Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.
Emonaru: School life is draining me. Sorry for the ultra late subject but I can't control life.
Oh and a lot of things are happening in this chapter. Um sorry but I have no patience for a BETA and I don't think they'll have too much patience for me thanks for the advice though. Maybe when I graduate I'll think about it. So yeah some things are kind of sketchy, I'll try my best to clear it up in the next chapter. If anybody is still out there to read this story. Eh I love it, if you don't then...I guess that's it. Anyways gotta go, oh and I'm updating Beatiful Lie if anyone else reads that story.
XX Chapter 27 XX
'I forgot about them.' Naruto stood stock still outside the school as everything came back to him suddenly. After the run in with Kabuto, he had forgotten all about them. Shikamaru, Kiba, Sasuke….he had forgotten that he had promised to meet them. He had even said he wasn't going to ditch.
He leaned against one of the trees his hands fisting his hair, outside the entrance, feeling like the world was laughing at him. Girls, giggled as they passed him, whispering, but otherwise hurried up to their classes. Unlike him, they didn't have the luxury of getting to class late and not worrying about a detention slip.
I lied, was stuck in his mind in repeat - like his annoying phone that now lay in the bottom of his trashcan. Naruto had never lied in his entire life. When people asked him about his bruises, rare now, he usually answered it with a half truth. Like he had gotten someone angry. Which had been true enough.
Their own minds usually made up a scenario, usually him fighting someone his age: a bully, a friend, an enemy, name it and they came up with it. He did little to dissuade them, it was better that they didn't know. Usually it was only adults that asked now. And even those were rare. Veering off the subject quickly and focusing on his grades and such. Cowards all of them. They'd rather think it was for some petty reason like that than dig deeper. Some rare times he felt anger, but usually relief. They really didn't need to know the truth anyways.
The only one that usually cared enough to ask was Kakashi now. And Iruka but he was a little slut so he didn't matter. Okay that was a little bit harsh…. but he didn't like the man. Not at all. He was one of the rare few who was still asking him in between classes if he was okay. It was frankly, to tell the truth fucking annoying.
Seriously why did Kakashi always have to pick up the annoyingly, caring and clinging ones? And if he was being truthful, he was getting a little jealous of the attention Kakashi was sprinkling on his new fuck toy, because that was all Iruka could be. I mean this was getting frustrating. Kakashi was always there for him. Okay not always, but when he needed him he was there. Yesterday he hadn't answered any of his phone calls.
Naruto sighed as he waited a few seconds more languidly before hitching his backpack on his shoulder and making his way down the hall. He did not want to have this talk with Kakashi -he would lord it over him forever- about how he felt slightly neglected, like a child, a stupid clingy child. In fact he decided, fuck that, he was not ever, ever going to have that conversation. So Kakashi was busy, what right did he have to take him away from his business. Kakashi had never butted into his life, he'd just sort of fallen in, literally, Naruto thought a bit bemusedly, good humor slowly returning.
Kakashi wouldn't drop his new shiny toy so easily anyways, he knew that usually they only lasted a month or so. Hopefully this one would end sooner. Naruto didn't really want to turn to Tammy for help, not ever if he could help it. Not until it was absolutely necessary.
Shaking his head slightly he noticed he made it fairly easily to the class. Usually when he came early that wasn't the case but yesterday students had been warned of a new tardy system the day before, in fourth period. Too many people were showing up twenty minutes to class lately. Naruto had smirked at the time - it was easy guessing why, his fan girls really weren't discreet at all- it was amusing to see the lengths they go to see him everyday, stupid girls.
Right now, he should have been making out with the girl from yesterday. She had met up with him, he had decided to arrive slightly early today, but he couldn't stomach touching her. He could still feel those hands. He shuddered. He'd seen Kabuto, he was here today -how dare he show his face after yesterday- with his stupid little cronies.
Or cronies-to-be since he hadn't seen them in the last days. Naruto had avoided him easily, he didn't know how Kabuto had found out where he was the day before. Unless he really had been the one he had felt watching him the last couple of days. Nobody else could find him -except that one time with Sasuke, but that had been a freak accident so it didn't count--, not if he didn't want to be found. The school was a big place after all.
With a sigh of agitation in preparation for what was sure to come -his fan girls were getting unusually clingy this year- he stepped into the classroom. He had minutes to spare before the bell rang today.
He had bypassed his fan girls easily and had been making his way to Sasuke -feeling a strange flip in his stomach as they locked eyes- when a voice called his name. The sheer audacity of the gesture, made him bristle with indignation. He turned from Sasuke and made his way over.
Who did this guy think he was? Calling him out so familiarly? It reminded him too much of Kabuto for him to ignore this person so easily, as he could have done before. Would have done before. A few cold words and this boy would never talk to him again.
He was barely looking at him when he finally was standing in front of his desk, ignoring the strange smile that flickered over the stranger's mouth, thoughts swirling around. He needed to smoke…badly, he couldn't though. Not right now, no matter how much he wished he could. He had made a promise and he wouldn't break it, he glanced at Sasuke and then looked back down, noting the small frown that went away when the boy saw him looking.
The boy was smiling at him and then opened his mouth and whispered, "Kabuto would like it very much if you sat with me today instead." Naruto felt his mouth slip into a sneer, -Of course Kabuto had sent someone, how low he must think of me if he's sending in his lackeys to deal with me-- but it was wiped out in the stranger's next sentence. "He also told me to tell you that if you don't, then he will make sure all your little secrets go public." came a light response, so light in fact that he didn't register it as a threat for a second but when he did-
Naruto's back stiffened. Surprise, fear he couldn't really tell, maybe both coursed through his veins, freezing his insides painfully as all seemed to vanish with that one sentence. He wanted to grab this boy by the neck and throttle him. Demand to know why, why was he doing this!? How long had Kabuto been following him? What did he know?! But he couldn't. Not when he could feel the eyes of his classmates boring into his back. So with difficulty, he took the offered seat. He ignored the twisting feeling in his stomach and didn't look back at Sasuke, though he could feel his eyes boring into the back of his head.
He had more important things to deal with at the moment. They would just have to wait. The boy smiled a sickeningly fake, benignly at him and said simply, "My name is Sai. It's a pleasure to finally meet you Naruto."
"Likewise." Naruto gritted out through clenched teeth. This day had the feeling of lasting for an unbearably long day.
--
I should be an actor. Naruto thought with a bitter smile. After his little encounter with Sai he could do nothing more than let himself be led around by the hand. Like a good little boy. Naruto clenched his fists. This would not go unpunished. Kabuto would pay dearly for this.
He couldn't do much of anything for now however. Kabuto had him cornered and by the smile on Sai's face he knew that too. He would give him no information, he hadn't asked either. Not yet. He'd corner him in lunch, the classroom would have been too public for his tastes. He didn't know exactly what Sai knew but his secrets were not something he wanted to be revealed so horribly.
The fact was that he really couldn't do anything but abide by Kabuto's orders. For now at least. The sooner he figured out his motives and his information, the better. Though he had a feeling he already knew what he wanted. Naruto held in the shiver of disgust. Yes Kabuto had made it fairly obvious what he wanted.
And of course his attention. Undoubtedly. He had it too. Naruto would never underestimate Kabuto again, hopefully though in the near future Kabuto would regret ever wanting it in the first place. But for now he had to accept the fact that he was as much in fault for this occurring as Kabuto was for putting him in this situation. He had really let himself get caught in a bind. It had already had consequences as he had quickly noticed.
He gave a fleeting glance at the huddled group. They had their backs turned to him and were talking together but he could see the faint flicker of his eyes in his direction before they quickly moved away. He smiled briefly, carefully, no need for Kabuto's cronies to see. Sasuke hadn't been very good at being subtle. He imagined he would have grown to be if he had hung around with him longer but that was the past. He had to focus on the future which Sasuke, Shikamaru, and Kiba were no longer a part of.
He was regretful that he had lost their friendship but he had expected it to happen eventually. He didn't hold friendships for long. It was for the best. At least they hadn't lasted long, it would have hurt them more than it would have hurt him if they had.
He looked at Gaara who had just finished changing. He was looking right at him, intense eyes boring a hole into him. He turned his gaze away. Yes, it was for the best. He would not regret this. He never regretted any of his actions. Today would be nothing different.
--
The days flew past rather quickly. Sasuke thought miserably. The initial anger that had taken hold of him at the beginning of the week was winding down. Now he felt brief anger but mostly sadness and longing.
Naruto sat away from them with his new friend --It was like choking down nails trying to get the word out. To make matters worse he was always with Sai, whether it was walking to class or sitting next to each other. They were practically inseparable. And the thought that Naruto had replaced him, them, was cemented even further.
It hurt so much to be away from him. To not be able to talk to him, even if he had replaced them. He couldn't understand why he hadn't he said anything. Why hadn't Naruto warned them, told them, that he would abandon them, and betray them. The pleasure he had felt when Naruto had told Tammy he was going to meet his friends had given him so much hope only for it do be dashed away the next day. And the promise from Naruto…it hurt to know that he had been lying to them the entire time.
Had Naruto been laughing to himself all that time? Thinking we were so stupid to believe he would ever be friends with the likes of us. How could we have believed anything he had said when we could see he was so much better than us.
He morbidly wondered how long Sai would last. Sai seemed like he really liked Naruto. Always smiling and pulling Naruto along. Naruto didn't join in but there was no gesture in his face that he felt anything but brief annoyance at the spectacle Sai made. It had made him so jealous, how easily this Sai guy could get so close to Naruto.
In class he had watched them closely and saw that Sai always made it a point to sit as close to Naruto as possible. If he hadn't been observing so relentlessly he would have missed the brief contact between their lips. It had made his blood boil. He had dug his nails so deeply into his palm he had started bleeding.
Shikamaru and Kiba did nothing to calm him. They were angry and hurt too but they were resigned almost. On Monday they had been so cold though, when Naruto had come their way after Sai had left his next class, Kiba had slammed his backpack into the empty seat Naruto had been walking towards. He had been feeling pretty livid at the time, how dare Naruto just come back and try to act like everything's normal? Naruto hadn't stayed long, he had stared at them for a second before nodding and walking away. The table next to them had readily opened their arms for him and he had sat there the entire period without looking at them even once.
Sasuke had felt a brief regret there and had wanted to apologize so badly but when he had finally reached Naruto at the end of class he was already walking away, Sai dutifully at his heels like a puppy. His anger had blazed almost continually and all thoughts of apologizing had flown out the window at the time.
He had thought that at the very least Naruto would taunt them. Tell him how much pleasure he had gotten from messing with them like that but never once did he say a taunting thing. Never once did he look at them and slowly the anger that had tried to wave away the pain was gone. It was like they were nothing now, like they didn't even deserve a place in his thoughts, in neither scorn or fondness. They were just nothing.
Shikamaru and Kiba had slowly accepted it over the following days though Sasuke had caught them looking at Naruto every once in a while like they couldn't help themselves. Kiba had even once tried talking to Naruto but he hadn't acknowledged a word, Sai had answered instead. Kiba had come back defeated, and had stared blankly at the board for several minutes.
Naruto was like ice. Kiba had described finally Any of the emotion he had shown them was frozen over. He didn't even seem happy. Just nothing. Back to normal.
At night Sasuke was haunted by silver laughter and soft azure eyes. Any anger he had felt had been replaced by despair and longing. He needed to talk to Naruto. He couldn't stand this anymore.
--
Naruto leaned against the railing and sat there looking out at the clouds. Funny how the weekend had started out so normal and had changed in the drop of a hat. He let his hands shift the cig box in his hand. Sai had not been outside of his classroom today like he had the past week. It had felt so strange not having him there at his side like an annoying thorn, he wondered if he'd stay outside his classroom waiting for him. He snorted. Like he cared where he was anyways, he wouldn't wait up for him. He was glad though, he wanted to be by himself today.
He let his gaze be drawn back to the box he was playing with. He had promised he wouldn't but that didn't apply anymore now did it? He hesitated for a second but drew one out and lit it. He breathed it in and breathed out slowly. He sighed. Yes. He felt better. Much better now.
The door creaked open and he couldn't muster up enough annoyance to throw a glare. He was sure he knew who it was anyway. He had been sure he wouldn't have gotten rid of him so easily. So when a hand reached forward to take his box he sighed and threw a half hearted glare.
Instead of Sasuke, who he had been expecting, he saw much to his surprise and displeasure, in his usual place Sai. The surprise was quickly smoothed over and he did glare now. Quite viciously. Sai merely smiled and sat down next to him.
Naruto turned away and could feel nothing but self loathing now. Ha. Had he really expected Sasuke to just suddenly decide to let bygones be bygones and decide to just go back to how things used to be. Naruto allowed himself a bitter smile. Like hell that would happen. He didn't really blame them for not forgiving him. For ignoring him when he had tried to talk to them. It still kind of hurt but it was a dull pain. This too would pass.
"Hmm depression doesn't suit you." came a flat voice and he started a bit. Sai looked at him coolly. Then he smiled cheerfully leaning forward so suddenly that Naruto didn't have a chance to stiffen before he grabbed his cheeks and pinched them.
"Smile, it looks much more better on you." Naruto grunted and pulled away, pushing Sai away as he rubbed his cheeks and uttered a small "ow." Inside though he was kind of rattled. Sai had gotten so close and so quickly. It kind of unnerved him and made him cautious. Sai had looked like such an idiot in class, this whole week in fact, but now…now he didn't really seem like any of that.
To save some face he said coldly. "I'm sure you wouldn't know the difference even if I decided to follow such idiotic advice."
He had been doing this all week too. Getting close to him and asking such disarming questions. Like why he didn't laugh more often and what was his favorite color, stupid mundane things.
"Sure I would." Sai said simply, smiling still. It was looking faintly eerie as he leaned forward again. Naruto didn't back down, his pride wouldn't let him a second time, so he was close enough to see Sai's eyes grow serious. "I've seen you smile plenty of times."
"Liar. I only smile for mother." Naruto snapped before he could stop himself and then gasped as the words left his lips. Sai's eyes grew sharp ,and he sighed in relief when he realized it, but no comprehension filled dark eyes. But even more dangerous was the hint of curiosity that skimmed.
Naruto stood up. He had no desire to be here any longer. He had gotten what the information he had waited for, waited all week so patiently for. So Sai knew nothing about Kyuubi. This was acceptable and relieving because that meant that Kabuto knew nothing about Kyuubi. He had nothing that could control him. He could find out about Travis and he wouldn't give a damn. That held up on to his head would grant Kabuto nothing. He knew how to handle the situation now.
"Is that what you're gonna do now? Run away from your problems when you can't deal with them?" Sai asked. Naruto didn't turn around but fluidly continued on his way. "I can see why Sasuke lost all faith in you. I wouldn't associate with cowards either."
"Shut up!" Naruto shouted twirling back. His anger choking him, suffocating him until all he could see was Sai, everything just blurring. And chocking him, anger choking him.
Why couldn't he have just shut up? Everything had been changing. His mother. His father. The way he lived. He had bared it all hadn't he? What if he couldn't take anymore? So what if he was scared. Didn't he deserve the chance to just run away once in a while? What did people want from him! I tried. I tried but I'm just so fucking tired. So tired of everything.
"Just shut up! You don't understand anything! I didn't mean to! I didn't want to-It's not my fault! I just-I just…EVERYTHINGS GOING BAD AND I CAN'T DO ANYTHING ANYMORE!! Anything…god I fucked up." Naruto strangled out.
He sank to the floor and just sat there breathing loudly as silence descended. He stared blankly at the wall as Sai walked forward. So this was it huh? One step. Two steps. Three. Four. Five, standing right next to him, six, he let out a sigh, harsh disappointment and clear relief in his heart and then--Sai sat right next to him and leaned on his shoulder.
Naruto sat there and let him. His mind was on overdrive and for some reason he didn't feel like stiffening when Sai had just…. he had just listened to him scream and rant and he wasn't walking away or saying how much of a loser he was or how everything was going to be alright when it wasn't. It just wasn't. And why didn't people understand that?
And god he was really here wasn't he? Just sitting next to him and not saying a word. Like Sasuke, and Naruto bit the inside of his cheek to stop the pain that though brought, so much pain. But why? He was the past now. It shouldn't hurt to think about him. But it did.
Naruto gave a minuscule shake of his head. He didn't want to think about that now. Hurt. Didn't want to think about that know. It hurt. Maybe it would always hurt.
Pale arm wrapped around his neck but he didn't start. It was quickly becoming familiar like Sas-him. Yes like him. He had become familiar but that hadn't been a bad thing. He had been happy, he could at least be truthful about that if he couldn't be truthful about anything else. He had been happy having friends for a time, even if it had been short, but this time he had lost them because of himself. He couldn't really blame anyone but himself this time.
"What do you want from me?" Naruto found himself asking pale arms. His voice was pathetically small but he couldn't muster up enough of his pride to think too much about it now. His chin was lifted and then he was looking right at Sai.
"Would it make you feel better if I told you I wanted something from you?" Sai asked head tilted. Naruto hesitated. Some part of him wanted to just say No, but inside he knew it was Yes, so he settled for a shrug and just sat there feeling uncomfortable.
"Hmm." came a hmm from Sai. Being this close to him he could feel the hmm built up and then being released. It was odd sitting here just like that. "How about if I told you that all I wanted was for you to be my friend?"
"I'd say you were a fool." Naruto said harshly, looking at the other end of the wall to avoid looking into deep eyes.
"Why?" Sai merely asked not giving any indication that he cared that he had been called a fool.
"Only a fool would want something that would last so fleetingly short." Naruto laughed, the bitterness heavy in his heart. "Only a fool would want something that would be so useless."
"I see." Sai said.
"No I don't think you do." Naruto chocked out. "Why else would you ask me something so idiotic?"
"I'm not very used to speaking to people." Sai said calmly, not looking at him oddly. "I say things sometimes that might seem rude to you but they don't seem that way to me. I've always wanted a friend though, you seemed like the perfect choice."
"You've said you've been watching me, right?" Naruto asked looking at his shoulder, Sai nodded, without embarrassment. Naruto tilted his head up to look at the sky. "Then how could you ever think I would be a good friend? You've seen what I do haven't you? I'm not nice. I use people. I throw people away when they're no longer useful. I treat them like the lowest piece of shit, even when I know they don't deserve it. I'm a horrible person. No I'm worse than that, I'm a monster. Why would you, why would anyone want to be friends with a person like me?"
"I don't care. I want you to be my friend."
Naruto buried his head in his arms and shook his head. "Don't say that…you don't know me."
"I don't care."
"Don't say that. Please don't say that. I'm horrible. I can't be someone's friend. You can't depend on me. You can't even trust me to keep your secrets, so don't say you want me to be your friend. I can't be that."
"Look at me Naruto." Naruto frowned but looked up. Sai was staring back intensely. "I want to be your friend Naruto. You don't have to tell me anything. I won't ever ask. I promise. I swear it."
"You're a liar." Naruto said without much bite. "How could I trust you aren't just reporting this to Kabuto?"
"Because I'm not part of Kabuto's little gang, I don't report to him." Sai said with a smile. "See he only asked me to send you a message. He didn't actually command you to sit with me or anything. I just merely took advantage of the situation."
Naruto laughed weakly. "And you won't turn on me?" You won't abandon me?
"No."
"Liar." Naruto hissed, trying vainly to rip away from him. It just had to be a lie, nothing else could explain this. Sasuke-he winced, he had been different, something but even he hadn't lasted long either. Why would Sai, who looked so much like Sasuke it hurt, be any different?
"I'm not lying." Sai said and took a breath. "I like you. I'd never betray someone I like. And I want you to like me." he paused here, looking for the first time uncomfortable, less assured and then continued blankly. "Please be my friend?"
There were so many things Naruto could say and do. The safest and simplest of course; Walk away. Already he could feel himself trying to comfort Sai and hold him close. If only because he had nothing else right now. It would be so easy to just walk away: to never have to deal with the afterimage and feel the longing to go back. The harder choice would be to stay here and endure this. Take it and not run away. He opened his mouth and spoke, the decision was obvious.
When Sai smiled in that one single smile, with a brilliant heart breaking smile, he felt like maybe just maybe he was making the right decision.
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TBC…..
