Chapter 4: Run

BPOV

I woke up what seemed like weeks after the incident in the classroom. Obviously, as I looked around, it had only been a few hours. I was sitting in the nurses office and then I saw him. He was standing in the farthest corner of the office just staring at me, like if he moved I would run. I was not afraid of him. Not at all.

He took a step forward and said "Bella please. I am so sorry. Please forgive me." He seemed so pitiful at that moment.

Then I stood up and calmly walked out of the nurses office through the main office and out the doors leading to the front of the school.

"Bella what are you doing?" I heard him call from a distance.

Without saying anything I walked outside and broke into a full out sprint.

I had never been the athletic type but not even my own conscience could stop me from running across the parking lot and into the forest. I was running. From what? I had no idea. If I ran then I didn't have to face anything. If you keep running then everything keeps changing and you never stay in the same place. I had to keep moving. I was going to keep going until I couldn't run another step. I was running from him, from everything. Nothing mattered anymore and it was all my fault. He had hurt me so badly and now it was my turn to hurt him back. Then we would be even and we could go about our separate lives. I could handle that. Right?

I ran fast and stumbled often. Soon I broke into a clearing. It wasn't the clearing, but just the thought of it made me stop dead in my tracks. My legs ached and my stomach hurt. I just stood there staring and staring until I finally, as Jake put is, broke.

I jumped up into the air as far as I could and stomped onto the retched earth as hard as possible. As I landed I screamed as loud as I could. Grabbing my hair I fell to my knees still screaming. I pounded the earth and yelled more incoherences. I began to pull out grass and finally made words out of my messed up mind, "I FUCKING HATE YOU!!! BUT I LOVE YOU!!" I kept repeating my explanation. It was the only one I could think of. Then I sat criss-cross in the grass and stared at nothing with huge eyes. "WHY?!?" I yelled, "WHY ME?!?!"

Then I felt the familiar stony touch. Cold and inviting. I cried onto it's shoulder and cried more. Pulling me into his lap he just kept saying, "It'll be OK I promise. Sshh. It's OK hon just get a hold of yourself."

Finally I stopped crying and turned to face him.

"Why? Why does this have to happen to me?"

"It happens to the best of us."

"Thanks so much Emmett. You are a life saver."

"I wouldn't take it that far. Alice sent me. She is dealing with Edward." I cringed, and he noticed. "I'm sorry Bella. Please don't be so hard on yourself. You did what so many other people would have after what happened."

"But was it a mistake?"

"I don't know." he said. From the tone of his voice I knew it was.

"What's he like?" I asked.

"Nothing. He doesn't do anything. He just sits in his room and when anyone goes in there he is just staring at the wall of reading Wuthering Heights."

"Why would he read that?"

"He just says he is trying to find a way back to you."

That silenced me. I didn't know what to say or think. Did I want him back? How could I not? Was it the right thing?

"What ever." I said. That's all I could think. It was what ever.

"Not what ever Bella. This is hurting Edward too."

Too? As in he thought I was hurting myself. I had been hurting for so long that it was like the only emotion my body knew. He didn't have to leave. It was all his fault.

With that I stood up. "What ever." I repeated and walked away, in the general direction of my house.

"Do you at least want a ride?" he asked, smiling.

I couldn't help but smile back. "Sure Emmett. It's not like I have a choice."

And so he drove me home and walked e to the door just like he always did. God I missed him. The sudden pang of guilt for what I had done that night hit me as I stepped through the front door to my house and walked up to my room.

I stood by my window and unlocked it. Bracing my hands to open it, I hesitated.

Locking the window again I collapsed once again on my bed but this time woke several times. Not screaming, but sobbing.