A/N: I know, everyone. "Sasuke, duh! How could you not know?" Hopefully this chapter redeems me, XD.
Disclaimer: Ch-yeah I wish I owned this, 'cause then I could do so many things to these characters, MWAHAHHAHA... HAHA... Ha ha... ha /cough/ Moment's over.
My, My Sasuke
By: Apherion
Chapter 4
Kakashi didn't have to spell it out for me.
It shouldn't have taken this long, and I shouldn't have needed someone else to tell me.
So why was I stunned to hear that I loved my brother…too much?
Kakashi's hand patted my shoulder gently, understandingly. My wide eyes looked up at him, and I fought to keep myself from panicking. Yet, my breathing still quickened and my heart rammed against my ribs.
"Sasuke…it's all right. I'm not going to tell anyone unless you want me to…unless you really want professional help." 'Professional help', the words bounced within my head. What did that mean, exactly? Was Lady Tsunade going to operate on my head? Did she even know how to erase memories? No, I didn't want to know what Kakashi meant by 'professional help'.
"N-no…no help…just you…and me," I whispered frantically, hesitantly. Kakashi nodded solemnly. I saw pity in his eye as he looked down at me.
"Then I won't say anything." The pity wasn't because I was in love with my brother, but I couldn't place it. I had never seen that look before in anyone's eyes. No…I take that back. I had seen this look before, but it was for a different reason.
The entire village had given me this look ten years ago. The look clearly stated, 'I feel sorry for you because you will never see your family again', but Kakashi's pitying gaze differed in meaning. 'I feel sorry for you because you have lost your brother forever.' That's what Kakashi was saying to me.
I shook off Kakashi's hand, breaking away from the crushing look. I refused to believe that I had lost my brother, and I was not going to wait for him to come back and find me here clinging to an old memory. I stood, and it must have been abrupt because I startled my ex-teacher.
"Where are you going, Sasuke?" He asked me, concerned about my well-being or sanity. At this point, I really couldn't distinguish between the two.
"I'm going…" I hesitated, wondering mildly if Kakashi would stop me. I inwardly shrugged then, not caring. "I'm going to find him." Kakashi looked at me, appraised me more like, before turning his back on me.
"Do what you will, but if you want to be kept from being labeled 'rogue' again, I suggest you request a mission from Tsunade-sama." The man had a point.
As I was leaving the house, I heard Kakashi dialing a number on his phone. I wanted to leave the house, not curious enough to want to know who the girl was, and I shut the door right as Kakashi said, "Hello."
I flew to the hokage's office, not bothering to reserve chakra. I needed to see her, to request my mission, and I needed her to approve it because I needed to see him.
I raced into the office, blowing by a receptionist carrying too many papers. I almost felt sorry for her, but I was in a hurry. I couldn't help her pick up the mess I had made.
I knocked on Tsunade's door, reminding myself not to look too keyed up. I would have to remain calm and collected in order to be allowed this mission. Jounin or not, I was still requesting a mission that would require me to appear in all accounts sane. I needed to be perfect for just a few minutes.
"Enter," she spoke from her side of the door. I twisted the knob, letting myself in her office. She sat with her hands folded under her chin, staring at me calmly. "I just finished a short conversation with Kakashi-san." My heart fell into my stomach. I can't let her see. Composure, keep your composure! I shouted in my head, waiting for her to continue. She didn't, so I prompted her.
"If I'm not overstepping my bounds in asking, what did Kakashi-san say, Tsunade-sama?" Proper, I thought, very respectful.
"No, you may know. Kakashi-san called to inform me that you would be requesting a mission and that it would be in yours and my great interest if I accepted whatever you proposed to do. Please enlighten me to the mission you want to take on." I swallowed, feeling my heart lodged in my throat now.
"I wish to…go on a reconnaissance mission…alone." Her eyebrows rose.
"You do realize that doing so is an A-rank mission, if not bordering S-rank."
"I understand completely."
"And you are fully competent? You are aware of what you are asking for and you comprehend the dangers of such a mission."
"I accept full responsibility for myself. I am requesting this mission because I do not wish to be a rogue ninja. I am requesting to do this mission alone because it is a mission I cannot complete with a full team." Tsunade nodded, deep in thought with her eyes staring at her desk.
"Where are you planning to do your surveillance?" I did not look away from her as I spoke, standing tall.
"It is not a 'where' that I'm planning on investigating. Rather, it's more of a 'whom'." Tsunade did not look up from her desk at hearing the news. She didn't speak, either, lost in her thoughts. I knew she wanted to know everything I had shared with Kakashi. I could almost hear it; 'What could Sasuke possibly gain from going on a reconnaissance mission alone?'
"I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess that you're going after the Akatsuki." I nodded once; she could at least know that much. "Why Sasuke—do you believe you've improved that much?" So she thought I was going to…going to… I swallowed again.
"I'm strong," I retorted, wording it in a way that made her still believe I was going to do what she thought.
"Sasuke," she sighed tiredly, "I know you want to avenge your clan, but don't you think it can wait?"
"Yes, that's why this is a reconnaissance mission, Tsunade-sama." She nodded, dropping her hands and grabbing a sheet of paper.
"You have my permission," she replied in a defeated tone. "Report to me immediately should anything go wrong, and Sasuke?" I looked over my shoulder, still reaching for the door handle. "Be careful."
"Yes, Tsunade-sama," I replied before opening the door and leaving her office.
She shouldn't worry about me, I thought as my feet moved sluggishly through the building. And Kakashi shouldn't either, but I guess he has more of a right than anyone else.
I was ready to go by nightfall.
I was fidgeting with my pack, fingering the blanket underneath the closed lid. I shut my eyes momentarily, my hand drifting towards my slowly forming erection. I bit on my lip, refusing to touch myself right now.
No, not now—later, I have to leave now if I'm going to be able to go after him. Ignoring my libido, I hoisted my bag onto my shoulders. My feet were soundless as I escorted myself out of the Leaf Village, darting away under the cover of night.
I would check where he left me to bleed to death first. I needed clues to where he might have gone, but I wasn't going to hold out much hope for the rocky gorge to produce the results I wanted. After all, it had been over two weeks since the attack. I would go into the Rock Village next if the gorge yielded nothing to advance my cause.
I leapt from tree to tree, feeling my knees rocking against my abs in a sinuous movement, barely leaving an impression on the ground the few times I was forced to drop to the forest floor. It was when my eyes began to droop when I realized exactly how much chakra I had been using so thoughtlessly. I would have to stop if I wanted to survive tomorrow.
Slowing, despite how much I didn't want to, I soon came to a halt, standing rather securely on a thin, but sturdy tree branch. I activated my sharigan, hoping to find something useful in the red glow that replaced the blackness of night. Suddenly, I had a strange feeling that I wasn't alone.
I looked around me, seeing nothing, hearing nothing. The only thing that was bothering me was the peculiar sensation thrumming about my midriff. I moved lithely from my perch, crouching low to the shrubbery that was scattered along the ground. The feeling didn't go away.
I ignored the feeling, praying it was my imagination running away with me, and went towards a cave that I had spotted before becoming distracted by my suspicious thoughts. I did not burn a fire, thinking it would be tempting fate to light one, but I did pull out his blanket.
I wrapped the material around me, laying my head on my pack in hopes of finding solace in sleep. Before I drifted off, the awkward stirring I had floating in my stomach disappeared.
My dreams didn't bother me though the night, and I was able to keep my eyes shut. My hands stayed where they were supposed to, above the cover, and my heartbeat was soft as it pumped languid blood through my veins.
I didn't hear anything out of the ordinary, either. I was peacefully left alone until morning.
I rose early enough to see the sun break over the horizon, and my heart gripped at my chest, my breathing hitched uncomfortably. Every reminder did this to me. Why…why did I have to only remember him?
I was being shaken awake. I was startled, and almost screamed, but I noticed the warmth of his hands. Their familiarity…I could never forget how they felt on me.
My bleary eyes looked up at him in confusion.
"It's early, nii-san," I complained, looking at him, wanting to roll over and fall back asleep. His lips touched my cheek softly. He breathing was slow, hot on my flesh.
"I know, but I wanted to show you something that you can only see this early," he murmured into my ear. My cheeks felt the heat coloring them, but my eyes were steady as I looked up at my brother.
"What are you showing me?" I asked, still groggy from sleep. He smiled at me.
"You'll go with me then?" I paused, not ready for the question, stunned that he hadn't realized that I would go anywhere with him. I nodded dizzily, reaching up for his neck with my small hands. My eyes weren't focused and I caught hold of the black shirt adorning his taut chest.
His smile seemed to darken for the slightest of moments, but he lifted me from the bed, putting me on his back like he had done so many times before. I grinned into his neck, burying my face there. My small arms wrapped around him tightly.
I whispered something incoherently against his throat, and I felt his laugh reverberate through me. I could feel myself slipping out of consciousness, falling back into the sweet dreams that I had been wished last night by our parents.
"Sasuke," he whispered, his voice alerting me that we had stopped moving. I looked around me. Was I really asleep for that long? It only felt like a couple of minutes. From the surroundings, I could tell we were outside and that Brother had woken me up while there was still no light in the sky. Faint stars winked out of existence as pink began to rise over the hilltops.
"Nii-san…what are we…?" I was lost as to what we were doing. I felt his laugh again, hearing the softness in his voice. He lifted me from his back, letting my feet support my weight, but he still held me in his arms. My back was pressed into his body, but somehow his lips were against my ear.
"The sunrise, little brother." My eyes widened to the sight before me with newfound interest. I could see how the pink and gold melded together. The intricate patterns formed by the clouds dancing in the sky, tinged orange from the excess light given off as the sun barely made its appearance above the grassy hills. I was in awe of the artistry presented to me, and when the sun finally debuted before my not-so-innocent-but-still-childish eyes, I was absolutely enthralled by the sight.
Time stood still for me in that moment, being held in his arms, I hadn't noticed that he had straightened up to be more comfortable as he watched the scene bloom before us.
I turned into him then, wrapping my arms around him in what I thought was a crushing embrace. I felt one of his hands delving into my hair, stroking the short, black locks. I reacted to the touched by moving closer into him.
His caresses shifted from my hair to my face, gently coaxing me to lift my chin, which I did without further persuasion. His lips were smooth like marble as they pressed against mine, his tongue quickly pushing past my shut lips. The caresses of his tongue were smooth, brushing sensually against mine.
I stood on my toes, reciprocating the kiss, my arms still tight around his waist. His hands found my hair again, his fingers splaying within the strands, but then he tugged me away lightly. His eyes stared down at me, and I snuggled closer to him, not wanting to break away from him.
"Good morning, little brother," he said quietly, before he kissed my forehead and extricated himself from my hold.
The sun was fully up now that my memory had played itself out. I wrapped myself in the blanket, longing for that kiss once more. A longing I never should have had to begin with, but here I was in search of the very thing I shouldn't have. I was human after all.
TBC...
