit on me. No Haruka would never leave me behind, she would stand up for our relationship until the death; adding greatly to my guilt now.
'What do you mean?' I heard myself asking as I sat at the table three board members interrogating me.
'You're relationship, with Tenoh.'
'She's my.' I began i tried to stare them down but i failed. 'lover.' I finished.
'You would be smart to keep that quiet.' the shorter of the three warned me. I glared at him.
'He's right Miss Kaioh. The people who are paying you will not take kindly to the fact that you are living against gods will.' another of the three said.
'I'm sorry, against god?' I started, somewhere in my soul I could feel my blood boiling. 'What does he have to do with teaching music?'
'Miss Kaioh, this is a school built on years of tradition and beliefs. Now what you do in the privacy of your own home is one thing, but to our students and faculty it would be best if you kept that part of your life quiet.' the last of the board members said.
'And how do I introduce Haruka? As my sister, my cousin?' I asked sharply.
'You're friend.' the first offered. My life with Haruka flashed before my eyes. The time we'd spent together the things they were asking me to do.
'Fine.' I said briskly, standing from the table I gathered my things. 'is that all?'
'Yes.' the said together. I pushed the chair away from the table and make a very large production of organizing my papers before I shove them into my bag and leave the board room. I'm at the car before the tears find their way down my cheeks. What have I done?
...
The door to our small home was unlocked as i pushed my way in. The smell of something burring was clear but so too was the smell of something delicious, my darling Haruka was attempting to cook. 'Welcome home dear.' she teased me, kissing my cheek as she placed a plate in front of me. It looked define, slightly charred chicken on a bed of traditional Japanese greens.
'Oh Haruka.' I smiled blushing at her effort my mind again cursing me for giving into the demands of the school heads.
'I little wife I am not Michi, but I try.' she smiled at me turning to face the stove again, pulling out a warmed pie. 'I even baked.' to this I laughed glancing over my plate to the vision of golden brown before me.
'It looks wonderful.' i smile standing to kiss her softly. I let her place the pie on the table before I take her into my arms, she can tell something isn't right by my actions.
'Michiru, everything okay?' she asks pulling me away from her to look me in the eyes. If I were planning to lie to her my eyes would give me away, but I can't lie to my Haruka so I gather every piece of nerve I can and look at her.
'Something happened at work today.'
'I thought today was introductions.' Haruka says her grip around me now tighter and more protecting.
'It was.' I start leaning into her. 'They have a problem with me being a lesbian.'
'Ah.' Haruka breaths her chin resting on the top of my head, I can feel her heart against my cheek the speed of it increasing. 'And you said?'
'What could I say Haruka? I told them I would do my best to keep it as un-public as I could but honestly.'
'You told them you'd keep it as un-public as possible?' she asks me, her tone is hurt and I deserve it. 'What am I supposed to do go into hiding?' she tosses at me, her arms no longer around me but tucked across her chest.
'No Haruka, nothing like that. I'm just not supposed to advertise that we're lovers.'
'So you're to lie.' she says flatly. 'and you're alright with this?'
'I don't have a choice. This is my dream Ruka-koi.' I say hoping my endearment will calm her a little. I dare not cross the room to her, I know her too well for that.
'Clearly I am not meant to be a part of it.' she says as she leaves the room. Her last comment hits me harder then anything she could have thrown at me. Tears well against my eyes and slowly stream down my face, she's right. My dreams always included her before yet this one is forcing me to choose, and in the end I chose the wrong one. I brush my hand against my cheek taking the damp away with it, and picking up the plates I clear away her hard work, my heart aching as I do. What have I done? I ask myself as the last of the dishes are cleared away and clean. a yawn escapes me and I realize it's late, pulling my hair out of it's tight bun I head for our room expecting to find Haruka fast asleep as she usually is at this time of the night. Instead she is sitting on her side of the bed, staring at the wall.
'Haruka.' I start, wishing so much the words would just come to me, but they don't.
'I'm sorry I yelled at you.' she says to me; my heart breaks a little.
'I'm sorry i didn't stand up for us. I don't know what I was thinking, it was selfish and I'm sorry.' I cross the room to sit next to her on the bed, usually she would take me into her arms and rock me until we both felt better, tonight she continues to stare at the wall.
'Haruka?'
'Lets go to bed.' she says, standing and wandering the full length of the room to the bathroom, closing the door behind her in an act she rarely uses. Panic surges through me, this is worse then even I thought. I change into my night gown and wait patiently for her to emerge, the clock ticking next to me seems to tick forever and still I am alone, slowly I push the blankets from around me and I step consciously to the door of the bathroom, knocking softly then a little harder. 'Haruka.' i say in a soft loving tone. No answer comes, i test the knob, it's unlocked so I push the door open to find nothing. I follow the bathroom through to the connecting room Haruka is in the guest room, sound asleep. my heart breaks as I return to our bed, alone for the first time in almost six years.
...
'No, close but no.' I frown fixing the bow of the student before me, he's been called the prodigy of the school and for the life of me I can't see why. His form is all wrong and his pitch is something to be desired, this is why he's been send to my class but I fear I can't help him. 'Try it again.' I say glancing up to catch a visitor lingering outside my door. 'Excuse me.' I open my door to find a middle aged man waiting for me, he has some paperwork and is grinning ear to ear.
'Can I help you?'
'Miss Kaioh?'
'Yes.' I say obviously annoyed.
'My name is Blake Ryan.'
'Alright.'
'I'm your date.' he says, my face must have told a thousand stories for his smile instantly disappeared. 'for the gala, Professor Tiller called me last minute said you would need someone to go with.'
'Professor Tiller was incorrect, I have a date, my roommate is accompanying me.' I explain. After three months of teaching at the school I've learned to refer to Haruka as my roommate, it pains me each time I do, but it works.
'Right, well you're roommate can sit this one out.' Blake says handing me the papers, his contract to accompany me at tonight's gala as well as a few others in the future. My face is now fully turned down, Haruka is not going to like this. I had promised her to be my roomate at work and my lover to the rest of the world, promising that things would change very little, now I would be telling her to stay home and relax while I parade around with a paid man all night. Grabbing the contract I storm into Professor Tillers office, caring little for the students he has seated there. 'I need a word.' I demand. He nods to his students and they disappear.
'Is there a problem Miss Kaioh?'
'A paid escort?' I say tossing the contract on his desk. 'I agreed to keep Haruka as my roommate for appearances but honestly this is ridiculous.'
'No Michiru, this is business. The people at tonight's gala expect to see the sexy and vivacious Michiru, not a lesbian. You had better get your priorities straightened out or you will be out of a job.'
'Are you threatening me?' I demanded my voice raising my pride insulted.
'I am warning you.'
'I took this job fully aware of the work it entailed I wasn't aware I needed to change my personality. You wanted me, maybe you should have considered my orientation before you hired me. This is not my doing.'
'Believe me Michiru, had we known you were a gay trollop we wouldn't have hired you.' his words hit me hard, my emotions caught in my throat and before I could react I found myself storming from his office.
Three hours later i was standing in the lobby of the Jubilee auditorium, my hair loosely framing my face, my dress hugging all the wrong places and my heart completely broken. I'd arrived home early to break the news to Haruka, she was waiting for me, humming my latest creation, her hair freshly washed and my dress laying on the bed next to her tux jacket, she's already nearly dressed, tux pants in place, shirt buttoned.
'Ruka-koi.' I started realizing after I always start my horrible news this way.
'oh no, now what?' she asked her humming ceasing and her smile fading
'They bought me a date.' I blurted.
'What?'
'A date. I spoke to Professor Tiller and he said the people at tonight's gala would question if I showed up with my roommate especially a female dressed in a tux. I protested Haruka, i did but they wont hear of it.'
'How hard did you try Michiru?' she asks me sounding broken.
'I tried.' I defend knowing the effort I truly did put forth.
'Fine. Have a good time.' she ends, dropping her bow tie on the floor and heading for the door. I'm to slow to catch her and the next sound i hear is her car engine roaring down the road. I managed to pull myself together and when Blake arrived he was none the wiser.
'Where is your roommate?'
'Out.' I replied getting into the limo.
