Author's note/disclaimer: alright alright, you asked for it, you got it: this is now a chapter story. hee hee hee... Hope you enjoy it. This chapter draws heavily from Superman: the animated series and especially from the "World's Finest" episodes where Supes meets Bats. If you haven't watched that recently... you really should. It's BRILLIANT!!


Chapter Two: We have a problem

"You know, that bike helmet looks cute on you."

Clark grinned, taking the absurd compliment in stride. "Thanks."

Lois cocked an eyebrow at him, but not in her usual half-haughty manner. "Red," she remarked, taking off her own helmet. "Matches your bike. And your car, now that I think about it. Favorite color?"

"I like red," Clark said noncommittally, unbuckling his helmet and lifting it from his head. "And blue." He felt a breeze on the back of his neck, felt it play with his hair.

A small smile flickered across Lois's face, one that he'd never seen there before. That's when he knew for sure that something was different between them. His heart soared with hope—that look in her eyes, it was wistful, adoring—and then she was reaching towards his face, and in the instant that he realized that his ridiculous spit-curl had fallen onto his forehead, she was already smoothing it back.

Clark forgot to breathe. She was looking into his eyes. "I like red and blue too," she said.

Clark's mouth fell open a little. Had she seen through his disguise at last? Did she know? Thankfully she looked away before his brain could read too much into things. His stomach fluttered a little. He'd been getting a weird vibe from Lois all morning. She'd been so warm towards him, so open. Compliments instead of insults. Sincere smiles. They'd just gone on an hour-long bike ride together along the waterfront, and in truth it had been the most enjoyable "date" that Clark had ever shared with her.

Previously when they'd gone out together, she'd always been… guarded. Holding back. Defensive, cynical—always maintaining a certain emotional distance from him, keeping him at arm's length with a roll of her eyes or a strategically interjected put-down.

Now, as they were settling themselves on the grass for a picnic lunch in the park, Clark couldn't help but wonder if maybe the gap between them was finally closing. And the more he thought about it, the more he believed it.

"Such a beautiful day," Lois sighed, setting down her half-eaten sandwich.

"Yes it is," Clark agreed.

Lois tipped her head to one side and looked at him funny. "You okay, Clark?" she asked.

"I feel great." His grin was heartfelt. He was practically glowing. "I love being able to spend time with you like this, Lois. Away from work, I mean."

Lois looked down. She made a little snorting sound. "God, I've been such an idiot," she muttered.

The barest hint of confusion crossed his expression, followed by concern. "…Lois?"

She took a deep breath, and suddenly there were tears in her eyes and all of Clark's senses went on hyper-alert. "Clark, I owe you an apology," she said in a rush. "You've always been there for me, always been so kind to me. I mean, I know you're kind to everybody but for me, you just, you've done so much, and I haven't done anything to deserve it! I've ignored you, deliberately--" she wiped her eyes and went on "—tried to discredit you. I knew that it was wrong of me, that I should have been grateful, that I should have been receptive, but I was just too proud and stubborn to see what my heart was telling me."

She took another deep breath. Clark just stared at her, frozen in place, as if he wasn't sure whether or not it was really happening. She searched his eyes. "Now I know, Clark, that I've loved you all along."

He couldn't believe it. No—he could believe it. In fact, he'd never believed anything quite so completely. She knew. She had to know. Finally, the charade was over. Lois wiped her eyes, smiled at him, genuine, relieved, the very picture of someone who'd finally gotten a burden off their chest. "Of course you know better than anyone what the problem's been all these years," she said, a little of her cynical tone resurfacing at last.

Clark's smile was every bit as brilliant and liberated as her own. "Yeah, I think I do," he said.

Lois rolled her eyes. "Superman." There was a bit of an edge to her voice. "I can't believe I didn't see it."

"Are you mad?" Clark asked right away.

"No, not really. I mean, I understand why Superman couldn't just tell me. And now it all makes sense. I just can't believe I didn't guess! It's so obvious!"

"Well, don't feel too bad," Clark said good-naturedly. "I don't think anybody else ever figured it out either. And you're sure you don't feel… deceived?"

Lois shrugged. "Well, maybe a little," she confessed. "Once or twice, you know, he really got my hopes up. Regardless, it was stupid of me to fantasize about him and look right past you. Honestly, I'm glad it turned out this way. Now that Superman's officially out of the picture, I can finally see what's been right in front of my nose all along."

She reached over and took his hand, squeezed it a bit. And suddenly Clark felt that something wasn't right, and was doing his best to fight off the little warning in the back of his mind…

…but he always lost that kind of fight.

"Wait a minute, Lois," he said, his brow furrowing. "…why is Superman out of the picture, exactly?"

She gave him a blank look. "You're kidding," she said. "You didn't get that e-mail?"

"What e-mail?"

"You know, from our source in the Justice League?"

"Our source?" Clark asked, suddenly feeling a little bit ill.

"I got the story last night, about an hour before I called you. Most intense hour of soul-searching I've ever endured, by the way."

"What story, Lois?"

She looked at him for a minute, trying to figure out if he was, in fact, unaware of the situation or if he just wanted to hear her say it. She sighed.

"Superman's gay," she informed him. "With Batman."

Clark had been leaning back, supporting himself with one hand on the ground, and suddenly his arm twitched and the ground under his palm compacted, resulting in a four-inch deep handprint-shaped crater. Fortunately, the grass was long enough to mostly conceal it.

"That's crazy!" Clark exclaimed.

"I know," Lois said right away. "That's what I said too. But, when you think about it…"

"No," Clark said firmly. "You can't actually believe that."

"Oh? And why can't I? I'm the closest thing Superman's had to a girlfriend and let me tell you, there was not a lot going on there."

"Maybe he was concerned for your safety!" Clark protested. She quirked an eyebrow and Clark frowned, tracking her thoughts. "Not that he'd hurt you, of course, but what if anyone found out how much you meant to him? You'd be a target, worse than you already are! Imagine if they found out that he loves you!"

"Loves?" Lois laughed. "If there's one thing I know about Superman, it's that he loves me only because he loves the whole goddamn human race."

His hand trembled under hers and she squeezed it again. "You're taking this pretty hard, Clark—I would have thought you'd be happy about it, considering that Superman was pretty much your only competition for me."

Clark ran his hand through his hair and rubbed the back of his neck. "Lois, how to explain this… I…" his face turned pink. "You don't understand!"

Lois blinked a few times. "Hey, calm down," she said disapprovingly. "I never pegged you for a homophobe. Being gay doesn't make him any less of a hero."

"I'm not a homophobe. I just can't believe that you're buying this unsubstantiated rumor. I mean, it's ridiculous! And with Batman? Come on, Lois, didn't you meet that guy when he was in Metropolis a while back?"

Lois narrowed her eyes. "I did. We had a nice little adventure. But I think Batman was only interested in me because of my connection to Superman." She sighed, and Clark's heart ached for her at the pain suppressed in the sound. "In fact, when I first met the Batman, he had so many questions about Superman that I jokingly asked him if he'd like me to set the two of them up on a date."

She smiled, wry and world-weary. "Seems now I was right on the mark. If he hadn't had appearances to maintain, he probably would've said yes. As it turned out, he used me to keep up his reputation. And to think, I liked him enough to keep a secret for him all these years! I never told a soul, but… remember who I was dating, around that time?"

Clark nodded. "Bruce Wayne." He had to admit, it felt good to have Lois entrust him with such a powerful secret, even though it was a secret he already knew.

"Well, there you go," Lois said. "But promise me you won't tell anyone else."

He took a deep breath. "I promise," he said.

She searched his face, suspicious. "Clark. I just told you Batman's secret identity and…you don't seem surprised."

"There's a good reason for that."

"You already knew?! But how?"

"Someday, you'll understand." He looked up, focusing his eyes on the watchtower far above in its orbit, and prayed that 'someday' would come soon.


The door to Batman's dorm room had been repaired. And the keypad, Clark couldn't help but notice, had been upgraded to include a sparkly magenta force-field that he was fairly certain would deflect laser-vision.

He cleared his throat and knocked. "Bruce? We need to talk."

Clark had no trouble hearing Bruce's growled demand through the door. "Leave me alone!"

"You know I can't. We have a problem."

The door slid back. Batman's shoulders were hunched, his teeth clenched. He took one menacing step forward and was suddenly nose-to-nose with Superman, glaring into his eyes. "No," he said, in the deepest, most-pissed-off Batman voice ever, "We don't have a problem, Clark. I have a problem. I have a goddess who wants to kill me." Not waiting for a reply, Bruce spun away and stalked back into his room. Frowning, Clark followed him in and closed the door behind himself.

"I'm sure she doesn't really want to kill you," Clark said.

"She quit the League."

"What?"

"We had a fight."

Clark blinked, realizing just how serious this was. "And you won?"

Bruce sat down on the edge of his bed, pulled off his cowl. Both sides of his face sported ugly, swollen bruises. He didn't look at Clark. "I wish I hadn't."

"I don't believe this."

"It was an accident."

"You won."

"Clark, I didn't want to. She—I make mistakes around her. Because of her. I can't deny it anymore. Diana's my Kryptonite."

Clark crossed his arms, unconvinced. "And your 'Kryptonite' just quit the League?"

"And swore revenge."

He couldn't help it. He laughed. Bruce just sounded so depressed! "There's no way that she means it, Bruce. She's just upset. She'll come back."

"And she'll bring her sword when she does. Said so herself."

Clark shook his head. "This is ridiculous. After all the threats we've faced, to think that a mere rumor would cause this much trouble."

Bruce put his elbows on his knees, laced his fingers, and rested his chin on his thumbs. For a moment he was silent. Then, a low rumble: "What are we going to do?"

Clark was taken aback. "You're asking me?"

"I can't think," Bruce said, repressed panic in his voice. "I don't have a plan for this. I've never had to care before about what people thought. In fact, there's always been an advantage to having criminals think I was gay."

"What?"

Bruce still wasn't looking at him. "Some who don't fear pain still fear humiliation," he mumbled. "By now most of them know I won't kill them. But they don't know if there's anything else I won't do."

Clark couldn't believe he was hearing this. "Are you saying you've threatened people with sexual assault? Don't you think that's crossing the line?"

"I have to keep them guessing. Have to keep them scared. You tell me what's worse, Clark: breaking their legs, or bending them over the hood of a car and whispering in their ear?"

Disgust filled Clark's face. "That's dark, Bruce, even for you. I don't like it."

"You're not supposed to like it," Bruce grunted. "You're Superman."

A couple of seconds ticked by in silence, until finally Clark sighed. "I had lunch with Lois today. She's heard the news."

Bruce didn't look up. His voice was cold. "Let me guess. Suddenly she realizes what a good catch Clark Kent is."

"She actually believes that Superman and Batman are gay."

"Of course she does."

Clark tried to quell the flicker of offense that he felt at Bruce's dismissive tone. "She thinks," he continued, every word deliberate, "that during the time you spent in Metropolis, you were just using her to maintain your reputation."

Bruce was quiet for a minute. This was dangerous ground. "What do you think?" he asked at last.

"Don't play that game," Clark snarled, hands forming fists. "Tell me the truth."

"You already know it," Bruce replied, raising his voice. "Lois is smart and beautiful and I was attracted to her. And she was lonely and needed something that you wouldn't give her. I meant it when I said I wanted her to come to Gotham with me. But I knew it wouldn't last. Even if she had accepted my offer, eventually she would've gotten fed up and she would've gone back to you. Because she isn't mine, Clark, she's yours."

Clark calmed down, let the words sink in.

And then he had an idea.

"I'll talk to Diana for you," he offered quietly, "if you'll talk to Lois."

Bruce looked at him, surprised. Then, slowly, he nodded. "Good plan," he muttered. "But I won't tell her your secret, if that's what you're hoping for."

"She told me yours," Clark replied, grinning.

"Good for her." Bruce stood up, pulled his cowl down over his head.

"So what will we do about the rest of the world?" Clark asked.

"The tabloids devoured it but it won't make the papers. Booster Gold has already sincerely apologized and explained to the press that it was just a prank."

Clark crossed his arms over his chest, gave Bruce a knowing look. "So you do care what people think about us."

"Not us," Bruce growled. He hesitated for a minute, then grit his teeth. "…you."

Clark blinked. It wasn't often that Batman actually warmed his heart. Bruce was moving towards the door.

"You're not going to let me hug you for that, are you?" Clark asked.

Bruce looked over his shoulder at him and actually gave him a smug little smile. "No," he said, and stepped out of the room.

to be continued!


Author's note: for the record, I LOVE the idea of Lois having had a fling with Bruce. Think about it-- he's her future husband's best friend!! It's an endless source of drama. They definitely had a romance, but I go back and forth on whether or not I think they actually slept together. I left it ambiguous in the story, as it is in the cartoon-- they very well might have, but then again, maybe they didn't. What do you think?

I have just a few more little things to fix in the third chapter... I'll post it as soon as I can!