A/N As promised that was faster Ne? Gomen all this is the second to last chapter. What could possible happen next? Enjoy.

Oh and I need to dedicate this chapter to one person. Karis.

Soft golden light reflected off the polished linoleum floor. My hands hurt, they tingled the feeling of numbness present. I pushed my eyes closed letting the tingling run from the tips of my fingers up to my elbow, trying hard to distinguish between what was real at the moment and what I was imagining. Hard beeping next to me had my mind focused. I couldn't recall the last couple days but I was told I'd been in the hospital for a week. That a friend had found me on the floor of my apartment, no one would tell me who. A piece of my hair floated across my forehead and I tried to move my hand to brush it away. But my hands were held in place by leather restraints. I remember a time when we'd tried this game. She'd every so gently bound my hands while she explored my body. Kissed every part of me. I relaxed my hands moving my head to replace the annoying bit of hair while my mind traveled to those days in our apartment in Japan. Her voice was smooth when she offered to tie my hands, the rope was silk and I could have easily escaped. But I didn't want to; I wanted her to own me. I wanted her to consume me. And she did. The beeping became more rapid, I moved my gaze to glare at it. The numbers reading high, something was probably wrong with that machine. I gathered my head feeling light, the room began to spin a nurse came to my side. Mumbling my name, telling me to focus, so I did. I thought of her. Of my only love. Where was she? The sound of the nurse and the beeping became faint as I see her at the end of the hall, slipping from my bed I go to her. She turns away from me, her eyes cold. What have I done?

..

'Welcome back Miss Kaioh.'

'I'm sorry?' I hear myself; my voice is thick and almost unrecognizable as my own.

'You gave us quiet a scare.' A young man said looking over a clip board at me.

'I did?'

'You don't remember?' he asks me. His eyes are kind and he sits on the edge of my bed.

'No.' I say concern building within me. He lifts my wrists and pulls off the restraints, showing me the damage. My wrists are wrapped with heavy gauze, there is blood soaking through. 'I, what?' I stammer staring.

'You were found by a neighbor. She saw you through the window of your kitchen. You were lying in a pool of blood the knife had fallen from your hands.'

'When?' I asked shaky.

'Tuesday last week.' He says pulling a fresh set of dressings towards him. 'Then two days ago you were fighting the restraints and pulled your stitches, you bled out a bit and we had to resuscitate you.'

'Why.' I said flatly. He looked at me, his soft brown eyes generally caring. 'I'm sorry.' I say feeling guilty.

'What could have made you do something so rash?' He says gently. 'You lost your baby I realize that.'

'My baby, my lover, my life.' I say.

'Oh.' He smiled weakly. My wrist is exposed and I look at the work I'd done. Not a straight line but a jagged line, hard to stitch.

'I'm sorry.' I say lifting my eyes to him.

'I can help you.' He says. I believe him. His soul is kind.

'How?' I ask. I feel like it's already too late.

'Trust me Miss Kaioh, I can help you.' He smiles at me wrapping my wrists in fresh gauze. He replaces them in the restraints and before leaving tops up my pain medication.

'What's your name?' I ask feeling the new effects of the drugs.

'Matthew.' He replies. 'I'm a fan of yours Miss Kaioh, and the idea of you not being here is to much for some of us to bare. Let me help you. I promise it's not so bad.' He disappears behind the wall and I fall back into sleep. What have I done?

..

The sound of laughter filled the air, easy unbridled laughter. I stand in a small kitchen listening, my heart pounding. My palms sweating. 'Seriously then she was gone. I swear to god I have no idea what I said to her.'

'It was probably your cooking.' I smile joining the group.

'It's not that bad.' Matthew protested through a laugh.

'Yes it is.' A small blonde said next to him.

'Fine Jenny last time I cook for you.' Matthew teased.

'Good.' Jenny laughed.

'How can I get that?' The lanky dark haired boy holding Jenny's hand said.

'Jeez, is it gang up on Matt night?' Matthew laughed.

'Isn't it always?' Jenny smiled.

'Ok, enough. Lets start shall we?' Matthew smiled gently. 'Carla, do you want to go first. You said you had something to share.' A heavy girl with short red hair stood, straightening her unfitting shirt she smiled to the group, I try to get comfortable but it's hard.

'I met someone.'

'Carla.' Matthew said in a warning tone.

'Sorry, my name is Carla. Three months ago I tried to kill myself. I hated my life. I hated how I looked; no one around me seemed to care, so I took three bottles of percocet and chased it with a bottle of vodka. But today, I'm feeling good. And I've met someone.'

'That's fantastic.' Jenny offered.

'Good for you.' I say.

'Tell us about him Carla.' Matthew coaxed.

'He's great. We met on the internet but, he knows all about me. I sent him photos of myself and, he thinks I'm pretty.' She beamed. 'He says a real woman is a girl who can eat. He knows I tried to kill myself and says that he wants nothing but to help me get past that. He even said he'd come to these meetings with me.'

'That's fantastic.' The group echoed.

'You're doing very well Carla. Very well.' Matthew smiled stepping over the coffee table to hug the large girl. Carla broke into tears her arms locked around Matthew. Slowly they parted, Carla sat back down the quiet brunet next to her handed her a box of tissue and a hard look.

'April.' Matthew warned.

'I'm fine. Sorry Carla.' The brunet apologized. Carla sniffed hard and smiled to the rest of the group.

'Michiru, you have news also.' Matthew said. I look at him, my news, yes my news. I try to think how my life has been the last few weeks. How I went from the cold hospital room to the warmth of Matthews apartment. How meeting this small group of rejects has changed me. I clear my throat preparing for my last introduction, my last piece of therapy. My last feeling of belonging.

'My name is Michiru; six weeks ago I tried to take my own life. I felt like I had no other option. My lover had moved out of our home, I'd just lost a baby and everything in my life seemed like it was over. I took a kitchen knife and made a good mess of my wrists. However today I'm feeling much better. And on Friday I'm going home. To Japan. I've taken a job touring again.' I sigh with the last words. I was doing it, saying the words made it real. I was going back to a world I understood. Back to a public who adored me. Back to a home where people loved me, needed me, supported me. I was going home.

'That's amazing news Michiru. Congratulations.' Jenny smiled.

'I'm so happy for you.' Carla sobbed.

'Yay.' April sighed.

'You'll be fine.' Matthew smiled taking my hand and squeezing it gently. Hours later the small apartment Matthew rented was empty, I stood in the middle of the kitchen looking over the heaps of food no one had touched. 'My cooking isn't that bad is it?' He asked dumping the plate of chicken he'd prepared into the trash.

'Yes Matt, yes it is.' I laughed. 'Almost as bad as Haru.' I started, slowly letting her name fade from my lips

'Still hard.' He asked.

'No.' I lied. 'Almost as bad as Haruka. She couldn't cook to save her life.' I pushed through, trying not for him, but for myself.

'You don't have to pretend Michi.' Matthew tried, placing a warm hand on my shoulder. 'Still haven't heard from her?'

'I don't even know where she is.' I said trying so hard to sound uncaring. Emotion building in my throat.

'True love will be, if it is meant to be.' Matthew said pulling me into a hug. 'If you two really are connected you'll find her.'

'Thanks Matt.' I smile. 'I would never have made it without you.'

'I know.' Matthew laughed.

..

Japan hadn't changed one bit. I stepped off the plane and into a crowed. People were screaming, begging for attention and generally being everywhere. Oh how I missed this. I walked through the terminal to my baggage, memories of tours ending, Haruka waiting for me flooded over me. Everywhere I turned I saw her. My mind playing evil tricks one me.

'Michi-san.' I heard turning around to see the person calling my name. The gentle smile of Makoto Kino was a sight I had missed more then I knew.

'Mako-chan.' I smiled wrapping my arms around her.

'What happened?' she asked taking the handle of my luggage, her gaze fixed on my wrist.

'We'll talk later.' I smile.

'I'm glad your home. Ami-san has made up the spare room. Usagi-chan is pacing about. Have you heard about Rei-chan and Mina-chan?' She buzzed as we walked through the airport. I looked at her confused; no I hadn't heard anything about anyone.

'Oh the controversy.' Mako laughed. 'Wait till we get home.' I sat in the front seat of her land rover. Mako drove like Haruka, fast and in charge, the thirty minute trip from the airport to her apartment was done in eighteen minutes flat. She shooed me into the apartment while she grabbed my bags. Ami was waiting, a smile glued to her face. 'Michiru-san, how was your flight?' she asked her navy hair longer then I remember, pulled back into a knot. She'd aged, we all had.

'Michiru-san!' Usagi hollered from the kitchen, grabbing a pastry as she rushed to me, her arms around my waist before I knew it.

'Usa-koi, gently.' Mamoru smiled.

'Gomen Michiru-san.'

'Nani, its fine.' I smiled. 'What have I missed?' I asked stepping around Usagi.

'Sit.' Mako said pointing to the pillows on the floor. Slipping my shoes off I tucked my feet under my legs and sat. Ami placed tea before me, and the group soon surrounded me. 'How was America?' Usagi asked putting another pastry in her mouth.

'It was, different.' I said pausing to think of the right words.

'And Canada?' Ami asked sipping her tea, her free hand resting against Mako's knee. I glanced at them, memories of our forgotten youth entering my mind. How they'd flirted, how they'd talked about boys. Now Mako and Ami had found love in each other.

'It was cold.' I laughed. Usagi joined me, Mako soon followed and Ami just sipped her tea.

'And Haruka-san? Where is she?' Usagi asked, her question received a soft look from Mamoru. 'What?' she asked looking from her love to me.

'I don't know.' I said.

'Oh.' Usagi frowned. 'Gomen' she smiled, the gentle smile that made her our friend, even with all her annoying qualities.

'Haruka and I split up.' I managed hurrying the tea cup to my lips as four sets of eyes suddenly bore into me.

'What happened?' Ami asked abandoning her refine.

'Michiru-san itsu?' Mako added.

'Nani. I don't believe you.' Usagi frowned.

'That's enough.' Mamoru said loudly, he stood taking Usagi's hand and leading her to the door. 'Gomen Mako-san, Ami-san we must go.'

'We must?' Usagi asked.

'We must. Michiru-san welcome home. Sayonara.' Mamoru lead Usagi out of the small apartment, her look still confused.

'Gomennasai Michiru-san, I'll show you your room.' Ami smiled placing her cup against the table and shuffling me to the guest room. 'If you need anything, Mako and I are just down the hall.'

'She left me.' I said randomly, my eyes meeting the navy ones of Ami. 'I pushed her away Ami-san and she left. I can't blame her.'

'You don't have to tell me.' Ami smiled.

'I know. But you and Mako-chan are being so kind to let me stay here.' Ami closed the space between us, her arms softly embracing me. I felt warm.

'You're home Michiru-san.' She said softly.

..

I could smell bacon, eggs and tea. My eyes slowly found the light as I crawled out of the futon. Dressing I slipped into the slippers and followed the smell to the kitchen. Ami was reading at the table while Mako was cooking. 'Morning Michiru-san.' Mako smiled pouring a cup of tea and placing it before me. 'Sleep well?' she asked.

'Hai. Arigato.' I smiled taking the tea. 'Mako-chan, you never did tell me about Mina-chan and Rei-chan.' I said sipping the light herbs.

'Hai.' She shouted turning to face me.

'Oh dear.' Ami sighed closing her book.

'Married.' Mako said. She looked at me as if that one word would sum up the confusion.

'To?' I said.

'Each other.' Ami injected. My face dropped.

'Nani!' I shouted in surprise.

'Hai, two days ago. Told no one. Rei-chan's grandfather did the whole thing at the temple. They had a witness but wont say who.' Mako nodded as she spoke, turning the eggs over. 'Can you believe it.'

'None of us are straight.' Ami smiled reopening her book.

'Usagi.' I smiled.

'Hai, today.' Mako laughed.

'To-day what?' I said laughing. Ami tossed a napkin at Mako who responded by spraying the sink water at Ami. Ami jumped from the table and headed toward Mako arms out to stop the spray of water. Mako dropped the spray gun pulling Ami into her arms. I stood from the table and made my exit, couples should have their alone time. I decided grabbing my bag I headed down the stairs and out of the apartment. My heart ached a little as I made my way through the markets of Juban. My home. People stopped me, remembering my glory days, asking if the rumors of my return tour were indeed fact. I beamed as I signed autographs and confirmed I was indeed touring. My day was looking bright when I stopped at an old tea shop, I stepped in and took a seat next to the window. The TV in the corner playing sports. I ignored it, ordering a light salad and a tea. The waitress smiled to me, rushing to get my order. I glanced around, I was alone in the shop except for a few men, all glued to the TV. They're interest peeked my curiosity and I moved to see what had their attention.

'We're pleased to welcome Tenoh-san to Jubans only sports network. Welcome Tenoh-san.'

'Arigato Mai-san.' Haruka's voice flooded from the TV

'She's hot, for a guy.' The man next to me said.

'She's the racer chick.' Another mused.

My heart stopped. Haruka was in Juban. She, was here? I felt faint. I couldn't breath. How could this be?