CHAPTER 7: A NEW CHALLENGE
Harry listened to Ron and Hermione grousing at each other over the anticipation of OWL marks, rubbing his thumb absently over the deep scar on his right wrist, where he had torn his knife through to try and end his life. Fred and George were back from their shop in Diagon Alley for the evening, and more snappish than usual over their impending NEWT marks. Ginny was stitching up a tear in one of her school robes across the room, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley were discussing something in low voices in the kitchen with the other members of the Order.
All he wanted was to get back to some semblance of a normal life, and it was mildly encouraging that nobody was attempting to avoid confrontations with each other around him any more. He was still too self-conscious to reveal his arms, which was starting to irk Hermione ("Harry, honestly, it's sweltering in here and out there, just put on a t-shirt and get it over with! Really, they're only scars, they can't be that bad…").
They had sent Sirius back to wherever it was that he had been hiding out last week. Sirius had growled and snarled and stalled and been ridiculously stubborn until Mrs. Weasley had threatened to sic Dumbledore on him and had sworn to send Harry back to him in August ("There's no point in him going any earlier, Sirius, Dumbledore has to fix his school and he might as well stay with the other kids until it's settled…").
Harry knew why she wanted him at the Burrow in July and not August. If Harry wound up not going back to Hogwarts, it would save him having to see Ron and Hermione and Ginny prepare to do exactly that.
"Oh my word! They're here!" Hermione shrieked suddenly, pointing out the window to where the swarm of owls were flying in. "They're here! Okay, okay, calm down…"
Harry couldn't help but laugh at the petrified look on her face. "I'm sure you aced them, Hermione."
"Okay, okay, I can do this," she muttered as Ron rolled his eyes in Harry's direction.
"Hogwarts letters, kids!" Mrs. Weasley said, appearing in the kitchen with a stack of letters. "Ginny, here's yours… Fred, George, your NEWT results and graduation certificates… Ron, Hermione, your OWL – " She laughed as Hermione snatched them away and handed one to Ron. "And Harry, you've a letter here from the Ministry," she finished quietly.
Harry took it and slipped away from where the sounds of celebrations were rising as the twins and Ron and Hermione started exchanging results. He sat down in one of the kitchen chairs, sliding the letter out.
Mr. H. Potter, formerly of number 4, Privet Drive:
In reply to your current guardian's request to have accommodations made in regards to your missed disciplinary hearing and OWLs, we regret to inform you that we cannot make allowances despite the situation. As a result, it is our great grievance to advise you of your subsequent expulsion from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry due to your failure to appear at your disciplinary hearing.
Normally in such cases, the Ministry would destroy your wand, however, an exception has been made due to the extenuating circumstances of the past year. You may retain your wand, and because of the unique situation at hand, have communally agreed that you should be considered not to be under the Decree for the Reasonable Restriction of Underage Wizardry. Therefore, you may use your wand at any time.
Have a pleasant summer.
Mafalda Hopkirk
Harry stared at the letter dumbly for a moment while it sunk into his mind. He wasn't going back.
"Harry!" Hermione shrieked excitedly as she burst into the kitchen, completely oblivious to his current state of mind. "Harry, ten Os and an E! This is so wonderful, isn't it?"
Harry forced a smile as he replied, "Yeah, that's great, Hermione. Congratulations."
"Thanks," she said happily. "I only got an E in Defense Against The Dark Arts, I'm rather disappointed, but with the inferior quality of teaching we got this year, it's not surprising…"
Harry let her chatter away, folding his letter and tucking it into his pocket before she noticed it. And when Ron joined them, exulting over his decent marks ("Eight OWLs, Harry, that's good, that's more than Fred and George got together!"), Harry didn't bother telling them about the letter. When both Hermione and Ron started to talk about next year, he didn't bother correcting them when they included him in their planning.
"Well," Remus offered sympathetically as he finished reading the letter, "at least you get to keep and use your wand."
Harry gave him an unimpressed look.
"All right, I'm sorry, I expect you don't want to hear meaningless platitudes," Remus said with a slight laugh.
For some reason, Harry was finding it easier to accept his expulsion now that he was away from the other teens. Or maybe it was just that he'd been charged to Sirius permanently now. He wasn't sure who was more thrilled – Sirius or himself.
"This is going to be great," Sirius said with a grin that Harry supposed that he had used a lot at school – a grin that hid a plot of some kind. The twins had a similar expression. "I can teach you what I want to."
"As long as it doesn't include Divination or History, you can teach me whatever you want," Harry laughed.
"Don't tell him that, Harry, you might regret it," Remus warned with a grin of his own. "Sirius, you do know you have to follow something vaguely resembling a curriculum, right?"
"Just because you're a fancy-shmancy professor, Remus, doesn't mean we all need to be. Nobody's grading here." Sirius laughed when Remus smacked him across the back of his head.
Harry laughed again, a true smile making its way onto his face for the first time in months.
On the last day of summer vacation, the Weasleys and Hermione all came to Grimmauld Place for dinner. The news still hadn't been broken to them – only Sirius and Remus were aware of Harry's expulsion, so the atmosphere was light and the conversation unhindered by politesse.
"I can't believe Umbridge is still there," Ron grumbled. "You're going to absolutely hate her, Harry, she's a complete and utter toad."
"If I didn't dislike the woman just as much, I'd say something to you about least saying your professor's name with respect," Molly said darkly. "But I happen to find her repugnant."
"She sounds awful," Harry said evasively.
"She is, she's terrible," Hermione agreed vehemently. "Nobody learns anything at all from her."
"I'd have bombed the Defense OWL if it weren't for Hermione's brilliance," Ron laughed. "Being friends with a genius has its perks."
"We got a whole lot of testing for our new products done last year, though," Fred commented. "Our Wildfire Whizbangs."
"Skiving Snackboxes."
"Portable Swamps."
"Various other tools of the trade."
"All directed at exasperating Umbridge, of course."
"We near burnt her cardigan once."
"Peeves was all too happy to knock over a few lamps and such to cause a distraction."
"'Course, then she threatened to reinstate corporal punishment for us."
"You should've seen the lights that went on in Filch's face."
"Then McGonagall vetoed that idea."
The laughter that echoed around the kitchen made the twins grin in satisfaction.
"So, Harry, do you need anything done for your clothes before tomorrow?" Mrs. Weasley asked. Harry shook his head. "Are you sure, Harry dear?"
"Yes, I'm sure. Thank you, though, Mrs. Weasley."
"Are you even packed yet, Harry?" Hermione asked knowingly. "Ron's barely gathered his things from around the Burrow, let alone put them in any sort of traveling storage device."
"Nope," Harry replied easily.
"Are you packing tonight, at least?" Hermione persisted.
"Nope."
"You're not just throwing everything in your trunk first thing in the morning?" she asked in exasperation. "Honestly, boys…"
"Nope."
"What, so you're just showing up on Platform 9 ¾ with no luggage at all?"
"Yep."
"Why?"
"What is this, Twenty Questions?" Ron exclaimed. "Seriously, Hermione, we're sixteen. Harry and I are both perfectly capable of packing our own trunks, thank you very much."
Harry pointedly ignored Sirius and Remus' vaguely paternal 'tell-them-or-we-will' looks.
"Harry, what's going on?" Hermione asked, dogging his steps out of the kitchen and into the sitting room. "There's something you're not telling us."
"Clever, Hermione, it only took you two months to figure that out," Harry said shortly.
"What is it, Harry?" Ron asked, joining them.
Harry sighed and shoved his hands into his jeans pockets. "I'm not going back tomorrow. Or ever."
His best friends stared at him, struck dumb.
"They expelled me for not showing up to my disciplinary hearing last August," Harry continued dully.
"When did you find out?" Ron asked weakly.
"Day you lot all got your marks," Harry replied, sighing.
"But that's not fair, it wasn't your fault!" Hermione exclaimed. "Besides, Dumbledore can't possibly be sending you back to the Dursleys, not after what they did to you!"
"He isn't sending me back to Privet Drive, and I wouldn't go even if he was," Harry said. "I'm staying here." A brief flicker of a smile flitted across his face.
"But you… but you still have your wand," Ron said in confusion.
Harry smiled wryly. "I get to keep it, due to the 'extenuating circumstances' at hand. And I don't count as underage anymore."
"Well, that's not going to do you a whole lot of good, Harry, if you're missing three years of schooling," Hermione pointed out pragmatically.
"Sirius and Remus are going to keep teaching me in here," Harry answered. "Or attempt to, at least. We'll see how well that works with this useless appendage," he added, pulling out his right hand briefly. "I'll probably blow the place up if I try using my left hand to cast spells."
"I thought Dad was going to take you to St. Mungo's, to see if the Healers can do anything," Ron said questioningly.
Harry shrugged. "Yeah, tomorrow afternoon after you lot get off to school. But I'm not expecting much to be done."
"So you're coming to Platform 9 ¾ with us tomorrow?" Ginny asked, appearing among them.
"Yeah," Harry replied. There was no excitement in his voice. "I swear, I've seen the inside of enough hospitals for the rest of my life," he muttered, rubbing his arm through the sleeve of his sweater. "I'm half-tempted to just write it all off and not go."
"But what if they can fix it, Harry?" Ron said quietly.
"Hey, Harry, nice to see you back!" Dean exclaimed in surprise as he and Seamus joined the trio of teens on the platform. "We'd all heard you'd been expelled."
"I did get expelled," Harry replied matter-of-factly. "I am expelled. No more school for me."
"So what are you doing here, then?" Seamus asked bluntly.
"I've got a Healer's appointment at St. Mungo's. Mr. Weasley's taking me in after the Express leaves," Harry said. "But would you guys do me a favour and raise hell for Umbridge for me? She sounds awful."
Dean and Seamus grimaced. "Only within the boundaries of the Educational Decrees," Seamus said. "I can't get expelled from Hogwarts, me mam would murder me herself."
"Fred and George left quite the legacy to live up to," Dean said with a grin. "I'll try my best. So what are you doing this year, then?"
Harry sighed and lied through his teeth. "Not much. Going back home and existing."
"That sucks," Dean said sympathetically.
"I don't understand, this should've worked…" the Healer muttered to herself in bewilderment as she rapped his left arm sharply again. "What did the Muggles do to it?" she asked Harry.
"Put a metal rod in it," Harry replied. "You're going to have the same problem with my leg."
"That's barbaric, why would they do that?" both the Healer and Mr. Weasley exclaimed.
"Because that's how Muggles fix badly broken bones," Harry replied with a wry smile.
"Species of stone-age trolls…" the Healer muttered. She prodded his arm again, intoned a different spell and Harry let out a yell of pain as his bone cracked again – the rod had gone and the healing had been undone.
"Bloody hell…" Harry hissed as his eyes watered. The Healer rapped his arm again and the pain subsided as the bone healed properly.
"Brutal but necessary," she said briskly.
"So?" Sirius asked expectantly as Mr. Weasley dropped Harry off at Grimmauld Place again before leaving for the Ministry. "Thanks, Arthur."
Harry grinned in spite of himself and held up his hands, wiggling the fingers on both hands. "Good as new."
Sirius let out a shout of triumph and wrapped Harry into a tight hug, which was happily returned. "Told you – there's virtually nothing Healers can't fix."
"Where's Remus?" Harry asked.
"On something for Dumbledore," Sirius replied. "Just you, me and the toerag here."
Harry laughed. "Where is Kreacher?"
"Off bemoaning the miserable end of the noble house of Black somewhere in this place," Sirius replied easily. "Come on, you hungry?"
"Starving," Harry replied, who indeed was hungrier than he had been in a long time.
"Aw, it won't be the opening-of-term feast, but I think between the two of us we can make a half-decent meal," Sirius laughed.
Remus came back a fortnight later, and sighed in mild disgust when he discovered that Sirius and Harry had done absolutely nothing in terms of schoolwork or anything vaguely resembling work.
"You can't brush it off forever, you two," he said with a half-smile. "Harry, be ready to work tomorrow by 9. No arguments, excuses, whining or stalling."
"Yes, Professor," Harry replied half-jokingly.
"Professor Not-Fun Lupin," Sirius added with a grin, ducking when Remus made to smack him across the head.
Harry sighed and tried desperately to focus his attention on the chapter he was supposed to be reading in his Transfiguration textbook. When performing cross-species transfiguration, the windology – no, wandology, Harry corrected himself – is of utmost impotence – importance, not impotence, Harry thought – as is the emancipation of the spool.
"What?" Harry muttered to himself. "What does that have anything to do with it?" Sighing again, he continued reading. As important as the first coursing is the colder-small, in which the grasser used primitively must be revitalized and the snail repeated with the admonition of 'finesse'.
"Okay, that made no sense whatsoever."
"What, Harry?" Remus asked, looking up from the Daily Prophet.
"Maybe I've just been reading for too long," Harry sighed, marking his place and closing the book.
"You've been reading for five minutes, Harry, you can't have even gotten past the first paragraph," Sirius pointed out calmly, absently transfiguring Remus' cup of coffee into various objects. "Open the book and finish the chapter."
"But it has absolutely nothing to do with transfiguration," Harry protested.
"Harry, it's a Transfiguration textbook, it has everything to do with transfiguration," Remus sighed. "Stop whining."
"Then you explain to me what a corner-spoon has anything to do with it!" Harry exclaimed in frustration. "Is there even such a thing as a corner-spoon?"
"Unless you're reading the wrong chapter, there's nothing to do with spoons of any sort in cross-species transfiguration."
"It's right there, you can read it yourself," Harry said stubbornly.
Sirius sighed, left Remus' coffee as a bird hopping around on the table and went to read over Harry's shoulder. "Where are you?"
"'As impot – important as…'" Harry said, so occupied with trying to get the right words that he missed Remus putting down his paper, a frown making its way onto his face.
Sirius and Remus both exchanged a frown. "Keep going, Harry, I'm trying to find it," Sirius lied.
"Are you blind?" Harry exclaimed, stabbing a finger at the second sentence. "It's right there!"
"Keep going any way, Harry," Remus repeated. "'As important as…'"
Harry sighed. "'As important as the final…'" he faltered. 'Final' couldn't be the right word.
"First," Sirius said quietly, heart sinking. "As important as the first casting…"
Harry bit the inside of his cheek. "As important as the first casting is the…c-counter… counter-spi – counter-spell, in wha – in which the…"
"All right, Harry, that's good," Remus said softly. "Go take a break." Once Harry had stalked off from the kitchen, he looked at Sirius. "Apparently he inherited more than just her eyes."
"That's far worse than Lily ever was, though," Sirius replied quietly, a dark frown on his face.
"That we could see, any way," Remus reminded him. "She did have a nasty habit of getting out of reading when she could. And I think James might've been… helping… a bit."
Harry swiped at his eyes in frustration. His entire primary school life, he had been brushed aside as an unmotivated student when he didn't read at the same level as the other children. None of the teachers had been willing to help him, and the one student teacher who had attempted had been reprimanded.
And then Hogwarts and Ron and Hermione… godsends. Little bits of reading didn't really bother him, particularly if they had concrete subjects, but theories and stories… pages and pages of roundabout reading… History… Hermione had saved his face more than once without even realizing it, just by reading over his papers.
And then last year. Hell all over again. And if Lupin and Sirius were going to make him do this… he couldn't do it, he couldn't lose the last shred of confidence he had left. Anxiously, nervously, Harry started picking at the cuff of his sleeve.
"Harry?" Sirius asked softly.
"Go away," Harry muttered.
"Harry, you should've said something," Sirius said gently, catching his godson's hand lightly and pulling it away from his sleeve. "Don't worry at your sleeve."
"What, that I'm 16, and I can't read?" Harry snapped angrily, whirling around. "And I'll worry at my sleeve if I want to."
"Harry, it's not that you can't read," Remus corrected, coming in behind Sirius. "You can, you just have a bit of trouble with it."
"A bit?" Harry exclaimed. "Remus, there's a different word every time I look at the page! And the word I see isn't the word I say! I said so when I was 6, all right? And nobody cared!"
"You knew that long ago?" Sirius asked quizzically, momentarily confused.
"Sirius, Muggles start school when they're 5," Remus reminded him quietly.
Harry sighed and said, "They decided that I got messed up, somehow, and that there was nothing they could do." When both men frowned at him, he explained, "Whenever people asked about my parents, my aunt and uncle used to tell them that they'd died in a car crash, and that that was where I'd gotten my scar from. And then people would ask what they did, and… they used to say that they had been unemployed, so a lot of people figured that 'unemployed' meant 'alcoholics who couldn't keep a job'. So some people thought that the car crash had… addled my brains, and others thought that Mum had just had a few too many drinks when she was pregnant with me."
In spite of their best efforts, Remus and Sirius snorted. "Alcoholics, James and Lily?" Remus scoffed. "I don't think I ever saw Lily drink anything even mildly stronger than Butterbeer. And we give that stuff to children."
Sirius laughed. "And James didn't even touch so much as Butterbeer since that one summer break." Both men laughed.
"What happened?" Harry asked curiously.
Sirius snickered. "The perfect little boy over there suggested we break into your grandfather's liquor cabinet." When Remus flushed deep red, he grinned and continued, "Poor James. Liquor really didn't agree with him."
"Did you get found out?"
"Of course we did," Sirius said. "James was sick as a dog, Remus was crashing around the room, I wasn't exactly the tamest drunk 12-year-old in the world, Peter was out cold on the floor…"
"Your grandmother laughed and said, 'Boys will be boys'," Remus said with a slight smile. "Shoved some castor oil down our throats and sent us to bed. Then Mr. Potter threatened to tell our parents if we ever tried anything stupid like that ever again and James would get the hide whipped off of him."
"My parents would've skinned me alive if I'd ever tried that in our house," Sirius muttered. "But nah… Potters were really lenient with us. I think their theory was that boys just do stupid things, and eventually they mature into discerning young adults."
"Obviously they were wrong. I mean, look at Sirius," Remus cracked good-naturedly.
Harry laughed.
"Any way, getting back to the reason for this discussion, Harry," Remus continued.
"Don't make me do it," Harry begged pitifully.
Sirius grinned and scoffed, "Contrary to what our dear Professor Lupin thinks, you don't always need a book to learn." He laughed and ducked Remus' hand coming back around for a smack.
Once they had worked around the problem, the first half of the year seemed to fly by. Harry actually found it mildly amusing to watch Remus and Sirius bicker good-naturedly about what to teach him. Sirius was all for teaching him things he wouldn't have gotten otherwise at Hogwarts, and Remus was still insisting that he learn the same things that his classmates were learning. In the end, Remus did the Hogwarts stuff during the daytime and Sirius usually snuck in some renegade lessons that Remus 'didn't know about' in the evenings.
Remus still had reading for Harry to do, but they were in smaller chunks, and never theories unless they were absolutely necessary. Sirius laughed and said 'to hell with reading, that's not fun'. He found the practical mistakes much more hilarious than Harry did, when spells that weren't quite right wound up damaging various objects in the house.
One night, Harry was trying out a new Defense Against the Dark Arts spell in the hallway when it wound up exploding, lighting the curtained portrait on fire and burning a gaping hole right in Mrs. Black's face, leaving her shrieking in indignation.
"I-I-I-I didn't mean to," Harry stammered to Sirius as he and a few other Order members appeared at the foot of the stairs. Sirius started laughing when he saw what remained of the portrait, his mother's face glowering from an untouched corner of the canvas as it continued to smolder, and finally fell to the ground.
"Much improved, Harry, thank you," he said with a grin. "I've been trying to figure out how to get rid of that portrait for a year and a half." Giving his godson a one-armed affectionate hug, he said, "Now go do whatever it was you did to the portrait, in the sitting room and see if you can't burn the tapestry off the wall too."
Harry laughed and disappeared somewhere to resume his practice.
"I have to admit," Molly said grudgingly, "he does seem happy."
"Thank you, Molly," Sirius said easily.
"Very good, Sirius," Remus laughed. "Not a single hint of an 'I told you so' in there." He and Sirius both exchanged grins just as another bang resounded from somewhere in the house. "What did you not teach him, any way?"
"He is not practicing the Draconus Curse," Sirius replied promptly.
Remus laughed again. "You would not teach him that one."
"Potter classic, my dear boy. James pretty much brought that spell back into use. He's almost got the hang of it," Sirius added when a bang was accompanied by a faint roar. "Just gotta get rid of the bang."
"Are you teaching him anything resembling what he'd be learning in school?" Molly asked in exasperation. "Draconus is definitely not in Hogwarts curriculum."
"Remus does all the Hogwarts stuff," Sirius said. "I don't teach him a thing."
"Then how did he learn the Draconus?" Molly asked dryly.
"All right, fine, so I look the other way and pretend not to notice when he's teaching Harry this stuff," Remus sighed. "I can't bring myself to stop them, they're having too much fun doing it."
A clear, powerful roar resounded through the house, quickly followed by Harry's shout of triumph.
"It's useful stuff," Sirius defended. "If you'll recall, Remus Lupin, that Draconus saved your life once."
"I wasn't saying that it's not useful."
Christmas came before they knew it. The snowy street outside Grimmauld Place made both Sirius and Harry antsy to go outside, but Remus sternly forbade them. Instead, he plotted and one day, Harry woke up to find the sitting room cleared of all furniture and filled with snow.
"Well, if we can't go out to the snow, the snow will just have to come in to us," Sirius said with a grin, before he chucked a snowball at Harry. "I declare winter break has officially started. The professor is gone."
It was almost as good as being outside: the snow didn't melt, and the temperature in the sitting room was equal to what was outside.
One day, as he and Sirius had gotten into a wild snowball fight, Harry yelped as somebody's cold hand shoved a handful of snow down the back of his collar. Whirling around, he laughed as he saw the Weasley clan and Hermione. "All right, who did that?" he demanded.
In answer, he was bombarded from all sides by snowballs. The sitting room became a flurry of snow and boisterous laughter as the teens all started in on their fight. Sirius quickly slipped out, shaking his head and rolling his eyes.
"Merlin, that's so cool!" Ron laughed as he and Harry were changing into dry clothes. "Mum would've throttled us if we'd ever turned our sitting room into a snow haven."
Stripping off his shirt, Harry grinned at him. "Yeah, well, I think Lupin decided that it was either that or Sirius and I were going to break out of the house. He chose the lesser of the two evils." He rifled through his drawers, finally exclaiming, "I don't believe it! I don't have a single sweater in here."
"Sorry, mate, I only brought one," Ron apologized, pulling on his own.
"Yeah, it's all right," Harry said distractedly, fishing out a t-shirt. "I think there's a clean one somewhere in the house."
"Merlin's beard, Harry, what happened to your arm?" Ron exclaimed, as Harry was pulling his shirt over his head. Harry looked up questioningly as he finished putting on his shirt. Ron grabbed his left arm and turned it over – it was covered in scars both large and small, and healed-over needle marks in the crook of his elbow. The scar from fourth year was on that arm, one of the suicide scars on that wrist, the scar from the Muggle surgery to put the rod in his arm…
Harry pursed his lips in morbid memory and pulled his arm out from Ron's hand self-consciously. "If you think that's bad, you ought to have seen them when they were fresh," he said quietly.
"Merlin, Harry…" Ron said, face pale.
Sirius appeared in the doorway just then along with Hermione and Ginny, tossing a sweater at Harry. "Oy, stop leaving your stuff everywhere," he said with a grin.
"I'll stop when you do," Harry shot back, pulling the sweater over his head before anybody else noticed the scars. "By the way, if you're looking for your burgundy robes, they're in the drawing room. Kreacher's going to shred them and take them for his den if you don't get them soon."
"Kreacher's not going to take his disgraceful master's clothes, oh no, Kreacher's a good house-elf," Kreacher muttered as he came past, rubbing his old hands together. "What would Kreacher's mistress say if he stole from the noble house of Black, Kreacher would get clothes for certain. For thirty generations, Kreacher's family serves the noble house of Black…"
"Shut up, Kreacher!" Sirius snapped. Then, mildly peeved, he stalked off. Harry rolled his eyes and turned back to Ron, who was still in shock.
"Ron, what's the matter?" Hermione asked worriedly, as she and Ginny came in to join the two boys.
"Listen, Ron, it's not a big deal anymore, all right?" Harry said quietly. "C'mon, I think I hear your mum calling us." He paused and looked at his best friend. "I wouldn't lie to you, Ron, you're my best mate. It's fine."
Finally, Ron nodded and they took off for the kitchen, where Mrs. Weasley was reaming out Sirius for the snow haven. Upon seeing Harry, though, she ceased. "Harry, dear, you look none the worse for the wear despite somebody's rather lax approach to guardianship." She glowered at Sirius, who shrugged easily and shook his hair out of his face. "Snow in the sitting room, honestly, it's a miracle you haven't died of cold…"
"Actually, Molly, snow in the sitting room was my idea," came Remus' sheepish admission from the kitchen door.
"You?" Molly asked imperiously. "I thought you were more sensible than that, Remus."
"There's a lot about Remus that you don't know, Molly," Sirius snickered, "though I'd be happy to divulge some of his more… intrepid ideas. Like there was this one time, during summer break after first year – "
"That's quite all right, Sirius, she doesn't need to hear that one," Remus cut him off abruptly, a blush crossing his face.
"Oh, but I find it funny," Sirius said with a grin. "You see, our perfectly-behaved prefect-to-be came up with the brilliant idea of – "
"Say any more and I will curse your head off," Remus threatened good-naturedly.
" – let's just say we learnt our lesson about liquor cabinets and why they're locked from kids," Sirius finished.
As a roar of laughter erupted, Remus shot a well-aimed curse at Sirius' back and his head did, indeed, disappear.
Molly couldn't help but laugh – they did so remind her of Gideon and Fabian when they acted like this.
And as she watched Harry, eyes sparkling and bright, face a healthy hue and filled out as he laughed with her own kids and fixed Sirius' head; she had to admit that, despite their rather unconventional attitudes, Sirius and Remus had worked wonders. He seemed more like a normal 16-year-old boy now and less like an adult in a boy's body.
Of course, Harry had seen too much and been through too much to ever be just 'normal'. Doubtlessly there still lurked a hurting, frightened boy somewhere beneath the cheerful exterior, but for right now it was good enough to have him masked.
"Harry," Hermione asked as she dogged his steps out of the kitchen after dinner. "What were you and Ron talking about earlier?"
"It was nothing, Hermione, don't worry about it," Harry replied, dropping into an armchair.
"Right, like the paralysis was nothing?" Hermione replied, eyes boring into him. "Like the depression was nothing? Like the cutting, the drugs, that kind of nothing?"
Harry tightened his jaw and finally said, "He caught sight of an arm and freaked out. That's all." He pulled and picked at the cuffs of his sweater sleeves uncomfortably, anxiety starting to well up. He had already put that monster to rest, why were they bringing it up again? Merlin, he hadn't been this upset in months… he didn't want to have to try and explain what he was thinking when he had inflicted the injuries, didn't want to talk about what had happened the last time he had been in number 4, Privet Drive, didn't want to tell them about the worst year of his life. "Leave it alone, all right?"
"Well, Harry, you've never exactly been upfront about the scars," Hermione said quietly. "I don't think Ron quite realized the extent to which it had gone. It's not healthy to keep it all bottled up inside, Harry." She reached over and pulled his hand away from his sleeve. "And you'll ruin your sleeve if you keep that up."
"Quit mothering me, Hermione, I get that enough as it is," Harry said curtly.
"Then why don't you quit acting like you're the only one who had a horrible year?" Hermione replied coldly. "Contrary to most people seem to think, including yourself, you're not the only person in the world. Other people went sick with worry over you, you know, and not just Sirius because he had to be."
Harry laughed softly as he stroked Buckbeak's head. The Hippogriff bumped his head gently against Harry's face, almost purring in contentment. "Yeah, you don't care at all who I am or what I've done, do you?" he said to Buckbeak. "Just so long as I feed you dead things and stroke your head, you're fine with it, aren't you?"
"Harry?" Sirius asked softly, opening the door. Harry looked up briefly and then returned his attention to Buckbeak. "Harry, talk to me." He bowed briefly to Buckbeak, got the okay to approach, and sat down on the other side of the Hippogriff. "What happened with you and Hermione tonight?"
"Nothing," Harry replied shortly, feeding Buckbeak another piece of raw meat.
"I think you're lying," Sirius said. "Who said what to whom?"
"I said nothing happened," Harry repeated.
"And I said you're lying," Sirius said, "so we've got a bit of a problem here now, don't we?" He sighed. "Listen, all Hermione said to me was that she'd said something and she was scared you'd taken it the wrong way." When Buckbeak turned from Harry to nuzzle Sirius affectionately, he said, "Hey, Buckbeak, old pal." Sighing again, Sirius persisted. "Harry…"
"Did she tell you what she'd said?" Harry asked softly, trying to hide the tears that were starting to slip down his cheek.
"No," Sirius said. "I don't really need to know, any way. Come here for a second."
"I should go apologize," Hermione said guiltily, starting to get up from her chair.
"Leave them," Remus said firmly.
"I didn't mean it to come out that way, Remus," she insisted. "I have to let Harry know that."
"But it did come out that way," Remus said. "Let Sirius take care of it."
Sirius watched the tortured face of his godson, heart breaking. "Merlin, Harry…" he said, brushing his hand against Harry's cheek. "I'm sorry."
"What are you sorry for?" Harry said gruffly, swiping at his eyes. "You didn't do anything."
"Exactly," Sirius said. "I didn't do anything for you right when you needed me the most. I'm still paying for it."
"What are you talking about, Sirius?" Harry asked.
"The night James and Lily died," Sirius said, and now there were tears in his eyes too. "When Hagrid wouldn't give you to me, and he said that Dumbledore had told him not to give you to anybody, not even me. I never should've gone after Peter."
"You were angry and you weren't thinking straight," Harry said quietly. "Hardly anybody would do different."
"But that's just it," Sirius continued. "I wasn't thinking straight. If I had been thinking at all, I wouldn't have gone after Peter, I would've gone to Dumbledore. But I was too caught up in how angry I was, how upset I was. I wasn't thinking about you. Merlin…" He sighed and rubbed his forehead as the memories started coming back. "You were crying, trying to get away from Hagrid and come to me and your face… you still had blood on your face. Merlin… I should've been thinking about what you needed me to do. And all I could think about was how badly I wanted Peter to pay for what he'd done to you." Sirius shook his head. "I had twelve years in Azkaban to regret that. And when I got out… I swore to myself I wouldn't make that mistake again. I was twelve years too late. You'd grown up and learned how to fend for yourself. You didn't need me anymore."
"That's not true," Harry said softly.
"And you were happy," Sirius said, voice cracking a little. "You were happy without me. So I thought… I thought if I could just get Peter away from you, if I could do that much, that I would've done what was best for you."
Harry shook his head again.
"And then last year…" Sirius trailed off. "Merlin… I can't even put that feeling into words. All I knew was that you weren't here, with me, where you belong and the longer it went on, the more scared I got that I'd lost you again. That I'd failed you again and I'd spent twelve more years paying for it." He sighed. "Merlin, I've been a terrible godfather, haven't I?"
"I don't think so," Harry said quietly. "I think you're a great godfather."
"Yeah, well, look what you have to compare me to," Sirius muttered. "At least I would never lay a hand on you." He sighed again.
"I think it's me that's been a terrible godson," Harry mumbled. "At least you never stopped caring and didn't get into the habit of destroying yourself."
"Harry," Sirius said firmly, "don't talk like that. Yes, we both made mistakes. Big mistakes and little mistakes." He pushed a lock of hair out of Harry's face, eyes steady with Harry's. "But that doesn't change the fact that we're a family. We've always been a family. I still love you just as much as I did sixteen years ago when you were born, regardless of what I've done or you've done."
Harry bit his lower lip. Then he broke down and sobbed as Sirius wrapped him into a tight hug, soothing him in a soft voice like he had that horrible night fifteen years ago.
"Sius!" Harry sobbed, reaching out for him. "Sius, come!"
"I can' give him ter yeh, Sirius, Dumbledore's orders," Hagrid said firmly, tightening his hold on Harry.
Sirius' head was spinning. James and Lily were dead, and Peter was responsible for it. Harry's head was still bleeding, his tears mixing with his blood. He was screaming for Sirius.
Peter had to pay.
But not while Harry was crying like this. "Can I hold him, Hagrid?" he asked shakily. "I promise I won't make a run for it. Please… I just want to hold him."
"All right," Hagrid said reluctantly, passing the tiny boy to him.
"Sius, come," Harry sobbed, little fingers immediately latching onto his robes. "Sius, come."
"Yeah, that's right," Sirius soothed, cuddling his little godson close. "Sirius came. Sirius is here." Gently, he started to rub Harry's back as he began a familiar walk. "Calm down. Calm down. I won't let anybody hurt you," he whispered. "Never."
Once Harry had dropped off to sleep, Sirius half-considered taking off with Harry. But Hagrid was starting to get uneasy, and he reclaimed Harry. "I got ter bring him ter his aunt and uncle's, Sirius. Dumbledore's waitin' fer him."
Lily's sister? Dumbledore was going to condemn his godson to life with those…? Something inside of Sirius, the last shred of self-control he possessed, snapped. "Take my bike, Hagrid. You'll make better time." He paused, trying to regain control of his raging emotions. "And if Harry wakes up, he always falls back asleep soon enough when he's on the bike. He likes being on the bike." He was rambling. 'Merlin, Sirius, get a hold on yourself!' he thought in disgust.
"But Sirius, how are yeh goin' ter git back home?" Hagrid asked.
"I don't need it," Sirius replied. "I'll Apparate or something."
Once Hagrid had taken off with Harry securely tucked against him, Sirius left. He didn't know how, but he was going to find Peter and the little rat was going to pay for what he'd done. Voldemort at his highest point would have nothing on Sirius Nigellus Black.
Oh, Peter would regret that he had ever even thought about going to the Dark side…
Not a soul had gone to bed when Sirius and Harry came back down to the kitchen, despite the late hour.
"You all right?" Remus asked, looking first at Harry and then at Sirius. They both nodded quietly. "Okay, then. Have some coffee."
"Harry…" Hermione started to say.
"Don't worry about it, Hermione, it's fine," Harry replied.
"Sirius!" Molly exclaimed, startling the quiet kitchen.
"What?" Sirius asked, looking up from his doctoring of two coffees.
"You realize you just put liqueur in Harry's coffee?"
"Yeah," Sirius replied. "Honestly, it's a couple of drops, Molly. Barely flavours it, let alone have any sort of effect."
"Ai…" Molly moaned. "What next? Harry, do not drink that," she ordered in a very maternal tone, stabbing a finger in his direction.
"Mrs. Weasley, I've been drinking that for months," Harry laughed.
"No fair!" Ron exclaimed. "I want some!"
"Absolutely not!" Molly said imperiously, glowering at all of her younger children with such command that Fred and George didn't dare ask for some, and even Bill and Charlie looked a little nervous about asking.
Hermione and Ginny broke the awkward silence with a discussion about something Professor Flitwick had done in Charms last term.
"Harry, you have that Charms paper for me, while I'm thinking about it?" Remus asked.
Both Sirius and Harry froze. "There was a Charms paper?" Harry asked carefully, while Sirius started to slink away before Remus noticed.
"Yes," Remus replied, a knowing look in his eyes. "You didn't do it, did you?" Harry shook his head slowly. "You guys don't do any work at all when I'm gone, do you?" Again, Harry shook his head. "I thought so."
Sirius had just left when Remus shot a curse at his back. "Ow!" Sirius howled, and a return curse whizzed back into the kitchen and struck Bill.
"Ow!" Bill said indignantly, glowering at his snickering brothers and sister. "What did I do?"
Sirius' head reappeared in the kitchen for a moment. "Sorry, Bill, I was aiming for Remus." He reshot the curse, struck Remus this time, and disappeared before Remus could retaliate.
"My goodness…" Molly muttered. "Honestly, the both of you, you'd think you were 15 and not 30-something."
"Fink," Sirius hissed good-naturedly at Harry from around the corner. Harry laughed and jokingly pointed his wand at him. "Don't you point your wand at me, you child!"
"You're one to talk," Harry and Remus both laughed.
"Who is the mature one in this house?" Molly demanded, though with a hint of laughter in her eyes.
"Buckbeak," Sirius, Harry and Remus all said in unison.
"Merlin, you're going to blow yourselves up one of these days," Molly groaned.
"But we're going to have a hell of a good time doing it," Sirius replied with a grin, dropping back into his chair easily.
"No fair," Ron said jealously to Harry that night as they were getting ready for bed. "I want to go to school here. This is much more fun."
"I miss real school, though," Harry said with a sigh as he changed into his pajamas. "It gets sort of lonely. I mean, Remus and Sirius are both doing Order stuff in the evenings and the meetings are all here and I'm not allowed in…"
"Yeah, I see your point," Ron agreed. "At least at Hogwarts there's more to do."
"Quidditch," Harry sighed. "I really miss Quidditch."
"We could use you this year," Ron sighed in agreement. "Katie's the only one left from the original line-up, and Ginny and I are the only ones who carried over from last year. Katie's captain, but she's not really keen on it. Says you would've made much better a captain, and I have to agree."
"Don't torment me," Harry said dismally. "It's Christmas Eve."
"All right, sorry."
Christmas morning was quite unlike any that they'd experienced before. It was loud, unruly and 'quite incredible', as Molly put it with an affectionate roll of her eyes. It probably didn't help that while the younger set were usually wound up on Christmas day, Sirius and Remus' exuberance just exaggerated it.
There was laughter everywhere in the house as gifts were exchanged. Harry was listening intently to Ron and Hermione and Ginny recount the stories from the past term, laughing in all the right spots. Sirius and Remus and Fred and George were trying to decide who had caused the more mayhem during their Hogwarts years. Bill and Fleur had shown up. Nymphadora Tonks had shown up with a couple of the other Order members.
"Look at her," Hermione said softly to the other teens, nodding slightly in Tonks' direction. "You can't tell who she fancies."
Harry and Ron glanced blankly at each other, while Ginny smiled and laughed.
"Oh, honestly, you two, you're not that thick," Hermione said impatiently. "Harry, you're here all the time, you don't notice at all?"
"I'm not allowed in the meetings," Harry protested. "I see them coming in and I see them coming out."
"It's perfectly obvious," Ginny said.
"Would you quit being vague and tell us already?" Ron asked irritably.
"Oh, Merlin, you are that thick," Hermione and Ginny groaned as one.
"So what are we discussing over here?" Sirius asked smoothly, coming up behind the teens.
"Hermione and Ginny are being stupidly girlish," Ron grumbled. "All this rubbish about fancying…"
"Who are we talking about?" Sirius asked the girls, who gave brief nods in Tonks' direction again. "Ah, yes, that. That's been going on for a while. I've been seriously considering intervening in that particular scenario."
"Intervening?" Ginny asked sharply. "Why would you be intervening?"
"Don't you dare intervene, Sirius," Hermione warned.
"Maybe 'meddling' is a better word for it," Sirius amended.
"You don't meddle in these things, Sirius!" Hermione exclaimed.
"You do in this case," Sirius laughed, "Because nothing will happen otherwise. Well, I'm only meddling on the one end, really…"
"Can someone explain here?" Ron asked in exasperation. Harry was watching Tonks for a moment, watching where her eyes subtly followed, when he finally exclaimed,
"Oh! All right, now I get it. Yeah, that needs some meddling." He and Sirius grinned at each other.
"I don't get it," Ron repeated.
Hermione sighed in disgust. "Never mind, Ronald."
"Don't you two go and wreck it, now," Ginny said warningly to Sirius and Harry.
"Us? Wreck it?" Sirius asked.
"Why, Ginny, I'm mortally wounded by that insinuation," Harry added. "Why would we wreck it?"
"Wreck what?" came Remus' voice behind Harry.
"Nothing," they all said quickly.
At dinner that evening, the kitchen was loud and active. It was astounding that anybody managed to make themselves understood in the chaos.
"Harry – Harry, stop it!" Hermione shrieked as he and Ron were flicking little bits of stuffing at her. "Ronald!"
"Oh, excellent, food-fight!" Fred and George both exclaimed in unison, grinning. Ginny laughed and ducked just as her older brothers started directing various pieces at her. Bill and Charlie laughed and joined in, aiming at both parties – Fred, George and Ginny, and Ron, Hermione and Harry.
"All of you, stop it!" Molly roared. "Sirius, help me here, it's yours that started it!"
Sirius looked up. "Sorry, Molly?" His eyes sparkled as he watched the teens.
"You're supposed to tell Harry off for starting a food fight," Tonks told him from across the table.
"Oh. Harry, really." Sirius paused. "At least throw the gravy with it."
Molly groaned. "Why do I even bother with you? Remus…"
Remus held up his hands, with a slight grin. "Not my house, not my godson."
