The Problem With Pigs
5. Cleanup, Isle Five
The day after Brownie's antics in the garage, Burn Out yet again had the little pig bringing him small tools. The pair were fixing the brakes on a mamoth jeep when Andi poked her head in.
"Can you think of anything we need from the store?" She asked. "Besides beer, cause I can't buy that."
"Oh no." The black man said. "Ain't no way you kids are going on your own." He groaned at the memory of the last time Thrasher and the Florida Dreadnoks went to the mini-mart.
"We're not." The girl glared back. "Zartan's going with us. I'm just making a list."
"Good for you." He answered as the Brownie oinked.
"Hey, baby." Andi cooed to the pig. "There's Momma's girl. Are you helping Burn Out fix the jeep?"
"You're distracting her from her job." The man stated.
"Which is what?" Andi asked.
"Helping me get this p.o.s. troop jeep running again." Burnout said. "Now go."
"Fine, I'm going!" Andi shouted as she walked out of the garage. As the girl left, Brownie grunted and oinked emphaticly.
"She'll be back for you later." The man said. "And don't you even think about going to the store with her." The pig oinked again. "Good God, I'm talking to a pig."
Contrary to Zartan's protests, Brownie did indeed acompany the group of four that left for the dollar store. The manager was so sauced that he never even noticed the pig entering with them.
"I never knew they had in-date food here." Steve muttered, holding up a bottle of dressing. Andi, who'd been walking next to him, shrugged.
"They have all kinds of stuff here." She said, looking down at Brownie. "Except pig toys."
"You are one strange chick."
"And yet you keep hanging out with me." She said. "Ever since that day we did the underwater training you've been acting like you've got a crush on me or something."
"I don't." The older boy countered.
"Uh huh. Then why do you keep lurking around me?"
"I'm not lurking. I'm in plain sight, thank you very much."
"You know what I meant!"
"Look, you're the first person I ever met who knows what its like to look like I do. Well, it helps that you're cute, but that's not the point. I don't like the idea of leaving you alone with that little creep Virus. He's a psycho."
"I know. But it's not your fight, it's mine. I'm the object of his "affection". I'm the one he's after. And I can kick his sorry ass all the way back to England if he doesn't behave. Now stop your worrying. Let it all go."
"Okay." He sighed, looking at the girl next to him. They both looked at the floor and realized something.
"Where's Brownie?" They asked. Some frenzied squealing was heard an isle over.
"Hang on, Baby!" Andi said as she jogged to the little pig's defense.
While Andi and Steve chatted and Zartan browsed some other isle, Brownie wandered off into the canned food isle. Where Virus found her and decided to lay down some ground rules.
"Hello, little pig." He said, squatting down in front of the little animal. In the background, the store manager did a drunken rendition of the Pina Colada song. "let's get something straight, the woman
is MINE, you understand?!"
Brownie looked up at him and oinked. Loudly. But, he continued on. "Now we're both members of the animal kingdom. You know it, I know it. This thing is really primal. Do you know the movie Old Yeller? Do you?! When they shot him in the end...I DIDN'T CRY!!!" The little pig squealed bloody murder, but he didn't care. He was on a roll. "And if you dotry and get between me and Andi..." grabs a tin of ham and shows it to Brownie "THIS will be your future, you got me?" Suddenly, the can of ham was torn from his hand. He looked up and saw Andi and Steve towering over him, murderous glares on the faces of them both.
"Don't. Ever. Threaten. MY. Pig!!!" Andi shouted, nailing virus in the back of the head with the tin of ham.
"Ow!" Vincent shouted.
"I don't think he got the point." Steve growled. "Want me to drive it home? I can make him feel some paiiinnn!!!!!"
"Will the three of you shut the hell up and get back over here with those groceries?" Zartan yelled at the three kids. "I swear, the pig is more civilized than you are!"
"What?" Vincent gasped. "Nooooooo!"
"Shut up and get over here!" Zartan ordered. The three teens obeyed, with Brownie trotting between Steve and Andi, save from the clutches of the resident psycho. At least for the moment.
